Heartbroken.....lost!

July 17, 2011

Hey everyone

I am new to LS and having read through a number of threads and posts from you all it is an inspiration... particularly homebrew - you have totally enlightened me.

So here goes, I'm 22 and was with my partner for 5 and a half years. We were each others first loves and went through A LOT together. It sounds strange but we didn't have the whole 'break up and make up' relationship... yeah don't get me wrong we had petty arguments and disagreements like everyone else but nothing major. However, I lost my grandma who I was extremely close to and my fiance was also very close to her. When she passed he was my rock. We grew a bond I didn't think was possible. He was there for me through it all... I could not have asked anything more from him. During our time together we had spoke about marriage and children and our future but never in any great depth or seriousness then when this happened we realised how strong we were ... or should i say how strong i thought we were. We spoke seriously about getting engaged and he popped the question. I was on cloud nine... after so much unhappiness for the past few months I could have burst. He was perfect, we were perfect and our relationship was going from strength to strength. However he had started to play golf a lot more, going out with his friends etc but it was never a cause for concern for me as we were always very independent. He had his work and his friends as did I.. if he wanted to do something he did and vice versa. After getting engaged 10 weeks ago he told me one morning that he couldn't be bothered with work and all he wanted to do was spend the day in bed with me to which I would have loved but unfortunately the bills had to be paid LOL. He went off to work and I was excited for 5pm to come for him to come home however I got a phone call from him on his lunch break and he sounded different. He said that he had been thinking about the 'petty arguments' we had been having recently and he wants it all to stop... what???? where has this come from was my first response!!!! I could not understand this. Every couple has petty arguments do they not. Disagreeing is what makes everyone different, you will never go through life having the same opinion surely? But in my opinion it was no way nearly as big a problem as my fiance was portraying.... I asked what he meant and could he explain more to which he said he was unsure and confused. I asked well why say you only want to spend the day with me to telling me a few hours later that you are confused.. my heart sank! I was so afraid and anxious as to where this was going... anyway we met that night to which he said that he was confused and he was sorry for saying what he did in the morning but he had more time to think.... what a whole 4 hours and this was your conclusion I thought. Anyway I asked where this came from as I was oblivious.. he couldn't answer. He couldn't answer any of the questions I asked him.. he said he was confused and 'did not know' ... I kept myself together but I actually felt like my insides were falling apart and shutting down. The pain was unexplainable. He never actually told me on that night it was finished, till this day those words have not crossed his lips. He wanted more time with his friends... he couldn't see us stopping the arguments if we didn't know what started them.. what?? I will be honest I put my cards on the table and told him there and then how i felt and that I wanted to try but if he wasn't then was there really a point? I was looking for 100% .. 99% was no good! I left and came home and cried uncontrollably as to why this was happening. How he could be so cold and distant towards me....I could not understand at all. This happened on a Wednesday and my birthday was the Friday. My birthday came and went and he did not contact... nothing! His mum messaged me saying she was sorry and his dad called me saying he was confused. Well how do you think I feel??? The following Monday i received a message from his asking to see me that he had some things to give me... i had reached the conclusion that this was over! Yet why??? he could not give me answers so how on earth could I??? anyway i went and I met him and I cried a little and so did he. He told me we had been through a lot together, we had grown up together but it was no longer what he wanted. He said 'YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG' and I really do love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you.... I was in bits inside but kept composed. Anyway after the split he done a few things that I honestly never though he would. Things like asking for the ring back, wanting money for our holiday, ignoring my sister, taking cash from my mum, booking a holiday with friends... it was like I have never known him. The person who had told me 10 weeks prior that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me had now decided he didn't want me and threw me away like I had never mattered. I couldn't understand... my mind was boggled with question after question after question. All of these questions were torturing me as he couldn't give me a straight answer so how on earth could I answer them. Confusion and anxiety set in... I simply couldn't understand how I had went to bed that night thinking my life was the most perfect thing ever to waking up to a nightmare. My world had been flipped and I couldn't take it. I spoke to my mum, my sister, my friends the lot. Every single person who heard about us splitting were gob smacked and genuinely could not understand it. Not one person seen this coming. Everyone honestly thought we were bulletproof. His own parents did not even see this coming.. it was unexplainable. As far as I and everyone else was concerned we were besotted with each other – we were made for each other! So... its been 4 weeks and the last time I heard from him was the phone call he made to me about the holiday. I have not messaged him, text him or called him – Nothing! Don't get me wrong it has been the hardest 4 weeks of my life. There have been times where all I have wanted to do is hear his voice...but I know that is not the answer. He has took everything else from me at the minute, I feel so low. My self confidence my self esteem my dreams the lot have been crumbled and crushed therefore I am pretty sure he is not taking my dignity along with it. I can't help but think that there has been no contact made therefore is he missing me? Did I mean anything? Did what we have ever genuinely mean what he said it meant? I honestly do not know. Yeah I have heard he's going out and enjoying himself blah blah blah... to be honest I cannot stop him moving on with his life and if he feels he has made the right decision then so be it and in time I will move in but I believe the reason it is so hard is for a few reasons. Firstly, I believe, I genuinely believe that he has made a huge mistake! I believe he has lost a diamond. What I offered him, what we had together was special and I genuinely feel that he will find it hard to come by... the fact that I had no sense of us ending, of him walking away from me like I meant nothing kills me. But I do hope he finds in life what he is looking for. He feels he is missing out on something so is he a suffer of G.I.G.S. ?? I will never forget what we had because it will make me the person I am supposed to be. However, I cannot help think what if????????? …..... has he made the right decision??????..... help!

Edited July 17, 2011 by pink24
spelling

July 17, 2011

Ouch, I'm so sorry to hear this and you make my situation feel trivial, though I am still in pieces.

I have no answers for you, other than I empathize with your pain and confusion. My ex did pretty much exactly the same thing: we seemed totally fine, then she went cold. The next thing I knew was we were over and I was left thinking "What just happened?"

I have been mulling over what had happened for the past two months and I made the mistake of contacting my ex and I've come across as a bit weak I think, but as I'm sure you'll understand, I've been really confused and it's been difficult to understand the reasons why. My ex couldn't give me reasons either...

Anyway, what I can share with you is that I think it's your boyfriend's loss. You sound like a truly caring person and you regarded the relationship as something hugely important. I'm sure you'll find someone else more deserving of your love.

July 17, 2011

I'm so sorry By what I've read you seem like a very strong woman!

It's hard, really hard! One minute they love you then the next they rip your heart out with no real reason and are able to carry on as normal,

I don't really know what to say apart from remain NC!

It maybe a case of 'G.I.G.S' but like me maybe you'll never know.

Stay strong!

*Hugs*

July 17, 2011

Ouch, I'm so sorry to hear this and you make my situation feel trivial, though I am still in pieces.

I have no answers for you, other than I empathize with your pain and confusion. My ex did pretty much exactly the same thing: we seemed totally fine, then she went cold. The next thing I knew was we were over and I was left thinking "What just happened?"

I have been mulling over what had happened for the past two months and I made the mistake of contacting my ex and I've come across as a bit weak I think, but as I'm sure you'll understand, I've been really confused and it's been difficult to understand the reasons why. My ex couldn't give me reasons either...

Anyway, what I can share with you is that I think it's your boyfriend's loss. You sound like a truly caring person and you regarded the relationship as something hugely important. I'm sure you'll find someone else more deserving of your love.

Well thank you for your kind comments and I appreciate what you have said although it sure doesnt make it easier for me and also for you. I keep telling myself life will not give me anything I cannot handle...it is how I handle it. We, unfortunately, have been dealt the worst set of cards but making the most of what we have is all we can do. Right now I cant see the sky for the clouds but I am hoping in time it will become clearer and he will be the loser. Take care

July 17, 2011

I'm so sorry By what I've read you seem like a very strong woman!
It's hard, really hard! One minute they love you then the next they rip your heart out with no real reason and are able to carry on as normal,
I don't really know what to say apart from remain NC!
It maybe a case of 'G.I.G.S' but like me maybe you'll never know.

Stay strong!

*Hugs*

Thank you 'TaintedHeart' .. Yes as a person I am strong and independant however at the minute, I feel so vulnerable and weak. I don't mean to sound blase but in life I have never had to deal with rejection therefore given this situation, I honestly do not know how to cope. I keep telling myself to be strong and there is 1000's of people who go through the same thiing but you cant help think 'WHY ME???'

Yeah I am definetly staying in NC ... Our last conversation I said all I had to say - he apoligised a number of times which confused me... he even cried which confused me even more. Why was he sorry? Why was he upset? - this is what he initiated because this is what he wanted. All I know is that I am not sorry and I genuinely believe he will be the sorry one in the long run as he has lost a lot but I suppose that is a lesson he will have to learn. It just hurts to know what we could have had together... but maybe he wasn't the one for me.

I honestly don't know if there could ever be any reconciliation between us but one thing I do know is what doesn't kill me will make me stronger. At the minute I certainly do not feel like that but positivity is a must when your feeling so low.....

Take care

July 17, 2011

Well thank you for your kind comments and I appreciate what you have said although it sure doesnt make it easier for me and also for you. I keep telling myself life will not give me anything I cannot handle...it is how I handle it. We, unfortunately, have been dealt the worst set of cards but making the most of what we have is all we can do. Right now I cant see the sky for the clouds but I am hoping in time it will become clearer and he will be the loser. Take care

I agree. Take care too.

July 17, 2011

It maybe a case of 'G.I.G.S'

I also meant to say ... everyone I have close to me have said what on earth is he looking for.... I genuinely hope he doesnt think the grass is greener.

My loving dad, bless him, said 'if he thinks the grass is greener he will get to the top of the hill and it will be bald'.

What a nice thought! If only we knew.......

July 18, 2011

Oh my, what a terrible situation. I think he may be thinking he rushed into things too quickly. He probably thinks you will always be there so he is doing his thing and will come back when he gets it out of his system. Continue holding your own and live for life for right now. If he comes back, then discuss it then and think about if this is what you want in your life. If he does, then you will already be on your way of moving on. Stick with NC.

July 18, 2011

Oh my, what a terrible situation. I think he may be thinking he rushed into things too quickly. He probably thinks you will always be there so he is doing his thing and will come back when he gets it out of his system. Continue holding your own and live for life for right now. If he comes back, then discuss it then and think about if this is what you want in your life. If he does, then you will already be on your way of moving on. Stick with NC.

Do you think he has rushed in to things? ... I can totally appreciate that the 'dumper' thinks about this before actually doing it. However, proposing?? Surely he thought about if it was what he REALLY wanted. I mean would you invest all that money in to something if you weren't certain?

Yeah I am totally sticking with NC as hard as it is I am not contacting him. In regards with NC do you think as an outsider he will be surprised or what will his thoughts be that I have accepted & walked away. I can honestly say I didn't fall into the trap of begging and pleading. I walked away ..... What do you think he will think of this? I know it shouldn't matter but another opinion can help put itinerary perspective.

July 18, 2011

sorry to hear this

im a guy and i think he is obviously very confused. very scared of commitment to you forever. who knows what he is thinking, it will be hurting him to. i think he will come back though as its not like there was anything major to cause the split. he just needs to sort his head.

on the other hand, if you did get back together, what would you think of him... id be very hurt

i personally from my own experience think nc isnt best "if" you feel there is unfinished business. until you know for sure what the f is going on you wont move on. it will eat you.

you need to know whats what. it isnt fair on you. of course some people never get answers etc and in that case its very hard.

if someone went nc on me, i would be hurting. i wouldnt want that. although sometimes staying in contact can be just as hard i guess.

July 18, 2011

Pink24,

I saw your post over in my G.I.G.S. thread so I thought it would be best if I responded here.

Yes, your Ex does have G.I.G.S. and it is not uncommon for men to have it either (I had it when I was your Exes age).

I suggest that you read this Thread. I will watch this thread if you want to discuss your situation further.

Hi hombrew! I'm glad you have replied as your G.I.G.S thread really enlightened me. As I previously said I thought my ex ticked all the boxes and you do to. However, after everything he has done I still miss him, think of him, wonder about him.... I am proud that I haven't contacted him but I cannot lie it has been hard, very hard! I've heard he's booked a holiday with his 'friends'. He's out all the time, drinking & partying which may I add was never his thing. A social drink was his limit & he hated going clubbing when we were together. I can't understand the whole proposal ... Why propose? Why invest money like he did to change his mind so quickly?

As for NC do you think I'm right?

What do you think he will be thinking of my reaction? Do you think this is it?

Ugh! A apologise in advance, my responce doesn't make much sense with question after question but your threads seem very wise and you have been through it all before. Any light you could shed I'd appreciate - thank you homebrew

July 18, 2011

sorry to hear this

im a guy and i think he is obviously very confused. very scared of commitment to you forever. who knows what he is thinking, it will be hurting him to. i think he will come back though as its not like there was anything major to cause the split. he just needs to sort his head.

on the other hand, if you did get back together, what would you think of him... id be very hurt

i personally from my own experience think nc isnt best "if" you feel there is unfinished business. until you know for sure what the f is going on you wont move on. it will eat you.

you need to know whats what. it isnt fair on you. of course some people never get answers etc and in that case its very hard.

if someone went nc on me, i would be hurting. i wouldnt want that. although sometimes staying in contact can be just as hard i guess.

Thanks for your responce, I appreciate it. However I must admit our relationship was as far as I was concerned perfect. As cliche as it sounds but I think proposing to mr supports that he obviously felt the same. It's like a switch has went off within him and he has changed his mind about anything and everything we shared! Yes you are right I really do not know what the F is going on but I am not breaking NC to ask. I have to accept what he has told me. Yeah in a sense it is eating me up not knowing but surely he will be feeling the same? I asked him questions and he couldn't answer so how on earth can I answer them?

Your a guy and if you were my ex what would you think? Good, bad or indifferent I'd appreciate an honest opinion.

July 18, 2011

true. if you have asked and you cant get answers then breaking nc is deffo not an option. your doing the right thing.

you could say the ball is in his court. you have done NOTHING wrong.

god why are some people just messed up. i hate relationships.

July 18, 2011

Yeah well that's the way I see it... The ball is in his court. He initiated the split, this is what HE wanted. No I didn't want that, no way whatsoever! I would never have agreed to marrying him otherwise. However, I have respected his decision, he walked away and I accepted what he said. I told myself there is no way I am calling or text or message to grovel and plead because I feel like he has took my confidence, my self esteem, my dreams.... The lot. He sure is not taking my dignity as well. I don't believe I deserve this, I genuinely don't and I would never ever have treated him with such disrespect. I feel he has been so cold towards me. It's honestly like someone has possessed him, it looks like my ex but the person I love would never have done this. Oh jeez I am so confused........

July 18, 2011

its hard. much like my situation. im confused hurt and hurting.

cant deal with it.

try and stay strong

July 18, 2011

Dblock10 same to you - stay strong for whatever reason this has happened To us we shall probably never know. But life will not give us what we cannot handle & it will make us who we are supposed to be!

So your a guy? If I was your ex and I walked away and accepted like I have told you. What would you think?

July 18, 2011

well if i really wanted to be with you id say. no one likes putting their heart on the line because of fear of rejection and more hurt.

but if you truely think someone is worth it, you will say. cause if not you may regret it for a long long time

July 18, 2011

So I guess he must think that I'm not worth it? Because like you if I thought I would regret it I would have to say. I've not contacted him and he hasn't contacted me so should I just draw the conclusion that he is happy with his decision?

July 18, 2011

yeah basically! he must be happy well not happy but content enough not to speak to you or even try...

like do you think he is sat at home like you are, on a forum asking people for help and advice.

its sad but there are two types of people. 1 that care lots and think about everything and the second the type that dont really think to much into anything and just live there lives and are happy they will be fine no matter what.

they dont think about it! they just "DO"

you get emotional people, and practical logical people.

you need two of the same if you are to have a really good relationship. where one doesnt think they are pulling more weight than the other

Edited July 18, 2011 by Dblock10

July 18, 2011

You see I guess that's the thing. I thought we were both caring and loving about each other. Maybe your right, maybe he is content with his decision I guess I will never know because I am not going to plead for answers. But, then again if he can't answer the questions then how can he be content?? Horrible horrible horrible! Thanks for politely telling me to get a grip Lol

July 18, 2011

well he says he dosent and tbh thats messed up. his loss though when you have moved on and he finally figures it out. ouch can you imagine the regret...

dont ever be an option for anyone.

July 18, 2011

Thank you Dblock10 you take care!

July 18, 2011

Yeah well that's the way I see it... The ball is in his court. He initiated the split, this is what HE wanted. No I didn't want that, no way whatsoever! I would never have agreed to marrying him otherwise. However, I have respected his decision, he walked away and I accepted what he said. I told myself there is no way I am calling or text or message to grovel and plead because I feel like he has took my confidence, my self esteem, my dreams.... The lot. He sure is not taking my dignity as well. I don't believe I deserve this, I genuinely don't and I would never ever have treated him with such disrespect. I feel he has been so cold towards me. It's honestly like someone has possessed him, it looks like my ex but the person I love would never have done this. Oh jeez I am so confused........

My ex acted the same way, she was talking to me like I was a stranger! It actually really scared me!

July 18, 2011

Ahhh TaintedHeart I honestly dont know what to say... it is awful!! I've been in NC for 4 weeks and it has been the looongest time ever. I sometimes think is this really happening????

July 18, 2011

Ahhh TaintedHeart I honestly dont know what to say... it is awful!! I've been in NC for 4 weeks and it has been the looongest time ever. I sometimes think is this really happening????

You're doing great! It's been 2 weeks for me, it is very hard! I love how they act so cold towards like we've done something wrong. Like we don't have a right to ask what the hell is going on! Never seen this side to her and I was with the girl for 3 years

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