wabon11 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 My g/f and I broke up about 3 months ago after 18 months together. The trigger was that we got into an argument (which was fairly rare for us...at least as far as big ones go) and I said a couple of things I shouldn't have. We had been out drinking that night, not to make excuses at all, just laying down the details of the story. I have felt awful about what happened, not just because we broke up, but because what I did hurt her. She has since told me via an email conversation we had that she feels like she lost her best friend, but cannot be with someone who talks to her the way I did that night. While I take full responsibility for what happened that night, I am not one to talk to people that way at all. I just want to make it clear that this behavior isn't a common pattern with me and even so, the incident has made me want to work to avoid doing that again with whomever I'm with. I really love this woman and for a long time, had envisioned us being together going forward. So I have given her some space and tried the NC thing for a while, but I geniunely still want to be with her. I've gone on dates, etc, and been spending plenty of time hanging out with my friends and traveling. I do not think I am "stuck" on her, but I do want to be with her. Last night, I was out with a bunch of friends (males and females, most of whom she knows) and randomly bumped into her at a bar. I stopped by and said hi to her, talked with her for just a couple of minutes, and then, before things felt too awkward, basically said bye and walked over to where my friends had congregated and enjoyed the rest of my night. Seeing her last night did not make me aware that I want to be with her; I had been thinking this prevoiusly. However, bumping into her kind of adds a new dynamic to what, if anything, I should say/do going forward to try to be with her again. I had not seen her at all since the breakup over 3 months ago. Any tips and advice as far as the best approach to take would be greatly appreciated. I obviously don't want to say or do the wrong thing and push her further away. For now, I am at least waiting a few days and considering my options. Thanks...
Livelovelearn Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 give her some space and time to miss you...and i dont mean just a couple days go for weeks if possible...apologize for what you said let her know how you feel and leave it at that..she'll know where to find you..
Sebstian Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I think you should be the one to contact her. Her pride will prevent her from contacting you I would think. Say that it was nice seeing her and if she feels like it, it would be nice to meet her and hang out for coffee. Basically make it easy for her to just see you and make sure she sees your best side. Don't try to kiss her, talk about the relationship or the drama. Just try to have a nice time with her and let her rebuild your image as a great guy at her own pace. If she brings up the drama make sure that she knows that you have been regretting how you behaved ever since and would never do that to anyone ever again.
Author wabon11 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Interesting, two completely contradictory pieces of advice :-) I gave it some thought and chose to not contact her for now. She saw me out that night having fun with my friends and even though I went over and said hi to her that night, she chose to end the relationship; she is the one who has to show she would want it again. As much as I love her and want to be with her, I would never want to push someone into a relationship. I agree with livetolearn's message that she knows where to find me. If she feels about me the way I do about her, she wouldn't let pride or anything else stop her from getting back in touch with me. I will give it a few weeks at least before I even attempt to initiate contact. It's not ideal for me, given what I want, but pressuring her is definitely not going to help. I do miss her/us, though.
bikinibeach Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 who was the last person to contact whom? have you told her how you felt about your behavior that night?? maybe send her an email (or call?) and let her know that you just want her to know how mortified you are for your behavior, how you understand why she would want to break up with you, how regretful you are that it happened and you are sorry.
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