My abusive ex contacted me after 2 weeks now, wants to meet up?

[Persephonexx]

Here is the thread explaining what happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287183/

 

He owes me about $500 and I requested him to send me a check or money order to my home address. I got this reply from him today:

 

I just got my check today but I thought about it and I'm not comfortable with sending money in any form to your mothers house. If you want the money, we can meet at your convenience. I'm free after 6 everyday usually

 

My hands are shaking. Am I a coward if I dont meet up with him? Should I just give him my bank info so he can deposit it directly?

 

I'm sure hes talking or dating someone else seriously so I don't think its to talk things out with me.

 

Help!

[amethyste]

Can you send a friend or a relative to pick the money?

[Persephonexx]

Not really I just dont want any drama.

[amethyste]

Do not meet him if you're scared. That alone should land him in jail, abusing you, and you living emotionally scarred for it. If he refuses to send the money sue him. You do not and should not have to meet anyone you're terrified of, and who hurt you. I agree with the comment above, either get a friend or relative to pick it up, or sue him.

 

DO NOT give him your bank info. He is your ex, and an abusive one at that. You need to stay safe and not do risky things. And if you absolutely need it and need to go over there personally, bring a friend, or another person. But try to avoid meeting him. Abusive people are manipulative also, so he would probably try and talk his way back into your life, and you would probably fall for it.

 

Don't do it.

 

I wanted to say something similar, which means I totally agree with this.

[Persephonexx]

Just to clarify, he wasn't physically abusive. Just manipulative and emotionally abusive.

[amethyste]

Just to clarify, he wasn't physically abusive. Just manipulative and emotionally abusive.

 

Just as bad. I don't think it makes a difference.

[Chuck Bartowski]

Just as bad. I don't think it makes a difference.

 

 

Agreed! If you are that scared as to be shaking when you think about it. Just send him another request for him to mail it. If he won't, take him to court.

[geegirl]

Just tell him that you are fine with him sending it to your mom's house and to just please send it. He wants to meet you face to face to see if you're still emotional about him and that would be great because he can then manipulate your feelings again. Plain to see.

 

If he still doesn't want to mail, then it's obvious why he is avoiding. Do you work? Can he mail it to your work place? Mail it to a friend's house if he doesn't trust your mom?

[Mack05]

P, I disagree with the posters above. I think you should meet him face to face in a public place mid afternoon. Have backup of a male friend/family member, just in case nearby.

 

Why? This is a chance for you to truly leave go. Far More importantly, this is an opportunity to show real courage. You have no idea just how enormous this self esteem boost will be. Get the money off him but say very little, just small talk. If he probes you, just say "I am here for the money I have little to say to you". Show him little if any emotion. You are going to make an iceberg look warm.

 

This will be hard. Do not break eye contact, do not look away nervously. As you look at him eye to eye, say stuff TO YOURSELF like "I deserve better then you". "I am have plenty of backbone you piece of *****" etc etc. When you get the money, say to him "Anything else?". Then you say "take care" and you get up and leave, even if he wants the meeting to go on longer..

 

You will be shaking like a leaf when you leave, but please trust me P, confronting your fear in this situation is better then any therapy session. This would be a MASSIVE step forward. You just need to believe in yourself. If you keep running from fear it catches up with you later in life and your self esteem takes a bigger hit then you realise..Sorry if the text looks weird I am typing on a phone.

[Persephonexx]

I just sent him my routing info. Thanks guys Geegirl good advice as always.

[Persephonexx]

Mack05 I wish I could, but I'd just start crying. I think if I meet him he will try his best to seem cold and hurt me more. I will just cry all the way home.

[geegirl]

I think it is the best P. I understand Mack's view but if you know you can't handle it, the best thing to do is never put yourself in a situation that is detrimental to you. Fake it till you make it is great but only after you've established some mental and emotional stability. If by then you know you can handle seeing him without crumbling, then go for it and kick sand in his face. Show him your courage. But you are still raw and hurting. All this is too fresh. Trying to make a point to him at this juncture is of no benefit to you. Plus, he's detached. It will roll off his back in a day or so. But it will sting and hurt you for much longer than that. You did the right thing for you. I'm proud of you for putting your well being first before anything. Now let's see what this moron of an ex comes back with.

[Mack05]

Mack is an abuser himself, so who is really gonna take advice from that guy?

 

And OP, don't get shocked when your identity is stolen.

 

You are pretty fast and loose to label me lovelyg. You don't know me, so who are you to judge me? I will PM you.

[KathyM]

Here is the thread explaining what happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287183/

 

He owes me about $500 and I requested him to send me a check or money order to my home address. I got this reply from him today:

 

I just got my check today but I thought about it and I'm not comfortable with sending money in any form to your mothers house. If you want the money, we can meet at your convenience. I'm free after 6 everyday usually

 

My hands are shaking. Am I a coward if I dont meet up with him? Should I just give him my bank info so he can deposit it directly?

 

I'm sure hes talking or dating someone else seriously so I don't think its to talk things out with me.

 

Help!

Doesn't sound like he wants anything more than to pay you your money. Just arrange to meet him at a public place and accept the check. Don't give him your bank account information. And if he does try to talk you into taking him back, don't do it. He is abusive and you should not settle for that.