Are exs leaps and bounds ahead?

[samm84]

Been a good couple of months since my ex cheated and broke up with me.

 

She kept me as a doormat for a while, which I really regret.

 

Its been a couple of weeks since I last spoke to her properly - we're having limited contact at the moment which has resulted in her finding a new man. I think they've bonded over a few mutual interests, she's a dog lover and his family just got a new puppy! I've just accepted this as an inevitability, if it wasn't him it would just be some other guy with a puppy right?

 

Anyway I've had a few confidence boosts here and there. Meeting new people has definitely been nice, and being approached by women is definitely making me feel attractive again.

 

A girl from work asked if I would be interested in a night out, so I decided to take her up on the offer tonight. We've met up a few times before for a couple of drinks just to get to know each other. She really is a lovely girl, genuinely kind and friendly, and best of all - she actually puts effort into getting to know me! This is a refreshing change from my ex.

 

I've made sure that she understands that I'm still feeling the affects of my breakup - so its strictly friendship at the moment.

 

Throughout the night I couldn't help but feel a bit strange that a girl (who wasn't my ex) was sat beside me. At one point I had to catch myself before I started feeling all sad and nostalgic, I knew before I went to meet her that I wasn't ready to date other women. I kept telling myself it wasn't a date, just meeting a friend.

 

Anyway despite that, we both had a good night and we've arranged to meet again soon.

 

I've accepted that I might not be able to find a new girlfriend anytime soon due to me still being emotionally attached to my ex. Instead of this upsetting me though, its just given me loads of new views on things.

 

 

If it feels so strange for me to just hang out with new friendly, amazing women, how the hell could my ex find it in herself to cheat on me? Let alone move on to this next guy so soon after the breakup? Suddenly I realise how DIFFERENT me and my ex actually are! Is my ex a match for me? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

Just wanted to share this thought with you guys, since I found it funny how this has actually helped to cheer me up tonight.

Edited July 15, 2011 by samm84

[catface]

thank you for sharing. I have been split up now for 4 weeks. I love him so much and still cry when I know he isnt my man now. we talk on phone but he wont come see me, he said not yet. hope I get happier again soon, sometimes I wish I had never met him then wouldnt feel like this. thanks anyway x

[CaliBabe]

Been a good couple of months since my ex cheated and broke up with me.

 

She kept me as a doormat for a while, which I really regret.

 

Its been a couple of weeks since I last spoke to her properly - we're having limited contact at the moment which has resulted in her finding a new man. I think they've bonded over a few mutual interests, she's a dog lover and his family just got a new puppy! I've just accepted this as an inevitability, if it wasn't him it would just be some other guy with a puppy right?

 

Anyway I've had a few confidence boosts here and there. Meeting new people has definitely been nice, and being approached by women is definitely making me feel attractive again.

 

A girl from work asked if I would be interested in a night out, so I decided to take her up on the offer tonight. We've met up a few times before for a couple of drinks just to get to know each other. She really is a lovely girl, genuinely kind and friendly, and best of all - she actually puts effort into getting to know me! This is a refreshing change from my ex.

 

I've made sure that she understands that I'm still feeling the affects of my breakup - so its strictly friendship at the moment.

 

Throughout the night I couldn't help but feel a bit strange that a girl (who wasn't my ex) was sat beside me. At one point I had to catch myself before I started feeling all sad and nostalgic, I knew before I went to meet her that I wasn't ready to date other women. I kept telling myself it wasn't a date, just meeting a friend.

 

Anyway despite that, we both had a good night and we've arranged to meet again soon.

 

I've accepted that I might not be able to find a new girlfriend anytime soon due to me still being emotionally attached to my ex. Instead of this upsetting me though, its just given me loads of new views on things.

 

 

If it feels so strange for me to just hang out with new friendly, amazing women, how the hell could my ex find it in herself to cheat on me? Let alone move on to this next guy so soon after the breakup? Suddenly I realise how DIFFERENT me and my ex actually are! Is my ex a match for me? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

Just wanted to share this thought with you guys, since I found it funny how this has actually helped to cheer me up tonight.

 

You sound like your on the right path, KUDOS!

[thelovingkind]

I've been through this as well the last few weeks. The first date after the break up felt very, very strange. Bizarre as it is to admit, I almost felt like I was cheating on my ex. I was just overwhelmed by this self-conscious, awkward, wrong feeling that is exactly how I imagine I would feel if I went on a date with someone else while in a relationship. The next few dates improved considerably. I still felt a little bit "off", but like I had every right to be out there, and I was looking forward rather than looking back.

 

Now, I know I'm in a position to meet a great new person on our own terms, and feel a spark and excitement of possibility without any feelings for my ex restraining me. No doubt there will be twinges of bittersweet memories here and there, but it won't be a leaden weight on my mind.

 

So yeah, it's a process, and it's different for different people. Some people will expect to move on completely without a shred of emotion left for their ex before they go on new dates. For others, like you and me, dating is part of the process of moving on, of working through those last feelings, and learning to let them go and accept new people in our lives. I think both approaches are fine. Because we're acknowledging our lingering feelings and actively dealing with them, there's no real concern about rebound (in my past, at least, rebound has been characterised by denial of feelings and an irrational exuberance about new dates, not a cautious, considered acknowledgement of the situation).