The Aviator Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Don't worry. It WILL get better with time. Sort of just numbs itself I guess. It's been 3.5 months now. The first 2 months were the worst. Literally on the odd morning actually feeling physically sick. What was worse is that I have to get up early every morning- between 5:30-6:00am for work to an alarm clock in the dark. I've found the mornings to be a lot more bearable over the last few weeks though
Geya Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Been there, done that! However now days I wake-up, feel that ugly painful feeling trying to creep in and I stop it, I don't knw how but over time mentally I can control it, I just tell myself, hey don't be upset there's nothing to feel bad about what happened is for the best and you're better off like that... It then doesn't come back Trust me, you'll get over the mornings! I remember staying on bed all day long feeling extremely sick, somedays normal physical work I feel like I can't do it because I feel like my hearts ripped and I can't move, any work is too much work, but I'm sooo much better now, I don't think of him much and even when I do, it DOESN'T hurt and I'll keep going until it doesn't even cross my mind. Be good to yourself take care of yourself don't allow yourself to be ripped into pieces for someone else who is not worth it, trust me no one is worth so much of us, no matter who they are. You'll get through this!
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Been there, done that! However now days I wake-up, feel that ugly painful feeling trying to creep in and I stop it, I don't knw how but over time mentally I can control it, I just tell myself, hey don't be upset there's nothing to feel bad about what happened is for the best and you're better off like that... It then doesn't come back Trust me, you'll get over the mornings! I remember staying on bed all day long feeling extremely sick, somedays normal physical work I feel like I can't do it because I feel like my hearts ripped and I can't move, any work is too much work, but I'm sooo much better now, I don't think of him much and even when I do, it DOESN'T hurt and I'll keep going until it doesn't even cross my mind. Be good to yourself take care of yourself don't allow yourself to be ripped into pieces for someone else who is not worth it, trust me no one is worth so much of us, no matter who they are. You'll get through this! I wish I could think like that but I don't think I'm better off, maybe I'll feel like that in the future. I know what you mean about the physical work, getting showered and dressed is taking up all my energy at the moment! I have no desire to look after myself either. God this sounds really bad Thank you for your post.
CaliBabe Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 When I catch myself feeling it, I conciously tell myself to stop. I try to think of something else. I figured I am only hurting myself. I am sure my ex is NOT doing the same. So why am I suffering? Why am I putting myself thorough this? It's hard but you gotta force yourself or it will consume you.
pink24 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 hey TaintedHeart I totally agree with your thread... However, take great satisfaction from the fact that the days and nights aren't so bad. As i on the other hand survived the days but as soon as nights came my mind went into over drive, thinking thinking thinking.... question after question, thought after thought... I'm sure you know the drill. I was struggling and still am some days to even sleep and had to go to the doctor about this as it was on my mind when I closed my eyes till I opened them again. I was making myself physically ill with my feelings but it was way out of my control. Four weeks on and I ask myself how I actually coped as I genuinely do not know what got me through such dark times... Yes I cannot lie I am still hurting and wondering but I have learned to deal with it a bit better. Considering the state I had got myself into I do not know how I stuck to NC .. looking back I question myself how I stuck to my guns and said No, I remeber looking in the mirror a few weeks back when I was very raw and thinking OMG look at yourself. I not only felt horrible I looked it to and I thought I cannot do this to myself. I cannot let myself get physically ill through this. I though will my ex be in this mess? NO! Will he be loosing sleep? Missing work? Skipping meals? NOOO!! then why should we? We are on the recieving end of this torture yet we continue to torture ourselfs a little more. TaintedHeart take each day as it comes! There will be times you feel great and times you feel awful but try and be positive! My dad said to me when you wake in the morning and you are feeling low say this to yourself... Just for today I am going to.... fill the blank with something positive, something that will reward YOU! Look at your situation as a pie (sorry for the insensitivity, but it does make sense lol) This massisve pie (your problem/situation) is so overwhelming therefore take a little nibble each day... this will eventually become smaller and smaller and smaller.... Dont be greedy and try to eat it all at once because you will choke! Life will not give you anything that you cannot handle TaintedHeart - it is how you handle it that will make you become the person you are. Keep positive and stay strong. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I promise, in time, it will get easier
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 hey TaintedHeart I totally agree with your thread... However, take great satisfaction from the fact that the days and nights aren't so bad. As i on the other hand survived the days but as soon as nights came my mind went into over drive, thinking thinking thinking.... question after question, thought after thought... I'm sure you know the drill. I was struggling and still am some days to even sleep and had to go to the doctor about this as it was on my mind when I closed my eyes till I opened them again. I was making myself physically ill with my feelings but it was way out of my control. Four weeks on and I ask myself how I actually coped as I genuinely do not know what got me through such dark times... Yes I cannot lie I am still hurting and wondering but I have learned to deal with it a bit better. Considering the state I had got myself into I do not know how I stuck to NC .. looking back I question myself how I stuck to my guns and said No, I remeber looking in the mirror a few weeks back when I was very raw and thinking OMG look at yourself. I not only felt horrible I looked it to and I thought I cannot do this to myself. I cannot let myself get physically ill through this. I though will my ex be in this mess? NO! Will he be loosing sleep? Missing work? Skipping meals? NOOO!! then why should we? We are on the recieving end of this torture yet we continue to torture ourselfs a little more. TaintedHeart take each day as it comes! There will be times you feel great and times you feel awful but try and be positive! My dad said to me when you wake in the morning and you are feeling low say this to yourself... Just for today I am going to.... fill the blank with something positive, something that will reward YOU! Look at your situation as a pie (sorry for the insensitivity, but it does make sense lol) This massisve pie (your problem/situation) is so overwhelming therefore take a little nibble each day... this will eventually become smaller and smaller and smaller.... Dont be greedy and try to eat it all at once because you will choke! Life will not give you anything that you cannot handle TaintedHeart - it is how you handle it that will make you become the person you are. Keep positive and stay strong. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I promise, in time, it will get easier My situation seems pretty pathetic compared to yours In the first week I was the same as you, during the night my mind just kept ticking over and over and over. During the day I was just in a zombie mode. I made myself unwell too, I wasn't sleeping or eating, the smell of food made me want to vomit. I wasn't showering or getting dressed. Then one day my mum found me passed out in the garden. My blood pressure was dangerously low. My doctor put me on anti-depressants and sleeping pills which helped de-clutter my mind. I was thinking the same 'I bet she's not making herself ill' and I knew she was just getting on with things like nothing had happend, she was able to wipe away 3 years just like that but this wasn't enough for me to buck my idea's up but I did decide not to contact her. god it was hard and still is, I just want to be able to ring or text her like I used to just to say 'I love you babe'. Ah, you're dad sounds like an amazing guy! I'll try the pie thing You should be proud of yourself, I wish I had your strength and courage
pink24 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Yeah, well everyones situation is different and no matter how big or small the break up is it doesnt hurt any less I honestly wish I could tell you that it will stop but that would be sugar coating it for you. The best thing to try and do is ACCEPT.. accept your is is now YOUR EX, accept they are not coming back and accept that you and her are on different roads for whatever the reason is. In time it will become clear but it has happened for a reason. I know exactly what you mean, before we split my ex and I spoke constantly throughout the day via calls, texts and IM's to now - NOTHING! The void I feel is unexplainable. I feel like I have lost a limb but it is out of my control. NC for me personally is a must, I am not initiating any contact whatsoever. I cannot lie I feel like going and banging on his front door never mind calling/texting but it is not the solution. I am not begging, pleading or grovelling for no one no matter how much I miss him. I am a strong person and can be stubborn but I know I have done nothing wrong for this treatment therefore I will not be getting in touch. Stay strong TaintedHeart... Make sure you are focused on you, I'm not saying forget her because you wont, I know I haven't but at least try to push her out of your head. Concentrate on you as an idividual. Yes 3 Years is a long time but you survived without her before you guys got together and in time you will do the same again
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Yeah, well everyones situation is different and no matter how big or small the break up is it doesnt hurt any less I honestly wish I could tell you that it will stop but that would be sugar coating it for you. The best thing to try and do is ACCEPT.. accept your is is now YOUR EX, accept they are not coming back and accept that you and her are on different roads for whatever the reason is. In time it will become clear but it has happened for a reason. I know exactly what you mean, before we split my ex and I spoke constantly throughout the day via calls, texts and IM's to now - NOTHING! The void I feel is unexplainable. I feel like I have lost a limb but it is out of my control. NC for me personally is a must, I am not initiating any contact whatsoever. I cannot lie I feel like going and banging on his front door never mind calling/texting but it is not the solution. I am not begging, pleading or grovelling for no one no matter how much I miss him. I am a strong person and can be stubborn but I know I have done nothing wrong for this treatment therefore I will not be getting in touch. Stay strong TaintedHeart... Make sure you are focused on you, I'm not saying forget her because you wont, I know I haven't but at least try to push her out of your head. Concentrate on you as an idividual. Yes 3 Years is a long time but you survived without her before you guys got together and in time you will do the same again Oh don't worry I won't be contacting her. I want to be angry and hate her but I can't, :/ I just can't believe how much effort it takes me to have a shower and to do any other normal small tasks, argh!
pink24 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Oh don't worry I won't be contacting her. I want to be angry and hate her but I can't, :/ I just can't believe how much effort it takes me to have a shower and to do any other normal small tasks, argh! Yeah but you are putting the effort in ... a day at a time!
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Yeah but you are putting the effort in ... a day at a time! Yeah I guess so, it's only been 3 weeks. Did you find little tasks hard?
pink24 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I found opening my eyes hard. I still do at times I wont lie but life does have to go on. I went to bed one night 4 weeks ago thinking my life was perfect, I graduated from university had got myself a fantastic job, I was recently engaged and planning a wedding with the person I thought was perfect for me, in process of moving in together - the lot. I then woke up and felt like and still do like my legs were chopped off. My world has exploded and I had no control over it. H has walked away from me with no real reason as to why! I questioned is my life actually worth it? Well yes it is, without him I am still me, I still have all the nice things I had. I just have no one to share them with but that cant stop me. I have a fantastic family and great friends and I keep telling myself I will get through this. These past four weeks I have went through the mill a million times. The hurt is unexplainable and I still feel it but I have got to move on. Maybe just now my ex doesnt see it, maybe he is happy with his decision but I know that what we had together is extremely hard to come by. He may not think at the minute he has made a mistake but I really think he has and I genuinely believe he will regret this....one day! Yet, I cannot wait for one day to come, I have to move on with MY life. If we are to be together there is no human power on this earth that will stop it but life is for living not to endure. Your here once dont let life pass you by ....
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I found opening my eyes hard. I still do at times I wont lie but life does have to go on. I went to bed one night 4 weeks ago thinking my life was perfect, I graduated from university had got myself a fantastic job, I was recently engaged and planning a wedding with the person I thought was perfect for me, in process of moving in together - the lot. I then woke up and felt like and still do like my legs were chopped off. My world has exploded and I had no control over it. H has walked away from me with no real reason as to why! I questioned is my life actually worth it? Well yes it is, without him I am still me, I still have all the nice things I had. I just have no one to share them with but that cant stop me. I have a fantastic family and great friends and I keep telling myself I will get through this. These past four weeks I have went through the mill a million times. The hurt is unexplainable and I still feel it but I have got to move on. Maybe just now my ex doesnt see it, maybe he is happy with his decision but I know that what we had together is extremely hard to come by. He may not think at the minute he has made a mistake but I really think he has and I genuinely believe he will regret this....one day! Yet, I cannot wait for one day to come, I have to move on with MY life. If we are to be together there is no human power on this earth that will stop it but life is for living not to endure. Your here once dont let life pass you by .... I feel pretty ashamed of myself for letting myself go, I used to love dressing up and putting on my make-up but I have no desire for these things anymore. Feel like there's nobody to impress and please
Geya Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I feel pretty ashamed of myself for letting myself go, I used to love dressing up and putting on my make-up but I have no desire for these things anymore. Feel like there's nobody to impress and please I know that feeling! Shopping also felt useless, what you gotta do is go out with friends, force yourself out little by little, take a breakup book and go by yourself to any near coffee shop, have some me time and read.. Stay in the shower a little longer it's really relaxing to just feel the water splash on you, try some meditation, read constantly stuff that will inspire you and help you get through this, I was there, it was HORRIBLE I know how difficult it is, I know that feeling but I'm here now and I'm telling you I'm 100x better, I'm no longer sad, heartbroken my mind doesn't overly obsess, life is peaceful and good and enjoyable, I never thought I'd get here, when you're depressed and hurt our mind has this great power to make us think it'll be forever we'll suffer for so long and we'll always be like this, WRONG! Feeling better might come sooner than you thought it would, the pain is temporarily and it's natural to feel that way.. Stay strong and please take good care of yourself, you might feel like there's no one to impress or to take care of but that's absolutely wrong, you still have yourself and you're the most important person in your life, take good care of yourself & love yourself first and foremost
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I know that feeling! Shopping also felt useless, what you gotta do is go out with friends, force yourself out little by little, take a breakup book and go by yourself to any near coffee shop, have some me time and read.. Stay in the shower a little longer it's really relaxing to just feel the water splash on you, try some meditation, read constantly stuff that will inspire you and help you get through this, I was there, it was HORRIBLE I know how difficult it is, I know that feeling but I'm here now and I'm telling you I'm 100x better, I'm no longer sad, heartbroken my mind doesn't overly obsess, life is peaceful and good and enjoyable, I never thought I'd get here, when you're depressed and hurt our mind has this great power to make us think it'll be forever we'll suffer for so long and we'll always be like this, WRONG! Feeling better might come sooner than you thought it would, the pain is temporarily and it's natural to feel that way.. Stay strong and please take good care of yourself, you might feel like there's no one to impress or to take care of but that's absolutely wrong, you still have yourself and you're the most important person in your life, take good care of yourself & love yourself first and foremost Thank you I will try to wear a little make-up tomorrow and I'll take an extra long shower..
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