theogofguitar Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 I recently posted a thread here asking for advice and help on my current breakup of 3.5 years with a girl I love..Long story short we were each others first love,long relationship,first everything.We are in our early 20's(a case of what is called the GIGS around here) I am posting this painfully obvious that I had ignorned most advice given to me, in which I asked if going to the amusemnt park(my ex initiated it, and every contact since the breakup) was a bad decision, then followed by my question is suprising her with a romantic picnic a few days later a even worse idea? I did,against the advice of others, go to the park today...We spent the day not discusing the relationship and infact I think both of us just wanted to do one nice last thing with each other stressfree... Ive recieved some mixed signals in the first week or so of our breakup,the i love you,kissing and whatnot,txting and calling me,wanting to hangout and see me...She has stated she wants to remain friends,we truely are bestfriends and though I was shocked at the breakup I do believe Ive handled it very calm,understood and agreed with the breakup for the sake of both of us. Ofcourse I want nothing more than to get back with her,thus the fork in the road I am currently in.I have asked her if I can meet up with her Sunday, though I had initally planned a romantic picnic I am now doubting wether or not I should go through with it..There was a staleness in our relationship that I was in the process of trying to communicate(literally at that moment) when she broke up with me. I have decided upon just going to her, and asking if we can maturely and repsectfully see where the other truely is at and proceed with NC if I am just to remain around in friend mode till she finds someone else.. NC seems to be the best way to go about this, and most relationships as I have read and heard to many dumpee's waitin in the friendzone with falsehope while the dumper moves on and evnetually is pushed away further from the dumpee from excessive pleases and romantic gestures trying to win the dumper back... FOLKS PLEASE I know I was painfully oblivious to the advice before but anybody from experience Am I Doing the right thing but just meeting to make peace with the relationship.... Am I forever losing my chance gettin back with her if she doesnt see a romantic side of me?? Would it hurt to go in with a talk, and if all goes better than expected do the picnic anyway?? PLEASE IM GOING CRAZY and I need some advice and insight
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 First off, the relationship is over, so whatever you chose to do involving or not involving her is now your choice. You owe her nothing. Dont make peace with her. Dont hang out with her. I'm going to give you a little advice, you are hurt and broken right now. You are. The thread title is a dead give away. You second guessed your decision. The best decision I would suggest you take is to go NC and stay there. A long term relationship ending in a breakup such as yours hurts. If she comes back in a month or two and apologizes and wants a second chance, I would suggest against it, no matter how much you love her. Right now you are crushed, broken, and what I like to call beta male. You are not the same person that attracted your ex in the first place. Don't blame yourself for this in all likely hood you were doing everything possible to keep the relationship going strong, her light switch probably just flipped and the more she pulled away, the more you chased and started being codependent. I did it, I know exactly how you feel right now and I had the same feelings and made the same mistakes as you after the breakup. Just go NC, read some of the posts here on the forums, learn, heal and grow and move forward with your life. I'm sorry that she broke up with you but it happens, it hurts and you will find someone better will come along http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/ Here's a good post for later on that I have bookmarked by alphamale about how to keep a relationship alive. Its pretty spot on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3514294&postcount=3 here is another good post by homebrew that highlights things to do during the breakup... If you have any other questions feel free to ask... but the most important thing you can do is sever all ties with your ex ASAP. Its going to hurt, you might fail NC 10 times before you stick it. But the second you stick with NC and start detaching from your ex emotionally and moving on, the faster you can heal and move forward with your life of whatever you choose to do
samm84 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 You still remind me of myself 3 weeks ago. You planned one date, now your planning another for whatever reason. This may sound a little judgemental, but the only way you will find the self control to initiate and stick to your no contact rule is by accepting that the relationship is over. The alternative - do what I did. Plan to meet her and clear the air, or to pour your heart out, or to show her that you've changed. While your in this state of mind you will ALWAYS find a reason for contacting her, whether you initiate NC or not. You will always break no contact and instantly fold any emotional cards that you might be holding in order to get her back. All you will do is kick yourself. Flip things around for a moment here, is she planning days out or meetings with you? It seems not, and yet somehow she has you committing yourself to her. These meetings are not helping to bring her closer, its crazy but thats how people's minds work. I plead that you start NC before she finds someone else, because thats when you will truly feel defeated. On the bright side though, it can also be what you need to accept that it's over.
Author theogofguitar Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 I have decided to not do the picnic...But I do need to meet up with her and let her know where I stand and that I refuse to let her have all the power here... She has been the one initiating contact, caling me, wanting to hang out...But I do fear she just wants to do it to not feel so bad...I'm tired of being weak and thinking everything was my fault and as much as I hate to have to accept it's over and that she probably is already talking to someone else I'm going to have to... I'm done doing all of this and I'm done having her call me, text me and want to hang out every day of the week but just to remain as friends... If she wants to take it slowly then I can do that under the circumstances that we continue to work on things for the both of us, i dont want to hop right back into how the relationship was..I'm no longer feeling desperate, I feel heartbroken sure, but there is no reason to love someone deeply who does not feel the same back anymore
samm84 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 there is no reason to love someone deeply who does not feel the same back anymore I would recommend that you keep reminding yourself of this. I wish you all the best with sticking to your guns!
Chi townD Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Dude, she had a choice. She chose to have you out of her life and that's exactly what you need to give her. She can't have her cake and eat it too! She either gets 100% of you or nothing. and you can put a peroid on that...
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