ptp Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) This is very hard for me to talk about but I really feel I need to get it off my chest. I have a condition where my body produces excess scar tissue on any cut or injury. It is a genetic condition my father has it too. Over the years this has lead to to excessive scarring limited to my shoulders/upper back. I don't really talk about it to either my family or my friends. This has made me very self conscious over the years and it is getting worse. In everyday life nobody sees my shoulders/upper back so it is not really a problem but, now that I am single again I find that it hinders my dating life. When I meet a girl I always feel I have to spend enough time with her so she is emotionally invested in me before we start anything physical (because I am afraid she will reject me if she wasn't). Even then, I try to keep my shirt on as much as possible. As you can imagine the GFs I have been with don't really like me keeping my shirt on during sex. I have had a few GFs and all my sexual experiences are with them. I have never had a 1 night stand or just causal sex. However, I really want to. I am average looking at best so it isn't often when I a girl comes right out and shows interest in me. Last weekend I was at a house party and this beautiful women was extremely flirtatious with me all night, giving me signals that she liked me. Since I am self conscious about my condition I kept telling myself all night that she was just being friendly. Then at the end of the night I was going to leave and she comes up to me and asks me where my apartment was, I point to the general direction she then points to her apartment (which is 180 degrees opposite of mine) and asks me if we should go home together. I so badly wanted to say yes but, couldn't and let a good opportunity slip through my fingers. This kind of thing doesn't happen often to me and I am so frustrated. What should I do in these types of situations? Should I warn the girl to she can brace herself? I don't want to continue this way. I don't know what I can do or what anyone can say but, I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening. Edited July 14, 2011 by ptp
confusedangel312 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I know how you feel, ive had scars since i was a baby. i was a preemie, and had major surgeries on my abdomen. also after having cosmetic surgery to fix them, i was left with an improvement but since having a baby almost 3years ago i now have stretch marks. i have always been self conscious and usually when im with someone i tell them before im phyiscally intimate. ive had some bad reactions in the past, but i figure if they cant accept me how i am they dont deserve to be part of my life. my bf also has scars, from heart surgery and he was also apprehensive at first, but because he looked past mine, i can do the same. its just skin afterall
kalikula Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I think you need to get over it. I know plenty of people with scars--my cousin has a big scar on his mouth, and it's never stopped him from getting girls. My good friend has huge scars on her back and "spots", like birthmarks kinda, all over her body (some sort of skin condition) and it's definitely never stopped her from getting guys or relationships. I'm sure those girls won't care. Besides they probably couldn't even tell in the dark!
Author ptp Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 I appreciate the responses. It isn't easy for me to "get over it" but, I know I must try. What is the best way to tell a girl about it? Should I tell them outright or should I let them discover it on their own? thank-you again
Eeyore79 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Is your condition scleroderma? I wouldn't be bothered by the visual appearance of your body, but would be concerned because scleroderma is genetic, so if we had children they could have the same illness. Also scleroderma can lead to long term health complications, and if it's severe it can sometimes lead to death. These would be serious concerns for me in a long term committed relationship. I don't like to pry, so I won't ask how severe your illness is or what your prognosis is (it's up to you if you'd like to share that information). But I think you should consider that any woman looking for a long term relationship should really be informed about these issues early on, particularly if your illness is severe enough to affect your health in the long term.
bigmomma1974 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 scars can cause low self-esteem in any person. do some research and see if you can lightening these scars. I myself may have a slight reaction to seeing them, but then would ask about it. I do not judge a person on apperance alone. I have to get to know them first. If I where you, I would work on the low-self esteem surronding this issue. Maybe join a few groups or talk to someone on how you can deal with this in a positive way and not let it affect you. I love to run my fingers down a mans chest and I am sure other women do as well. remember those scars do not make you who you are, you make you who you are. If you are comfortable with yourself then you can be comfortable with a gf. I use to be a skinny minnie and have gained so much weight, stretch marks all over my body but I just say hey these are battle scars of my long life., They are part of me you wither accept them or move on. Good luck.
Author ptp Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 It isn't scleroderma. They are excessive scar tissue. Mine are lighter because I have lighter skin, and not as big I have included a link: http://www.skinsight.com/images/dx/webTeen/keloid_2514_lg.jpg What would be the best way to tell a girl so she isn't surprised?
confusedangel312 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I've usually been up front about it because its part of why I am alive in the first place. I explain a little of my being a preemie and then go into the info about my scars . If the person is wierd about it then I won't pursue anything. Your condition isn't really all that bad. Just start off with sayin something along the lines of " I want to tell you something about myself before we go any further " and go from there. If someone can't accept you for how you are they don't belong in your life. Hope this helps
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