Space Ritual Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You have been dealing with this for how long again? 7 years? any Full and detailed accountings that she offers you of her nights out are to be taken with a truckload of salt. as far as Swearing in her Father's grave? Cheaters will lie any time, any place, and for any reason as long as it benefits them. You seem to be in a major state of denial that has lasted nearly a decade. In light of that I think its time for you to 180 hard and actually start taking control of YOU! I think basically your marriage is at a stage where if this is not resolved its over...it may be over in any case.....If I were you I would not even attempt to reason with your wife. Lay down your boundaries and back them up with consequences. People are only as good as their past actions when it comes to determining a person's propensity to cheat, or anything else for that matter. I would also like to throw out there that she sees you in BETA terms and has probably devalued you as a man and as a husband over the course of this time because you DIDN'T put your foot down. Just saying that Generally any type of affair, be it Emotional, Physical or both that the Wayward usually demonizes their spouse to the Affair Partner.....sounds like what happened all those years ago...time to display some Alpha traits.... Good Luck
Author brianthesquid Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Well, there's a lot to consider here. My wife has read through the thread and appears to be taking this more seriously. I think we both minimized it over the years for different reasons. She agrees that I've been fair and accurate in my posts and still insists it was not a PA. We both think too much time may have passed to really ever get the true story. Tough spot. I can only say that it has been very helpful to get this off my chest and see some outside perspectives. Ive never discussed it with anyone other than my wife for all these years. So I suppose it all comes down to a decision. Doesn't everything? Thanks again everyone! I'll stick around and try to help others when I can. Certainly have some experience!
fltc Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 We both think too much time may have passed to really ever get the true story. Nonsense, she knows exactly what happened, she's continuing to refuse to tell you. She hasn't an ounce of respect for you if she'll feed you this level of bull excrement. Tell her you want the facts or your gone and MEAN IT!
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Or better yet be gone with her right now. Her unremorseful behavior shows she's probably cheating again and has no respect for you or herself. Drop her off at the bus station with all her sh*t.
StoneCold Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 We both think too much time may have passed to really ever get the true story. Brian the above quote doesnt make sense. This has to do with your wife and what she did in the past...we are not talking about a complicated multifaceted mystery that invovled 20 people; 5 of which are now dead... I think your wife would be able to know the true story of what she did in the not so distant past.
Author brianthesquid Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 So I discussed the concept of finally laying this out voluntarily (full disclosutr without my prompts and proof) and getting this out on the table. So after having a whole morning to think abou it, we spoke at lunch and she said she was too busy at work to think about it, hadn't thought of anything to say and we could talk later. I think I'm starting see what you folks are getting at.
Author brianthesquid Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 And I want to be sure it is understood that I HAVE heard some of it. But only things that I already knew and could prove. Even that was sugar coated and minimized. Nothing was offered up voluntarily
StoneCold Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 So I discussed the concept of finally laying this out voluntarily (full disclosutr without my prompts and proof) and getting this out on the table. So after having a whole morning to think abou it, we spoke at lunch and she said she was too busy at work to think about it, hadn't thought of anything to say and we could talk later. I think I'm starting see what you folks are getting at. See this is what doesnt dound right... If she insists that she has told you everything then there is nothing to think about....if she wants to discuss it at home then fair enough...but "hadn't thought of anything to say"?? LOL whats to think about? she apparently told you everything....lmao You're wife is either one crap communicator or a terrible liar
SoulStorm Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 And I want to be sure it is understood that I HAVE heard some of it. But only things that I already knew and could prove. Even that was sugar coated and minimized. Nothing was offered up voluntarily Be prepared for her to gaslight you. She will tell you we are a bunch of paranoid people who have no idea what happened. Make no mistake..she knows what happened. She is minimizing in order to "protect" you when she is only really protecting herself. Too many red flags here. She isn't being forthcoming.
Author brianthesquid Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 I guess that would help determine PA vs EA manup. But would that be the end of the story? And if you find yourself putiing your wife through a polygraph, even a fool like me knows it's over.
nyrias Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Polygraph polygraph polygraph Polygraph is highly unreliable. The accuracy is estimated to be only 61%. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygraph#Validity If there is no physical collaborative evidence, one just has to resign to the fact that one will never find the truth.
StoneCold Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 If there is no physical collaborative evidence, one just has to resign to the fact that one will never find the truth. Aye.... and ask yourself... "Are you ok with this?"
Space Ritual Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I guess that would help determine PA vs EA manup. But would that be the end of the story? And if you find yourself putiing your wife through a polygraph, even a fool like me knows it's over. You may not even have to go thru with it(the Poly)... I am not saying this will work, but this has in the past for more than one person I know... In some cases, merely printing off some information from a Polygraph firm's Website and announcing to your wife you have made the appointment for her and that you will be accompanying her to the test site.....and that a failed test will mean filing for divorce... Continue with the ruse all the way to the time of the "event" and then when you are sitting in the car with her simply ask her if there is anything she has to say before the test.... I know this has worked before(once again, maybe not in your case but it is worth considering if you cannot afford a Polygraph). My friend went down this route with his wife and when faced with the prospect of physically walking into the place he got "Mascara River"....and all the answers he needed. some may say this is backhanded and a terrible thing to do, but buddy, this is WAR...if you want to save your marriage, you must consider it as such.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 In some cases, merely printing off some information from a Polygraph firm's Website and announcing to your wife you have made the appointment for her and that you will be accompanying her to the test site.....and that a failed test will mean filing for divorce... Continue with the ruse all the way to the time of the "event" and then when you are sitting in the car with her simply ask her if there is anything she has to say before the test.... The thing is...if you have to resort to that level of psychological manipulation in order to get the truth, the wife must not be much of a prize. I mean, you could guilt trip and bluff her all day in order to get the truth, but you are going to have one effed up relationship dynamic. Why would you want to be married to the habitual liar-type OP? I'm a pretty dishonest person, but even I'll fess up if somebody calls me out on it. I suppose if you bring a tape recorder with you, it's just another minor thing you can use in the divorce against her, depending on where you live.
Author brianthesquid Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 I tend to agree that I'd just call it a marriage and be done before going the lie detector route because if trust is that bad you might need one all the time. I don't think I really care all that much about what happened. I need to believe that my wife can be honest even when it's hard. Laying it all out might help but not if I have to drag it out of her. Don't want to spend our remaining days together doing that
StoneCold Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 The thing is...if you have to resort to that level of psychological manipulation in order to get the truth, the wife must not be much of a prize. I mean, you could guilt trip and bluff her all day in order to get the truth, but you are going to have one effed up relationship dynamic. . Yeah...not to mention that if she sticks to her guns and you take her to get a polygraph and she passes I can see the resentment building up on her end.......and it will only be a matter of time before the relationship is fin. In a nutshell if you really feel a polygraph is necessary...save yourself the agrivation and just leave
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