valente26 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I met this girl gemma 4 years ago in work i fancied her from the start i spoke to her we flirted hit it off and soon we were going out together. the first 2 years were amazing we never argued and just loved each other. then we started to argue get jealous fight alot more but we loved each other so we stuck at it. we had a 2 week break after about 3 years and i stupidly slept with sum1 else when i was drunk immediately regretted it but didnt have the heart to tell her so i kept it a secret. we spent xmas together then in feburary we had a 8 hour chat in the car where she told me she wasnt happy it took me an hour to get out of the car when she finished with me i was shaking and crying my eyes out. i went inside looked outside and she was still there so i wnet out and asked y and she said she couldnt leave me she loves me too much so we stayed together. we spent vday had the best day ever shortly after that she started working in a bar where she loves it. in april i found out that back in janurary she took topless pictures of herself and sent them to a guy for £50 i was devastated i dumped her and hated her for it. she came down crying and begging so i took her back because i love her. then 3 weeks later she dumps me telling me to leave her alone and she doesnt want to be with me anymore. i stalked her, mesgd her, rang her begged pleaded. she changed her number blocked me on facebook and then at the start of june i saw her kiss this guy she works withso ive been no contact since the 5th june. on friday she saw me kiss a girl on a night out she phoned me twice which i ignored and she tried talking to me which i ignored then she went off with this guy in front me as if to make me jealous i think. then monday night she went into where i work with the guy she works with then told 1 of my colleagues not to tell me she saw her! ive since heard she is now seeing this guy but her fb still says single apparently. im so confused i love her n i really really miss her she was my princess and i dont know why it bothered her that i kissed sum1 this is what she wanted i didnt want this. can any1 explain to me whats going through her head and what i should do? thanks im really confused
The_Good_Me Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hi Valente. Sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds really tough I think whats going through this girls head is a common selfish "I'm ready to move on, but I'm not ready for him to move on". Even though it's over between you two, she isn't ready to see you with someone else. You mentioned that during the relationship you would both get jealous and I think there are some residule feelings left in that department. Unfortunately her reaction has been childish. I can only imagine she told your workmate not to tell you they saw your ex with a guy because she actually wanted to make sure they'd tell you. If she didn't really want you to know they were both there, she wouldn't have advertised it. Because she's feeling jealous after seeing you kiss someone, she's hurting and lashing out back at you... "You hit me, I hit you!". Because she is being quite extreme about this (coming to your place of work) I think the best thing you can do is initiate NC. Send her a handwritten letter (it's much more personal, from the heart and shows you thought about everything you wrote... texts and emails can come across too formal). The main thing you want to get across in the letter is that you have accepted the break up and you're moving on with your life. Tell her now that you're single you have to look after number 1 and that's yourself. The only way you can accomplish this is by going NC to fully get over the relationship. Wish her well in her life and say your last goodbye. It may rip you apart writing and sending this letter but it is the first step to the road of healing. She sounds like the kind of person that will try to contact you during NC and you simply must remain strong and ignore everything. If she comes back begging and pleading for you to take her back then you can make that decision if it happens. A lot of people believe that 2nd chances don't work but sometimes they do (my sister and her fiance are the example I look at) but they only work if both parties are willing to work on themselves in the areas that caused the break up and work on the relationship as a couple. If you reconcile based on emotion without working on yourselves then it is likely that you'll go through a honeymoon period and the old problems will re-surface and cause another break up. If she contacts you about anything else (breadcrumbs) then you have to ignore them as they mean nothing and will only hurt you. Whatever you decide to do, initiating NC is the necessary, long hard road to a better future and a better relationship whether it's a relationship with the same person or a new one. Just don't go into NC in the hopes that it will lead to reconciliation! NC is a process of healing and should be used in that way or you simply won't heal. Good luck man! You can do it!
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