Shaun-Dro Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Earlier this afternoon, when I was walking my girlfriend to work at Target, we were approached by a Latino guy going up the crosswalk. He stopped us but spoke to her only, not even so much as acknowledging me. I know you guys remember how irate I can get over certain things. He chatted to her in Spanish, forcing my girl to switch the language for his benefit. I stand there and endure this for about a minute or two before I grow impatient and finally step in. I stop my girlfriend from speaking so I can confront him. I tell this *******, "If you got something to say, you say it to me man-to-man." The guy looks at me oddly and says something else to her in Spanish and I advance, but my girlfriend comes between us and tells me, "No, Shaun, no!" so then I hold off a moment, however still glaring at him. I got the guy's attention now as he shoots sporadic glances my way, but still chats away with her for a few more minutes before leaving. I argue with my girlfriend for a while as we approach the store about what this jerk wanted, and all she says was that he thought she was a Cuban native like him, but when she told him she was Puerto Rican, he found it interesting and wanted to know about the culture. I thought this was bull**** but I don't speak Spanish so I can't refute it. I felt I was justified in how I came across to this guy because I felt slighted by his lack of acknowledging me and annoyed by my girlfriend taking it in. It's bad enough I get Latino guys trying to stare me down for having a cute Latina girl but to come over and speak Spanish to her is outright disrespect in my book. In conclusion, my girlfriend thinks I over-reacted. I told my mother about it and she says I was out of line. A few other people say the same except for my crazy uncle who says he would've collared the loser. What do you guys think? Has anyone experienced something similar?
Nexus One Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) What you basically did was "shoot first, ask questions later". You angrily confronted the guy about how he has something to say to you, but then later you argue with your girlfriend asking her what the conversation was about. Perhaps in the future it would be wiser to ask questions first and THEN make up your mind about what to say or do. This only makes you look like an unguided missile and/or like an aggressive guy with no self-control. Edited July 17, 2011 by Nexus One
Jynxx Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 The guy was impolite to you, so being impolite back isn't that big a deal, but the better solution would have been to be the bigger man and introduce yourself and ask him if he speaks English. If you can get him to acknowledge you and switch language that's major points. Showing dominance through conversation is way more attractive to her than showing dominance by trying to beat the **** out of someone.
aj22one Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Yeah I've experienced something similar. I was out getting some food with this girl I was dating and while she went to grab a seat (place was crowded) while I paid for and grabbed our food. When I got to where she was sitting some guy was talking to her. I walked up with the food and said "hi, how are you?" His only response was to say, to her not me, "another time, another time maybe." And he left. I asked her what his story was, she said he had come up to her and said "I need to tell you something in private", and before she could respond that's when I showed up. He was an obvious creeper because he kept showing up everywhere I was after that (even after I stopped seeing the girl) and he would just sort of stare at me. Very off putting. This girl was Arab, and the guy looked like he was North African. Sort of like how your girl is Puerto Rican and the guy was Cuban. I don't know, maybe there's something to inter racial relationships and random guys trying to talk to the girl.
Janesays Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Oh yeah. Big time. You also made yourself look like a childish, insecure tool.
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I've had random guys try to talk to my wife when she waits on street corners for me. Usually when I show up they just walk away. If that doesn't happen I just take her hand and start walking and they get the hint. My wife, who was born and raised in NYC, is also not dumb enough to have extended conversations with sketchy strangers, unless they happen to be Brad Pitt.
chuckles11 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Your reaction may have been over the top, but this guy basically hit on your girlfriend in front of you, so I can understand where you are coming from. Really, the situation should have never reached that point. Your girlfriend should have dis-engaged from the conversation.
robdrm32 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I've had random guys try to talk to my wife when she waits on street corners for me. Usually when I show up they just walk away. If that doesn't happen I just take her hand and start walking and they get the hint. My wife, who was born and raised in NYC, is also not dumb enough to have extended conversations with sketchy strangers, unless they happen to be Brad Pitt. Thats what it all comes down to OP. I would have had a similar reaction at one time, but now i realize that what nyc_guy said is the best thing you can do, and it will endear her to you. You show her you are strong enough to step in and take her away from the situation. not forcing her, but leading her away from the situation. It was a test bro, and you kinda failed no offense.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Your reaction may have been over the top, but this guy basically hit on your girlfriend in front of you, so I can understand where you are coming from. Really, the situation should have never reached that point. Your girlfriend should have dis-engaged from the conversation. She did disengage eventually after I showed my backbone and distaste for this guy. I straightened her out today after she got off work, since I didn't really have the time to do it taking her into the job. Plus, I didn't want to make a big scene in front of the store with people all around and have her go into work on a sour note. See, the thing is, in the past I used to be nice about stuff like this when a guy would try to make a comment to my girl or stare at her from afar. I'm over the nice guy crap and have become more of a beast sometimes lol. I'm not saying it's right but enough is enough with other men doing little sneaky things like this guy to strike up conversation with my girl. I don't get this normally because I look pretty mean so most guys steer clear, but there's always that small percentage that take their chances, albeit they do it slyly, like this one, using the excuse of wanting to know about her heritage because she thought she was the same decent as him. I'm not sure how I'll handle this if it happens again, but I won't repeat the same action I did today, because I have a temper and things will escalate.
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I'm not sure how I'll handle this if it happens again, but I won't repeat the same action I did today, because I have a temper and things will escalate. Don't forget that some people carry weapons and they could use them when they feel threatened. So even if you never intend to harm them, they might interpret your attitude in the wrong way. Thinks first, ask questions first, make a risk assessment and then consider what to say or do and take into consideration that people might be armed. And even if they aren't armed, they could still break your nose with their fist(s). I don't think you'd want someone to mess up your face over some petty sh*t or any other sh*t for that matter. Edited July 18, 2011 by Nexus One
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 She did disengage eventually after I showed my backbone and distaste for this guy. I straightened her out today after she got off work, since I didn't really have the time to do it taking her into the job. Plus, I didn't want to make a big scene in front of the store with people all around and have her go into work on a sour note. I'm not sure how I'll handle this if it happens again, but I won't repeat the same action I did today, because I have a temper and things will escalate. Both of them disrespected you big time. You should make DAMN sure your GF gets this. A guy has to acknowledge you out of respect. I think you did a good job asserting yourself.
sm1tten Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I think they both did wrong, but I think you handled it poorly. It seems like you know that, already, and you did speak to your girlfriend about her part in it. So hopefully it won't happen again. This used to happen to me when I was dating a guy who was shorter than I was and we were not of the same ethnic background. I got the impression that men either thought he was not actually my boyfriend or felt they had good chances anyway. I was pretty quick to shut that **** down.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 It's bad enough I get Latino guys trying to stare me down for having a cute Latina girl but to come over and speak Spanish to her is outright disrespect in my book. Out of curiosity - what is your ethnicity?
carhill Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 OP is black and the Latino male overstepped boundaries by engaging his GF and in a manner that the OP was likely not to understand. A polite request to speak English is where I would have started, and escalated from there as necessary. Nothing wrong with escalating. Target has great video cameras both in and outside. Just make sure the other person makes the first violent move. What I usually do is, if I'm not satisfied with politeness, I would grab my wife's hand and merely say 'we're leaving'. If there was a challenge to that, then all bets were off.
Sweetheartt Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Both of them disrespected you big time. You should make DAMN sure your GF gets this. A guy has to acknowledge you out of respect. I think you did a good job asserting yourself. Um Idk I kinda agree that he handled it okay but the part about speaking to him man to man was asking for a fight lol. I dated a guy like that a few years ago & we broke up in less than a year because he got into 2 fights w/ guys over looking at me. Idk sometimes these macho men get jealous over nothing. Its not like this other guy grabbed your girl by the waist lol.
Jynxx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Nothing wrong with escalating. Target has great video cameras both in and outside. Just make sure the other person makes the first violent move. Spoken like someone truly from the Jersey Shore
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Nothing wrong with escalating. Target has great video cameras both in and outside. Just make sure the other person makes the first violent move. That video camera system is not going to gain you anything when they put a bullet or knife in your chest. Just saying.
Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The guy was impolite to you, so being impolite back isn't that big a deal, but the better solution would have been to be the bigger man and introduce yourself and ask him if he speaks English. If you can get him to acknowledge you and switch language that's major points. Showing dominance through conversation is way more attractive to her than showing dominance by trying to beat the **** out of someone. This. Her behavior of you was a "test", but the way to have passed it was as Jynxx suggested. Then after a minute or so, thank him for his time and take your girl and lead her away. The Alpha Male gets the girl, but if Alpha is all he is, he won't *keep* her.
carhill Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 In my area a lot of people carry CCW, so we're pretty polite and respectful. FWIW, people who are violent will just as soon kill an unarmed pacifist as anyone else. To them it doesn't matter. Nothing a person says or does will matter. I said what I'd do and I stand by it and have done it. I'm proactively non-violent but will escalate if provoked or threatened. No problem. Most of my friends who CCW are the same way. The OP should have done as nyc_guy2003 suggested and just grabbed his GF's hand and walked into the store, since she was going to work anyway. That's de-escalating and still enforcing boundaries. That's what I would've done, as a first response. Then, if pursued/challenged, escalate.
Lucky_One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 He forced your GF to speak Spanish? Couldn't she just have stuck with English so you could follow the conversation? And then she kept talking with him for a few minutes even after she stopped you from a physical confrontation? Sounds like she didn't want you to know what he was saying. And sounds like it was important enough that she wanted to continue the conversation for a few minutes even after it was obvious that you were furious.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 He forced your GF to speak Spanish? Couldn't she just have stuck with English so you could follow the conversation? And then she kept talking with him for a few minutes even after she stopped you from a physical confrontation? Sounds like she didn't want you to know what he was saying. And sounds like it was important enough that she wanted to continue the conversation for a few minutes even after it was obvious that you were furious. That's exactly my point. I was furious the whole 3-4 minutes of the two of them talking. After confronting her about this she just said that his English wasn't very good because she asked him about it in Spanish. I don't give a **** about that! No guy just comes between me and my girl, period. I agree with one of the posters up there about having just insinuated myself into the conversation and then ushered my girlfriend along after it. I may do that next time this situation arrives, but I rather just look mean at these guys to keep them away so I don't have to get into all that. Besides, my girlfriend apologized as she saw how upset I was with this. I should've made her treat me to lunch during her break, but I'll keep this in mind for the future.
robdrm32 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 That's exactly my point. I was furious the whole 3-4 minutes of the two of them talking. After confronting her about this she just said that his English wasn't very good because she asked him about it in Spanish. I don't give a **** about that! No guy just comes between me and my girl, period. I agree with one of the posters up there about having just insinuated myself into the conversation and then ushered my girlfriend along after it. I may do that next time this situation arrives, but I rather just look mean at these guys to keep them away so I don't have to get into all that. Besides, my girlfriend apologized as she saw how upset I was with this. I should've made her treat me to lunch during her break, but I'll keep this in mind for the future. Dude, no. don't take my advice as some dating guru, take it as someone who has been in your shoes recently. You don't stand there for 3-4 minutes furious. you diffuse the situation after 10 seconds of BS. He starts talking to her in spanish, you say "How you doing? I'm (name), and you are?" then extend your hand. If he shakes say "Mind if we talk in english, i can't understand spanish" If he continues the convo in spanish you turn to your g/f and say "Let's go". Grab her hand and start walking and thats that. You don't make her take you to lunch because of what she did. You don't allow it to happen in the first place. As i said and others have, it was a test. She stood and talked to him to see what you would do. See what kind of man you are. You let it happen and got pissed about it, rather than stepping up as HER MAN and ending it. She wasn't testing you because she is some little devil playing games, she is feeling you out. Subconsciously. Accept it and keep it in mind going forward.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 That's exactly my point. I was furious the whole 3-4 minutes of the two of them talking. After confronting her about this she just said that his English wasn't very good because she asked him about it in Spanish. I don't give a **** about that! No guy just comes between me and my girl, period. I agree with one of the posters up there about having just insinuated myself into the conversation and then ushered my girlfriend along after it. I may do that next time this situation arrives, but I rather just look mean at these guys to keep them away so I don't have to get into all that. Besides, my girlfriend apologized as she saw how upset I was with this. I should've made her treat me to lunch during her break, but I'll keep this in mind for the future. First of all, your girlfriend is blatantly disrespecting you. You don't need to be a genius to know that engaging in conversation with some guy for several minutes in a language your BF doesn't understand is extremely rude. Either she is extremely inconsiderate or was testing you to see your reaction. Also, the line about him wanting to learn about her "culture" is total BS. When was the last time you randomly approached someone to learn about their culture? Exactly. Either your girl is lying about the topic of the conversation or, if he actually did ask about her "culture", it wasn't a legitimate question but an attempt to chat her up right in front of you (and your girl should have known what he was up to). Either way, your girl's behaviour is a major red flag.
k100danny Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I think you overreacted but definitely have something to be annoyed about. im quite hot headed but I also think if your girlfriend gets spoken to in spanish she should have explained to you what was being said or asked of her to you. or you could have politely asked your girlfriend what the problem was or what he wanted. But her speaking to him for quite a while and not letting you in on what was being said i think is slightly rude.
alexlakeman Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The Cuban guy just had more game than you; he walked up to a woman who was with a man and chatted her up... ..
Recommended Posts