SCG_Sasa1111 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 PARDON the length My break up happened back in november of 2010. I was with this girl for 4.5 years of my life; highschool sweethearts etc. I am 20 yrs old now and how our relationship ended was the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. She got attached to another guy while I was on vacation for 15 days and during this period she started distancing herself until I finally got fed up and told her im done until you start acting like you did- we ended up breaking up and she left me for him. GIGS? w.e it is. She left me for someone else. This is the worst pain to live with because everyone I know tells me she made a huge mistake, my friends, her friends, her sister. Everyone except her realizes what she has done. But for some reason I trusted this girl with everything I would have done anything to her and she backstabs me like this after so long? I wasn't just anyone to her. We spent almost every waking minute together for those 4.5 years I don't understand how someone can just push you to the side like that? This just shows you that people are genuinley selfish and care only about themselves. Here i am now single after 4.5 years. going out every weekend, drinking, spending time with friends, doing everything I can to keep myself busy but I still feel horrible. Im meeting new girls but Its just not the same; I do not have the desire to date anyone at this moment and I can't see myself in another relationship after all this happeend for god knows how long. What im trying to say is. I have completley lost my motivation and direction in life ever since this happened. It has really made me confused as to why she would do this and I really have no reasons why. I still wake up even to this day 9 months later with the feelings of sadness, depression and just anger. It keeps going back and forth. This is how heartbreak feels? I cannot believe that a girl is capable of inflicting so much pain. I am here with the rest of my life at my fingertips and I don't know where to begin. I am in university entering my final year and about to finish my program up but other than that I have lost all direction in my life. I feel like she took my soul from me and who I was; and now im just lifeless. I feel like im trying to party and just do things to get my mind off her but at the end of the night I still feel the same and nothing helps. Shes with her new bf in the dominican republic. something I always wanted and planned to do with her and now shes with him there. It hurts. it really does being replaced. but I guess waht they say. I'm still alive 9 months later and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. ITs just my trust and love were betrayed and time cannot heal that pain I don't think. I feel like im moving on but i know that it stil affects me daily. And i know only through time will i continue to get better. Please some insight would be appreciated- Sry its long.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 do you want to heal? The time frame for healing is different for each and every person and also depends on the situation. I find that the people that truly want to heal and move on are the ones that do in the shorter amount of time. Drinking may also be the culprit for your suffering. Drinking may make you feel better in the moment but it damages your ability to cope/deal with issues that you face in life (same goes for drugs and nicotine). It also sounds like you have put up a barrier around your heart. which would be why you have no desire to date, which is fine, but it also means you will either have to pull down your barrier or your next girl will have to work extra hard to get your heart. Sometimes you need to accept that there is no answer. As hard as it is you can't torture yourself with the unknown, sometimes it's better not knowing. And yes everyone may be thinking that she is making a huge mistake, possibly the mistake of her life, but that doesn't matter because she is doing what she sees as being the best for her. Analyse your life and try finding what will be the best for you.
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Ok, Im first off sorry that this happened. Stuff like this happens to the best of people only to make them stronger in the end. You went out with her for 4.5 years, thats a long time and probably being this is your first relationship, its going to hurt a lot more. What I'm about to tell you is that you need to separate her from your life. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK. You should not know that shes in the Domincan Republic. If you are not No Contact with her yet meaning you have no idea what shes doing or she has no idea what you are doing you need to get there soon. This means eliminate all common friends, family, etc that interact with her. I am also going teach you something that I have not posted here yet but you have basically 3 choices on decisions to make. You can 1) Do nothing - be passive and do nothing. This causes depression which you are in right now. 2) Make a destructive decision. This is a win/lose decision. No matter what the outcome someone in this decision will win someone will lose. And it will lead back to hurt. An example of this is a rebound which will be possible instant gratification for you but in the end will hurt you and possibly someone else. 3) Make a constructive decision. This is a win/win decision. This is where you search deep inside of you of your wants and needs. What do you really want? What goals/accomplishments do you have for your life? Write them down and start working on them. Here you are using your negative energy (hurt anger depression) to better yourself. Once you start meeting your needs and finding out who you really are. Your self esteem will start to build and you will start being happy again. This type of decision is the best decision because not only is it a win / win situation but its also delayed gratification. You worked toward a goal, you accomplished it and you are starting to rebuild yourself to whom you want to be
sleepykitten Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Listen to Wilson...i second everything he said.
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