keepsmilin74 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'd go with the "you bored her" theory, sorry. Better luck next girl.
GreenVista Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 OP - are you sure she doesn't just mean Best Friend rather than Boy Friend?
serial muse Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I know of some women, who make up boyfriend, because they are undecided, and want a guy to prove his worth. Really?? I'm not being hyperbolic, but this is really news to me. I don't really see how it would make a guy prove his worth, exactly? But I guess all things are possible under the sun. Still - when in doubt, seek the simplest explanation, I'd advise.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I know of some women, who make up boyfriend, because they are undecided, and want a guy to prove his worth. Or to reject him altogether. I'm ancient and I have never heard of this. Ever. If she's interested, she WILL NOT be making up a fake boyfriend. The fake boyfriend is an escape clause.
irc333 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I've had a woman pull that on me. I met in a bookstore, she worked as a manager there.... pretty much cold turkey, I was a regular there, hadn't seen her before, I talked with her, turns out she was transferred to that location. I chatted with her, asked her out on her lunch break...and we found a place to eat. We get to talking, getting to know each other better, then she slipes in the "boyfriend' routine. Like "Me and my boyfriend went water skiing last weekend, and we had a lot of fun." It pretty much put on the brakes for me, and I changed the topic of the conversation with questions like. "Oh, so you have a boyfriend?" "How would he feel about us having lunch together?" She was kind of dumfounded at this line of questioning, but let's be real here folks, but if this to were to occur, I would question her in this manner. I don't care how uncomfortable it would make her. WE pretty much ceased contact altogether...my choice.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 No, the fake BF is often a roadblock. She tosses the "BF" into the conversation when she isn't sure about the guy or just met him. If he passes her tests the BF miraculously disappears, if he fails her tests, she has an airtight excuse for brushing him off. Well, maybe, but I have a lot of anecdotal evidence that says that you personally, dasein, are woefully off base in your knowledge of women in general. I'm confident that my experience as a woman with years of friendships with other women trumps your (wildly offbase, often) opinions when it comes to ... women. Sure, maybe some gal has made up a boyfriend to see if a recent contact likes her enough to pursue her regardless ... it's not typical behavior. There are ways to "test" a guy's interest level; there are lots of games to be played if one chooses to go that route. This is not on the short list of them.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I've had a woman pull that on me. I met in a bookstore, she worked as a manager there.... pretty much cold turkey, I was a regular there, hadn't seen her before, I talked with her, turns out she was transferred to that location. I chatted with her, asked her out on her lunch break...and we found a place to eat. We get to talking, getting to know each other better, then she slipes in the "boyfriend' routine. Like "Me and my boyfriend went water skiing last weekend, and we had a lot of fun." It pretty much put on the brakes for me, and I changed the topic of the conversation with questions like. "Oh, so you have a boyfriend?" "How would he feel about us having lunch together?" She was kind of dumfounded at this line of questioning, but let's be real here folks, but if this to were to occur, I would question her in this manner. I don't care how uncomfortable it would make her. WE pretty much ceased contact altogether...my choice. I have no way of knowing, of course, but I would guess that she either a) really had a boyfriend and was being a jerk by having lunch with you, for whatever reason, or b) mentioned a "boyfriend" as a convenient escape mechanism, in case she didn't want to see any more of you after the lunch. Right or wrong, it's difficult to flat-out reject a person. Especially if they seem immune to social cues (see the one goal department for examples; also other threads by this OP).
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Exactly, another thing to consider with BF bombs, real or imagined, is the upgrade factor. Lots of single women out there dating now treat dating and relationships as an "upgrade game" of relationship hopping, and all exclusive means to them is "YOU will be exclusive, but I will always be looking for an upgrade." "I have a BF" to these types means "I have a BF... until you prove to be shinier and obtainable." Again, such a large percentage of the dateable female population that writing them off means might as well become a monk. I agree that this could be a good choice for you. Monastery or prison - whichever, as long as there aren't any women in it. You'll find your joy.
serial muse Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 What you have is a dry drunk's tendency to spout superhuman amounts of hot air. That crossed a line right there.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 That crossed a line right there. He's just intimidated by my wisdom and verbal acumen! Plus, women are his sworn enemy, and I am one. Now, get thee to a monastery, dasein!
rafallus Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'm ancient and I have never heard of this. Ever. If she's interested, she WILL NOT be making up a fake boyfriend. The fake boyfriend is an escape clause. It isn't always binary "interested/not interested" switch. There can be a somewhere-in-between state, like "I don't know, you're kinda cool, but show me what you got, so I can be sure".
carhill Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Tie it off. ^^^ When a situation goes sideways, you tie it off. Move on. OP, reading the OP, I'll add to not believe everything you hear from a woman, even if it appears to flatter or benefit you. Use the old LS adage of matching actions to words. Pretty reliable. Good luck.
serial muse Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Spare me your vomit icon, my post was completely appropriate in response to her ranty, uncalled for insults. No. It really, really wasn't.
sm1tten Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'm a woman who has never done this, and I've asked some of my friends and none of them had heard of this either - the "fake boyfriend as a test" scenario. We all thought it seemed ...antithetical to the point. On the other hand, I do know for a fact that a lot of men THINK women are using having a boyfriend as an excuse to encourage them to try harder. Every single time I've been cold-approached and I've been unavailable, the man has tried even harder to convince me that he's the better choice.
serial muse Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'm a woman who has never done this, and I've asked some of my friends and none of them had heard of this either - the "fake boyfriend as a test" scenario. We all thought it seemed ...antithetical to the point. On the other hand, I do know for a fact that a lot of men THINK women are using having a boyfriend as an excuse to encourage them to try harder. Every single time I've been cold-approached and I've been unavailable, the man has tried even harder to convince me that he's the better choice. This is true. I've had this happen to me too. Doesn't work.
Author U1987 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 ...maybe it means you should rethink your approach to light banter on a first date. At the first sign that she's not interested in your jazz theories, cut bait. Change the subject and figure out what interests her instead of yourself. Read her cues better. Like I said, we were outside and she was wearing these giant 1960's-style sunglasses that covered 1.3 her face, so it was hard to read her face
serial muse Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Adding an extra "really" doesn't change falsity into truth, hate to burst your bubble. Neither does "hate to burst your bubble" change falsity into truth. The things we learn on LS!
serial muse Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Like I said, we were outside and she was wearing these giant 1960's-style sunglasses that covered 1.3 her face, so it was hard to read her face OK, but there are many other cues she could give - not responding with interest to the topic is one such.
sm1tten Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fake%20ring Googled "fake engagement ring" the above was on top page, note that there are two different terms, "wolf ring" and "drinking ring" to describe this, took ten seconds, so sure it's some unknown thing that guys are making up, guess we are just bitter. I posted to another relationship type forum in the past, and women were often advised to create a fake boyfriend, even a PICTURE of one on her desk, to deter guys at the office, yeah it's so rare for women to make up a fake BF... suuuuuuure it is. Since the "FWB/harem" phenomenon has gotten so big in the last few years, TONS of women out there are describing their FWB as a BF to avoid negative connotations with family, friends, prospective dates. It's real, keep trying to "talk it" into imaginary status though ladies. Are you daft? For one thing, I never said it didn't happen. I said I don't know anybody who does it. "It" being women who make up a fake boyfriend to test a new guy. Now you're saying they're using a fake boyfriend to deter men. Then you say that women are describing their FWB as boyfriends to instead of admitting what they really are. NONE of those are the same thing. But you are right about one thing. A lot of men are just bitter enough to believe that a woman who says she has a boyfriend is actually lying.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 "how about tuesday then?" is how I would go about it. Pretty simple stuff.
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Exactly, another thing to consider with BF bombs, real or imagined, is the upgrade factor. Lots of single women out there dating now treat dating and relationships as an "upgrade game" of relationship hopping, and all exclusive means to them is "YOU will be exclusive, but I will always be looking for an upgrade." "I have a BF" to these types means "I have a BF... until you prove to be shinier and obtainable." Again, such a large percentage of the dateable female population that writing them off means might as well become a monk. Wait wait wait. You want to date women who think this way? Seriously? Dude this does not encourage me to ignore mentions of boyfriends at all.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I just HAVE to jump in here... The original poster is reading lots of things into her actions in the hopes that a get together had more intended than it did... Then she gets bashed for playing games. GET A CLUE FOLKS... not every interaction with the opposite sex is a *&^% date. Some people have friends of the opposite sex. I do. And have for a very long time. Guess what? I work around all men. I have lunch with them. I occasionally have drinks with them or maybe even dinner if the business discussion warrants it. I happen to believe it is goddamn sick to turn every opportunity to share time with the opposite sex as an onramp to f**ing or something romantic. To me, members of the opposite sex are human beings first. I feel comfortable... no... ENTITLED... to create and enjoy a positive experience for another person (regardless of gender) that makes it just that much easier to get through the day... or life in general. WTF... does everything have to end with sex? (ok, I'll stop hyperventilating now).
dispatch3d Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If you and another guy go to a restaurant for dinner, it's a date. It really is that simple.
ThsAmericanLife Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 If you and another guy go to a restaurant for dinner, it's a date. It really is that simple. Bullsh*t. If I were a man, I'd be able to conduct business over dinner in a restaurant in public. I refuse to limit my business opportunities because I happened to be born with an 'inny' instead of an 'outy'. This is 2011, not 1911. Get used to it. It's only considered a date by people who view women as something to screw and that's it. Not fellow professionals.
Queen Zenobia Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Bullsh*t. If I were a man, I'd be able to conduct business over dinner in a restaurant in public. I refuse to limit my business opportunities because I happened to be born with an 'inny' instead of an 'outy'. This is 2011, not 1911. Get used to it. It's only considered a date by people who view women as something to screw and that's it. Not fellow professionals. Or perhaps desperate guys.
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