Probably not your typical situation

[StoneCold]

You ever been a house hubby SC?

 

No but I have many friends who are stay at home parents and while they dont sit on their ass all day watching soaps like some would beleive they all say it is nowhere near as bad as many make it out to be...sure its work but its not that bad...many of them would rather do what they do rather than what their spouses do...especially the ones that are blue collar

 

It all gets down to your apporach to parenting and who exactly runs the house... do you? or do the kids?

Edited July 19, 2011 by StoneCold

[Eddie Edirol]

Holly you and your husband have to start over. You have to stay away from each other and start dating again, because its obvious you need romance. Problem is, he is so pent up he might not want to go there. But you cant give him an ultimatum, that will only send him further away. But when he pesters, thats when you tell him you need romance, and you tell him softly. Im pretty sure if you started dating someone new you would have a sex drive again. So you and your hubby need to separate for a while, so he can see that it aint that easy to get sex from a new woman, it might make him appreciate what he has at home.

 

But you also have to realize that he might not want to come home atfer that, but you have to take the chance. Your only choice, is that he will go out, find another woman, and leave you if you protest it.

[phillyfan]

As I've just been rather rudely told that my situation is a fiasco and that it wasn't the board for me, and they mentioned this board, I thought I'd try here for some support and advice. I'm not looking for anyone to agree with what I am saying, just some perspective or a slap or something. Just support. Again, if my situation is totally wrong for this place, can you tell me nicely, I'm feeling pretty fragile/humiliated at the moment?

 

Anyway, here goes.

 

 

This is my first post. Please bear with the ridiculous details.

 

I have been married to my husband for 6 years, we've been together nearly 11. We have three children.

After the birth of my second child, my sex drive became non-existent. I don't even fantasize.

I don't think about it at all. Not what I want for myself, believe me, but that's what's happening in my body.

I have 'just done it' over and over again to satisfy my husband. But it's pretty crap and I'm left feeling like nothing but a sex toy.

I've been to the doctor twice and have tried homoeopathic remedies. Nothing seems to help kick start my sex drive.

 

I now have two older children and a toddler all day long. I am more exhausted than I have ever been in my life.

My husbands sex drive is pretty ridiculous. He'd have sex all day long if he could. He's also addicted to online porn, which I've seen as pretty harmless and an outlet for his frustration.

The last three years we have been arguing non stop about our sex life.

He wants more more more, I want some understanding and some actual intimacy.

Neither of us seem to be able to give what the other needs.

I'm so tired of all the arguing and honestly really put out by his incessant pestering for sex (NOT a turn on, and yes, it really has become pestering and needy and there's always guilt) that in one of our last fights I told him to just 'get a girlfriend then!'

 

Last week I found out that my husband has been visiting adult friend finder and has been chatting to and setting up dates with women.

I didn't stalk him, he's a complete noob when it comes to computers and I opened up our browser and there it all was, so of course I checked the history and investigated.

He also has a silly amount of personal information on his profile, not to mention naked photos of himself.

He's also been sending rather intimate, dirty messages to many different women on there.

 

I've been sitting here for the last week exploring how I feel about this and wondering what to do.

I feel like it's my fault for saying get a girlfriend, but wondering if I really care if he does or if I'm more upset about the deceit.

I have always been very honest about what has been happening and what I wanted or needed from our relationship.

I guess I thought if he was going to do this, he would talk to me about it first.

This is where I just feel stupid.

I know for him it's just sex he is needing, and I honestly cannot provide this for him right now, not the way he wants.

I want him to be more present at home with the family and with me, I want him to be happier. It seems like sex is consuming him. He's constantly irritated with me and the kids.

I wonder if I should confront him, or just let him get on with it if it will make him happier.

I'm not very confidant that confronting him will change anything or make it better. He's pretty defensive over everything I try to talk about, he's not easy to talk to. And I've got to a point where I don't open up to him about my true feelings anymore.

I guess you'd say our relationship is pretty messed up and not very good. So this behaviour isn't surprising. He was a great partner, and a good dad, and I love him as a person - just not this person.

 

I know this must sound awful. I feel trapped though. I live abroad with him and our children so I can't up and leave to 'go home'. I am a stay at home mum and haven't worked in 10 years. I am trapped.

 

Thanks for listening and for any open minded advice you may have. I am not a religious person, so if you are, either don't respond or keep god out of it, god doesn't seem to like this sort of thing.

 

Dude u aint ever trapped, u kno wat u need 2 do? U need to walk. Divorce this dude, he aint lovin u like a husband. I aint no angel but wen i get married its gona be way more than sex to me, its gona be cos that girl is gonab my angel, now if she aint feelin it in bed 4 sum reason we work on that togetha, and i aint neva gona use it as an excuse 2 cheat, i aint neva gona disrespect her with that porn or make her feel like sh*t becos she wont put out. Yea maybe I aint no angel with datin sumtimes, but hell this is a WIFE we are talkin about, ur life, ur family.

 

U divorce him, i bet u can stay in d house, keep ur kids togetha wit u, u aint earnin nothin so the law makes him pay u money 2 keep the kids ok. That aint trapped girl.

[ladydesigner]

Dude u aint ever trapped, u kno wat u need 2 do? U need to walk. Divorce this dude, he aint lovin u like a husband. I aint no angel but wen i get married its gona be way more than sex to me, its gona be cos that girl is gonab my angel, now if she aint feelin it in bed 4 sum reason we work on that togetha, and i aint neva gona use it as an excuse 2 cheat, i aint neva gona disrespect her with that porn or make her feel like sh*t becos she wont put out. Yea maybe I aint no angel with datin sumtimes, but hell this is a WIFE we are talkin about, ur life, ur family.

 

U divorce him, i bet u can stay in d house, keep ur kids togetha wit u, u aint earnin nothin so the law makes him pay u money 2 keep the kids ok. That aint trapped girl.

 

I love this!!!! I so wish my H were this way, but no he likes his porn too much and cant handle sex 2 times a week (needs more) so he cheated. This is so true phillyfan I like your way of thinking;)