Rinas Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 My Ex boyfriend (Broke up some days ago), had moved to another province whilst we were still together. We had a discussion saying how we would make the effort to be LD. He moved on July 1st. During the 14 days that he has been away, I generally have talked to him only 1 hour worth of time. Most of the conversation(s) I had with him within the 14 days have been with him saying "brb" and not coming back until several hours later. This means that I haven't had any decent contact for about 13 days worth. When I did talk to him I discussed with him wanting to work out our relationship problems. This has been unaccomplished due to our lack of contact. His family is going through a rough situation, possible divorce. However, he finds time to hang out with his sister, go fishing, and play games with his friend. Was 10 min a day to much to ask for? After we broke up, he put guilt on me by telling me that he had sent a package to my home 5 days ago, due to "feeling bad for not talking to me." If he felt bad, why not just make the effort? Now, while we were broken up, I met up with someone, platonically. My ex boyfriend hasn't gone full no contact with me, as there are still lingering feelings. He knew that I was out with another male, and decided to flip out on me. Nothing happened between me and said new guy, but I'm sure that he may have interest in me, and I am attracted to him. I haven't made any moves due to still holding a flame for my ex, and not wanting to bring someone down with me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know what to do anymore, I can never win. My ex has painted me as being a horrible person for meeting up with a guy to hang out. Am I really a bad person, and at fault here?
creighton0123 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 You are not in the wrong. He is. You want to have a mature relationship with an appropriate amount of communication. He was unwilling or incapable of providing that to you so you moved on.
KathyM Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Long distance relationships really don't work out. Very seldom. Best to break it off and date people that you actually have available in your own area.
madjac74 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I think you handled everything quite well actually. If you guys are broken up then you are free to do or be with anyone you chose. And you were quite respectful of your newly ended relationship by not doing anything sexual with this new guy; your ex BF should respect that. Plus he took the time and effort to ream you for being with another guy, he could have just made that effort to keep your relationship going strong. You were only asking for 10 minutes a day and he couldnt manage that?? I am far more greedy than you. No matter how busy my GF and I are we manage to at least text each other frequently throughout the day and we try to find time for phone calls at least twice a week. I can understand that time with his sister is important especially when dealing with a family crisis or whatever but if he has time for video games then there is no reason he cant find time to talk to you. I love video games too but Id certainly chose talking to my GF over them and Ive even managed to do both. Oh and fishing?? What better time to talk to your GF when you are just sitting there waiting for a bite! Anyway I think you handled things well and have no reason for wanting a little communication everyday. It's the only way to survive long distance. So after hanging out with this new guy that you are attracted to and still having feelings for your ex, would you try again with your recent BF or are you done for good?
cerridwen Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I agree with creighton that if he's not meeting your communication needs you should move on. But really do so, Rinas. As hard as it is, a clean break is always best.
madjac74 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Anyway I think you handled things well and have no reason for wanting a little communication everyday. Oops that should say "no reason to feel bad for wanting a little communication everyday". It wouldn't let me edit it :/
Author Rinas Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Thanks everyone for your advice and concern, I can always count on LS members to be so kind! I thought I wanted to fix what I had, honestly. But, I believe I'm in a fog. I'm only seeing the good times that we had together. My fog is blocking out how he hurt me, how he didn't respect me, and how he tried to keep me from having friends and a social life. I think that this relationship after over 5 years, may just have to come to an end. I am however enjoying the company of this new guy, and I'm just going to see him platonically for awhile, maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't. I will likely have more threads in the future when I'm in my dark places, and posting about getting over the good times we had. I think I've seen enough to know that I'm not top priority when he can't fit even 5 mins a day for me. I have talked to my family members and close friends, and they have confirmed that he was not healthy for me. While he is my first love, and he will always have a place in my heart, I cannot drag this on any longer.
creighton0123 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I am however enjoying the company of this new guy, and I'm just going to see him platonically for awhile, maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't. Good for you :-) Get out and have some fun. You've been dating someone for five years. Take whatever time you need to rebuild a relationship with yourself and layout what you want in a future partner, find it in a future partner, and be happy knowing that you've found someone who is a much better fit.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 He clearly doesnt want to be with you but still wants you to need him. He doesnt want you moving on from him. So he flips out and tells you things that he knows will get top you. But it will only work if you let it get to you. Keep working on cutting him out of your mind completely.
Author Rinas Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 He clearly doesnt want to be with you but still wants you to need him. He doesnt want you moving on from him. So he flips out and tells you things that he knows will get top you. But it will only work if you let it get to you. Keep working on cutting him out of your mind completely. Yes, this is why I cut him out completely. I've bee just fine without him. I had lost love ages ago, before he left I felt we were dying. I'm just glad to be on the moving on road. Thanks guys!
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