beachbumx3 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 My ex and I dated for a year. It wasn't the best relationship, but I was happy.. well I thought I was happy. After the relationship I realized how he didn't treat me well. He always put the gym, his car, his motorcyle, and partying before me. Even on our first and only Valentines Day he spent the whole day working on his car instead of spending it with me. He broke up with me in November '10 and I guess he got over me quick because he had slept with girl after girl soon after the break up. In February him and one of my friends started to date. =\ They've been dating for 5 months now. He's been treating her so much better than he ever did me. On Valentines day he got her roses and took her out to dinner. He goes off clubbing with her and his friends. He always told me clubbing was never his thing because I'd invite him to go with my friends and me. AND he never invited me anywhere with his friends. He's with her pretty much everyday; we were only together maybe three days out of the week. Well I should say nights, because that was when I could only be able to hang out with him. But we would only see eachother 3 or 4 hours.. because he was always tired from work and gym (he'd go to the gym before he would come to my house, or before I came over). Sometimes I just feel like I was never good enough for him.. It's been 8 months since our break up. I'm over the depressed, sadness, emptiness, etc. part. I just still think of him every single freakin day! The nights are the worse, because during the day I'm usually doing school work or out and about. But at night, when i'm trying to go to sleep..BAM there he is in my head. I just think about what he may doing, if he's with "her", etc. I wish I didn't do this because he wasn't the best bf and he shouldn't be in my mind! I guess I'm not over him quite yet? I've tried dating, but I just get scared. I'm scared of getting hurt again. If I don't have a bf, I don't have to worry about getting my heart broken.. right?
Steven T Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 It sounds to me he didnt deserve someone like you, so you are best off without him to be honest. I'm scared of getting hurt again. If I don't have a bf, I don't have to worry about getting my heart broken.. right? You cant really think like that because you will never be with anyone. Love is always a risk on both sides, it's a risk we all have to take. Thinking about him is normal but try your best not to, he wasnt worth your time.
Author beachbumx3 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Yeah I know I shouldn't think like that. It's just how I've been feeling I guess. But whatever happens, happens. Thanks for the reply.
smudge21 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Been 6 months since I last saw my ex and 3 months since I said goodbye and had to walk away, yet like you I still think about her every single day. It's always when I'm alone with nothing to do - there she pops right into my head, and it's always the good times, always the nice memories. I swear my head is just enjoying torturing me at times! I do believe that when we're dumped or left by someone, we suffer a lot longer depending on how intense or long the relationship lasts. I'm not saying those in LTR don't suffer, but I feel those with shorter relationships times often feel that we've been cheated out of something that could've/should've lasted longer. It was so good, how come I only got 6 months or a year of it, why can't I have the full LTR, why should I be suffering when it's only been short term, if I'm going to be suffering this much surely I should have experienced the full pleasures too. It's not fair! So when it ends, it's like we think there's still more to be had - it was going good and we pictured it lasting longer, but now it's over. Hence why we often cling on longer and have feelings for longer. I don't think you're alone in your thinking of him after 8 months, it's just the way this has affected you. Accept that this is how it is and try to carry on moving forward, even if it does take a little longer. That's all I'm doing. I can't force myself to heal, so I have to accept that yeah, I'm going to be thinking about her a lot, and probably for a long time to come. Eventually though we all heal, it just takes time. Stay strong and try not to worry about it too much. You're not alone in this.
Ginger Beer Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Basically what Smudge said. My ex is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. She also was when I went NC for 4 months. Like he said, you're not alone. I post on here when I feel particularly bad.
Author beachbumx3 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 So when it ends, it's like we think there's still more to be had - it was going good and we pictured it lasting longer, but now it's over. Hence why we often cling on longer and have feelings for longer. Yeah, I always have those "what if" thoughts. I hate them.
Karala Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 OP, why on earth are you so knowledgeable about how your ex treats his new gf, how often they see each other and everything?? I get the feeling that your focusing on his life instead of yours could be the reason why you're still thinking about him after 8 months.
Sugarkane Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 I could totally relate to your post beachbum. I realised my ex never put any effort into what we had either. Its hard not to wonder why they put no effort with us, yet they do with other people. I wonder about teh same thing too.
MissMoni Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I could totally relate to your post beachbum. I realised my ex never put any effort into what we had either. Its hard not to wonder why they put no effort with us, yet they do with other people. I wonder about teh same thing too. I agree! When I think about how good he treats his friends still, I wonder what the heck must be wrong with me for him not to care at all...it makes me feel like a really bad person, like I am evil or something.
ccfan Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) Been 6 months since I last saw my ex and 3 months since I said goodbye and had to walk away, yet like you I still think about her every single day. It's always when I'm alone with nothing to do - there she pops right into my head, and it's always the good times, always the nice memories. I swear my head is just enjoying torturing me at times! I do believe that when we're dumped or left by someone, we suffer a lot longer depending on how intense or long the relationship lasts. I'm not saying those in LTR don't suffer, but I feel those with shorter relationships times often feel that we've been cheated out of something that could've/should've lasted longer. It was so good, how come I only got 6 months or a year of it, why can't I have the full LTR, why should I be suffering when it's only been short term, if I'm going to be suffering this much surely I should have experienced the full pleasures too. It's not fair! So when it ends, it's like we think there's still more to be had - it was going good and we pictured it lasting longer, but now it's over. Hence why we often cling on longer and have feelings for longer. I don't think you're alone in your thinking of him after 8 months, it's just the way this has affected you. Accept that this is how it is and try to carry on moving forward, even if it does take a little longer. That's all I'm doing. I can't force myself to heal, so I have to accept that yeah, I'm going to be thinking about her a lot, and probably for a long time to come. Eventually though we all heal, it just takes time. Stay strong and try not to worry about it too much. You're not alone in this. This is such a great post, awesome info and i totally agree. 8 months to overcome someone who treated you like that it's not that much really it doesn't matter what other people might say. In my case it's been 10 months to overcome a 6 month relationship, it doesnt seem fair but smudge really hit the nail with that explanation. i still think about her and about why was she so mean with me when i treated like a princess... sometimes that can bring me down for days and weeks. Thats the price to pay for really falling in love and letting someone complete control over you. However you must to recognize patterns in your day to day: are there times when you think of him more? are you hungry or tired when that happens? (probably so) are you keeping a SERIOUS no-bs no contact with him? you must to be really tough and erase any connection to him, i mean any and all. Also do not fall for the silly mistake of dating people just for the sake of it, it will make you feel worse and you'll miss yor ex even more the next day.. the healing has to run it's course and the only thing we can do is to avoid any setbacks we can. Oh... and one more thing: do not refer at that girl as your friend. she is not. friends do not mess with exes of their friends. Edited July 17, 2011 by ccfan
Author beachbumx3 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 OP, why on earth are you so knowledgeable about how your ex treats his new gf, how often they see each other and everything?? I get the feeling that your focusing on his life instead of yours could be the reason why you're still thinking about him after 8 months. I'm not even going to lie and say you're wrong, because you are exactly right. But I really don't like how I do get curious about those things.. I really don't. But at the same time I still want to know. I know it does no good for me..
Author beachbumx3 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 are you keeping a SERIOUS no-bs no contact with him? you must to be really tough and erase any connection to him, i mean any and all. Yeah, I have no contact with him.. A month after we broke up I deleted his number (still knew it by heart though) and deleted him off fb. But he did text me a few weeks ago saying "Hey its ____ with a new number, just letting everyone know" I just told him "Okay..." and he said sry it was multi contact text. I didn't answer back after that.. Idk if this matters any though.. But I am best friends with his sister and I still talk to his parents (I absolutely love them). I can't imagine cutting them out of my life.
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