I think contacting the ex is justified now

July 18, 2011

I found out a couple days ago my ex met a new guy. Although I somewhat saw this coming, it has made me realize that the things I wanted to say to her in the past (but held back because I thought there was some chance she'd try to contact me again or actually talk to me) should be justified to be said to her now. She's found another guy, there's no way she'd ever want anything to do with me now as she's clearly moved on. So why can't I say what I want to say?

Last time she emailed me, she was "giving me more time to heal before we can be friends again". I didn't say anything, so in her mind she still thinks there's a chance she can be in my life. She thinks she has me in her back pocket.

I say **** that.

I basically want to email her and say "so much for wanting to be friends". I'd tell her how wonderful it must be to be able to convince men to fall for her so easily when she lacks the emotional capacity to respect the pain she's about to bring to them. That she can hold relationships as something so trivial to her just so she can feed her insecurities. She's a relationship whore and she should know that's what I believe. I want her to know I never wanted to be friends because I don't befriend people who are so low.

I want to tell her that at least I know that someday I'll find what we're both looking for because I know how to appreciate it and she doesn't, that she will NEVER find it. She will NEVER be happy, and I want to drive that into her chest. I know what I will say will hurt her, and I hope she burns in hell for it. To think she can whore around and still try to be friends with me? Why do that other than to cause more pain to an innocent person that would've done ANYTHING for you? If I had done what she had, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

It won't matter if she thinks I'm a jerk or justifies breaking up with me or any of that. She doesn't feel guilt, she wouldn't know the meaning of the word. But I feel like I can sleep better at night knowing I stuck it to her and I got the last word. If I say what I want to say then she'll know she NEVER EVER had me in her back pocket and that if this guy bails on her she will be all alone.

July 18, 2011

Dude what the hell are you thinking!? Where is the Givenup that posted that inspirational post about getting his life back (getting in shape), a few days back!? You cannot do this. Really what do you hope to achieve here? There is NO justification to do this.

We all want to say things to our exe's, but you have to respect the fact she has moved on. Holding onto this anger and bitterness is so detrimental to your own healing. What happens in her life is no business or concern of yours. This anger and resentment you have inside you, it's time to let it go mate. If you contact her now, you are not going to feel any better (trust me) and you could end up hurting her. What's more likely to happen is it will be water off a duck's back and she will not listen to a word you say. I mean if you met someone and else and were really happy, would you care what an ex had to say to you?.

Mate find a way to forgive her. Wish her well in her life and get back to living yours. Whether she ends up happy or making a million mistakes along the way is not your concern anymore. Let her go mate, along with the anger and bitterness. If you can forgive her in your heart, this will help you grow as a person going forward..

July 18, 2011

Dude what the hell are you thinking!? Where is the Givenup that posted that inspirational post about getting his life back (getting in shape), a few days back!? You cannot do this. Really what do you hope to achieve here? There is NO justification to do this.

We all want to say things to our exe's, but you have to respect the fact she has moved on. Holding onto this anger and bitterness is so detrimental to your own healing. What happens in her life is no business or concern of yours. This anger and resentment you have inside you, it's time to let it go mate. If you contact her now, you are not going to feel any better (trust me) and you could end up hurting her. What's more likely to happen is it will be water off a duck's back and she will not listen to a word you say. I mean if you met someone and else and were really happy, would you care what an ex had to say to you?.

Mate find a way to forgive her. Wish her well in her life and get back to living yours. Whether she ends up happy or making a million mistakes along the way is not your concern anymore. Let her go mate, along with the anger and bitterness. If you can forgive her in your heart, this will help you grow as a person going forward..

I can't forgive her man. She exploited my ability to care for someone so deeply, she encouraged it, she urged it, all to feed her own selfish feelings. I took it on the chin and she still thinks she has me. That she's giving me time to heal. That's bull****, she said all these things after she ripped my heart out of my chest and they were clear cut LIES.

I hope I hurt her. I hope she burns in hell.

July 18, 2011

I can't forgive her man. She exploited my ability to care for someone so deeply, she encouraged it, she urged it, all to feed her own selfish feelings. I took it on the chin and she still thinks she has me. That she's giving me time to heal. That's bull****, she said all these things after she ripped my heart out of my chest and they were clear cut LIES.

I hope I hurt her. I hope she burns in hell.

Givenup you are going to regret this later in life. Hurting someone because they have hurt you is not the way to life. It's that kind of attitude that has made the world, the messed up place it is today. It sucks when we find out that a person we saw our futures with, does not turn out to be the person we had hoped. This attack you are about to launch will give you no satisfaction, no peace.

Let's say the shoe was on the other foot and you had made mistakes, would you want your ex to launch that kind of an attack on you if you met a new partner? Or would you respect her more, knowing she had forgiven you? I sure this girl has hurt you but you have a choice how you want to live your life going forward..

1) By a vengeful, vindictive and spiteful man going forward. You can't hide those traits. At some stage in the future they will appear and you could lose a lot more then just a girlfriend..

2) You choose to be the better person. You choose to forgive. This path will enable you to meet similar kind of people with good hearts.

I urge you to think about what you are about to do. Once it's done you can't go back. Be a real man. A good man. Forgive her and take control of your life again. Those optimisitic posts you posted are all bullSh!!t if you do this. You are a posted I respect. Probably means nothing to you, but you will lose my respect if you do this.

"Forgiveness frees us to really move on. If we want to win in life we got to let them go. Forgive them and move on. Other wise we give them too much power over us. And they don’t deserve it.."

July 18, 2011

I can't forgive her man. She exploited my ability to care for someone so deeply, she encouraged it, she urged it, all to feed her own selfish feelings. I took it on the chin and she still thinks she has me. That she's giving me time to heal. That's bull****, she said all these things after she ripped my heart out of my chest and they were clear cut LIES.

I hope I hurt her. I hope she burns in hell.

and if you say all that to her believe me she will know that she "has" you. if you're thinking about telling her what you said in your OP, then it's all pure emotion. you're angry, we get that. she would definitely get that. and?

if you decide to send her that all that your going to di is further cement her belief that she can still get to you. do you really want to give her that satisfaction?

i realize right now you're so pissed off that all you want to do is unload that anger so it's not weighing you down but it's going to do you more harm than good.

it's normal when we find out our exes are with someone else, to have a strong reaction. especially when we're the dumpees. if i remember correctly, you and her haven't been broken up for more than a couple of months. so even though you may feel as though you're over her, there's clearly feelings there on your end. but you've got to do your best to hold your ground and maintain NC.

that's not to say you can't be angry, but it would better for you to find other ways to express that anger; whether it's venting on here or to friends; killing it at the gym; listening to music whatever. don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know she's getting to you. it's only going to make you feel worse and pump her already over-inflated ego even more.

July 18, 2011

The thing is Given, when someone has the capability to manipulate and hurt you without batting an eyelid, your intent to hurt will most likely not even cause a dent. You think she will be as emotionally hurt as you have been? No.

You've been hurting for months. She's moved on. Detached from you emotionally. So if you think you can ding her and believe she will hurt just as you have, unfortunately, she'll just view you as bitter and move on. They don't care about what you think of them. That's why it is easy to act so selfishly. So do you really think she's going to care now about how you feel and what you know now. Nope. She'll just move on knowing she doesn't have you in her pocket anymore. Next!

Don't waste your time and energy. Don't hurt your pride and dignity. These people are not worth it. It will just go in one ear and out the other. Don't believe it will cause them to be aware or create introspection. Calling them out is equivalent to catching a kid with their hand in the cookie jar. Most likely she'll say ooops, snicker and move on.

July 18, 2011

Trust me if your ex is as cruel as mine, if you do it they'll lap it and just laugh at you. Thats the sort of people they are.

July 18, 2011

The more she hurts you, the more she'll feel good about herself. It feeds into their already overinflated ego that they have.

July 18, 2011

From the way you're talking it kind of sounds like she still does have you in her back pocket.

I want to tell her that at least I know that someday I'll find what we're both looking for because I know how to appreciate it and she doesn't, that she will NEVER find it. She will NEVER be happy,

It sounds like you're the one that will never be happy and if you tell her everything that you said right there - it just sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you will be happy one day, not her.

Think about how bitter and not-over her all of this makes you look. You can't appreciate anything or be happy with all of this resentment you have.

Know this - She will most likely be happy one day and could be happy right now. No matter how much you don't want her to change, to stay in the same state, be miserable and unhappy - chances are she will be happy one day. With out you. It hurts, it sucks but the sooner you realized it - the faster you can heal. Don't let her being unhappy be the reason you can be happy.

July 18, 2011

Everybody is dead on... except for the OP that is, of course ^^

Retain your dignity... Don't contact.

July 18, 2011

There ya go! Just let it out!

I'm not telling you not to NOT send that e-mail. But, if she's anything like you described, then that e-mail will roll off her like water on a ducks ass. So, I don't think you'll accomplish anything really. But, acting like this doesn't bother you and you can really give a damn what she does has more of an affect to her psychy. She'll start to realize that she is, in fact, NOT the center of your universe and not worth your time.

July 18, 2011

Let's say the shoe was on the other foot and you had made mistakes, would you want your ex to launch that kind of an attack on you if you met a new partner? Or would you respect her more, knowing she had forgiven you?

I wouldn't do those things in the first place. I wouldn't lead someone on to fall in love with me when I was having doubts. I wouldn't ask them to spend 7 hard hours to help me move if I was going to dump them 3 days later. That's the difference. People get to do ****ty things to others and we just "forgive them"? Eff that, she never asked for forgiveness, she never even had the decency to call me and talk to me or give me a chance to say anything about it. Screw forgiveness, she can't even ask for it so why does she deserve it? I did what everyone said against my will: I maintained NC and it has had NO EFFECT ON HER. I didn't expect her to come crawling back, but it clearly let her off the hook even easier, me not contacting her at all made all this very very easy on her while I took all the pain.

1) By a vengeful, vindictive and spiteful man going forward. You can't hide those traits. At some stage in the future they will appear and you could lose a lot more then just a girlfriend..

Or maybe, I can get it out of my system and move on. The whole reason I'm so pissed right now is because I never said what I wanted to, I never let it out. I held onto it. That's not me, I say what I think and feel and that's who I am, that's why people love me, and I'm sure that's why some people dislike me, but at least I go to bed every night and sleep like a baby because I know I'm real. This NC garbage goes against who I am as a person and I've tried real hard to do this and I don't know if I can do that anymore.

2) You choose to be the better person. You choose to forgive. This path will enable you to meet similar kind of people with good hearts.

How? How will this allow me to meet others like me? What people don't realize is that there's something wrong with me. I've tried to figure it out for years. I've asked close friends, strangers, anyone trying to give me an honest opinion on why I'm so unappealing to women. They won't tell me I'm ugly, they won't tell me I'm out of shape, they tell me I'm a great guy and I'm funny and kind and have a lot to offer, but no one will share the one thing I need to know: what's wrong with me that it's so hard for me to gain interest from women. If I knew at least I could try to fix it. If it was physical then at least I'd know there isn't much I can do and I could just accept it. But it's that I don't know that's killing me. It something stupid last weekend and sent out about 20 emails via Online Dating website and it it just further showed that I'm completely undesirable. No matter how positive I try to be and open minded I am, there has to be something that just turns women off.

I urge you to think about what you are about to do. Once it's done you can't go back. Be a real man. A good man. Forgive her and take control of your life again. Those optimisitic posts you posted are all bullSh!!t if you do this. You are a posted I respect. Probably means nothing to you, but you will lose my respect if you do this.

Being a man to me is speaking up for what you believe, and if it means calling out a horrible person on what they've done and what they continue to do then so be it. I've tried real hard, man. I'm tired. Optimism for what? what's REALLY out there? marriage rate is dropping like a rock, divorce rate is skyrocketing, almost everyone has cheated on someone at some point, women think sex and the city is the dating bible....what kind of world am I supposed to be optimistic about? That's the bull***** right there.

July 18, 2011

Ok Givenup a lot to answer there. The first thing I would do is seek a Therapist. There is a lot going on in your head and you need to make sense of it all. Can I be honest with you? I was you! Like 4 months ago. I had this feeling of vengenance coursing through my veins. I wanted bad things to happen to my ex. I had hurt her (unintentionally) but her retaliation was particulary brutal. There was an obvious way for me to inflict revenge that would have severely hurt her. I had sleepless nights. Good me versus bad me. Like having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on another.

I went to Therapy one day and explained to my Therapist the anger I was feeling and that I wanted revenge. She made me realise the problem was not my ex. The problem was with me. She said Mack so you go hurt your ex, she then goes back and hurts you. What happens then? You hurt her again? and she does the same?. When does it stop? What do you think it achieves?. I told my Therapist that it will make me feel better. She said it won't Mack, trust me. The only way you will feel better is sorting yourself out. I spoke to family and like everyone above posted has said, they told me to let it go and listen to my Therapist.

I decided to listen to advice given. I'm not a bad hearted person. Looking for vengeance is what my ex does, that is not me and never was. I decided there was no way I was going to stoop to her level. I went back to the gym and focused this pent up anger and took it out on weights, punching bags you name it. I stopped talking about my ex in Therapy and started talking about me. Going through my life and discussing mistakes, thoughts, wishes, regrets, family, friends, other ex's, addictions etc etc etc. I was pretty emotional in a lot of these sessions. Confronting your demons is theee hardest thing you can do. I can't remember the last time I cried before this year. I cried a lot in Therapy. I had a lot to grieve for and most of it had nothing to do with my ex.

Given I had the same fears you do. I'd ask questions of myself. I don't think I am a bad looking guy, great family, good career, good friends, told I am popular, loyal, trustworthy, good fun etc etc. So why do I find it hard to meet the right girl? A lot of guys and girls have the exact same fear. I was negative about so many other things like you are now. The same questions, the same fear. I did 4 months of Therapy, worked out like crazy, started doing things on weekends, even if my mates weren't about, starting making short term and long term plans. Not dreams, plans. Instead of talking the talk, walk the f*&*&ing walk Mack..So far I am walking the walk. About time too.

Meeting the right girl is not going to happen, especally if you sit around feeling angry and vengeful. Feeling sorrow and pity for yourself. Why me??etc etc. You need to grab the bull by the horns, get your self confidence back. Look for challenges (short term and long term) and suceed in them. Stop making excuses why you can't and go out there believing you can. You need to change your view on life so that you become a glass half full guy, instead of a glass half empty. When you focus on making those improvements, opportunites just always seem to happen. Your tone, your body language changes. Your showing the world the best version of you. Givenup, I bet they like it. Change your name to nivergiveup.

A few weeks before my therapy sessions we coming to an end, my Therapist who was top class said to me..Mack do you feel the anger, the bitterness?. I said no. I forgave her a week or 2 ago and then said a prayer for her. There is nothing she can say or do to me anymore. I have forgiven her. I want her happy. By confronting my problems and improving myself as a person, my resentment for her left me. Most importantly my outlook on life has changed..I mean even this site has had such a positive influence on me. I have made new friends, one in particular who has made me realise there are girls out there, who have all the qualities that I am looking for.

Givenup the problem is not your ex. It's you. The longer you have this attitude the longer you stay miserable and the longer you live your life in neutral..

Edited July 18, 2011 by Mack05

July 18, 2011

I wouldn't do those things in the first place. I wouldn't lead someone on to fall in love with me when I was having doubts. I wouldn't ask them to spend 7 hard hours to help me move if I was going to dump them 3 days later. That's the difference. People get to do ****ty things to others and we just "forgive them"? Eff that, she never asked for forgiveness, she never even had the decency to call me and talk to me or give me a chance to say anything about it. Screw forgiveness, she can't even ask for it so why does she deserve it? I did what everyone said against my will: I maintained NC and it has had NO EFFECT ON HER. I didn't expect her to come crawling back, but it clearly let her off the hook even easier, me not contacting her at all made all this very very easy on her while I took all the pain.

Or maybe, I can get it out of my system and move on. The whole reason I'm so pissed right now is because I never said what I wanted to, I never let it out. I held onto it. That's not me, I say what I think and feel and that's who I am, that's why people love me, and I'm sure that's why some people dislike me, but at least I go to bed every night and sleep like a baby because I know I'm real. This NC garbage goes against who I am as a person and I've tried real hard to do this and I don't know if I can do that anymore.

How? How will this allow me to meet others like me? What people don't realize is that there's something wrong with me. I've tried to figure it out for years. I've asked close friends, strangers, anyone trying to give me an honest opinion on why I'm so unappealing to women. They won't tell me I'm ugly, they won't tell me I'm out of shape, they tell me I'm a great guy and I'm funny and kind and have a lot to offer, but no one will share the one thing I need to know: what's wrong with me that it's so hard for me to gain interest from women. If I knew at least I could try to fix it. If it was physical then at least I'd know there isn't much I can do and I could just accept it. But it's that I don't know that's killing me. It something stupid last weekend and sent out about 20 emails via Online Dating website and it it just further showed that I'm completely undesirable. No matter how positive I try to be and open minded I am, there has to be something that just turns women off.

Being a man to me is speaking up for what you believe, and if it means calling out a horrible person on what they've done and what they continue to do then so be it. I've tried real hard, man. I'm tired. Optimism for what? what's REALLY out there? marriage rate is dropping like a rock, divorce rate is skyrocketing, almost everyone has cheated on someone at some point, women think sex and the city is the dating bible....what kind of world am I supposed to be optimistic about? That's the bull***** right there.

Given - Listen, I'm a female...I've considered quite attractive. I also do attract boyfriends etc. I'm only saying that because you are saying you seem to think there is something wrong with you. Listen, you sound like you've given up hope on love and because your experiences so far have been so disapointing it makes sense that you feel the way you do. But I feel very similiar about men ...I feel hopeless, like whats the point...I've been hurt and disapointed so much. Maybe its not you...maybe it's not me...maybe we do play a part in breakdown of relationships...but one thing I do know is just because my experiences so far have been hurtful and disapointing doesn't mean all my future experiences will be that way. Maybe I'm putting my trust and love in the wrong people...maybe you are too. Don't put this on yourself like there is "something wrong" with you...maybe you put your love and trust in the wrong person. I also want you to know that I hope you don't vent your anger in the letter to this woman because for one...I think the others are right - it won't make her see any light infact it will probably make it easier for her. Indifferance is the best...I'm not saying lie to yourself about how you feel. I'm not saying forgive her right now. I'm saying work on yourself try hard to come to terms with the hurt you feel about how this person treated you and try to move past it...focus on you. She doesn't deserve your energy and attention. I think if she doesn't hear from you ...if at any point your paths cross again...indifferance...lack of interest or care is what would most affect anyone. More importantly, its not about her ...its about you. If you do want to let her know how you feel I would just suggest stating it in a way that is not so emotionally charged..more like "I'm glad this relationship is over ...because your not the kind of person I need in my life." don't contact me again. something like that. those are just my thoughts...

July 18, 2011

Given - Listen, I'm a female...I've considered quite attractive. I also do attract boyfriends etc. I'm only saying that because you are saying you seem to think there is something wrong with you. Listen, you sound like you've given up hope on love and because your experiences so far have been so disapointing it makes sense that you feel the way you do. But I feel very similiar about men ...I feel hopeless, like whats the point...I've been hurt and disapointed so much. Maybe its not you...maybe it's not me...maybe we do play a part in breakdown of relationships...but one thing I do know is just because my experiences so far have been hurtful and disapointing doesn't mean all my future experiences will be that way. Maybe I'm putting my trust and love in the wrong people...maybe you are too. Don't put this on yourself like there is "something wrong" with you...maybe you put your love and trust in the wrong person. I also want you to know that I hope you don't vent your anger in the letter to this woman because for one...I think the others are right - it won't make her see any light infact it will probably make it easier for her. Indifferance is the best...I'm not saying lie to yourself about how you feel. I'm not saying forgive her right now. I'm saying work on yourself try hard to come to terms with the hurt you feel about how this person treated you and try to move past it...focus on you. She doesn't deserve your energy and attention. I think if she doesn't hear from you ...if at any point your paths cross again...indifferance...lack of interest or care is what would most affect anyone. More importantly, its not about her ...its about you. If you do want to let her know how you feel I would just suggest stating it in a way that is not so emotionally charged..more like "I'm glad this relationship is over ...because your not the kind of person I need in my life." don't contact me again. something like that. those are just my thoughts...

I just wanted to add another thought- my ex wrote me a letter once that was full of anger...he had a really hard time moving on and was very angry. that letter didn't affect me ...he said alot of mean things...maybe it helped him..but I think it took him years to get over the relationship. I know that I moved on...the letter didn't move me. If he had refused to speak to me again and cut me right out of his life. I would have been much much more affected. I would have known that I really hurt him..and that would have had more of an effect then anything else. I'm just telling you that if you want her to ever get the impact she had on you...work on yourself ..hold out and she'll probably contact you at so point or another and then just cut her right out. have nothing to do with her. That hurts the most. ...

July 18, 2011

Given - Listen, I'm a female...I've considered quite attractive. I also do attract boyfriends etc. I'm only saying that because you are saying you seem to think there is something wrong with you. Listen, you sound like you've given up hope on love and because your experiences so far have been so disapointing it makes sense that you feel the way you do. But I feel very similiar about men ...I feel hopeless, like whats the point...I've been hurt and disapointed so much. Maybe its not you...maybe it's not me...maybe we do play a part in breakdown of relationships...but one thing I do know is just because my experiences so far have been hurtful and disapointing doesn't mean all my future experiences will be that way. Maybe I'm putting my trust and love in the wrong people...maybe you are too. Don't put this on yourself like there is "something wrong" with you...maybe you put your love and trust in the wrong person. I also want you to know that I hope you don't vent your anger in the letter to this woman because for one...I think the others are right - it won't make her see any light infact it will probably make it easier for her. Indifferance is the best...I'm not saying lie to yourself about how you feel. I'm not saying forgive her right now. I'm saying work on yourself try hard to come to terms with the hurt you feel about how this person treated you and try to move past it...focus on you. She doesn't deserve your energy and attention. I think if she doesn't hear from you ...if at any point your paths cross again...indifferance...lack of interest or care is what would most affect anyone. More importantly, its not about her ...its about you. If you do want to let her know how you feel I would just suggest stating it in a way that is not so emotionally charged..more like "I'm glad this relationship is over ...because your not the kind of person I need in my life." don't contact me again. something like that. those are just my thoughts...

GivenUp, Nadine is right - - women go through this too as well. yes, i've been treated horribly by my my ex. but i can't take that out on any man that shows interest. true, this experience has made me extremely skeptical of attention i get from a guy but you know what - - that's no one else's problem but my own.

i can't continue to blame the ex for the issues i have because this isn't about him - - it's about me. if i continue to heap the blame on him, then i'm making him the focus and if i do that, then i stay stuck where i am.

and until then, no - -i am not ready to date. i need to do more self-reflection and learn to appreciate myself for who i am and what i have to offer. jumping into another relationship before i do that would be woefully unfair to both myself and the next guy.

believe me, i have had fantasies of running into him and screaming at him about the pain that he's caused me but really, what good what it do? he'd bow his head, stoically taking the abuse; which would me feel like an over-reactive shrew.

trust me- - i know how this guy operates. and if your ex has screwed over as many guys and my ex has girls then she knows how to play the game - - she either won't care or she'll affect the deeply put upon little miss innocent "i don't know what i did to deserve this damsel in distress role" and you will look like the unreasonable brute. don't give her the power to do that.

July 18, 2011

Givenup- Im going to give you some good advice. You have 3 choices to make.

1) Do nothing - be passive and do nothing. This causes depression.

2) Make a destructive decision. This is a win/lose decision. No matter what the outcome someone in this decision will win someone will lose. And it will lead back to hurt. Here, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE LOSER. You willl have boosted your ex's ego and she will have won. She got what she wanted, her new man and her validation for breaking up with you. SHE WILL BE THE WINNER. Guess what happens after you send her the email. You are still going to be pissed off a few days down the road and want to send another if she does not respond. It's a NEVER ENDING CYCLE. What you are doing is also masochistic which ties into making destructive decisions. Get out of this mindset.

3) Make a constructive decision. This is a win/win decision. This is where you search deep inside of you of your wants and needs. What do you really want? What goals/accomplishments do you have for your life? Write them down and start working on them. Here you are using your negative energy (hurt anger depression) to better yourself. Once you start meeting your needs and finding out who you really are. Your self esteem will start to build and you will start being happy again which will replace the anger hurt and depression. This type of decision is the best decision because not only is it a win / win situation but its also delayed gratification. You worked toward a goal, you accomplished it and you are starting to rebuild yourself to whom you want to be

July 18, 2011

Given, hand write the letter you want to send your ex and write it from your heart fuelled by your emotions. After you have written the letter, put it away in a drawer. Look at it again in a months time and I bet you either throw it away without reading it or you'll read it and be glad that those feelings have toned down.

It's good to get write out your emotions and feelings. It should hopefully give you some relief at least. I realise that you're in shock right now and every emotion is at it's peak. You also come across as an intelligent guy and I'm sure you know deep down that making a rash decision based on emotion is never a good idea.

Seriously take some time to process what's happened and process what you're feeling. If you still feel like this in a month then I think you will need to find some help. I don't think it'll come to that though mate, I think in a while, the dust will have settled, your calmer, more rational side will come through and you will make the right decision.

I have every faith in you man.

July 18, 2011

Givenup- Im going to give you some good advice. You have 3 choices to make.

1) Do nothing - be passive and do nothing. This causes depression.

2) Make a destructive decision. This is a win/lose decision. No matter what the outcome someone in this decision will win someone will lose. And it will lead back to hurt. Here, YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE LOSER. You willl have boosted your ex's ego and she will have won. She got what she wanted, her new man and her validation for breaking up with you. SHE WILL BE THE WINNER. Guess what happens after you send her the email. You are still going to be pissed off a few days down the road and want to send another if she does not respond. It's a NEVER ENDING CYCLE. What you are doing is also masochistic which ties into making destructive decisions. Get out of this mindset.

3) Make a constructive decision. This is a win/win decision. This is where you search deep inside of you of your wants and needs. What do you really want? What goals/accomplishments do you have for your life? Write them down and start working on them. Here you are using your negative energy (hurt anger depression) to better yourself. Once you start meeting your needs and finding out who you really are. Your self esteem will start to build and you will start being happy again which will replace the anger hurt and depression. This type of decision is the best decision because not only is it a win / win situation but its also delayed gratification. You worked toward a goal, you accomplished it and you are starting to rebuild yourself to whom you want to be

wilsonx, you are in the wrong line of work (whatever it is you're doing currently)

Given - Notice how #3 (the right option) has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you. That's the person you need to be focusing on right now. Getting this off of your chest will do the exact opposite. I imagine in the back of your mind, you'll expect a response of some kind from her. Are you prepared for crickets?

I too have crafted wonderfully spiteful emails to a couple of my exes, but I ended up burning them because I came to my senses. I realized that I was investing way too much time on my vengeful tendencies in order to get back at, or speak my mind to someone that could care less about what I thought about them. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I felt worse for wasting my time writing the stupid letter.

Silence is golden

July 18, 2011

Clearly someone is still in the anger phase. I think your doing yourself a world of good to write it out here versus emailing her, I hope you havent done that already.

Definitely definitely dont send an email. You will feel like a complete jackass to say the least when she ignores you or whatnot. She will not be perceptive and she will not listen.

The best revenge is indifference and ultimate healing/happiness, I know this is going on deaf ears but I figured I would give it a shot.

It helps to vent. So if it keeps you from emailing her, then say and call her whatever you want, in this space and this space alone.

Yeah, at my lowest, I wanted him to rot in hell too, I dont feel that anymore.

July 18, 2011

Don't do it. Seriously.

I know what you mean, though. I kind of feel the same way about my ex sometimes too as, although I believe she fits within the 'G.I.G.S' mentality, she has done this to a string of other guys before, is in her late 20s and, in my opinion, should know better... Yet she sort of is aware of what she does and thinks it's just the way she is...yet she'll continue to hurt people.

But I also think that people like this go through so much self inflicted turmoil because they're so selfish that anything bad you say will just damage them further. In my case, I think I pity my ex more than anything else.

You sound like you used to really love this girl. You still obviously have some feelings for her. Same here. I would have given the world to my ex, but she didn't want it. I feel negative feelings towards her, but it's her loss.

I'd just let her get on with her life. You reap what you sow. With every new guy she does the same to, she'll become increasingly unhappy.

July 18, 2011

Simply put. DO NOT CONTACT. It's Lose Lose period.

DO NOT CONTACT!

It is NEVER EVER worth it! Period!

Good luck!

July 19, 2011

Givenup- Please don't think that all women are like this. I'm a woman and my ex really screwed me over aswell. I mean he completely did a number on me, read my posts. They are heartless people. I totally understand that you want revenge, who wouldn't after being screwed over? The only thing that stopped me was it would justify the ex dumping me and I don't want a criminal record!

I haven't been lucky in love either and I know where you're coming from. Alot of times I feel like giving up on love too. Just because I don't want to get screwed over again.

July 19, 2011

Listen man,

You may think that its a good idea to get all of this off of your chest to make them feel worse. I followed down that path after my ex wouldn't stop contacting me even though I knew she was seeing someone new. I ended up telling her to leave me alone and then the things snowballed into a fairly ugly mess. Looking back on my emails to her now I feel a little ashamed that I let her get to me, but that's what raw emotion brings out in us.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266186/

It resulted in a bad way to end what was (in hindsight) a true relationship that got stale. As everyone else has stated, it will only justify the break up to them, and make you feel like d bag after awhile. Stick with no contact as it does truly work. Case in point, my ex will still send me an email occasionally to see how I am doing but I never respond because I know it will get under her skin more to not know what I am doing. Block her from every form of contact you used to have, including friends. If they are true friends tell them things ended ugly and you don't want them to share any info with you about them and visa-versa.

Just remember that you can never unsay that which has already been said.

July 19, 2011

GivenUp0083,

I understand what you are going through completely. If you read my thread, I went through a similar thing about a month ago. I understand you want to send a letter/email and just scream at her, let it all out but trust me, it will get you no where.

Think about it. What will you sending it actually do? You may feel better for a little while but after a while you will regret it and feel utter rubbish. You would have made a fool out of yourself. I realized with my ex that she was pathetic and didn't deserve my time. I stopped hating her as it just keeps it in my mind for longer. You not replying makes you more attractive and doesn't make you seem needy and women don't find needy men attractive!

Try to make YOUR life better. Do stuff you have always wanted to do. Read a book, play an instrument.

I understand you are hurting but I got through it and so will you. Just look after yourself.

Regards,

Rory

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I think contacting the ex is justified now

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