charlieyost Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 So after I got this from my ex on the 4th, I just wanted to pop a hello and tell you that I still care alot for you and I hope you are doing okay. You are still dear to me and I miss you, and I hope this distance between us will eventually disappear. Anyways, please take care of yourself, eat well, please meet your friends soon cos they are worried about you I think, and please don't tire yourself out in any way. And this on the 8th, Funny how from strangers we become friends and then back to being strangers again... I did not reply her at all. 14th was her birthday. So i sent her a birthday greeting. And this was what I got, Thank you.. Please don't ignore me although I know that's the best thing to do. I'm sorry for everything. I replied Its okay. But whatsapp was down so I don't think she got it till morning. And I got this at 3am, I miss you, I miss my friend. I replied Take care (her name)... Only in the morning hours later. And I got this reply, Please talk to me when you are ready Please And please take care of yourself I don't think I am gonna reply. Don't really know what to say.
wilsonx Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 What a selfish bitch? Don't let her tell you what to do. She ended the friendship and now she wants it back Tell her to pound sand by just sticking to NC
samm84 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 You've handled things brilliantly, you've kept your replies short and thoughtful. I would recommend that you stick to no contact and don't be taken in by her messages. Otherwise you will catch yourself replying to her too much, and then kick yourself for it.
Author charlieyost Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 yeah I think she feels guilty. But I am not sure if she regrets. Seems like she wants to talk to me but what's there to talk about? When should I reply her?
DantaX Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 yeah I think she feels guilty. But I am not sure if she regrets. Seems like she wants to talk to me but what's there to talk about? When should I reply her? Bah, she wants her cake and she wants to eat it too. Cant go like that. Your doing so well with your short and sweet responses when you did choose to respond. No contact is best. i am a newly converted believer in no contact. If she continues, you should consider limiting the ways in which she can access you if you want to give yourself time to heal. Her contacting you has you questioning her motive, wether it be guilt or regret. At the end of the day who cares what her motive is. Its about YOU now. YOU YOU YOU. and your right. There is nothing else to say.
Author charlieyost Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 So, I got an email from her today. She sent me a link to a job offering and said just happened to see this today and thought it would be perfect for you. i miss u and i hope u are well and coping okay, i know all this is my burden to shoulder. please take care I don't understand why she is contacting me. It doesn't really help. I know she cares but....
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 she basically, felt bad she left you. she needed to know she still has you were she wants you. of course she still cares about you. but she wants to rid the guilt. and wants to know that you still like her. she likes to be liked. do what is right for YOU. not her. breaking up is always hard. i would be a bit like, wow ok so now your trying to tell me how to live my life when you dont even want to be in it. and its all ok for you to say because slowly she is relieving the guilt. but yeah i understand why this would be hard. you both dont want to loose each other. but untill you move on you may always be on this roundabout
Author charlieyost Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I get what you mean. She has been taking the initiative to contact me for the past month. We broke up for 2 months now. I don't know what she is trying to do. I mean do I talk to her? Does she want to work things out? Should I tell her to stop?
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I'm assuming that she dumped you. If that's the case, then she chose to have you out of her life. Then, that's EXACTLY what you give her. She either gets 100% or nothing. She chose nothing. Stay NC.
Author charlieyost Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah she dumped me. I was wondering if she is taking baby steps to talk to me about something. I know I shouldn't break NC unless she is clear that she wants to talk about working things out. But NC isn't the way to go for reconciliation. LC should be the way right? I am just not sure when I should reply her.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 She's more than likely trying to rid herself of the guilt from the pain that she knows she's caused you. If you responded back, "HEY!!! I'M GREAT!!! HOW ARE YOU!!!!" I trust you would be getting less and less texts from her because she would know that you are, in fact, okay and she can move on with her orginal plans (whatever those are). She's trying to get you in the friend zone. I wouldn't go there if I were you.
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah she dumped me. I was wondering if she is taking baby steps to talk to me about something. I know I shouldn't break NC unless she is clear that she wants to talk about working things out. But NC isn't the way to go for reconciliation. LC should be the way right? I am just not sure when I should reply her. Look, I will tell you right now. I tried reconciliation. It doesn't work because deep down inside, you resent your ex and she resents you. The only way it would work if you both were to be truly indifferent to the past and start over from there. That takes a long time and by the time you get there, she wont matter to you to even care about being friends with. Thats the point you want to get to. I told my ex that I can't be there for her anymore. Not only is about my healing but the fact is our relationship is over and its time for me to move on. I forgave her for what she did to give me my space but at the same time, she asked why I never went back to my ex back in the day and its because I never missed her because she was always around. She yelled at me because I pretty much told her that's what I was going to do and she did not think it was fair. Life is not fair sometimes but I will assure you that the longer you stick to NC the more you are going to win for yourself in the end. You do not need immature people like this in your life.
Author charlieyost Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I got all the courage I had and told her to stop texting me. Me: I really appreciate your kind thoughts. But you really don't have to. I hope you can stop texting me if you care. I am okay. Take care. Her: Okay.. Take care. I'm sure you know how I feel, same way when you and your ex broke up. But difference is you guys still talked. But I understand that this is your way of coping. I will not bother you and I hope you'll speak to me again when you are ready. Me: The situation between me and you and my ex and I are totally different. Her: I see. I don't understand why it's different, but you wanted to be friends with her as much as I want you to remain on good terms with me. But I'm not forcing you. Either way I hope you will talk to me next time when you find it appropriate to. Well, I guess I won't be hearing from her for awhile now. I feel upset but I know that it will be good for my healing..
Sebstian Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You did well and you got the answer to what she was after: "being on good terms", as several people suggested. If you don't want any drama, you can just text her and say, "sure we're on good terms, I just can't be there for you right now and talking to you slows my healing". Or whatever. You did well and you will thank yourself for it eventually! / Seb
Author charlieyost Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks Seb. Nah, I'm not gonna reply her. It was a difficult decision. It hurts cos I was kinda enjoying her initiating contact. But I guess I have to put a stop cos we are on different pages.
Author charlieyost Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Been sticking to that! NC is really good for healing. Onward!
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