fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I am frustrated. VERY. Some background on me... Im a soon to be 22 yr old woman.. and i have always had a very high sex drive. My bf is 22 and when we started dating; he had the same high sex drive. Fast forward a year and a half.... the sex is gone. WE have been living together for about 8 months now... and i swear the man won't touch me. If i ask about it.. it starts a fight. He tells me i'm beautiful.. etc.. and its not me... This has been going on for months. I literally go somewhere between 1-2 months between one night of very short" passion" that i only get from nagging incessantly. Worst part is he is good to me in all other ways. He does everything he can to take care of me and make sure im happy... except have sex with me. PErhaps i am shallow but it makes me feel terrible about myself. I am sick of the rejection and him not allowing me to do sexual things with him. If he had always been like this i may understand it.. but when you go from having sex 3 times a day to once every 1 or 2 months... I am sick of getting yelled at for trying to talk.. getting told sex is all i care about... and crying myself to sleep after feeling horrible ugly and insecure. I know some of you may say its porn... or another woman.. no it isn't. Hes never been into porn (yes im sure) and no theres no other woman.. mainly because he doesnt have the time of day for one (yes i'm sure on that too). I'm just tired of feeling rejected. I don't want to have to force sex on him because then what is the point? I just want to be wanted again.... Im not an unreasonable sex machine either. I would like 1-2 times a week or so. Im at wits end.. and without him being willing to talk to me about it.. I only see it getting worse and me feeling more and more distant... I just want some passion back into my relationship.. i want to be wanted again :-(
Nexus One Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Perhaps he found out he has an STD? Perhaps he at one time did cheat and has gotten the STD from that one time, who knows. Now that he knows that he has it he might not want to pass it on to you, but doesn't know how to react to your advances other than to get angry?
Saxis Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Barring no mental/physical stresses or issues in his life, I'd say he either isn't attracted to you physically or did something shameful and doesn't believe he deserves you, but not man enough to say anything, ie. cheated/cheating. So if he isn't showing signs of depression and otherwise appears physically functional... it's probably already over in his mind, or will be soon.
confusedcarly Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Is there any chance you've gained weight? dont listen to that guy . its his answer for everything! talk to him about it x the longer your with someone the harder you have to work x im also 22 and was with my ex for 4 years we had to work at our relationship daily. you say he is good other than that. then surely if u spoke to him about it he would listen. try new things spice things up abit x x x good luck xxx
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 He isnt attracted to you anymore, he just isnt. You may think he has no time in the day, but people make time and call it work. If each of you two cant afford an apt on your own, he has to hide sleeping with someone else. Or maybe hes having a mental imbalance, is he on any meds? A guy has to have a release somehow, somewhere. Either hes sleeping with someone else once in a while, or hes tuggin on it when youre not looking. You want to see passion from him? Never ask him for sex again, do nothing that says you desire him. Since he doesnt want to talk, He will begin to wonder why you arent bugging him for sex anymore. THAT will make him start to desire you. Havent you had a bf before that kept nagging you for sex? Did it ever put you in the mood? Begging and nagging NEVER works, and it sets back passion for months. So never ask him again. He will come around, if hes not sleeping with someone else.
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 For those of you suggesting cheating or STD's thanks but no. Already stated clearly he isn't cheating. hes a pretty solitary person and if he isn't at work hes at home. I did my fair share of cheating when i was a stupid kid.... and he isn't doing it. Only people he talks to are our roommate (a male) his father and his i guess you could said mentor. To the person who asked what hes said.. its been a horde of excuses. everything from not having a job to not getting his promotion to his car being ****ed up and him being upset he has to fix it.... He now has his job, got the promotion and his car is fixed... he has run out of excuses so now he just says "sex is all you care about you don't see all the nice things i do for you" which just starts an angry fight. Yes i do see the nice things.. he is very sweet and cuddly and always smacking my ass or grabbing my boobs but he won't go past that. He used to enjoy me doing things to him and now i get pushed away when i try to go below the belt. Perhaps it is psychological... seems the most logical since he isn't cheating.. Perhaps it has something to do with moving to my place... he did live in a different state although he didnt really have friends there either.. Hell perhaps his manhood feels hurt because i make more than he does at this point (hes always had good jobs. had to settle when he moved here). Whatever the reason I dont know what to do anymore because i am sick of the fights and the distance and the hurt i feel... And to the person who asked if id gained weight.. no i havn't. He has.. but it doesn't really bother me.
confusedcarly Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 For those of you suggesting cheating or STD's thanks but no. Already stated clearly he isn't cheating. hes a pretty solitary person and if he isn't at work hes at home. I did my fair share of cheating when i was a stupid kid.... and he isn't doing it. Only people he talks to are our roommate (a male) his father and his i guess you could said mentor. To the person who asked what hes said.. its been a horde of excuses. everything from not having a job to not getting his promotion to his car being ****ed up and him being upset he has to fix it.... He now has his job, got the promotion and his car is fixed... he has run out of excuses so now he just says "sex is all you care about you don't see all the nice things i do for you" which just starts an angry fight. Yes i do see the nice things.. he is very sweet and cuddly and always smacking my ass or grabbing my boobs but he won't go past that. He used to enjoy me doing things to him and now i get pushed away when i try to go below the belt. Perhaps it is psychological... seems the most logical since he isn't cheating.. Perhaps it has something to do with moving to my place... he did live in a different state although he didnt really have friends there either.. Hell perhaps his manhood feels hurt because i make more than he does at this point (hes always had good jobs. had to settle when he moved here). Whatever the reason I dont know what to do anymore because i am sick of the fights and the distance and the hurt i feel... And to the person who asked if id gained weight.. no i havn't. He has.. but it doesn't really bother me. to be honest even if u have gained weight it doesnt matter some men in this forum as small minded pigs. maybe your partner is slightly self conscious that he has gained weight and u dont fancy him any more?? xxx
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Oh yeah and he doesn't want it over. He doesn't want me to break up with him.. In fact.. he seems perfectly content with the relationship... as long as i don't bug him for sex :-/ So no.. its not "over in his mind" as someone suggested. And I must've been hot at some point otherwise i wouldn't have other offers.. which i don't act upon.. cause i'm not a cheating whore like i was at one point in my life. So drop the damn "your fat" comments they are not constructive thanks.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Then tell him straight up that you will have to back out of this relationship if he doesnt tell you what the problem is. If you dont want to do that, just quit asking him for it. asking for it isnt sexy, you just have to sit and wait quietly until he feels a desire for you again. You probably set his desire back like 2 months!
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 to be honest even if u have gained weight it doesnt matter some men in this forum as small minded pigs. maybe your partner is slightly self conscious that he has gained weight and u dont fancy him any more?? xxx I suppose that is possible though i am the one all over him and not the other way around anymore. Granted he complains about his weight and how hes going to loose it again blah blah blah but i honestly couldn't care less.. though perhaps he does....
confusedcarly Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I suppose that is possible though i am the one all over him and not the other way around anymore. Granted he complains about his weight and how hes going to loose it again blah blah blah but i honestly couldn't care less.. though perhaps he does.... i was the bigger one in my relationship x my ex was all over me but i was to self conscious to act upon it x if i were u i would stop asking him maybe it is turning him off? just let him come to you x
somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 The most common explanation why a man stops having sex with a partner is because he is no longer attracted to her. That's usually caused by her gaining weight. Since that isn't the case with you, then psychological issues need to be looked at. To the person who asked what hes said.. its been a horde of excuses. everything from not having a job to not getting his promotion to his car being ****ed up and him being upset he has to fix it.... Stress can contribute to a lack of sex drive. But you said that all the issues have been fixed. I really can't think of anything that would cause him to withdraw. My suggestion is to talk to him about it in a non-argumentative way. Explain to him how the intimacy is important to you and try and figure out why he doesn't want to do it. Is a lack of sex something you could end the relationship over?
Saxis Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 What I wonder is why he fights about it. I don't think he'd do that unless he was being accused or something. It's not normal to get pissed off over a viable question regarding changes in your relationship. Something is putting him in a strong defensive/offensive position to fight about it. It's a sign that he doesn't care about your needs as much as you think, regardless of how nice he seems.
confusedcarly Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 "cause i'm not a cheating whore like i was at one point in my life." ones a cheating whore, always a cheating whore. Can't make a whore in to a housewife...just like if I kill someone 50 years ago...I am still a killer...just like you are a cheating whore! omg slightly harsh on the poor girl dont u think????? cheating is slightly different to killing wouldnt you say????
Teknoe Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 WE have been living together for about 8 months now... Aaaand this is reason #152 why it's NOT a good idea to live with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If the milk's free, why buy the cow? And after a while, with no commitment, it's too tempting for most guys to start checking out other cows. Sad, but true. Also, compound the fact that you're both barely 22... and you wonder why? 22 is still a puppy. You both haven't matured yet -- not like you will 4-6 years from now. Consider what this experience has taught you and move on.
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Oh so none of you ever made any stupid mistakes when you were 16? Let me clarify to those who judge. I cheated on a guy that abused me. Physically and mentally. I had bruises everywhere that got very hard to hide... and the psychological damage has taken me up until this point to conquer. I didn't leave him cause i was scared to death of him. So I got back at the horrible things he put me through by screwing around on him.. till the day i decided i wasn't going to be hit anymore packed my **** up and never went back. And i never cheated until he started using me as his punching bag... fyi. I don't believe in cheating on people and i think it is a relationship ruin er. I have not cheated on the guy im with nor any other one that treated me right. Obviously i feel a bit guilty even if i hate the bastard thus the cheating whore comment. So thanks for condemning me for being honest.
somedude81 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 MarsVodka as he is currently known as, is a well known troll on this forum. He has been banned countless times and comes back with a different user name. Do not pay attention to anything he says.
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 What was the quality of his erection the last time you did it with him? Maybe he has become impotent. Are you very open as a woman? or Do you have a bit of mystery? Are you creative in bed? You need to get going. Maybe he is one of those guys that can live without sex. However, in that age group there is always a need to discharge semen on a regular basis. Maybe he has low testosterone. Could you grab one testicle and estimate its size. Small testicles could be a sign of low testosterone. Does he have facial hair? Interesting thought. His erections have always been... great? Im not sure how to say that but hes never had any problem getting to full glory although they haven't been making an appearance lately... Im pretty open and i enjoy doing things to please him.... such as bj's and the such. Im not a prude and i don't like doing the same things.. they get boring. As for testosterone that is a thought.. i would say his testicles are a bit on the smaller side (at least compared to what i've seen in life) But he does have plentiful facial hair....
Feelsgoodman Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 For those of you suggesting cheating or STD's thanks but no. Already stated clearly he isn't cheating. hes a pretty solitary person and if he isn't at work hes at home. I did my fair share of cheating when i was a stupid kid.... and he isn't doing it. Only people he talks to are our roommate (a male) his father and his i guess you could said mentor. To the person who asked what hes said.. its been a horde of excuses. everything from not having a job to not getting his promotion to his car being ****ed up and him being upset he has to fix it.... He now has his job, got the promotion and his car is fixed... he has run out of excuses so now he just says "sex is all you care about you don't see all the nice things i do for you" which just starts an angry fight. Yes i do see the nice things.. he is very sweet and cuddly and always smacking my ass or grabbing my boobs but he won't go past that. He used to enjoy me doing things to him and now i get pushed away when i try to go below the belt. Perhaps it is psychological... seems the most logical since he isn't cheating.. Perhaps it has something to do with moving to my place... he did live in a different state although he didnt really have friends there either.. Hell perhaps his manhood feels hurt because i make more than he does at this point (hes always had good jobs. had to settle when he moved here). Whatever the reason I dont know what to do anymore because i am sick of the fights and the distance and the hurt i feel... And to the person who asked if id gained weight.. no i havn't. He has.. but it doesn't really bother me. If all of this is true, the most likely explanation is that he is no longer physically attracted to your body. To second another poster's question, have you recently gained weight? Another possibility is that he has mental and/or physical issues that prevent him from wanting sex in the first place. In the past, did he ever have performance problems? Is he suffering from depression? It is also possible that he is turning gay. Is there anything about his behaviour around other men that strikes you as odd?
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 nope.. not gay... i've actually had the misfortune of dating guys that later decided they were gay or bi.. ugh... Anyway no he isn't particularly skilled at decorating. his talents include computers (hes going for a computer science degree in the future) auto mechanics, landscaping, fixing general issues with the house (its a house not an apartment) and being enough of an ass to get any problem with anyone or service fixed ie. hes a great talker and arguer when need be.
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 could be a few things is he stressed by anything in his life? job? finances, family? those things can be triggers where the stress leaves someone's libido low and they just don't have the same care about sex. are you bickering about anything else, or just sex?
Author fallenenvy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 could be a few things is he stressed by anything in his life? job? finances, family? those things can be triggers where the stress leaves someone's libido low and they just don't have the same care about sex. are you bickering about anything else, or just sex? If there is stress im not sure where it would be coming from.. but then again not sure he would tell me. He keep pretty to himself and it seems like im more shut out than i used to be.. though that could just be my imagination because of the lack of intimacy. We only bicker about sex now.. or things relating to it such as him thinking imma leave him or throw him out.. etc. Otherwise we get along pretty well
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 If there is stress im not sure where it would be coming from.. but then again not sure he would tell me. He keep pretty to himself and it seems like im more shut out than i used to be.. though that could just be my imagination because of the lack of intimacy. We only bicker about sex now.. or things relating to it such as him thinking imma leave him or throw him out.. etc. Otherwise we get along pretty well Something is bothering him, and his reaction is to withdraw sexually and keep quiet. I think you need to sit down and have a long, calm talk about the relationship, (not just sex) and let him know of your thoughts on how he is behaving, etc. See if something is bothering him in his life that might be having an effect.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 . Im not a prude and i don't like doing the same things.. they get boring.... This just raised an eyebrow with me... Were you constantly changing up the sex acts? so that they wouldnt be routine? He might like a routine, using the same position many times... if you like to change it up often, in ways he doesnt like, that might be why he doesnt want to have sex with you.
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