therollingstone Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I've been dating this girl for 2-3 months or so although we're not official bf and gf. I'm usually the one who initiates contact but sometimes she'll send a goodnight text or something like that. We usually only text, we only use the phone when we need an immediate response prefering to talk when we meet instead. So now she's going to visit her home town for a month and i'm not sure what to do regarding communication. Usually you let the one who goes away to be the one who makes the contacts, right? I don't want to come across as needy.
curlygirl40 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Hmmmm. I would say since your main communication is text, and someone can text back when it's convenient for them, then text the same amount as when you are in the same town. If I were in your situation I would worry that if you back off the contact that she will think you're no longer interested. Then she will back off. Then you'll be starting all over again when she gets back. If that. You've been seeing each other long enough, I think, for her to know you're not needy. That you're just thinking about her and wondering how her trip is going. If you don't hear back from her in the same amount you usually would, then don't pick the contact up because then it might come across as needy or she might feel smothered if she was just looking forward to going home and hanging with friends. One month. Yikes. You're going to miss her I suspect.
oaks Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 So now she's going to visit her home town for a month and i'm not sure what to do regarding communication. Discuss it with her before she goes! I don't want to come across as needy. Because you aren't, or because you are? There's nothing wrong with wanting or needing regular communication with someone you've been dating for a couple of months.
Author therollingstone Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Discuss it with her before she goes! Because you aren't, or because you are? There's nothing wrong with wanting or needing regular communication with someone you've been dating for a couple of months. She already left but I did send a text wishing her a good vacation and that i'll be in the countryside for a while so if she wanted to get a hold on me the best way would be a text. Don't know if this was good? I feel like a kind of told her that I couldn't be bothered to contact her. I'm not needy but I'm not experienced with proper dating. I used to be this party guy who didn't want something even remotely close to a relationship. I guess I've changed. And I don't want to **** this up by acting needy or too aloof just because I really don't know any better. When I was dating my husband, he went away on business once for a week and back home for three weeks. We normally texted/emailed all day and spoke on the phone in the evenings. When he was gone, we spoke twice. It all depends on the couple. I would pull away a little bit, since you are doing most of the contacting. So he was away for 4 straight weeks and you spoke no more than twice? Yeah I was thinking of pulling away a bit. Maybe contact her in a week to see how she's doing.
david_v Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I was thinking of a couple of years ago when i was on away vacation and my then gf texted me everyday and even though i was very much in love with her I couldn't stand her trying to be in contact with me. even if it just was a text or two a day. Why is that?
Author therollingstone Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Interesting.. I really don't have an answer to that. Though it does tie in with why I wrote this post. Sometimes you date someone who rarely takes initiative to contact you. That makes it hard to draw the line where, in her/his mind, interested meets needy.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Woah...I am in the same situation. My boyfriend of 5 months left to visit his hometown for 4 weeks (1 week down, 3 more to go). We didn't really discuss communication beforehand, apart from him letting me know that he will get a pre-paid local mobile phone and he will let me know the number (to avoid roaming charges). I saw him off at the airport and just asked him to text me that he arrived safely (which he did). Beyond that, I was gonna let him take the lead. I honestly expected to maybe have a text a day, if that. It turns out that the place he is staying at for the first 2 weeks has a high speed internet connection. So we got into a routine of Skyping once a day for 1-2 hours. Sometimes he will send me a text or two in between. It just kind of happened that way (although he initiated Skyping). Not sure what will happen in the last 2 weeks as he won't have access to Internet, but we will see. If I were you, I would be proactive with contact..and keep at it if she responds favorably. No need to play games.
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You guys are an item. Admit it. Just tell her how much you miss her.
Author therollingstone Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 You guys are an item. Admit it. Just tell her how much you miss her. Sounds like you know me She doesn't respond well to 'romantic' stuff like that.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I've been dating this girl for 2-3 months or so although we're not official bf and gf. I'm usually the one who initiates contact but sometimes she'll send a goodnight text or something like that. We usually only text, we only use the phone when we need an immediate response prefering to talk when we meet instead. So now she's going to visit her home town for a month and i'm not sure what to do regarding communication. Usually you let the one who goes away to be the one who makes the contacts, right? I don't want to come across as needy. You're not official so it's kind of weird, but I agree with oaks---talk to her about it beforehand. I would try to nail things down before she goes away too. . . it's weird to have LDR like stuff going on without exclusivity being clear. That said, I don't think anyone who likes you will ever mind if you text them a normal amount (i.e. wait for her to respond, not sending 777 texts in a row or anything) and respect if they say they're busy when they are.
Author therollingstone Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 You're not official so it's kind of weird, but I agree with oaks---talk to her about it beforehand. I would try to nail things down before she goes away too. . . it's weird to have LDR like stuff going on without exclusivity being clear. That said, I don't think anyone who likes you will ever mind if you text them a normal amount (i.e. wait for her to respond, not sending 777 texts in a row or anything) and respect if they say they're busy when they are. She has already left and i'm currently out of the country but i'll hit her up with a text when i get back home. It's been a week since we spoken so it should only be natural to just check in to say whats up by now. Would be alot easier if she just could take initiative rather than waiting for me to contact her.
Author therollingstone Posted July 25, 2011 Author Posted July 25, 2011 so i sent a text yesterday just asking how she's was and if she had gone abroad yet (she was supposed to go abroad for a week or so). she haven't answered yet so im quite pissed off right now. i needed to ask her about uni studies but i wont contact her again, it would just make me look like a needy stalker.
david_v Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Don't jump to conclusions yet. There might be a hundred reasons of why she didn't answer your text. Maybe she already went abroad? If I were you I'd try to hit her up a week from now. Don't worry about being needy, you two are dating, probably sleeping together and are romantically involved so you have every right to be worried if your SO just dissappeared.
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