Is this the end

[Dblock10]

hey people i would appreciate help with this appreciate any input, its currently making me very down. My gf/ or ex (i dont know what we are now..)is off to travel for 6 months. our relationship has been going for about 7 months.

 

she currently lives 3 hours away from me, she goes travelling end of sept this year. I haven't seen her since 26th of june.

 

when we both went back to our home towns she never told me what she wanted to happen between us, and when i asked she said she hadnt thought about it.

so i read signs that it meant she didnt seem fussed etc and it felt like i was in limbo awaiting for her to make a decision that i wouldnt be happy with.

i had at this point told her my feelings for her and that i would be willing to meet up with her whilst she is out there. but she didnt seem keen and she told me she really liked me.

 

and so based on this i said i dont think its going to work (as i didnt want to be the one that gets hurt by her decision). she never agreed or disagreed with what i said at first, just we both felt like we were in a hard situation, me at uni, her round the world...

 

then one night i thought id let her no i support her travelling and that i hope we would stay in contact and meet once shes back, but due to time zones etc, it would be too hard and put to much pressure on us. (in the back of my mind i was thinking once she goes even if she wants to be with me now, she would prob change her mind and want to be free) so again i was trying to protect myself for the future.

 

after that phone call it felt like she didnt really seem bothered, as when i mentioned meeting up after she said "yeah... could do..". so the next morning i felt so upset that she didnt care either way, i took our relationship status off facebook.

 

i called her later that day, told her how bad i had felt all day and i felt it wasnt fair that she never told me WHAT SHE WANTED and i had been the one to make some sort of decision that i didnt want to make. and she basically said, well i feel that what you said was right, that it would put to much pressure on us and what if we argued? it would end worse and then stop anything we may have in the future. so lets take a break and it wont be forever, i would like to see you when im back and if your single then we can see what happens. i said when i asked you to meet you said "could do" why were you like that? she said well because you might have a girlfriend when i get back so obviously i wouldn't want to be in the picture if this happened.

 

i did tell her that i would wait for her and i dont want to loose her... she paused and said it wouldnt be fair asking me to wait around whilst shes off travelling the world and its probably not what i would prefer, and she would be in a way leaving me here and then being like "deal with it".

 

i said well it wouldnt be like im just being dumped with it and deal with it, its a two way thing, if we both want it then it can work..

 

she still seemed happier that taking a break would be best, we can both have fun and enjoy ourselves and not worry what the other person is up to all the time. at the time i was happy with this decision we both made, i was happy she agreed she would like to meet in the future. so i agreed.

 

since then it feels like i'm not with her now. she dosnt txt me and when i txt her she sounds non interested. i've asked to meet her, and she didnt sound over the moon, she said it depends on work but she would check the rota and let me know.

she hasnt txt me first once recently and it feels like im clutching at straws. and because i have nothing to do around the house, she is on my mind 24/7 and it makes me jump the gun a lot.

 

i want to tell her how i truely feel. i wrote a letter last night, but ideally i want to meet her and talk to her. but.. if now she feels like we are over and she wouldn't be able to see me cause it might be hard/awkward then there is a slim chance of meeting up, this is how i felt a week ago when she mentioned stopping at mine before visiting her gran. (in my head, she wouldnt have come to see me if it hadnt been for her gran) and i knew it would be hard so i just sounded non interested.

 

however right now i feel like i really dont want to loose her and what does this break mean, i know it means breaking up, but i dont want to move on if i knew she wanted to be with me whilst shes gone and or once shes back. or do i just live my life, let her live hers and leave it to chance once shes back, if we both want to meet.. is it not worth giving it a go when she has gone. or would it be pointless for me. as i wouldnt be able to see her, and when she is back she is totally unsure on what she is going to be doing/where she is going to live.

 

i added her back on fb to be in a relationship but she hasn't accepted me yet.. she doesn't go on fb much tbh but would be nice to have some reassurance we are still together now. we are on talking terms, although it feels like a one sided game. then again she was never brilliant at the whole txting thing, she would normally call me at night. but she ran out of talk time.

 

 

sorry its massive, i didnt know how else to explain it. sigh

 

do i just put my heart on the line now and tell her that i would wait for her i want to stay together... and put the ball in her court and find out where i stand or what i need to do.

 

i hope we can meet but maybe that would be too hard and doing by txt or phone is ok..

Edited July 18, 2011 by Dblock10

[Chi townD]

Here's the rub. She wants to travel around and party it up without having any attachments back home. If talked to you about this already. She values this trip more than she does you. That's the second rub. Then she says that you guys should take a break while she's gone. But rub number three. taking a break= breaking up. Then she says that you'll talk when she gets back. But...that's six months from now. So, are you gonna wait 6 months to talk to her while she's been away screwing whoever she wants. She could come back and tell you she's engaged! You don't know!

 

I strongly advise you to think about cutting all ties with her and find a girl that puts value into having a relationship with you.

[Sebstian]

I feel with you my friend, it's a tough situation. But I have just gone through something very similar and will give you my take on it.

 

Was together with my ex for 7 months, both of us completely in love when she left for 5 months travelling in SE Asia. We didn't want to loose each other, so decided to stay a couple while she was away, and agreed to let go of each other if we felt like being with others. I met her in Thailand for 10 days after 1.5 months and everything was still great. And from there on it just fell apart. She was constantly partying with tons of guys... imagine what it's like having your gf and her girlfriend hanging out at phi phi island every day with their 8 new Israeli best guy friends - for three weeks in a row, getting drunk on the beach every night. Imagine talking to her on skype at 8am, her time, only to hear drunk guys playing her guitar and singing in her hostel room... After that, some backpacker super party town in Laos where she is hanging out and partying with a new group of guys every day for six weeks, celebrating birthdays, sad farewells, ups and downs etc. After that six weeks of working in a bar full of young backpackers at some Cambodian party beach town, with the occasional little 3-5 day trips with a handfull of friends to some deserted bounty island....

 

Needless to say it put unbearable strain on the relationship, it's virtually impossible to avoid jalousy under such conditions, so the skype talks got more and more depressing... tears, arguments, making up etc. But you can never really make up with her, when she's on the other side of the planet, so the problems will linger in the back hers and your head and eventually she'll have grown really tired of declining hot offers just to stay loyal to some nagging p.i.t.a. back home, whom she never sees anyways. She will eventually loose all attraction for you as the circumstances of her travels will leave you being the insecure, jalous part which translates to the unattractive guy. A bf who grows insecure is like a gf who gets fat when it comes to being attractive.

 

We broke with six weeks left, and it was utterly unfixable when she got home. We got together a couple times, had make up sex, but in the end she would reject me every time, sex but no goodbye kiss, sex but zero text messages afterwards etc. My self esteem took a serious beating... I meet lots of hot girls, even hotter than my ex, but the constant rejections by the one who really knows you just gets you.

 

I thought the rules didn't apply to me, but guess what... they did! I was in total agony and a state of pathetic semi depression for the five months of travelling plus one month after. Only this very friday did I finally say that I couldn't talk to her any more as I was getting fed smaller and smaller bread crumbs. I had sex with a really hot new girl on saturday, so should be fine. But today I checked my ex's facebook three times Don't do it to yourself man!

 

Take it from me, stay strong, make sure you're the one that ends it before she leaves. That way she will still have an image of you as a guy in control and maybe even one she couldn't get and maybe - just maybe will she contact you when she gets back. But don't count on it! She will have gotten so much attention, so much sex and so many new guy friends that you're all of a sudden just one out of a bunch... literally!

 

On top of that, it doesn't sound like you have a very strong foundation to begin with. I only know of one case where she didn't break up with her bf before or during a long trip to SE Asia, and in that case she dumped him when she got home *-(

 

// Sebastian

[Dblock10]

thanks chitown and sebstian! i will reply to both. appreciate your support.

 

Yeah well i cant help but feel it was my fault that i put the "its not going to work in her head" and now she feels breaking up is the best thing to do so its like it was my fault she feels this way would have been better for her to come up with something herself but who knows she might have come to this either before she went or whilst shes away... which would have been worse right?

 

i cant expect her to put me above this trip its like a life time experience to her and she always said she was going to do it. i'm just a boyfriend. there will be others or flings etc.

 

and your right waiting for 6 months is a long time. but once its up it will seem like nothing! i'm worried that i will still have feelings for her then though at that point, but id rather not know who or how many guys she screwed. :S so if we did meet i think that would be a hard pill to swallow.

 

to be fair i feel if she stayed with me she wouldnt cheat on me i do trust her. but if she goes whilst we are on a break then shes anyones game she has slept with many more people than i...

 

even i first met her on a night out and she came back with me that night. fair enough she didnt put out but its because she said she was "on". then when we met again she told me she wasnt she just dosnt do one nighters, she has only slept with friends or people she knows well kind of thing. she knows i hadnt slept with a girl in over a year.. she knows i'm not a player.

 

yeah that is true what you say. but from her point of view, i'm at university, i could be meeting girls all the time. thats why she was like it depends if your single when i get back etc she has her own insecurities.

 

i hate the idea that she will be screwing guys makes me a bit sad/jealous and upset. but mainly jealous and angry.

 

would it not be worth me saying to her that i would wait and tell her she "isnt just any girl" to me? although i guess i already said id wait and she said it wouldnt be fair or truely what id want.

 

 

sebstian

 

im glad you have been through the same thing (although im sorry also, its the hardest thing isnt it)

 

yeah had this girl you were with tell you she loves you? mine said she really likes me after i told her i had fallen for her..

how old are you, her?

 

mine is going to america for 6 weeks, then australia for 3 months, then back packing around thailand etc then back to the uk.

she isnt sure on what she will be doing or where she will be going when she is back.. she might go and do a season like a ski season etc...

 

i feel the same, we dont want to loose each other but seems like you take a risk trying to hold on and a risk letting them go. i reallly dont want to loose her i cant tell you enough.

 

man that sounds like pure torture.. cause you have to pretend your totally happy with her doing that otherwise she will be like wtf he dosnt want me to have fun etc but ultimately wasn't it your insecurities and trust issues that tore you apart...

 

she will have her birthday in america to and she has already said one conversation we had that she really loves the american accent. great...

 

no doubt she will work in a bar as she will need the money and she has done this before, and because she is good looking it wouldn't take her long to get hit on. shes easy to talk to. not up herself.

 

argh, hearing all her little stories would just set your imagination off into overdrive wouldn't it! god. and then the photos etc. cause i told her i trust her not other people. so she said, yeah so would you be paranoid if you saw me in photo;s with other people then and i was like erm..

i'd hate to see photos of other guys with there arms wrapped around her and i couldn't see her etc. sigh i feel sad thinking about it.

 

yeah see i told her that i think it wouldn't work and it would cause to much pressure, when she would be wanting to be free and on this big adventure and cut ties etc and she was like yeah but you will be at uni, so you have to look at it from my point of view, your prob meet girls like how i met you, ive had first hand experience. i said to her we've got to be realistic about this situation, its not what i want though.

 

what did you argue about? what she was doing etc?

if we didnt argue do you think there would be a chance? i dont know what we would argue about as long as she stayed faithful etc.

what was it like seeing her again? i never got txt messages after seeing her anyway and thats in the uk! lol. she never seemed to txt me much. she would say she is a bad txter. she would phone a lot to be fair though.

 

i'd say this girl to me is the best looking one ive had. she is a keeper i would say.

 

you mean you thought you two would be completely different to other people? and that it would deffo work out, did you go into the situation knowing it would be hard..?

 

how did you feel all the time whilst she was gone? one minute ok, the next wondering what she was doing? cause if you trust her then there shouldn't have been an issue. i fully trust my gf/ex

yeah i'm glad you called it off. so sorry to hear all this. you didn't deserve that.

 

see i think i'm different to i feel i can totally trust her. but no doubt she will get hit on massively.

as it stands i was the one that said it wouldnt work when she goes. but i want to see her in the future and wud be nice to stay in touch.

 

but then i crumbled the other day called her and told her i wanted to know WHAT SHE WANTED, forget what i said.

i would wait and that i dont want to loose her. but she said it would be best we do what i said, cause it makes sense.

plus she said, if it fell apart whilst i was gone then there would be nothing to selvage once shes back. she asked if i agreed that a break would be best. i said yes. but now i feel like i will loose her anyway..

 

but deep down like you, i dont want to loose her so i dont want to let her go or break up! yeah i need to not let on that i cant live without her etc. i think i need to get a grip on my emotions at this point and stay positive.

 

ive asked to meet her this week. she was going to check her timetable and get back to me. not heard anything...

should i meet her then if she can or wants to or should i not meet if its nothing less than hey im busy but how about we meet up at such and such date? im thinking it would be good to have some goodbye sex so she dosnt forget me and then maybe talk about it again?

 

when you say "maybe - just maybe will she contact you when she gets back. But don't count on it!"

 

this makes me feel that its leaving it to much to chance and fate...

i dont like that..

how many guys slepy with your ex girl then?

 

and yeah our foundation isnt that great is it? we didnt see each other everyday and we did argue a lot whilst together. only because of stuff she did or didnt do that i didnt like and she says when she gets drunk she can never remember anything.

 

she cant even remember the first night we met..

 

wow she dumped someone when she got back. that makes no sense...

 

 

i really dont know how to play this now. thinking about her partying it up with hot israeli guys etc hits a nerve. knowing she will probably sleep with them. do i continue to agree with the break or what? or meet her and not mention it. or do i put my heart on the line and tell her what i want is to not loose her. i think we can make it work. dont give in to insecurities

 

god this is torture. if we stayed together i know she wouldnt cheat. which is why i want to stay with her. if i let her go, its like saying yeh go ahead shag away!

 

im not trying to be defeatist but i cant see myself meeting someone else whilst shes away. im very fussy. and i have feelings for her.

 

look forward to hearing the replies.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Dblock10

[Sebstian]

Yeah it's a real ****ty situation you're in and as I see it there aren't any big chances that it will work out.

 

You asked a lot of questions, so will answer the ones I remember.

 

No I didn't expect it to be as hard. I once studied in the states for 3*six months spread over 2.5 yrs. My gf was home in Europe, and sure it was hard, but not that hard because I was there to study - not party all day long. But it was harder for her, because she was the one feeling 'abandoned'.

 

She's 23 and I'm 35. It sounds rediculous I know, but I'm young at heart and is often told I'm good looking lol. So it's not as uneven as it sounds. Just this weekend a 22yo chick guessed I was 22 and I went home with a hot 23 yo chick

 

We would argue about little stupid things, that would never have become an issue if we had only been together physically. It happens all the time, but you don't notice it because you're usually able to sort it out quickly with a few kisses, some attention, sex etc. But being seperated these things grow out of proportion as you can't fix it for good - it keeps lingering. Don't expect to have a great loving and trouble free relationship, when you're not together for six months. It's simply impossible.

 

Infidelity: I don't know if she was with other guys when we were still together - don't think so, but can't be sure. Every man will think that his girl friend is not the cheating type and that the shared love is so special and in another league than other people's relationships - that's what I meant when I said I thought the rules didn't apply to me...

 

I didn't really bother who or how many she had sex with after we broke up. None of my business and I really didn't feel any jalous. The hard part is when she is YOUR girlfriend and might be cheating and lying to you.

 

Sure she said she loved me. She did all the time and did. We shared bed together every single day from the first day we met, so it was the real deal. She broke down several times during her trip, because she missed me so much, and drank all the time to avoid thinking about it.

 

"ultimately wasn't it your insecurities and trust issues that tore you apart?"...

Yes I think that is pretty accurate, but given the circumstances, even the most confident guy in the world would have folded eventually. I'm not an insecure man, but I'm not stupid either. Her lifestyle made it impossible to stay calm and collected.

 

Let me tell you this. If you stay together, you will almost feel like you're on trip yourself. You're sitting in front row to watch her party for months on end. When she tells you how lonely she is, and that she just needs to be hugged and hold, I'll by you a beer if you manage to stay cool.

 

She will avoid telling you things that might get you jalous and filter which images goes on the travel blog, facebook etc. to avoid getting you jalous. But you will pick up on this and get the feeling that she's hiding things for you and that she's not telling you the full story. "You wan't the truth? You can't handle the truth!".

 

- "how did you feel all the time whilst she was gone?"

Sure, felt good when we had a good conversation on skype or she left me a sweet message on fb. But like ****, when we had a bad one or I didn't hear from her for a week. Total rollercoaster I tell you.

 

In the end it was me who broke it off because I couldn't stand watching the great thing had dissintegrating day by day. I thought that it would be the only way to leave some magic alive till she returned. But she would have none of it when she eventually did return. And btw. she had found out she wasn't done with travelling, so is actually just home now to save money to hit off again.

 

I know you don't want to loose her, but I think you will. I think you might have already from the sound of things. The very fact that you're the one pondering and suffering from the thought of loosing her, will shift the power balance totally. She holds all the cards and that's a really cr4ppy position for you to be in, and one where it's really hard to be the cool self confident guy.

I know it's insanely hard, but you should really try to protect yourself from suffering for months on end, and taking a major blow to your self confidence. Don't let the 'she is the best I can get' get to you. It's almost never true!! You just can't see it when you're in knee deep. I felt that way, and now I know it's not true.

 

Good luck my friend and I'm really truly sorry for you! But maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Perhaps you truly can stay cool for longer than I did, perhaps you do love each other more, perhaps she doesn't feel like partying all the time and perhaps she doesn't feel like bonding with semi pro snowboarders in the skiing resorts to any real extent (I've been a snowboard bum btw, and it was murder I'm afraid).

 

Cheers, // Seb

[Dblock10]

cheers seb

 

work out as in for us to stay or for us to "work out in the long run"

 

yeah sorry, im just amazed you went through the same thing. it sounded so hard. i feel for you i really do.

 

oh so like you had been through it before with another gf! wow.. and 35 with a 23, good show!

 

so you told a 23 yr old you are 22 lol. nice. I look young to. im 24 get told i could pass as 19 !

 

little things such as? but yeah seeing someone in person is much better i agree. 6 months is a long time. its a shame it would drag if i stayed with her.

 

yeah i doubt she was either mate. i know for a fact mine wouldnt cheat if we stayed together. im not saying the love we share is soo special etc but because of who we are as people it just wouldnt happen.

 

 

yeah see i am bothered that she will if we are on a break (broken up) and yeah its her life, i cant stop her. id like to think she wouldnt. but i think reality isnt the same as what goes on in my head sometimes. your right, cheating would destroy someone. ruin trust you would have with people again.

 

thats nice. mine told me she likes me. but she might not wanted to have saif the 3 little words for fearing she would feel guilty about leaving me. who knows.

 

i know mine wouldn't miss me to that extent she would be having far to much fun. she is a happy go lucky person, fun, exciting, and out for fun, enjoying life.

 

yeah with you about her lifestyle making it very very difficult for you. totally understand. i even get jealous when she is off to stay with a guy mate or spending time doing things with a guy mate. if its not me, i get jealous. specially when she tells me how fun it was or what she did, and the way she sounds really happy talking about it.

 

yeah i couldnt imagine her telling me how lonely she is. id like her to say that to me.

 

ill block seeing photos shes tagged in and stuff. i wont be able to deal with it. ignorance is bliss.

 

dont think shes ever left a sweet message to me on fb tbh. bit odd isnt it.

yeah she said on the phone when we talked about it and how she said what if we argued etc we would fall apart and, what if i didnt msg you or something"

 

but you only had 6 weeks left man... thats the worst thing about it surely. you did so well..

yeah i can see this girl going off to do a similar thing once returning. i cant see her sticking about here or anywhere near that i will be.

 

part of my thought process originally was that because she couldn't tell me what she was doing when she got back i thought, well why would i wait around ? what life is that for me to live...

 

"I know you don't want to loose her, but I think you will"

 

your probably right. and yeah it feels like i have already. and yeah the power balance has gone. im trying my hardest to act cool. hence meeting her and seeing if she wants to. i dont know what to say if she tells me she is too busy with work. (or doesnt make plans to see me before she goes..)

 

yeah i want to protect myself. by letting her go i would be. but im also letting go of happiness. you know this. but right now im not happy. and im not happy that she is going. its all just slipped away from me right from under my feet.

 

 

"Don't let the 'she is the best I can get' get to you"

 

ive learnt its not true before to. but at the same time i worry she could be the best i can do. she is very smart, very good looking and has graduated with a great degree.

 

i dont think you are being pessimistic, more realist. which is how i was trying to be whilst wondering what was going to happen to us. my friend said the same thing. protect yourself for once. you know its not going to work so dont hurt yourself.

 

me being me though is scared to loose her, scared to be on my own and i dont like wondering what if. it was murder being a ski bum?

 

and i will have the constant reminder of how and where i met her at uni. cause i still have a few years there left great

Edited July 18, 2011 by Dblock10

[Dblock10]

ok im meeting her! least i can talk properly to her explain everything.

 

im taking what you said into account massively though. to a point where i am questioning everything. like can i actually actually handle it... if it were to be that we tried. would and should i risk it :S oh god

 

i told her about fb that i added her back, she hasnt been online so hopefully that will change again.

 

im happy things are sorting out but ultimately she is going. so crunch time will happen at some point

[Sebstian]

I know it's tough, but at least I'm really glad I can give you a realistic account of what to expect if you decide to stay together while she's away, so at least you know what to expect. I think it's a bad idea to stay together and I would never ever attempt to do it again myself. I was in agony for half a year, with only a miniscule chance of getting through it with the prize. Nobody is worth half a year of depressed thoughts.. well maybe if you'd shared years together of amazing unique love - but you haven't. It's a tough decision to say bye bye to happiness I know, but you're guaranteed for a lot of unhappiness having a young gf travelling the world. So one way or the other you're in for a real beating. The question now is how badly are you willing get roughed up?

 

If you let her go will she have sex with somebody? Short answer: yes! Forget the whole 'she is not the type'. She is a young woman with the same needs as anybody else. She WILL meet somebody just her type and being young and living the free spirit life, it would make absolutely no sense not to have sex with someone she fancies. And she should have, to be fair (unless she has other commitments of course) - would you say no thx to someone normally out of your league? But you shouldn't think of that as an issue. When it comes to relationships what counts is not how many or who either part slept with, when they didn't have commitments. It's all about trust and respect for each other. I never asked my ex about what happened after we broke up, as it was none of my business. I didn't even care. I only cared about the times when she was my gf and our trust was at stake. I'm older and have had several long term relationships, and take it from me - it's all boils down to trust and respect! At least I never gave a damn about who my gf shagged before or after me... has nothing to do with me!

 

Btw. I didn't tell that chick I was 22, she just guessed so (she must have been either blind or really drunk:)... too old for playing games.

 

Good luck fella, and I hope you get through this without crushing your self esteem, because in the end you are stuck with you and your self esteem for the rest of your life. You need it for picking up all the beautiful girls that you are going to meet. You're way too young to think that she's the only one. I'm 35 and is still meeting gorgeous young women! Take that as comfort.

[Dblock10]

yeah i appreciate your side of it man!

 

yeah i see where you are coming from and why you advise against it. its so annoying that we are at different times, like me 1st year uni, her left uni.. into the world!

 

it will be 100x more easier for her to move on, shes had more people that shes had sexual relations with, shes travelling the world. everyday is an adventure.

im stuck at university with memories of things we did and how and where we met. sigh.

 

 

yeah this is a horrible situation to be in isnt it. its actually unfair. i cant blame her though..

 

I dont know how willing i am to get roughed up. i dont want to get left in the grass is greener situation either as it took me 2 years for me to find this girl..

 

"Nobody is worth half a year of depressed thoughts.. well maybe if you'd shared years together of amazing unique love - but you haven't."

this is sticking in my mind A LOT.

 

and

 

"it's a tough decision to say bye bye to happiness I know, but you're guaranteed for a lot of unhappiness having a young gf travelling the world. So one way or the other you're in for a real beating. The question now is how badly are you willing get roughed up?"

 

majorly unhappy about being in my position right now. its like i can try and avoid pain but go agaisnt my feelings for her. or stick by my feelings and her and try and go through hell.

 

just thinking about her with her mate picking up 2 guys then going back to theres and getting into a bed with someone else that isnt me, would be enough to stop me being able to sleep at night you know that churning feeling

 

how do i not think of this as an issue? surely it is?

 

hmm you seem different to me there, im very jealous when it comes to that. yeah i dont care about the times before me, just the times after me to come :S

 

yeah hows it going with that girl? see im 24 and have already have enough of trying to pick up a girl on a night out. i see this girl im with as a keeper. you just know she is different. do you know what i mean?

 

yeah its not that i think shes the only one, i just thing that she is worth sticking with. sure everyone has flaws but im hooked on her :S!

 

i dont want to be out, in a club and know that this girl is 10 x more beautiful than any other girl out. and its not just about looks. they probably wouldnt have her other qualities

 

i was going to see her tomorrow but i havent been paid yet, going to try and arrange something with her later to let her know.

 

hope she dosnt think im blowing her off.

Edited July 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[Sebstian]

I'm really sorry for you mate! You don't deserve it - neither did I. It was very hard for me to accept that we fell apart, when all we had when together physically were great times, great sex, lots of love and laughs. But the bad times are inevitable when you can't be together.

 

It's clear that you love this girl which makes it an unbearable dilemma. Cut now and grief now or stay together and see it fall apart and grief from now on until that happens (with no chance of getting back together).

 

You admit that you do get jealous. If you stay together, you can take that feeling, multiply it by a thousand and you're not even close to what you'll feel when she's partying away and you sit there on front row watching the pictures, having awkward unhappy talks on Skype. And no matter how hard to try to hide it, she will pick up on it. You can't be fun and happy and jealous at the same time. Can't be done. Jealousy comes from a position of weakness and lost feeling of control. It's a really damaging position for your self esteem, because you'll basically feel 'not good enough'. Don't do it to your self man! You're young, and apparently you haven't quite perfected your skills with picking up the girls you really want yet, so you're clinging on to this hottie. One of the most important things for getting what you want is high self esteem, and you don't do yourself or your future conquests any favors undermining this.

 

If you stop it now you don't loose her because you're not good enough, but rather because of the circumstances. It's got nothing to do with you or that your gf is fed up with you. But if she dumps you after 3 months away you will feel exactly that, and then add the jealous desperate self torture on top.

 

Accepting it was over, for now or for good, was definitely the cruelest most heart crushing part for me, because I just didn't want to let go no matter how obvious it was that things were dead. 7 months down the drain for nothing!

 

You're basically screwed, and it f..... sucks! But you alone decide for how long and how badly.

 

// Seb

[Sebstian]

double post...

[Dblock10]

thanks for the reply again !

yeah i already feel as though she dosnt care to much about me. i always txt her or what not first.. she never seems interested in my life or asking how my day went

 

yeah i guess you could say i have love for her for sure! see thats what i thought, cut now. don't be the one to get left in the dirt or behind etc. or be the one to end it, and not to be left 3-4 months down the line, so with this I decided to tell her that it wasnt going to work but really i was only saying this based on my insecurities, i never had a talk with her about staying together etc i just went straight in with i think it wont work, to much pressure etc etc and that she would want to be free, no ties etc. of course she wasnt thrilled with hearing this and simply went on the attack about me wanting to have fun at uni and she totally understands that ( )

 

do you think she was trying to reverse the fault of the break up? try to make out it wasn't entirely her fault. and thats why she would argue "but i told you i was going to go travelling"

 

and now that she has adopted that view that what i was saying was true, you have to be realistic, she wouldnt want to argue and then fall out for good with me etc etc. and ruin any chance in the future.

 

but deep down i feel bad that it was me who initially said "i dont think its going to work"... maybe she thought if thats what i think then there isnt any point trying to change my mind etc etc.

 

on the other hand if she really wanted to make it work and be with me then she would have been txting calling telling me she misses me etc surely? thats half the reason i kept on asking what she wanted, to find out if i was going to be "dumped" cause i wouldn't want the heart ache and id rather end it myself. this is selfish i know but because of the feelings i have for her i didnt want to be let down.

 

i guess id hate to see it fall apart if we did say we were still a couple, cause it wouldnt feel like it would it, i couldnt see her etc, i wouldnt know what she is doing, i wouldnt even know when we would meet when she finally returns. she has spoken about doing a flight school in america and tbh im %90 sure she will go and do that after coming back.

 

and atm ive already witnessed us falling apart already. its not nice and it dosnt seem to bother her. its like, "yeah ive got a bf and that kool" but if i wasn't in a relationship then thats kool also..

 

yeah i get jealous when she makes plans with her best guy mates lol.. cause tbh how many storys will i have to talk about on skype with her... yeah went out to that club again, was an ok night, how about you... yeah AMAZING omg was on this little island and there is this guy who makes you a coconut drink, we are going to go out tonight with all of them... GULP. GASP. FFS. ANGER.

 

yeah it would be to hard.

 

define self esteem? yeah i did have low self esteem for ages, took me a while to pick it back up and then i met her!

 

 

"If you stop it now you don't loose her because you're not good enough, but rather because of the circumstances. It's got nothing to do with you or that your gf is fed up with you. But if she dumps you after 3 months away you will feel exactly that, and then add the jealous desperate self torture on top."

 

yeah well it sucks i brought it to a head to quick so to speak, she leaves end of september... but if i see her before she goes at least it will reinforce that its because of the circumstances.. right?

 

yeah i can see what you mean about not wanting to let go. its not good is it. then once it truly is over you feel like you wasted your life..

 

yeah this is why i rushed into what was going to happen. i didnt want to think it was going to be all rosey, then before she leaves she decides its not going to work... CRUSH!

 

anyway, what do i do about meeting her in person now? i told her i would be paid this week... what would i say if i did meet her? would i tell her i want it to work? would she wait for me? or just roll with the vibe and still agree with the "break" but tell her how i feel about her and that im sad she is going :s

 

 

oh and she was just on face book and didnt respond to my relationship request.. soo guess she wants to be broken up from this point on then. even though we both agreed on a break when she went.

 

its hard because we are long distance even now... i haven't seen her for a month.

 

she cant book any time off to see me as she needs the money as she put it. which is fair enough i understand that. otherwise she cant afford to travel and do the things she has planned.

 

 

look forward to hearing back

Edited July 20, 2011 by Dblock10