lalalandman Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) SO, I met this girl at her work last week. She is amazingly cute and quirky, and I got her number while she is waitressing. She happily agrees to go out with me. I call her about 5 days later to set up a date for Friday. Actually, 2 days before the date, I go to see her at her work at 230am when she got off. Yes, mutual decision. Anyways, I pick her up on Friday. We go to the movies and immediately start cuddling in the theatre, and feeding each other popcorn by mouth. You know, lovey dovey stuff. When the movie is over, we get back to my car and start to kiss. So that was amazing. Then we go back to my place so she could change. I got our names on a Guestlist for a club my friend was DJng at. We go in and start dancing together. We start to get all these compliments from people like "Oh you guys are so cute together" and "I'm so jealous of you guys, I want happiness like this" and just other funny random comments. So we leave there and go to an after hours coffee shop she enjoys going to and just chill. So we go back to my place, and light up some candles, and one thing leads to another and NO. Lol we don't do it, but well, I go in once and she says NO, I really want to wait. Can we please wait. So I agree. I ask her to stay the night and she does. So we wake up next morning, I make her coffee and pancakes. She has on her wrist this leather thing she's had on for 4 years, and mentioned maybe wanting to remove it. I go grab scissors and say, it's time to cut the past. After about 15 minutes of convincing, she allows me to cut it off. Then I draw a watch in place of it on her white skin. Anyways we go to the gym together, and we're on the way back to her place when things start to get weird... SO earlier we both agree that we got out of long term relationships in the past 3 months. I happened to change my number, delete my facebook, email, everything to get rid of the ex. Well, on the way back to her place, I learn that her ex has called her that morning already about 200 times. So I get back to her place, and guess who is waiting there... He walks up and is like "Who the hell is this?" I tell him hey, maybe it's not a great time for you to be here. He says "Eff you dude. And guess what. We Fuccked. 2 Nights ago, just letting you know". So instead of leaving I let them talk it out and wait for him to leave. She basically told him it's over and had an amazing night with me. He leaves, and she apologizes, and says she needs to get ready for work. So I get home, and I get a blocked call. I pick up, and it's them, fighting in the background. So here's where it gets a little intense. In my mind, I thought it was her calling, wanting for me to interject. SO what do I do? I drive to her work, because I thought he went there to confront her. I walk in, and ask for her (I obviously look distressed). There was about 4 of her co-workers, and they explain that she isn't there yet. So I rush to her house. Not there. I text her. No response. Then I start to realize who actually called me..... So she finally calls me, and says she got to work and wanted to know where I was. I got to her work, and she comes out. I tell her Hey, your Ex Bf has my number. She looks at me terrified and I told her what Happened. I told her what I heard when I picked up. He said to her "Hey, you went out with that guy? Wow, I thought you had better standards." To which she replied "You know, you are not that great looking at all (to him)" Then a couple other things, and the call hangs up. She confirmed that was in fact their fight. Basically, I told her to call him from her phone. She agrees after about 5 mins. He picks up and I say "Hey, just hear me out. How old are you". He hangs up (I already knew he was 29). So anyways, she apologizes, and hugs me, then goes into work. We don't text each other the rest of the day or night. Earlier, we agreed to hang out after she got off. About 20 mins before she got off, I texted her and asked what was going on with the night. Then I drive to her work and text her Hey, I came here like I said I would, so let me know (we agreed I would meet her at work at closing). She texts me about 10 mins later and tells me she already left, and forgot she had plans with other people. So, any advice here? Was I just being used? I mean, I feel like the night and the next morning was really special. We really hit if off. What should I do now? Edited July 17, 2011 by lalalandman
robdrm32 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I recommend just letting this one go. You don't know what she is all about but, think about it. On your first date some dude is showing up at her house and she is arguing. you think it will be any better a week from now? don't waste your time with the drama
daphne Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 What should you be doing? You should be backing up the truck. This is not a girl that's ready to move on. Clearly you are. You have erased your ex from your life but hers is still around. That night, you should have left. For two reasons. To give her time to talk to him, and make it clear to him that she's seeing you (if she so chose.) And to let her know that you're not going to get involved further if there's going to be ex drama. She would have let you know pretty quickly what was going on. But you needed to stand your ground and disappear. Actions speak louder than words. Going to her work and then staying there while they argued made you look like you'd put up with anything. It made you look weak. I'm sorry to put it that way. You need to start setting boundaries, even if after the fact. She's now "made plans" with other people. Hmm. I don't buy it. I think you need to lose this one until she gets her head together. She's definitely not ready for a relationship right now. At least now with you or she'd be treating you better.
Author lalalandman Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 ^^Agreed. I really wish I left LOL. But I just did at the time what I thought was best.
Yookie Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 If her relationship with the ex was completely over, then they would have nothing to argue about AT ALL. She has not let him go completely yet. You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position if you have any expectations of building a relationship with her.
Author lalalandman Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 Thanks for all the good advice people. I wish I had done a few things differently. It's amazing how quickly we get sucked into drama sometimes. In any case, I used to be in a relationship with someone like that. I really feel for her, but there's nothing I can do about it.
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Did anyone else notice that the OP started 7 of his 9 paragraphs with the word "so"? Smacks of insecurity.
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I'd just also like to point out that 7 out of your 9 paragraphs begin with the word "so". Ha, I didn't see this before I posted my comment. My biggest pet peeve on this forum is people who start paragraphs with "so".
Author lalalandman Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 We haven't spoken all day today. Just to be sure, no one here thinks I should pursue this girl?
Author lalalandman Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 What I mean is, is the ball in her court now? Pretty much right?
sm1tten Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 No, leave this one alone. She is not in a position to date you if she's still dealing with her ex in this manner.
Rinas Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I would have left after the 200 messages from ex, or you know, when he showed up at the door. Run for the hills guy!
Author lalalandman Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Yea well i haven't heard a peep out of her all day. I don't expect to hear from her again. What a sham.
Rinas Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I'm sure you'll have other successful dates with different women, don't let this one get to you.
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 SO, I met this girl at her work last week. She is amazingly cute and quirky, and I got her number while she is waitressing. She happily agrees to go out with me. I call her about 5 days later to set up a date for Friday. Actually, 2 days before the date, I go to see her at her work at 230am when she got off. Yes, mutual decision. Anyways, I pick her up on Friday. We go to the movies and immediately start cuddling in the theatre, and feeding each other popcorn by mouth. You know, lovey dovey stuff. When the movie is over, we get back to my car and start to kiss. So that was amazing. Then we go back to my place so she could change. I got our names on a Guestlist for a club my friend was DJng at. We go in and start dancing together. We start to get all these compliments from people like "Oh you guys are so cute together" and "I'm so jealous of you guys, I want happiness like this" and just other funny random comments. So we leave there and go to an after hours coffee shop she enjoys going to and just chill. So we go back to my place, and light up some candles, and one thing leads to another and NO. Lol we don't do it, but well, I go in once and she says NO, I really want to wait. Can we please wait. So I agree. I ask her to stay the night and she does. So we wake up next morning, I make her coffee and pancakes. She has on her wrist this leather thing she's had on for 4 years, and mentioned maybe wanting to remove it. I go grab scissors and say, it's time to cut the past. After about 15 minutes of convincing, she allows me to cut it off. Then I draw a watch in place of it on her white skin. Anyways we go to the gym together, and we're on the way back to her place when things start to get weird... SO earlier we both agree that we got out of long term relationships in the past 3 months. I happened to change my number, delete my facebook, email, everything to get rid of the ex. Well, on the way back to her place, I learn that her ex has called her that morning already about 200 times. So I get back to her place, and guess who is waiting there... He walks up and is like "Who the hell is this?" I tell him hey, maybe it's not a great time for you to be here. He says "Eff you dude. And guess what. We Fuccked. 2 Nights ago, just letting you know". So instead of leaving I let them talk it out and wait for him to leave. She basically told him it's over and had an amazing night with me. He leaves, and she apologizes, and says she needs to get ready for work. So I get home, and I get a blocked call. I pick up, and it's them, fighting in the background. So here's where it gets a little intense. In my mind, I thought it was her calling, wanting for me to interject. SO what do I do? I drive to her work, because I thought he went there to confront her. I walk in, and ask for her (I obviously look distressed). There was about 4 of her co-workers, and they explain that she isn't there yet. So I rush to her house. Not there. I text her. No response. Then I start to realize who actually called me..... So she finally calls me, and says she got to work and wanted to know where I was. I got to her work, and she comes out. I tell her Hey, your Ex Bf has my number. She looks at me terrified and I told her what Happened. I told her what I heard when I picked up. He said to her "Hey, you went out with that guy? Wow, I thought you had better standards." To which she replied "You know, you are not that great looking at all (to him)" Then a couple other things, and the call hangs up. She confirmed that was in fact their fight. Basically, I told her to call him from her phone. She agrees after about 5 mins. He picks up and I say "Hey, just hear me out. How old are you". He hangs up (I already knew he was 29). So anyways, she apologizes, and hugs me, then goes into work. We don't text each other the rest of the day or night. Earlier, we agreed to hang out after she got off. About 20 mins before she got off, I texted her and asked what was going on with the night. Then I drive to her work and text her Hey, I came here like I said I would, so let me know (we agreed I would meet her at work at closing). She texts me about 10 mins later and tells me she already left, and forgot she had plans with other people. So, any advice here? Was I just being used? I mean, I feel like the night and the next morning was really special. We really hit if off. What should I do now? The other boyfriend is still in the picture and she still has feelings for him and is not ready to let him go. Time to cool it with her. Let her pursue you. When she does, tell her you don't date people who aren't over their X yet. Tell her to give you a call when he is out of the picture.
Author lalalandman Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Hmm. That's pretty bold. I suppose some circumstances calls for passiveness. But if she wants to let her psycho ex run her life that's her decision.
Imajerk17 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 What I want to know is, *where* were they arguing the second time? She either had to go see him or let him come over to her place. She is at the very least letting him engage her. She's not over her ex bro. You dodged a bullet.
Author lalalandman Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Yea the second time she went to see him behind my back. That's why I think he called from blocked during that meeting, to pretty much expose her. As psycho as he is, still pretty smart. I wonder how she's feeling currently?
Author lalalandman Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 I decided to text her 3 days later, yesterday. She responded right away. Even said "Why hello". Seemed excited. After a few back and forths, she stopped responding. I even asked her straight up if she wanted to hang last night. No response either. I don't regret hitting her up. I may try calling again, but we'll see.
surfrider4284 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 explosive. first off, thats way too much time together on a first date...but thats really moot at this point get out of there. fast.
Author lalalandman Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) Just a FINAL update on this one... We had been sort of talking this past week, but she obviously seemed more distant. Even would stop responding to texts abruptly. I waited 3 days after the incident to contact her. Then another 2 days from that. Today, she didn't respond to a text, and then it happened: Me: You know, if last week was all pretend then I have to say, you put on a really really good act. Her: It wasn't at all. Her: But I don't want to involve you with this ongoing battle with my ex. It made me realize that I'm not ready to date. Her: Plus I felt that we were moving really fast. Me: Moving fast where? I've been trying to find an opportunity to ask you on a second date. Me: I obviously like you enough to put that other crap aside. Me: You can't always help how you feel about someone. If you felt sparks with me, then you shouldn't just back down because of some prick. Her: I understand but I'm just not ready. Sorry. Me: Sorry my ass. For the record, he doesn't deserve you. At all. I know it could have ended on a tad better note, but I don't think it really matters. It's really too bad because we truly complimented each other. I respect her decision to a point, and I understand she's looking out for me, but damn that sucks. She's most likely talking it out with the ex. Anyways, I can actually move on from this one now. Edited July 24, 2011 by lalalandman
spiderowl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 (edited) Edit: Just read your posting above and realise she says she's not ready to date and she still has issues so rest may be irrelevant ... It all sounds like a lot of drama which you may not actually want from a girlfriend. But, that aside, there is a lot in your story which suggests you were stepping in there quite strongly to stake your claim, when it might have been better to take a step back and let her sort it out and make a proper decision. You sound quite forceful, e.g. you insist your girlfriend have the band cut off, despite her obvious reluctance. You say yourself it took 15 minutes to persuade her. If someone is that reluctant, you should be listening to her not pushing. You step in at every point to make your claim, turning up at her work because you thought she'd made the call - which I can understand must have been a confusing incident for you. You told her to 'phone him and then you stepped in and spoke to him. I'm not at all sure why you were trying to step in between him and her when they clearly had things to sort out. The best thing would have been to take a step back and tell her you aren't going to get involved with her until she's resolved things with her ex. He clearly was involved in some form, even if she didn't want him there. He still thinks he's involved. However, you can't assume she was encouraging it or that she needs you to step in to fend him off. She sounds like she's avoiding you now and this may be because she knows you will step in and act when she'd rather you left it to her. It's a shame this has happened because it's not fair on you to get attached to her and find out there are still issues with her ex. If you do want this girl, despite these issues, it might be best to leave a message for her to the effect that you realise she has things to resolve with her ex and you are going to keep out of it. If she's still interested, she should contact you as you don't want to interfere. Say you'd rather she came to you of her own free will. Wish her all the best. Can't promise anything would work, but at least she'd be reassured you are not going to make anything worse. Whether you'd still want her, given the drama, is another issue and I think in your shoes, I'd want to tactfully ask her how come her ex was turning up if she'd actually finished with him three months ago. Edited July 24, 2011 by spiderowl
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