cat Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 A few months ago I met a man and we started dating. We took things slow, spent time together gradually, and everything was going so so well! We have a lot of the same interests, same philosophies, we really seemed to enjoy each other's company. He would always say how happy he was with me, how the whole world felt right and balanced. We would talk about things in the future--not years away, but things we might do coming up in a couple months or something. He seemed really emotionally healthy. We used to kid around at the beginning that I was afraid of commitment, which maybe I have been in the past but with him there was no fear or discomfort, only just happiness about being able to spend time with him!!! We'd been on a camping trip, his parents knew about me, I'd met some of his friends. We were referring to one another as boyfriend and girlfriend and we were in a relationship. Everything was going great, super, wonderful until last Wednesday and then.... he vanished. Not texting, not calling. He cancelled our last Friday plans BY TEXT and asked if he could see me Sunday. When Sunday came, he clearly did not want to get together but couldn't tell me directly, just hemmed and hawed until I said it directly. My response was "I don't think you're treating me very well and I don't appreciate it, and I want to spend time with someone who wants to spend time with me." He said he'd had a "freak out" but hadn't said anything about getting past it. I was supposed to go away on MOnday then my mom was in an accident so I wasn't able to go. He didn't come to the hospital but sent a couple texts checking in. Yesterday he sent an email saying he missed me. Then he sent another one and said he had a great week, but wanted to see me on Saturday, and to let me know when I wanted to get together. I'm feeling mad, because I had a MISERABLE week with my mom's injuries and feeling abandoned by him. I also don't want to push him out of my life out of spite, but I'm feeling a lack of trust because he turned so quickly without any warning and just disappeared. Who's to say if I trusted him it wouldn't happen again? I miss him a lot, but I'mnot feeling warm and fuzzy toward him. I don't deserve to be treated like that. I can be really sensitive so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but at the same time I tend to cut people way too much slack... Are freakouts real? What would be an explanation for this? Am I being too hard on him?
Author cat Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 No he didn't, just rambled weird stuff about me having gone to watch a softball game of his... (which he'd been asking me to do since we met and I finally was able to do). It didn't make sense. The only thing I can surmise is that he was feeling crowded or something.
sm1tten Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I don't really know if you're being too hard on him because I'm not sure what your contact levels were like before he went cold on you, but I wouldn't take his low-contact one way or the other. Just talk to him. You gain nothing by pretending to be okay with behavior that clearly bothers you.
Author cat Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Our contact was pretty much constant, texting all throughout the day. We'd see each other a couple (2-3) times a week which is all our work schedules will allow (he works third shift) but seemed appropriate, don't want to overdo it, you know? But he was always wanting to see me more, saying he couldn't wait, etc. We were just.... happy. I don't get it, but it sucks. Good thing is, I don't feel any self-loathing feelings, or like I did anything really wrong, just sad that this is going this way becuase I like him a lot and didn't expect this at all. I know relationships have bumps. Don't know if this just a bump or a reason to walk away.
GG3 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I had a relationship with a man who did that and repeated it all the time. Of course I don't know this person you are dating and being that he's only done it once, it's hard to say if it will be a pattern. I'm not a fan of being treated that way.
Hot Chick Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) So he stopped communication on a Wednesday, but on Friday he did text you to cancel plans....I don't think that's an excessive amount of time to not text...I know you were used to a lot of communication daily with him though... I do think you came down too hard and you should have played the cool cucumber and when he texted to cancel on Friday just not responded to the text at all (I mean he's cancelling, no need to reply), or wait a couple hours and text "Oh, oh, no problem, I can go out with some girlfriends." I think that would have driven him to a WTH moment and called his bluff on the game playing with the going silent.... At this point I would nicely tell him I had plans for Saturday, but perhaps you could do something next weekend. Edited July 15, 2011 by Hot Chick
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