ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Or perhaps desperate guys. Exactly.... Just so everyone knows... I'm quite good at delicately telling a man I'm not interested in anything romantic if he happens to get the wrong idea. and ya know what? Sounds like this young lady did too. I see absolutely nothing wrong with her behavior. I had lunch with a co-worker one time... he was someone I'd made a special trip to one of our plants to visit. He was a key person on our project. I was only there for one day... so was making the most of our time. So, this guy (married, mind you)... starts saying "I don't know if I could concentrate working next to someone as cute as you!". I said (with a smile on my face)... "oh, don't worry. You'll get over it. Before you know it, I'll be the gender-neutral lab thing just like everyone else". I suppose I could have said "that is highly unappropriate and you need to watch your mouth"... but I learned a long time ago that a little friendliness goes a long way. No need to be a b*tch when you are shutting someone down. Married or not. That way, we both save face and we can still go on working together without any issues. Edited July 22, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
dispatch3d Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Bullsh*t. If I were a man, I'd be able to conduct business over dinner in a restaurant in public. I refuse to limit my business opportunities because I happened to be born with an 'inny' instead of an 'outy'. This is 2011, not 1911. Get used to it. It's only considered a date by people who view women as something to screw and that's it. Not fellow professionals. Or perhaps desperate guys. Exactly.... Just so everyone knows... I'm quite good at delicately telling a man I'm not interested in anything romantic if he happens to get the wrong idea. and ya know what? Sounds like this young lady did too. I see absolutely nothing wrong with her behavior. I had lunch with a co-worker one time... he was someone I'd made a special trip to one of our plants to visit. He was a key person on our project. I was only there for one day... so was making the most of our time. So, this guy (married, mind you)... starts saying "I don't know if I could concentrate working next to someone as cute as you!". I said (with a smile on my face)... "oh, don't worry. You'll get over it. Before you know it, I'll be the gender-neutral lab thing just like everyone else". I suppose I could have said "that is highly unappropriate and you need to watch your mouth"... but I learned a long time ago that a little friendliness goes a long way. No need to be a b*tch when you are shutting someone down. Married or not. That way, we both save face and we can still go on working together without any issues. I realize as women since you can wave to a guy and he'll ask you out, these dinner meetings don't seem like dates. The reality is guys don't live in the same world as you. they don't get hit on 10 times every time they go to the bar, they don't get 120 messages in 3 days after joining an online dating site. When guys go to the bar they expect 0 girls to hit on them. A lot of guys don't even bother hitting on girls (probably surprising for some of you). Failing to realize that our reality is not the same as yours is your own fault. In a guys world, dates are usually months apart (meaning like 3-4 months). It is very hard to get laid. Most guys are more than willing to enter a relationship rather than go any longer without girlfriends. Of course there are guys who realize your reality, so they know better than to say any of the above. It would be really dumb to (I realize that now). There's a girl somewhat interested in me, and there is no way I'm going to explain what dating is like from my point of view. She won't believe me, label me as desperate, and move on - very similar to what you've done here. Not to say I can't go out with a girl for dinner as a non-date and be happy about it. I just wouldn't do it though. I would want it defined beforehand as us being just friends. I had a bad experience assuming that I was fine being "just friends" with a girl, and then we ended up doing everything a boyfriend/girlfriend would normally do - excluding anything actually intimate. Anyhow, there's my point of view.
sm1tten Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I think, no matter which gender you are, if you are romantically interested in the person you are sitting across from at the table/next to on the couch, you are likely to see it as a date. How many threads are there on here where it's been "he invited me over at midnight to watch a movie for our third date" or "i asked this girl for coffee for our first date" and so many have jumped in and said, "erm that's not a date." It's unfortunately not always crystal clear to both parties what they're dealing with.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 I realize as women since you can wave to a guy and he'll ask you out, these dinner meetings don't seem like dates. The reality is guys don't live in the same world as you. they don't get hit on 10 times every time they go to the bar, they don't get 120 messages in 3 days after joining an online dating site. When guys go to the bar they expect 0 girls to hit on them. A lot of guys don't even bother hitting on girls (probably surprising for some of you). Failing to realize that our reality is not the same as yours is your own fault. In a guys world, dates are usually months apart (meaning like 3-4 months). It is very hard to get laid. Most guys are more than willing to enter a relationship rather than go any longer without girlfriends. Of course there are guys who realize your reality, so they know better than to say any of the above. It would be really dumb to (I realize that now). There's a girl somewhat interested in me, and there is no way I'm going to explain what dating is like from my point of view. She won't believe me, label me as desperate, and move on - very similar to what you've done here. Not to say I can't go out with a girl for dinner as a non-date and be happy about it. I just wouldn't do it though. I would want it defined beforehand as us being just friends. I had a bad experience assuming that I was fine being "just friends" with a girl, and then we ended up doing everything a boyfriend/girlfriend would normally do - excluding anything actually intimate. Anyhow, there's my point of view. Using the business dinner above as an example... I do realize men's reality. Just not letting it get in the way of my business success. I can't control how a man feels, what comes out of his mouth, or anything else. I'm there to get a job done. As long as the discussion stays professional, there should be no doubts about the intent. Regarding sharing time with the opposite sex outside of business. Yes, that is definately new territory for alot of people. You are certainly in your rights, and it is wise, to get clarity up front. I'd be quite happy with a platonic relationship. I sincerely enjoy the company of men even if he's not as into me as I am into him. It doesn't take me long to get over an unrequited crush.
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