Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Met a girl in the grocery store on Friday. We had (what I thought anyway) was a perty durn good conversation, and I got her number. I also said then "Hey why don't we make plans while we are right in front of each other?" I suggested we meet at a certain intersection at a certain time Sunday evening, she seemed unsure of where it was but said "I'll find it" and said "sounds good". (We live in a fairly small town and the intersection I suggested was fairly easy to get to, and it is in the primo part of town too, where there are bunches of places in walking distance.) The plans were for tonight. They fell through. I kinda got stood-up. The ugly: I text her on Saturday (yesterday, 36 hours from the writing of this), just asking what she got for dinner on Friday night. No response. OK. I text her Sunday morning (the next morning) saying "See you tonight" and gave directions. No text back. I got the feeling she was going to no-show, but on the 3% chance that she lost her phone and was going to be there, I show up anyway. She doesn't show. I call her (yeah I know) and leave her a voicemail "Hey, this is so and so from Safeway... At the place and time we decided to meet, looking for you... please let me know what's up." Nothing. So I deleted her # from my phone. What is it with people? Was I expecting too much for a simple text message back from her saying she wasn't going to make it? What's most disconcerting is that she seemed to be a pretty "together" woman who sounds that she is close to her family. I'm wondering if it was how I set things up. Your thoughts.... Edited July 18, 2011 by Imajerk17
chuckles11 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Either she only agreed to the date because she felt put on the spot or she had misgivings after she left. IMO, you came on pretty strong. I think you would have been better off if you had just gotten her number in the store, and then called her today to set something up for later in the week. Also, in the future, you should operate under a "no response, is a response" policy. When she didn't respond on Saturday, that was your cue that the date was canceled. Unfortunately, many people now think that just ignoring someone is an acceptable way of communicating lack of interest.
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Met a girl in the grocery store on Friday. We had (what I thought anyway) was a perty durn good conversation, and I got her number. I also said then "Hey why don't we make plans while we are right in front of each other?" I suggested we meet at a certain intersection at a certain time Sunday evening, she seemed unsure of where it was but said "I'll find it" and said "sounds good". (We live in a fairly small town and the intersection I suggested was fairly easy to get to, and it is in the primo part of town too, where there are bunches of places in walking distance.) The plans were for tonight. They fell through. I kinda got stood-up. The ugly: I text her on Saturday (yesterday, 36 hours from the writing of this), just asking what she got for dinner on Friday night. No response. OK. I text her Sunday morning (the next morning) saying "See you tonight" and gave directions. No text back. I got the feeling she was going to no-show, but on the 3% chance that she lost her phone and was going to be there, I show up anyway. She doesn't show. I call her (yeah I know) and leave her a voicemail "Hey, this is so and so from Safeway... At the place and time we decided to meet, looking for you... please let me know what's up." Nothing. So I deleted her # from my phone. What is it with people? Was I expecting too much for a simple text message back from her saying she wasn't going to make it? What's most disconcerting is that she seemed to be a pretty "together" woman who sounds that she is close to her family. I'm wondering if it was how I set things up. Your thoughts.... You're coming across as kind of desperate. You shouldn't have made plans right at the grocery store. You should have just got her number and called her the next day. She probably gave it some thought, and decided you were not a good idea to start seeing. Also, meeting her at some street corner is pretty lame. Next time with the next person, don't sound so overly anxious. Ask for the number after some discussions and getting to know the person. Call them the next day or a couple of days later, and set up an actual date at an actual place, like a restaurant or coffee shop.
lino Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 When you meet women in random ways like that, the chances of them standing you up are much higher. Maybe you weren't quite enough of a jerk
melle Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 This Part... "The ugly: I text her on Saturday (yesterday, 36 hours from the writing of this), just asking what she got for dinner on Friday night. No response." ...may have seemed a little too familiar, too soon, and made her feel you were expecting her to report to you, when she didn't even know you. What if she was on another date Saturday night? Or up to something else with friends? And either way didn't really feel obligated to reporting back to you what she had for dinner? I am sure this is not your intention, but to her it might have come across as you trying to control her. If you would have simply texted something more open-ended, such as "It was nice to meet you, see ya on Sunday" Or better yet not text her on Saturday, just wait 'til Sunday late-morning and text her then. Also arranging to meet a woman on a street corner is pretty lame. I'm sure that was not your intention (to be lame) but nonetheless it is. One thing to consider is what if it had been raining? Then she would have to stand out in the rain? Why not meet indoors somewhere, such as a coffee shop or a museum? These are only guesses but either way I wouldn't worry about it too much, maybe just move on, learn your lessons, and chalk it up to experience. Each experience you gain more information.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the feedback. These are some good responses! Especially the harsh ones--I didn't know my actions could come across as they did to her. If I may explain myself... (1) I tried the making plans while we were in front of each other because that seems like the most direct way to do it. Why call her to talk to her and make plans--why not just do it when she is right in front of me. Take some steps out of it. (2) I asked her in the text the next day what she had for dinner from the store when I approached her. (Looked like she was getting her dinner.) So there is some context behind that question. Otherwise yeah, that would have been a random question on my part. (3) I get what you are saying about having someone meet at an intersection. I know a few coffee shops and how to get to each of them, but I don't remember their street addresses of the top of my head. So I proposed the intersection. The intersection is, as said before, in a really good part of part of town where people do a lot of walking. Lots of people walk by (safe). If it were raining or if rain were in the forecast, I would have had a back-up plan. It was nice and sunny here today, as was the forecast, and as it usually is on a summer. I get that women will often just "go along" but then after think about it, realize they aren't comfortable, and then just bail. At the same time though, she couldn't have sent a text back? Frustrating.... Edited July 18, 2011 by Imajerk17
Damien Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Everyone here has pretty much covered everything. As for her not texting back.. I guess it was 'easier' for her NOT to text you so she did just that and ignored you.
oldguy Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Met a girl in the grocery store on Friday. We had (what I thought anyway) was a perty durn good conversation, and I got her number. I also said then "Hey why don't we make plans while we are right in front of each other?" I suggested we meet at a certain intersection at a certain time Sunday evening, she seemed unsure of where it was but said "I'll find it" and said "sounds good". (We live in a fairly small town and the intersection I suggested was fairly easy to get to, and it is in the primo part of town too, where there are bunches of places in walking distance.) The plans were for tonight. They fell through. I kinda got stood-up. The ugly: I text her on Saturday (yesterday, 36 hours from the writing of this), just asking what she got for dinner on Friday night. No response. OK. I text her Sunday morning (the next morning) saying "See you tonight" and gave directions. No text back. I got the feeling she was going to no-show, but on the 3% chance that she lost her phone and was going to be there, I show up anyway. She doesn't show. I call her (yeah I know) and leave her a voicemail "Hey, this is so and so from Safeway... At the place and time we decided to meet, looking for you... please let me know what's up." Nothing. So I deleted her # from my phone. What is it with people? Was I expecting too much for a simple text message back from her saying she wasn't going to make it? What's most disconcerting is that she seemed to be a pretty "together" woman who sounds that she is close to her family. I'm wondering if it was how I set things up. Your thoughts.... I'm a little curious; how many success stories are there that begin with, "I picked her up at Safeway"?
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 bad advis. marked for deleteion. shes a dumy Do you mind? There's nothing bad about telling a guy he's coming across as too pushy if he makes a date to meet on a street corner with a woman he just met at the grocery store. I'm telling him how women would perceive that and how he would have a better chance with the woman if he called later and set up an actual date. The OP appreciated the advice, and other posters agreed with that as well, so butt out.
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 ill have mod status this moring and youre geting a 20 day suspension for inslting me No you won't. You're not a mod. Stop being a jerk. Go troll someplace else.
GG3 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Not to be harsh either...but not once did I read in your conversation did you ASK her out. You told her and made assumptions. Happens to me sometimes and I don't like that. Maybe I'm not even interested but the guy just assumes that I am because I'm not being unfriendly or rude.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Do you mind? There's nothing bad about telling a guy he's coming across as too pushy if he makes a date to meet on a street corner with a woman he just met at the grocery store. I'm telling him how women would perceive that and how he would have a better chance with the woman if he called later and set up an actual date. The OP appreciated the advice, and other posters agreed with that as well, so butt out. Yes indeed, and I appreciate your advice Kathy. Thank you. So for next time, it is better just to get her number and set up a date later. The thing that confuses and bothers me, though, is that I had no idea she felt it was pushy. She seemed pretty receptive to my proposed meeting up on Sunday night. And it makes sense--why not make plans when the girl is right in front of you. Anyway, I'm not sure if what I did was 'that bad' that I deserved a no-show no-response.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Not to be harsh either...but not once did I read in your conversation did you ASK her out. You told her and made assumptions. Happens to me sometimes and I don't like that. Maybe I'm not even interested but the guy just assumes that I am because I'm not being unfriendly or rude. I would say I "asked" her out. I said "how about Sunday" and she said yes.
GG3 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Would you really want to tell someone that you aren't interested in dating them to their face? Or if she isn't interested you expect her to say she is seeing someone or something? I know I don't like telling someone to their face I'm not interested. I feel put on the spot.
GG3 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 You said "Why don't we make plans..." which is assumptive. Not "Would you like to..."
Queen Zenobia Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 So for next time, it is better just to get her number and set up a date later. The thing that confuses and bothers me, though, is that I had no idea she felt it was pushy. She seemed pretty receptive to my proposed meeting up on Sunday night. And it makes sense--why not make plans when the girl is right in front of you. Anyway, I'm not sure if what I did was 'that bad' that I deserved a no-show no-response. What you did wasn't "that bad", in some instances it probably works really well. In this case, that didn't happen. I think it might be better to get her number and ask her out later. It's a strategy that's more acceptable to a wider number of people. I'm not getting into the "not texting back" thing, we all know that some people lack manners.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Would you really want to tell someone that you aren't interested in dating them to their face? Or if she isn't interested you expect her to say she is seeing someone or something? I know I don't like telling someone to their face I'm not interested. I feel put on the spot. *sigh* There's a difference between being rude to someone and not being interested. If you're not interested in meeting up with someone don't give them the impression that you are. How do you react to salespeople? They're just as pushy.
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Yes indeed, and I appreciate your advice Kathy. Thank you. So for next time, it is better just to get her number and set up a date later. The thing that confuses and bothers me, though, is that I had no idea she felt it was pushy. She seemed pretty receptive to my proposed meeting up on Sunday night. And it makes sense--why not make plans when the girl is right in front of you. Anyway, I'm not sure if what I did was 'that bad' that I deserved a no-show no-response. She should have let you know by texting that she wasn't going to be there, instead of just standing you up. But for next time with the next person, just get the number. Then call the next day and make an actual date at an actual place. Not a street corner.
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 your acount is marked for a ban. your advis sucks. i was suposed to already be a mod but tony mistaknly hit ban twice on my acounts but this one wil be a mod acount lol. He mistakenly banned you, huh? Poor baby. Now how could that have possibly happened to such an obviously sweet guy like you.
vsmini Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 She should have either said NO on the spot or communicated by text that she wasn't interested - she should have actually called but you can't expect much from some people unfortunately. I'm in no way defending her rude style of no-communication/no-show but....meeting on an intersection does sound kind of strange. I like actual spots like a certain coffee house, restaurant or bookshop. I'm super paranoid and always like to meet someone for the first time with a camera around - I'm also one to let my friends know where I'm going ahead of time when it comes to first dates. Maybe she got paranoid like I always do - but still...she should have said something or suggested another spot.
GG3 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 He asked for advice on his approach and that's what I gave. Not everyone likes pushy people. she should have at least texted an excuse and cancelled though.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone (except beerman). I'm still surprised and hurt that she acted this way, with no call no text no show. From what she told me about herself (without bragging), she seemed like a really sweet girl too, going by all 7 minutes of our conversation anyway. She gave me her number pretty happily. I know it's dumb to take something like that personally--we're really strangers--but it's a little hard not to. When someone who seems cool acts like that, it makes you wonder if you really turned her off/creeped her out. And I live in a small town. There aren't that many single women around here. We also might run into each other again. I will probably just go for the number next time and ask when is a good time to call her. And if I do decide to make plans on the spot, I will suggest a specific cafe. Edited July 18, 2011 by Imajerk17
sm1tten Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hm, I don't think you did anything wrong in your approach or how you asked her out. I think she either just second guessed it or decided she really wasn't that interested. The only mistake you really made, in my opinion, was in expecting her to politely let you know if she was not going to show up. You're a stranger, so once she decided she wasn't interested, she didn't feel she "owed" you anything... and your attitude should be the same. And FWIW, I live in a large city where meeting at "x and x" is pretty much the norm. Maybe it's different in small towns, but it's not like she had to literally stand on the corner.
Author Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Hm, I don't think you did anything wrong in your approach or how you asked her out. I think she either just second guessed it or decided she really wasn't that interested. The only mistake you really made, in my opinion, was in expecting her to politely let you know if she was not going to show up. You're a stranger, so once she decided she wasn't interested, she didn't feel she "owed" you anything... and your attitude should be the same. And FWIW, I live in a large city where meeting at "x and x" is pretty much the norm. Maybe it's different in small towns, but it's not like she had to literally stand on the corner. I getcha. Thanks!
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