Dua Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I want to share this story with you fellow love shakers as I truly believe that by learning from each others experiences we can move closer to healing. About 3 years ago, I fell in love with a man who was your typical Mr. Prince Charming...we had the most amazing year until he had to move away.. like many long distance relationships, the distance was a killer. I felt that he was changing and we went through many problems. I found myself putting a lot of the effort to make the relationship work, he didnt appreciate any of it. He was emotionally distant, would not initiate contact as much and his negative attitude was truly effecting me. I decided to end the relationship in hopes that it would bring back the man i fell in love with. Days went by and nothing...no call no emails, nothing! This is when i began to freak out and begged and pleaded for days and days which later turned to months and month...I know, terrible! First he would answer my calls and be civil...he then began to be cold. I stopped for a while and then I found out he had been with some one else. Now, the right thing to do would have been to not contact him. Of course, i did not do the right thing. I blew up his phone!!!!! And nothing, no answers. I sent emails and i finally caught him on chat which led to the most hurtful conversations I have ever had in my life. To be honest, in my head i believe i felt i needed to contact him before it was too late. Before she makes him smile, before their first kiss, before anything happened between them which would make him forget about me! Their relationship was your basic rebound, lasted a few weeks. He then returned to the country we both live in now. Of course, here again i did not do the right thing. I heard he was here and manipulated the man to be with me. I did everything any women could do to attract a man and hey it worked. So this is how it went. We broke up, lead to begging and pleading until he was with a rebound and went NC on me. He then moved back here and it was LC...when he agreed to hang out...we became friends...then friends with benefits...then a full on relationship!!! I manipulated and forced the man to be with me. Now..fast forward about 6 months from the time we began a full on relationship....the same thing has happened. To my surprise, the distance didnt pay a huge part in our break up. He just lost interest in me I guess....but what i did was blame it on the distance, and the fact that he was depressed and that we both were going through hell and a million other reasons. I know this because the same exact thing has happened again but this time, we are in the same country and things are alot better than they used to be. He began to lose interest again...I freaked out and broke it off with the same hope that it will bring him back!!! But this time...i have chosen to learn from my mistake and I hope all of you can too! Now not only am i mourning this break up however the past break up since i never really allowed myself to think about him and this other girl. And it's hell. It is the worst feeling in the world. But i cant do this to myself again and i will tell you why. During our recent relationship...there was still a void in my heart. Which is very important for you to know. Why? Well, if your ex isnt the one who initiates a second chance, you will not be satisfied in the relationship. You will always yearn for that moment where he was supposed to fight for you. You may have your boyfriend or girlfriend back but i promise you that your heart will still be empty and every time something happens that makes you doubt the relationship, you will increase that void as you will feel he still owes you. He owes you for not fighting for you..and that will hurt. So if your waiting to complete your 3 months NC challenge to initiate contact, or you are manipulating your ex by begging, pleading, buying gifts, being friends with benefits...it may get your ex back...but for ALL the wrong reasons. The only way for you to be happy in your next relationship is if he/she moved mountains to be with you. And sometimes, if the break up was really bad and your ex messed up then you know what, moving mountains may not be enough. Don't rush into reconciliation...take it slow and see how far they will go to get you back. That is the only way to feed your heart with the satisfaction needed to take someone back who has hurt you.
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