daphne Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I think what may have happened is a case of the cold feet. She doesn't really know you, and may have agreed on the spot to avoid confrontation. But on second thought, she may have felt it was a bit much to make plans to meet at an intersection, as opposed to a neutral location with someone she just met. I think once you texted her the first time and got no response, you had an answer. Women tend to be people pleasers. They don't want to get into conflict with someone they dont' know, and don't like rejecting people. I think it would be better if, next time, you asked her for her number and then later propose meeting somewhere after feeling her out for what kind of places she likes to frequent. Give her more room to reflect and get comfortable with it. She needs to feel safe, especially under these circumstances. I hope this helps. This is just based on what information I gleaned from your original post.
Lucky_One Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 HOW did you get her number? Did you just enter it into your phone rather than her writing it down? If so, you could have entered it incorrectly, and she never received your texts. Doubtful she would meet you in that case. Just a thought.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 HOW did you get her number? Did you just enter it into your phone rather than her writing it down? If so, you could have entered it incorrectly, and she never received your texts. Doubtful she would meet you in that case. Just a thought. Her number is right, Lucky One, I called it when she gave it to me and she repeated the digits back.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) I think what may have happened is a case of the cold feet. She doesn't really know you, and may have agreed on the spot to avoid confrontation. But on second thought, she may have felt it was a bit much to make plans to meet at an intersection, as opposed to a neutral location with someone she just met. I think once you texted her the first time and got no response, you had an answer. Women tend to be people pleasers. They don't want to get into conflict with someone they dont' know, and don't like rejecting people. I think it would be better if, next time, you asked her for her number and then later propose meeting somewhere after feeling her out for what kind of places she likes to frequent. Give her more room to reflect and get comfortable with it. She needs to feel safe, especially under these circumstances. I hope this helps. This is just based on what information I gleaned from your original post. Thanks daphne. I am getting the theme now. Between the meet at an intersection and the trying to make plans then and there, she might have felt overwhelmed. I am an intense person and I am learning to dial that back around women I just met. I thought the making plans right then and there was a clever move on my part, but I am seeing why the 'typical' sequence of just getting her number and then waiting for the phone call to make the plans is followed so much. Edited July 19, 2011 by Imajerk17
Eddie Edirol Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks daphne. I am getting the theme now. Between the meet at an intersection and the trying to make plans then and there, she might have felt overwhelmed. I am an intense person and I am learning to dial that back around women I just met. I thought the making plans right then and there was a clever move on my part, but I am seeing why the 'typical' sequence of just getting her number and then waiting for the phone call to make the plans is followed so much. Not only that, you have to learn to see when a woman isnt interested in you, and is just giving you her number to get rid of you. You clearly put your agenda before any sort of intuition to notice her subtle reactions to you. You might have seen what you wanted to see. Did she ask you any questions about you? Was there a point where she started to pull back? You have to notice her body language to see if she is actually looking directly at you, etc.
catchthedrift Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 A little story for you to cheer you up: I moved from Berlin to London about 5 years back and one evening, sitting in front of a bar in the hip part of town, I saw a guy walk by who I recognized as an old friend I knew from Berlin. Back in Berlin, he was visiting for 3 months from Sweden, and we only had a short friendship and lost touch when he moved back to Sweden. But that night in London, we thought it was a miracle we met each other again and we exchanged numbers so we could meet for coffee the next day. Same night, I ended up at a club with my friends, next thing I know I am drunk on a bus back home, trying to text my roommate and realizing I lost my phone. I never saw the Swedish dude again. Til today I regret nothing more than getting wasted that night and losing my phone. I really liked this guy... My 2 cents.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 A little story for you to cheer you up: I moved from Berlin to London about 5 years back and one evening, sitting in front of a bar in the hip part of town, I saw a guy walk by who I recognized as an old friend I knew from Berlin. Back in Berlin, he was visiting for 3 months from Sweden, and we only had a short friendship and lost touch when he moved back to Sweden. But that night in London, we thought it was a miracle we met each other again and we exchanged numbers so we could meet for coffee the next day. Same night, I ended up at a club with my friends, next thing I know I am drunk on a bus back home, trying to text my roommate and realizing I lost my phone. I never saw the Swedish dude again. Til today I regret nothing more than getting wasted that night and losing my phone. I really liked this guy... My 2 cents. That sucks! Sorry to hear, catch.
cerridwen Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You know, while it didn't work out (and sorry about that), it's still refreshing to hear a guy put himself out there, even if it means facing rejection. Good for you for being so proactive, Imajerk. My money's on you'll land the date next time.
carhill Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Yep, do it ten more times with expectations which don't incite a thread like this and you'll be well on your way to good dating fun. It's a numbers game. Learn from each interaction and refine your senses and approach as time goes by. Then come back here and teach me
JHS Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 A little story for you to cheer you up: I moved from Berlin to London about 5 years back and one evening, sitting in front of a bar in the hip part of town, I saw a guy walk by who I recognized as an old friend I knew from Berlin. Back in Berlin, he was visiting for 3 months from Sweden, and we only had a short friendship and lost touch when he moved back to Sweden. But that night in London, we thought it was a miracle we met each other again and we exchanged numbers so we could meet for coffee the next day. Same night, I ended up at a club with my friends, next thing I know I am drunk on a bus back home, trying to text my roommate and realizing I lost my phone. I never saw the Swedish dude again. Til today I regret nothing more than getting wasted that night and losing my phone. I really liked this guy... My 2 cents. I hate hearing this. Amazing how things can go entirely wrong sometimes...
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 OP: Everything I wanted to say has already been covered. You didn't even ASK her out (by asking her if she even wanted to go), you put her on the spot, and your dinner text was too familiar (even in context, it was too familiar for a first text), and she was overwhelmed and bothered and just shut down. Don't get discouraged. I'm confident you'll do better next time. Good for you for putting yourself out there! *sigh* There's a difference between being rude to someone and not being interested. If you're not interested in meeting up with someone don't give them the impression that you are. How do you react to salespeople? They're just as pushy. I react much differently to salespeople than I do a gentleman who's approaching me with romantic ideations.
daphne Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Thanks daphne. I am getting the theme now. Between the meet at an intersection and the trying to make plans then and there, she might have felt overwhelmed. I am an intense person and I am learning to dial that back around women I just met. I thought the making plans right then and there was a clever move on my part, but I am seeing why the 'typical' sequence of just getting her number and then waiting for the phone call to make the plans is followed so much. There are women that would have loved your moxy and enthusiasm. However, I think the majority would prefer you to feel them out a bit and listen to their subtle cues. I would err on the side of the majority, just to be safe. The kind of woman who would like the aggressive approach are very women with very strong personalities, in case you try it again. They're quicker to let you know how they feel/what they want without fear of reprisal.
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