Decided To Cheat

[GulfBreezeMan38]

I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. I love my wife however, I am finding myself growing apart from her. In our marriage, I do all of the cooking, yardwork, paying of the bills, grocery shopping, half of the laundry (which has turned out to be most these days), most of the house cleaning (last time she cleaned a bathroom was over 6 months ago), and of course my share of taking care of our two kids, 4 & 7. Other than her helping with the laundry, and every now and then helping with the house cleaning, she takes care of the homework and other school things. Right there is one of the problems, she's upset that I don't help with the school stuff/homework. However, usually when they are doing homework, I am cooking dinner. I do help with homework if she is late or goes out with co-workers. My wife and I both work too.

 

As you can see, I do my share and then some. When it comes to taking a break, I like to fish, play golf, ski, I always have an activity that keeps me going, or allows me to release stress and just relax. Activities to get my mind off of things and re-focus...my hobbies. Over the past few years my wife has given me so much krap for doing these things that I have pretty much stopped. I have played golf 1 time in 15 months, I only fish 2 times a month (...and I live on the water!), only TV I watch is football, and I live in FL. now so I don't ski. It feels like she is keeping me from the things I have been passionate about my entire life.

 

The problem is that she doesn't have any hobbies. She keeps telling me she wants to work out more and lose 15 pounds to get back down to 115 where she has always been. I tell her on a daily basis that she can go do whatever she wants, I ask if she's planning on going to the gym and if she wants me to watch the kids, etc. She used to play soccer so I get all of the sign up information for her and she never goes through with it. I tell her to go over to the beach and read a book, take a walk on the beach, just get out on her own and relax, away from the kids. I can't push her out of the house, but I am giving her every opportunity to do whatever she wants. Her response is always "You say I can do whatever I want, but we both know that's not true". I have told her I will never say no to anything she asks to do, If she wants to get a drink with a friend after work, go shopping, whatever she wants to do I will always say yes. She always thinks I have an underlying reason for getting her to go do things on her own. No, I just want her to relax, she tells me everyday that she's tired, yet she falls asleep on the couch every night and doesn't come to bed until 3-4am. I told her that if it was me who did that every night, there would be a serious problem with it, and she agreed, yet she still does it every night. I ask her nicely every night to please come to bed instead of falling asleep because broken sleep will make you even more tired, plus she wakes me up every time she comes to bed, and I don't want to wake up every night at 3-4am. I asked her out of respect for me and the fact that I work 7am-7pm everyday, to please sleep in our bed and not on the couch for half the night. Still won't change her ways.

 

Our sex life is non-existant. I have always been the one who initiates it, and I am tired of doing that. I told her if I stopped initiating it, we would never have sex, sure enough I stopped and it's been 9 weeks since we've had sex. I used to ask for it all the time, and we would still go a minimum of 5 weeks between having sex. I actually marked on a calendar when we did it, and after 6 months showed her, we had done it 3 times. she keeps telling me that we need to do it more, but then never follows through. I have tried to make it interesting with toys, movies, doing it in different places, etc. but she only wants to do it in the bedroom, the same way each time.

 

So after months of analyzing our situation, I have decided to go ahead with having an affair, or finding a "friends with benefits" situation. At this point, if she finds out, I really wouldn't care, would make it easier for her to leave me. I have mentioned the "D" word several times, but she says that's out of the question, I have even told her she can have everything, you name it, she can have it, just can't leave the state with my kids. I would even let her have the house, which can never legally be hers (long story based on a living trust), however, I am willing to let her live there with our kids. she just blows it off and the next day acts as if nothing was said. I have joined a couple sites and I have met some nice women that I plan on pursuing a friendship with.

 

The reason I am writing this is to get some other perspectives on this situation...am I really mean for doing this, am I justified, I know I should just walk away from our marriage, but it's easier said than done. I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this.

 

Thank you for your time and reading this

[Memphis Raines]

first off I don't condone cheating no matter what the circumstance, so be a man and divorce her before becoming a POS cheater.

 

now, she doesn't have sex, but wants to slim down. you know what that sounds like to me? sounds to me like she either wants to have an affair, or already has.

 

those are 2 of the biggest red flags. no sex coupled with one wanting to look good. because if she wants to look good naked, and she isn't doing it with you, who is it then?

[GulfBreezeMan38]

I doubt she is having an affair, she's been saying she wants to lose weight for over a year now. I keep telling her she needs to take the necessary steps to make that happen. I have helped by cooking more healthy meals and buying the things she wants in order to lose weight. I try to encourage excersize along with eating better, but she feels eating better is all she needs to do, however, I disagree and have been trying to get her to go for walks after dinner, jogs on the beach, I tell her everyday I will take trhe kids if she wants to go to the gym, for a walk, jog on the beach, just never takes me up on the offer. Been the same discussion for over a year. I keep trying to ask for a divorce, she keeps blowing me off and won't allow the discussion, if she was having an affair why wouldn't she agree to me letting her have everything including a house on the water and full custody of the kids, even though I am willing to take them whenever she wants. She can have her cake and eat it too if she was having an afffair, so I do not believe she is.

[GorillaTheater]

You sound like you're willing to walk away from everything anyways, so why not get a divorce? It doesn't matter one iota if she doesn't agree to seek one, or refuses to consider the idea. Just file. Her "consent" is in no way required. Sure beats having an affair and ending the marriage with a complete lack of integrity.

 

But you know what it sounds like to me? You're desperately unhappy, and I get that. But you want to have an affair not so much for getting sex so much as to get your wife to "agree" to get a divorce.

[Kidd]

Dude, let's see how many people support your twisted justification for your selfish plan to betray your faithful but unhappy wife. Your rambling complaints are a joke. Welcome to marriage, pal. It's a lifelong commitment and yeah, it's hard. So, you'll stay faithful during the good times and cheat during the bad times? Don't think your vows read quite like that. If you respect your wife (and I hear no good reason not to in even your own post) then you owe I to her to either stay faithful or end the marriage before you are unfaithful. Or how about your real obligation which is to work on the marriage. Read books, get an individual counselor, get a marriage counselor, have a direct conversation with your wife about how unhappy you have been and that it scares you enough that the marriage is at risk. There are a million other things you can do besides being a cheating, lying jerk that doesn't have the courage to have a freakin' conversation but instead just takes care of his own selfish needs while his wife stays committed to a farse.

 

My wife made the same mistake as you. She was frustrated, didn't have the courage to have a real conversation, and then f*cked up a 17 year relationship with two small kids involved. You know her biggest regret? That she didn't have the courage to talk to me and figured I couldn't change anyway. She finally told me she was thinking about separation and I sat up straight and changed everything that she could have ever wanted. And then I discovered her affair. Oops. Her bad. Looks like just one serious conversation would have fixed it after all.

 

You need to stop your nonsense and get to work on your marriage before you screw up both of your lives because you were simply too much of a coward to meet your obligations to the one person who has devoted the most to you in your life. What the hell is the matter with people in this world? Do the right thing here. It couldnt be more obvious. If you can commit to that, people on here will give you a million great suggestions to have a great marriage BEFORE the disaster that an affair will bring.

[Confused4Now]

I doubt she is having an affair, she's been saying she wants to lose weight for over a year now. I keep telling her she needs to take the necessary steps to make that happen. I have helped by cooking more healthy meals and buying the things she wants in order to lose weight. I try to encourage excersize along with eating better, but she feels eating better is all she needs to do, however, I disagree and have been trying to get her to go for walks after dinner, jogs on the beach, I tell her everyday I will take trhe kids if she wants to go to the gym, for a walk, jog on the beach, just never takes me up on the offer. Been the same discussion for over a year. I keep trying to ask for a divorce, she keeps blowing me off and won't allow the discussion, if she was having an affair why wouldn't she agree to me letting her have everything including a house on the water and full custody of the kids, even though I am willing to take them whenever she wants. She can have her cake and eat it too if she was having an afffair, so I do not believe she is.

I was in a no sex marriage for the last 7 years of it. I had an affair and it opened my eyes as to how much I was missing sex. Now for the bad thing...if you get hooked on your affair FOG it can be a bitch to get out of it.

 

I say go to counseling fix whats wrong in your marriage and get intimate with each other again. If that doesn't work out then initiate the divorce. Your actions will show her how serious you are about your marriage and she will do something.

 

Good luck....

[OldOnTheInside]

I say go to counseling fix whats wrong in your marriage and get intimate with each other again. If that doesn't work out then initiate the divorce. Your actions will show her how serious you are about your marriage and she will do something.

 

Smart.

 

OP, your "plan" is just going to dig yourself deeper into your own sh*tpile.

 

Not a good idea. Especially if you do get divorced.

[Linda9999]

Sounds to me like you just want to have an affair so that your wife will find out and leave you. Guess what? YOU can leave your WIFE no matter what she says - saying that SHE says a divorce is out of the question is ludicrous. DO you want to stay married to her? If so then DO NOT have an affair. Do you want to end the marriage? If so then DO NOT have an affair. Set the wheels in motion for a divorce and THEN go out and screw around to your hearts content.

[Kidd]

So far, you are 0 for 7 on the, "Oh yeah, having an affair is the right choice" tally.

[2sunny]

i don't encourage anyone to cheat. are you cheating now? i couldn't tell by your chosen words - but it appears that you may already be intimately involved with/considering someone in particular.

 

if you even WANT to do that - you should either:

 

a) ask for your wife's permission - so you don't need to be dishonest about it - meanwhile being completely honest with who you show interest in.

 

or

 

b) have the divorce final before anything even BEGINS with someone new.

[xxoo]

I I keep trying to ask for a divorce, she keeps blowing me off and won't allow the discussion.

 

What do you mean by this?

 

Go rent an apt and file for divorce. Less talk, more action--but don't drag someone else into your mess.

 

Think of your kids. They deserve parents that get along as well as possible, together or divorced. An affair could easily be a bomb going off in their lives....

[nyrias]

You can do this:

 

tell her, "I do not want to be your husband anymore. I am now start seeing other people, and i am not going to tell you the details, like it or not".

 

Once you do that, you dissolve your marriage vows, and while technically you are still married, you are not, in spirit. And i think you are free to see anyone else.

 

And of course making it official through a divorce is better.

 

However, i think once you make yourself clear that there is no more husband and wife relationship, you cannot cheat, by definition, no matter what you do.

 

The key is there is no deception.

[SidLyon]

I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. I love my wife however, I am finding myself growing apart from her. In our marriage, I do all of the cooking, yardwork, paying of the bills, grocery shopping, half of the laundry (which has turned out to be most these days), most of the house cleaning (last time she cleaned a bathroom was over 6 months ago), and of course my share of taking care of our two kids, 4 & 7. Other than her helping with the laundry, and every now and then helping with the house cleaning, she takes care of the homework and other school things. Right there is one of the problems, she's upset that I don't help with the school stuff/homework. However, usually when they are doing homework, I am cooking dinner. I do help with homework if she is late or goes out with co-workers. My wife and I both work too.

 

As you can see, I do my share and then some. When it comes to taking a break, I like to fish, play golf, ski, I always have an activity that keeps me going, or allows me to release stress and just relax. Activities to get my mind off of things and re-focus...my hobbies. Over the past few years my wife has given me so much krap for doing these things that I have pretty much stopped. I have played golf 1 time in 15 months, I only fish 2 times a month (...and I live on the water!), only TV I watch is football, and I live in FL. now so I don't ski. It feels like she is keeping me from the things I have been passionate about my entire life.

 

The problem is that she doesn't have any hobbies. She keeps telling me she wants to work out more and lose 15 pounds to get back down to 115 where she has always been. I tell her on a daily basis that she can go do whatever she wants, I ask if she's planning on going to the gym and if she wants me to watch the kids, etc. She used to play soccer so I get all of the sign up information for her and she never goes through with it. I tell her to go over to the beach and read a book, take a walk on the beach, just get out on her own and relax, away from the kids. I can't push her out of the house, but I am giving her every opportunity to do whatever she wants. Her response is always "You say I can do whatever I want, but we both know that's not true". I have told her I will never say no to anything she asks to do, If she wants to get a drink with a friend after work, go shopping, whatever she wants to do I will always say yes. She always thinks I have an underlying reason for getting her to go do things on her own. No, I just want her to relax, she tells me everyday that she's tired, yet she falls asleep on the couch every night and doesn't come to bed until 3-4am. I told her that if it was me who did that every night, there would be a serious problem with it, and she agreed, yet she still does it every night. I ask her nicely every night to please come to bed instead of falling asleep because broken sleep will make you even more tired, plus she wakes me up every time she comes to bed, and I don't want to wake up every night at 3-4am. I asked her out of respect for me and the fact that I work 7am-7pm everyday, to please sleep in our bed and not on the couch for half the night. Still won't change her ways.

 

Our sex life is non-existant. I have always been the one who initiates it, and I am tired of doing that. I told her if I stopped initiating it, we would never have sex, sure enough I stopped and it's been 9 weeks since we've had sex. I used to ask for it all the time, and we would still go a minimum of 5 weeks between having sex. I actually marked on a calendar when we did it, and after 6 months showed her, we had done it 3 times. she keeps telling me that we need to do it more, but then never follows through. I have tried to make it interesting with toys, movies, doing it in different places, etc. but she only wants to do it in the bedroom, the same way each time.

 

So after months of analyzing our situation, I have decided to go ahead with having an affair, or finding a "friends with benefits" situation. At this point, if she finds out, I really wouldn't care, would make it easier for her to leave me. I have mentioned the "D" word several times, but she says that's out of the question, I have even told her she can have everything, you name it, she can have it, just can't leave the state with my kids. I would even let her have the house, which can never legally be hers (long story based on a living trust), however, I am willing to let her live there with our kids. she just blows it off and the next day acts as if nothing was said. I have joined a couple sites and I have met some nice women that I plan on pursuing a friendship with.

 

The reason I am writing this is to get some other perspectives on this situation...am I really mean for doing this, am I justified, I know I should just walk away from our marriage, but it's easier said than done. I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this.

 

Thank you for your time and reading this

 

Hmm... you claim to do most things around the house but you are at work from 7am to 7pm every day. Plus I assume there's traveling time to and from work. What hours does your wife work and who does all the domestic stuff and cares for the kids during the (at least) 12 hours per day you are not at home. Surely they are at school or wherever for only a few hours each day.

 

Your kids are young. If you are getting them up before you go to work then they probably go to bed not long after you get home from work.

 

Any parent of kids of this age knows how exhausting it can be caring for kids while they are awake. Quite possibly your wife has worked hard while you are away and hasn't had the time to cook and clean when you get home.

 

Either way you have major communication problems in your marriage (as I'm sure you know) and it seems that you are just as responsible as she is for the communication problems. But you still find time to hunt for other women on these sites.

 

You have now convinced yourself you are entitled to have an affair and that this is what your wife deserves. Have you considered that this means you believe you are entitled to manipulate your wife into staying married to you (by denying her information), to deceive and mislead her (yes this will mean lying to her) and inflict marital abuse on her (and yes this will be how she feels if she knows that you for instance, have sex with her after having sex with another). She is entitled to have "informed consent" in deciding whether or not to continue a sex life with you.

 

If you really think you deserve to have sex outside your marriage then you need to communicate this to your wife and if this is not part of your marriage agreement then you may need to leave the marriage or renegotiate the agreement.

 

Sadly like many MM you come across as already having decided about this and you probably won't be deterred from your course of action.

 

My advice is honesty. That is tell her how you are feeling explicitly. That you are lonely and missing intimacy in your life and that it is so bad for you that you are thinking of having an affair or finding a FWB and that you have already started the process. I guarantee you this will be a wake up call for your wife. She will need to to decide how important you and her marriage are to her. If she lets you go ahead then you can do so with honesty with both your wife and any OW (who are people too and deserves honesty too). If not, then you may need to leave the marriage if the sex life is more important to you.

 

I know all this because I am a wife who was once in a similar situation to that of your wife.

[KathyM]

I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. I love my wife however, I am finding myself growing apart from her. In our marriage, I do all of the cooking, yardwork, paying of the bills, grocery shopping, half of the laundry (which has turned out to be most these days), most of the house cleaning (last time she cleaned a bathroom was over 6 months ago), and of course my share of taking care of our two kids, 4 & 7. Other than her helping with the laundry, and every now and then helping with the house cleaning, she takes care of the homework and other school things. Right there is one of the problems, she's upset that I don't help with the school stuff/homework. However, usually when they are doing homework, I am cooking dinner. I do help with homework if she is late or goes out with co-workers. My wife and I both work too.

 

As you can see, I do my share and then some. When it comes to taking a break, I like to fish, play golf, ski, I always have an activity that keeps me going, or allows me to release stress and just relax. Activities to get my mind off of things and re-focus...my hobbies. Over the past few years my wife has given me so much krap for doing these things that I have pretty much stopped. I have played golf 1 time in 15 months, I only fish 2 times a month (...and I live on the water!), only TV I watch is football, and I live in FL. now so I don't ski. It feels like she is keeping me from the things I have been passionate about my entire life.

 

The problem is that she doesn't have any hobbies. She keeps telling me she wants to work out more and lose 15 pounds to get back down to 115 where she has always been. I tell her on a daily basis that she can go do whatever she wants, I ask if she's planning on going to the gym and if she wants me to watch the kids, etc. She used to play soccer so I get all of the sign up information for her and she never goes through with it. I tell her to go over to the beach and read a book, take a walk on the beach, just get out on her own and relax, away from the kids. I can't push her out of the house, but I am giving her every opportunity to do whatever she wants. Her response is always "You say I can do whatever I want, but we both know that's not true". I have told her I will never say no to anything she asks to do, If she wants to get a drink with a friend after work, go shopping, whatever she wants to do I will always say yes. She always thinks I have an underlying reason for getting her to go do things on her own. No, I just want her to relax, she tells me everyday that she's tired, yet she falls asleep on the couch every night and doesn't come to bed until 3-4am. I told her that if it was me who did that every night, there would be a serious problem with it, and she agreed, yet she still does it every night. I ask her nicely every night to please come to bed instead of falling asleep because broken sleep will make you even more tired, plus she wakes me up every time she comes to bed, and I don't want to wake up every night at 3-4am. I asked her out of respect for me and the fact that I work 7am-7pm everyday, to please sleep in our bed and not on the couch for half the night. Still won't change her ways.

 

Our sex life is non-existant. I have always been the one who initiates it, and I am tired of doing that. I told her if I stopped initiating it, we would never have sex, sure enough I stopped and it's been 9 weeks since we've had sex. I used to ask for it all the time, and we would still go a minimum of 5 weeks between having sex. I actually marked on a calendar when we did it, and after 6 months showed her, we had done it 3 times. she keeps telling me that we need to do it more, but then never follows through. I have tried to make it interesting with toys, movies, doing it in different places, etc. but she only wants to do it in the bedroom, the same way each time.

 

So after months of analyzing our situation, I have decided to go ahead with having an affair, or finding a "friends with benefits" situation. At this point, if she finds out, I really wouldn't care, would make it easier for her to leave me. I have mentioned the "D" word several times, but she says that's out of the question, I have even told her she can have everything, you name it, she can have it, just can't leave the state with my kids. I would even let her have the house, which can never legally be hers (long story based on a living trust), however, I am willing to let her live there with our kids. she just blows it off and the next day acts as if nothing was said. I have joined a couple sites and I have met some nice women that I plan on pursuing a friendship with.

 

The reason I am writing this is to get some other perspectives on this situation...am I really mean for doing this, am I justified, I know I should just walk away from our marriage, but it's easier said than done. I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this.

 

Thank you for your time and reading this

Would you both consider marital counseling? You have grown apart and lead very separate lives. You appear to do your own thing (your hobbies, etc.) and encourage her to do her own thing. That's not how to keep the bond strong in a marriage. You should be doing those hobbies and activities together. A marriage counselor could do wonders for your relationship and your sex life. Please try that before doing anything you will regret. Once you cross that line of dating other women, you do irreparable damage to the relationship that can't be undone. Your kids look up to you, I'm sure. Please don't do anything to tarnish that. The respect of your children is also something that you won't get back once you cross that line into infidelity. Encourage your wife to go to counseling with you. If she won't, then go alone. That is the first step to resolving your situation.

[Koekie]

DONT CHEAT! You seem like a good guy and I promise you in the end the guilt and self loathing wont be worth it. As well as the pain you will cause.

 

BUT MAN DO YOU NEED TO STOP BEING A DOORMAT!!!!!! Women do not want a man that lets her walk all over him. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY OTHERWISE!! We just dont find it attractive.

 

Try this and I promise you things will change.

 

Sit her down and tell her that you are now wearing the trousers in your household. Things will work 50/50. She will fall in or she is free to find the door. Tell her if she does not want to join you on your hobby trips that is just too bad because you will be going.

 

You spoiled her and made your own bed here! Ruffle it!

[Dust]

You might as well just divorce her. If you really don’t want to divorce her and need the drama come right out and say it. “You don’t have sex with me, I used to ask all the time and we’d go weeks with out having it, now we haven’t had it in months.” Also tell her you are just going to do the things you want to do. Flat out tell her I’m going go out and have fun. I do my fair share around the house and beyond that I need to live my life.

 

Just secretly cheating on the side would make you worse then anything you described her doing. It would bring a lot of drama and hurt into your families life.

[JaneyAmazed]

I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. I love my wife however, I am finding myself growing apart from her. In our marriage, I do all of the cooking, yardwork, paying of the bills, grocery shopping, half of the laundry (which has turned out to be most these days), most of the house cleaning (last time she cleaned a bathroom was over 6 months ago), and of course my share of taking care of our two kids, 4 & 7. Other than her helping with the laundry, and every now and then helping with the house cleaning, she takes care of the homework and other school things. Right there is one of the problems, she's upset that I don't help with the school stuff/homework. However, usually when they are doing homework, I am cooking dinner. I do help with homework if she is late or goes out with co-workers. My wife and I both work too.

 

As you can see, I do my share and then some. When it comes to taking a break, I like to fish, play golf, ski, I always have an activity that keeps me going, or allows me to release stress and just relax. Activities to get my mind off of things and re-focus...my hobbies. Over the past few years my wife has given me so much krap for doing these things that I have pretty much stopped. I have played golf 1 time in 15 months, I only fish 2 times a month (...and I live on the water!), only TV I watch is football, and I live in FL. now so I don't ski. It feels like she is keeping me from the things I have been passionate about my entire life.

 

The problem is that she doesn't have any hobbies. She keeps telling me she wants to work out more and lose 15 pounds to get back down to 115 where she has always been. I tell her on a daily basis that she can go do whatever she wants, I ask if she's planning on going to the gym and if she wants me to watch the kids, etc. She used to play soccer so I get all of the sign up information for her and she never goes through with it. I tell her to go over to the beach and read a book, take a walk on the beach, just get out on her own and relax, away from the kids. I can't push her out of the house, but I am giving her every opportunity to do whatever she wants. Her response is always "You say I can do whatever I want, but we both know that's not true". I have told her I will never say no to anything she asks to do, If she wants to get a drink with a friend after work, go shopping, whatever she wants to do I will always say yes. She always thinks I have an underlying reason for getting her to go do things on her own. No, I just want her to relax, she tells me everyday that she's tired, yet she falls asleep on the couch every night and doesn't come to bed until 3-4am. I told her that if it was me who did that every night, there would be a serious problem with it, and she agreed, yet she still does it every night. I ask her nicely every night to please come to bed instead of falling asleep because broken sleep will make you even more tired, plus she wakes me up every time she comes to bed, and I don't want to wake up every night at 3-4am. I asked her out of respect for me and the fact that I work 7am-7pm everyday, to please sleep in our bed and not on the couch for half the night. Still won't change her ways.

 

Our sex life is non-existant. I have always been the one who initiates it, and I am tired of doing that. I told her if I stopped initiating it, we would never have sex, sure enough I stopped and it's been 9 weeks since we've had sex. I used to ask for it all the time, and we would still go a minimum of 5 weeks between having sex. I actually marked on a calendar when we did it, and after 6 months showed her, we had done it 3 times. she keeps telling me that we need to do it more, but then never follows through. I have tried to make it interesting with toys, movies, doing it in different places, etc. but she only wants to do it in the bedroom, the same way each time.

 

So after months of analyzing our situation, I have decided to go ahead with having an affair, or finding a "friends with benefits" situation. At this point, if she finds out, I really wouldn't care, would make it easier for her to leave me. I have mentioned the "D" word several times, but she says that's out of the question, I have even told her she can have everything, you name it, she can have it, just can't leave the state with my kids. I would even let her have the house, which can never legally be hers (long story based on a living trust), however, I am willing to let her live there with our kids. she just blows it off and the next day acts as if nothing was said. I have joined a couple sites and I have met some nice women that I plan on pursuing a friendship with.

 

The reason I am writing this is to get some other perspectives on this situation...am I really mean for doing this, am I justified, I know I should just walk away from our marriage, but it's easier said than done. I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this.

 

Thank you for your time and reading this

 

I just wanted to say (I haven't read all the posts) that your situation sounds similar to what mine was except reverse the roles. My H acted like your W and and I acted like you. I decided to have an affair. Big mistake. When you have your cake and eat it too, you don't know what it's like to really lose somebody. I took my H for granted, and focused on all the negative stuff (like you're doing). When I thought I might lose him, my world came crashing down. In a instant, I regretted everything. I think you will regret this. Before doing what I did and going through with an affair, fight for your marriage. Ask your wife to go to counseling with you. If you she won't, maybe you could go to IC for a while. If the two of you still can't make the necessary changes to your marriage, then decide if you want to stay in the marriage. No matter what, an affair will only bring you more pain - whether you stay married or not. Trust me on this. An affair is a horrible choice for EVERYONE. An affair is a temporary escape. The consequences will bite you in the butt. Read my posts. Read other threads here. You have been warned.

[D-Lish]

Why don't you leave instead? It's obvious you're unhappy. That way you can be free to have sex with whomever you want without having it weigh on yur conscience.

[David Cain]

You're already thinking about it. Might as well divorce her and move out. She might even be cheating herself.

[musemaj11]

Im convinced that marriage is for men with sadomasochist tendency.

 

They think they are in love. But the truth is they just like to suffer.

[y2k]

Why don't you leave instead? It's obvious you're unhappy. That way you can be free to have sex with whomever you want without having it weigh on yur conscience.

 

^^^This is the best advice here. WAY BETTER than all the other responses I've read on this thread.

 

You obviously no longer love your wife. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NO LONGER LOVING YOUR SPOUSE. Leave her and pursue other things. Maybe you'll get laid with tons of gorgeous women. Maybe you'll find another woman who'll make you the happiest man on earth. You never know. But you already know you don't love your wife. Don't even bother with that counseling nonsense but PLEASE, what ever you do, don't start something with another woman without at least separating first. Good luck.

[SidLyon]

^^^This is the best advice here. WAY BETTER than all the other responses I've read on this thread.

 

You obviously no longer love your wife. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NO LONGER LOVING YOUR SPOUSE. Leave her and pursue other things. Maybe you'll get laid with tons of gorgeous women. Maybe you'll find another woman who'll make you the happiest man on earth. You never know. But you already know you don't love your wife. Don't even bother with that counseling nonsense but PLEASE, what ever you do, don't start something with another woman without at least separating first. Good luck.

 

In the very first line of his first post he said "I love my wife... ".

 

You may well be right that he was mistaken about this, but surely our advice should be based on the facts he gives us, which include that he does love his wife.

[y2k]

Why don't you leave instead? It's obvious you're unhappy. That way you can be free to have sex with whomever you want without having it weigh on yur conscience.

 

^^^This is the best advice here. WAY BETTER than all the other responses I've read on this thread.

 

You obviously no longer love your wife. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NO LONGER LOVING YOUR SPOUSE. Leave her and pursue other things. Maybe you'll get laid with tons of gorgeous women. Maybe you'll find another woman who'll make you the happiest man on earth. You never know. But you already know you don't love your wife. Don't even bother with that counseling nonsense but PLEASE, what ever you do, don't start something with another woman without at least separating first. Good luck.

 

 

In the very first line of his first post he said "I love my wife... ".

 

You may well be right that he was mistaken about this, but surely our advice should be based on the facts he gives us, which include that he does love his wife.

 

I'll agree with you that we should base our advice based on the facts.

 

But I personally don't believe he loves his wife. He may feel a respect, or something of the such, towards his "wife", but it's not love in the way a husband and wife is supposed to have towards each other.

 

I mean the fact that he's planning an A is enough of a fact to show that he doesn't love his wife the way a married person should. So using logic, my advice would be for him to leave his wife and to pursue life as he wants it without hurting someone else.

[StoneCold]

I'm not going to be like many here and zero in on the infidelity part because from the looks of it it may be putting the cart before the horse....

 

If divorce is something you want you dont have to have a big discussion about it....just bounce. But something is telling me there may be a bit more to how you feel about getting a divorce that you are not telling here.....because I'm sure you know you could just leave.

 

Everybody here is trying to tell you what to do and I dont know what makes them so certain that their advice is applicable to you and your situation. I would say, lets examine whats holding you back from divorce before we talk about anything else.

 

So....you want to divorce but you're not.....whats up?

Edited July 18, 2011 by StoneCold

[Memphis Raines]

I doubt she is having an affair, she's been saying she wants to lose weight for over a year now.

 

well you know her better than anyone hopefully.

 

And I'm not trying to tell you she IS for sure having an affair. But anyone that has dealt with infidelity will tell you the 2 biggest red flags that your spouse is cheating is, lack of sex, and your spouse all of a sudden wanting to lose weight.

 

If she isn't interested in sex for you, then lose weight for who? Some will chime in and say for herself. But that is usually if they are very overweight. This is just a few pounds from what I understand. And the purpose is to look good naked. but if it isn't to look good naked for you, then who?

 

Again, not saying this is what is happening, but these are the 2 biggest red flags.