Teknoe Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 We both happen to have Fridays off work, so we went out Thursday night. It was a good night I'm by no means an expert, but I've learned some things in the past several years. 1. Asking others what I should do days in advance of a date only freaks me out. It's counter-productive. By the time I end up meeting my date in person, I have 50 voices in my head, and I can't discern which one is MINE. I end up being very mechanical and stilted. Because of this, I made a vow to quit obsessing about my crushes/dates on ANY message forum. I don't mind sharing AFTER the date, but NOT A SECOND BEFORE THE DATE HAPPENS. The problem I see with a lot of LoveShack guys here is their obsession with every little detail, BEFORE it happens. Hey guys, really, the best way to learn is to just learn in the moment with your own instincts. 2. Girls appreciate a gentleman. Things like opening doors, pulling out her chair, walking on the side (in case a car comes by and splashes a puddle -- you got her covered). Chivalry, fellas. DO IT. 3. Girls appreciate a guy who listens, doesn't try to solve her problems, but just listens and empathizes with whatever situation she's struggling through. This is the time to be sensitive. Is the guy about more than just trying to get in her pants? 4. Girls love a guy who takes charge. He makes the plans, he pays the bill, he LEADS her. Girls feel safe and protected with assertive, confident guys. Note: it's OK to bumble through these things too, as long as you make a concerted effort, if the girl has enough grace and likes you enough, she'll be patient and even find your efforts endearing. What girls do NOT like are indecisive, wishy washy guys with no spine. BE DECISIVE. Yet gentle. That's the magic formula 5. Girls love guys who can make them laugh/be intrigued. Do you have any interesting life stories to tell? If you don't, this is a sign you need more life experience! Are you a good conversationalist? Do you have a natural rapport with your date? It's give and take... the ebb and flow of a successful date. It moves along, and there's a rhythm to it. That's pretty much it. Simple, huh? Don't overanalyze before or during date Be a good listener/don't try to fix her problems Display good manners Be a good conversationalist/be fun(ny) Be assertive/decisive/confident
Cracker Jack Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I agree with all of your points. I think the main reason why guys ask for advice in advance is because they're simply worried about doing the wrong thing in the moment. Not gonna lie, I've done this a lot, but this never helped me one bit. With stuff like this, you really have no choice but to learn from the situation at hand. Anyway, glad your date went well. Did you approach her when you were out?
Author Teknoe Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 I think the main reason why guys ask for advice in advance is because they're simply worried about doing the wrong thing in the moment. Not gonna lie, I've done this a lot, but this never helped me one bit. With stuff like this, you really have no choice but to learn from the situation at hand. EXACTLY. Remember, most times you actually learn MORE from a negative experience than a positive one. Those 5 points I listed were learned from years of personal failure, lol. The bolded part of your text is something I wish ALL LS guys took to heart. It MAY SEEM like a good idea, but I've found it's a vicious self-defeating cycle. Because, when you ask for help constantly, there is something internal going on inside that tells you "I just don't get it." In dating, even if you don't get it, the best thing is to pretend like you get it. Then live it. Hey, pretty soon you may no longer need to pretend as it becomes PART OF YOU NATURALLY Now I'm not saying it's unwise to seek trusted counsel about whether you should ask out a certain girl or not, for example, but it's ridiculous to ask people -- and I think so especially asking online strangers, another reason why it's important to have healthy real life friends you can ask these things to -- what you should do at every little step, which is a recurring pattern I see here on LoveShack. And am I ever surprised in the least when they report back their latest failure? NOT ONE IOTA. It is a depressing self-defeating cycle of doom. They rinse and repeat. JUMP OUT OF THE NEST AND SPREAD THOSE WINGS = best way to learn For those constantly asking others what to do/say next, rarely do these folks ever truly learn how to fly
jayanath Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Looking for love? Cupid can help! Cupid.com http://www.cupid.com/aff.php?a_aid=8b6c51b0&a_bid=1e197281
musemaj11 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Lol, those are textbook dating advices. All guys with basic dating experience know all of them already. I mean who doesn't know that women like it when men pay, pull the chair and open the door? Duh!
Author Teknoe Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Lol, those are textbook dating advices. All guys with basic dating experience know all of them already. I mean who doesn't know that women like it when men pay, pull the chair and open the door? Duh! Of course, never claim to be reinventing the wheel here To another point, if this is such common knowledge, why are so many guys here asking what to do/say around their crushes? BE A GENTLEMAN WHO IS ASSERTIVE. The rest will follow. Believe in yourself.
Cracker Jack Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 EXACTLY. Remember, most times you actually learn MORE from a negative experience than a positive one. Those 5 points I listed were learned from years of personal failure, lol. The bolded part of your text is something I wish ALL LS guys took to heart. It MAY SEEM like a good idea, but I've found it's a vicious self-defeating cycle. Because, when you ask for help constantly, there is something internal going on inside that tells you "I just don't get it." In dating, even if you don't get it, the best thing is to pretend like you get it. Then live it. Hey, pretty soon you may no longer need to pretend as it becomes PART OF YOU NATURALLY Now I'm not saying it's unwise to seek trusted counsel about whether you should ask out a certain girl or not, for example, but it's ridiculous to ask people -- and I think so especially asking online strangers, another reason why it's important to have healthy real life friends you can ask these things to -- what you should do at every little step, which is a recurring pattern I see here on LoveShack. And am I ever surprised in the least when they report back their latest failure? NOT ONE IOTA. It is a depressing self-defeating cycle of doom. They rinse and repeat. JUMP OUT OF THE NEST AND SPREAD THOSE WINGS = best way to learn For those constantly asking others what to do/say next, rarely do these folks ever truly learn how to fly Agreed. I'm constantly doing a lot of reading on this subject instead of actually gaining experience. And when you're doing nothing but reading about "how to generate interest from women, how to ask them out the right way, etc", you're not getting better. At all. Btw, you forgot to answer my question.........
Author Teknoe Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Did you approach her when you were out? If you mean how did I ask her out, we met through a mutual friend (one of the best ways to meet a girl, since your friend can vouch for you and also vouch for the girl they're trying to set you up with -- a real friend will never set you up with a total loser, f'rinstance). Nobody's perfect, but I'd place bets on my good real life friend being able to pick a decent match for me than blind online dating. This is one of the perks of developing healthy male/female friendships. Healthy people hang out with healthy people, so if you have healthy friends, they probably have a healthy friend for you to meet. win-win.
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