David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Sorry I think he is handling it well. He's making it clear he's not interested and giving her the opportunity to stop. I'd be willing to guess if she were to continue he'd stop it completely and tell her to back off and that he was done. If he were interested even remotely in her he wouldn't be writing in this manner. There's nothing in those texts that shows he wants her to stop contacting him or rejecting her. He keeps talking to her instead of no longer replying to her. If he was really serious about it he'd tell her to stop one time and threaten to tell someone if she kept contacting him. I'll agree to disagree with you because the 'right' you see is your opinion and mine is my opinion. Exactly so the "right" you "see" is warped.
Space Ritual Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 She changed her passwords? No sex? 100+texts exchanged a night? Any MC will be more than happy to take your money to keep you coming back..... You don't need an MC, you need an attorney. You will not get any answers from her, don't even try. she cheated with you...what the hell did you expect? Frankly, she views you in BETA terms....Good Guy to clean the house and provider a stable home for, but not much else....You are nothing more than a roof over her head and a slight chuckle for her behind your back as she fobs you off. she lies to you because she only sees you in those terms....most likely always has...probably as she is in her late 30's she is looking to get her freak on...just without you. Yeah 100 texts a night...I suspect it is full blown physical now.... Best thing you can do is Lawyer UP File Find this dude's wife and inform her...she has a right to know, and the best chance to get any affair to stop is to expose it.... Get some Individual Counseling.....You wife has done quite a number on you..
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You will not get any answers from her, don't even try. she cheated with you...what the hell did you expect? I guess they think once they have them it'll end on good terms at the end of the day.
Author analystfromhell Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 She did give me her password again, and promised not to talk with him but she was googling how to send anoymous texts and send email to phones. She also deleted but left in trash messages to him again last night- check the time hacks and please read into what's going on: I intend to tell her tonight that if there is any further contact of any sort then she needs to find another place to live. Is this rash or not rash enough? Him: 7/20/11 3:28 AM6 hours ago Her: Sorry to be short. Too exhausted last night to give the fauxlonial door the attention it deserved. Can arrange to smash bottle on it 3:28 AM Her: Er, christen it 3:28 AM Her: At your convenience. 3:28 AM Him: Byah! 7:43 PM Him: Does your phone stay alive for more than 10 hours now? 7:47 PM Me: Yup. 10hrs 10 minutes. 7:50 PM Him: Pseudo-Colonial door is it! Just need to install siding and Al Gore will bless this masterpiece to fight against global warming... 7:39 PM Her: Git er done... 7:42 PM
silktricks Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 It doesn't sound/seem like she's really interested in making the kind of marriage you want or need. If you think it's worth making an attempt, though (and it does sound that way) then go ahead and do the MC. It could be that something will get through to her. It does seem, though that she wants to do what she wants to do and her depth of commitment to you is, well..... rather shallow.
Author analystfromhell Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Thanks for that honest assessment, I want to hear what's going with her this evening and maybe, just maybe she'll be honest. I do want things to work out very much but increasingly it seems like she's not of the same mind. We'll have the discussion tonight and I'll be sure to update. I think these threads are useful reading for future people who have joined and are working up their thoughts so they see how things developed and panned out.
robf1971 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 but she was googling how to send anoymous texts and send email to phones. She also deleted but left in trash messages to him again last night- check the time hacks and please read into what's going on: All she's given you is words, look at her actions that should tell you everything.
Author analystfromhell Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Agree I am a person of actions, and emotions. Emotionally I am feeling nothing- like she has left me and I'm no longer the most important part of her day. Clearly at not 3am anyway. Her actions, and the way they speak towards going covert in their communications are clear. I don't know if such an attachment can be turned around immediately- I feel like I've given her room (a month), several increasingly clear warnings and now an ultimatium. As much as I dislike ultimatums and feel they are counterproductive I guess there has to come a time. When it's affecting my work and my well-being, that's the time. She wanted to discuss it over gtalk and felt there was something suspicious about having the talk in our home. I want to hear honesty and feelings from her- she has to be capable at some level. So, the alpha ultimatum and the beta (my natural tendency) trying to understand. So while I'm here and elsewhere and scheduled for individual counseling she hasn't explored any resources, or talked with her family or anyone- except for him. Her sister is completely shocked (I talked with her). I am just at a loss and it's building up resentment. Affairs are never, ever good. Please whomever reads this- if you want to have an affair have the courage to break off whatever you are in beforehand. It's bad for your soul to do otherwise and that's not just puritanical thinking, it's human nature I think.
Summer Breeze Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 There's nothing in those texts that shows he wants her to stop contacting him or rejecting her. He keeps talking to her instead of no longer replying to her. If he was really serious about it he'd tell her to stop one time and threaten to tell someone if she kept contacting him. Exactly so the "right" you "see" is warped. No. What I see is right to me and what you see is right to you. I look at your posts and feel such sadness and pity for someone who harbors such resentment and bitterness. You aren't just someone with a definitive view. You appear warped by what you hold inside. I know, I don't know you. All I know is what you show but I will say what I've seen truly makes me sad. I hope that anyone you meet, man or woman-friend or lover, can stand up to values that are so rigid and unyielding. I believe in boundaries and right and wrong but your posts seem almost puritanical. You've lived a life with them so who's to say it doesn't work. I just hope someday you find someone who makes you happy. I expect some horrible or snide response. I'll let you know now I won't respond. Say what you will. The last word will be yours. Good luck to you.
Space Ritual Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Agree I am a person of actions, and emotions. Emotionally I am feeling nothing- like she has left me and I'm no longer the most important part of her day. Clearly at not 3am anyway. Her actions, and the way they speak towards going covert in their communications are clear. I don't know if such an attachment can be turned around immediately- I feel like I've given her room (a month), several increasingly clear warnings and now an ultimatium. As much as I dislike ultimatums and feel they are counterproductive I guess there has to come a time. When it's affecting my work and my well-being, that's the time. She wanted to discuss it over gtalk and felt there was something suspicious about having the talk in our home. I want to hear honesty and feelings from her- she has to be capable at some level. So, the alpha ultimatum and the beta (my natural tendency) trying to understand. So while I'm here and elsewhere and scheduled for individual counseling she hasn't explored any resources, or talked with her family or anyone- except for him. Her sister is completely shocked (I talked with her). I am just at a loss and it's building up resentment. Affairs are never, ever good. Please whomever reads this- if you want to have an affair have the courage to break off whatever you are in beforehand. It's bad for your soul to do otherwise and that's not just puritanical thinking, it's human nature I think. Original Poster.... I still say you 180 her hard...I mean rock hard. You seem to not understand that she lives in an alternate reality to you, and that you continuing to apply the same methods expecting a different result is about as futile as it gets... You need to go Balls to the Wall and 180 her.... showing someone consequences and following through with them is the only answer. She checked out way long ago...I'm sorry you seem to be the last one to see it.
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 No. What I see is right to me and what you see is right to you. Nope, what you see is warped. I look at your posts and feel such sadness and pity for someone who harbors such resentment and bitterness. Yea I really care for your assumptions. Same old reply about how one can tell how a poster feels by simply reading something on the internet. You aren't just someone with a definitive view. You appear warped by what you hold inside. And what is it that I hold inside myself? I know, I don't know you. So there's no need to assume from what you read about some anonymous poster on the internet. All I know is what you show but I will say what I've seen truly makes me sad. Save the tears for someone else. I hope that anyone you meet, man or woman-friend or lover, can stand up to values that are so rigid and unyielding. She is standing up to my values because she has the same values as me. I didn't know simply being faithful 100% is a value that is so negative. I believe in boundaries and right and wrong but your posts seem almost puritanical. And yours seem to adjust to whatever trend is current. You've lived a life with them so who's to say it doesn't work. I just hope someday you find someone who makes you happy. I already have. I expect some horrible or snide response. I'll let you know now I won't respond. Say what you will. The last word will be yours. Good luck to you. Typical "hit and run."
Author analystfromhell Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Yeah, you're brutally honest and yesterday after our MC appointment I let her know that the current situation is unacceptable and if she wants to keep carrying on this relationship without any boundaries, she needs to move out and we'll start the process of separation. She contacted him again after promising again not to (more in the Rash or not rash enough thread) and it just was the last straw for me. She asked for our next appointment with the MC to be move to tonight and the counselor was able to find a slot so tonight should be a very testy but very productive session. I doubt we'll get things finally settled but we'll see if she wants to stay or go. So I did a 180 I hope.
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 You might want to start checking out divorce lawyers at this point. Find out what your options are. You've given her multiple chances, and she hasn't learnt a thing. Pretty dense if you ask me.
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