Yona88 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I'll take any advice I can get on this. It's been 1 week, and I can't stand holding this in. I can't really say 1 week NC, because I messaged him today on his Facebook that he doesn't check often. I have been dragging myself to keep going and I am not crying as much as I was, but I feel deep depression from this. I've got like this "heavy" feeling in my chest and I just wish it would go away. We started dating May 3rd 2009, and I was his first girlfriend. We weren't very close at first. It took us about 9 months of casual dating before it got to that. I was losing my place, so I moved in with him and his mom across town. After a month, **** started to hit the fan, and found out he had done some not so honest things behind my back that caused a LOT of trust issues (signed up for a dating site 3 months into us). I moved back to my parents in Idaho for a week, and we agreed to think of this as a trip/break. I moved back with him around the end of February, and we stuck it out for 9 more months at his moms. We had a lot of ups and downs, and I still had issues trusting him. Things finally started to calm down until his mom was highly stressed, and made us want to run out of the house at times. She was really stressed out about her Dad (who also lived with us, and is dying), and work. We felt we had to move out. My parents in Idaho let us stay with them until we got our own place. So October 2010 we moved out there. It was hard, really hard. We were constantly struggling and had a hard time finding jobs out there. We thought moving out here would mean less stress, but I guess not. My dad gave us a notice of several days to hurry up and find an apartment. We did, even sooner than he said. Our relationship. Filled with my doubting insecurities, and constant worrying. I was always worried he was going to break my trust again, or was doubting his feelings. My boyfriend and I had a hard time finding a job out here. I was driving him insane with my worrying and how he did everything he could do to get me to trust him again. It wasn't working. July 6th, one week ago from today.. he gave up. He packed his belongings in a hurry. He was so angry and fed up. I had woken up feeling strange that afternoon. I felt unhappy/depressed and couldn't put my finger on why... I'm not very good at communicating my feelings to him and it (unintentionally) turned into an arguement. He stormed out of the apartment with his duffle bag and drove off. I sat around from 6 PM to about 3 AM hoping he just needed to cool off. He never came back. I called his mom and found out he stayed at a motel for 2 days, between Idaho and Washington, somewhere in Oregon. I have tried not to contact him, but left numerous Facebook messages in which he at first, did not reply to... then he left: ":'( me2. i still love you. i need to go home. i dont want to give up on you but i gotta go. :'( i am SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING ANGELA! please dont hate me. im sorry." And the other... saying "part of me regrets leaving and the other part of me feels this is the best thing." Shortly after that message he cut all contact from me, on Facebook, Steam, every IM program. (except did not block me on Facebook, just defriended). I sent him a response tonight saying I understand why he left, that I'm sorry, and that we had it pretty hard living out here together struggling. I reminisced about our good times and that I felt like "I really feel like I've lost my other half in life. we went through a lot. I wish you the best in life and hope some day we can talk again." and also that he was my best friend so not having that person in my life anymore was extremely difficult. That's pretty much where everything leaves off. I apologize for this HUGE post. My head is so boggled right now.. and I am really looking for advice. I am stuck in limbo of trying to move on, and hoping to repair things. I can't stand this. Also, I guess NC was broken 3 days ago. I had called his home line because I need the foodstamp card sent back (it was in my name and I have nothing. He left me high and dry with the apartment.) I spoke with him mom who is a very nice and supportive lady. We spoke for about half an hour, and mentioned things he said to her, about how he could not repair my trust no matter what he tried (she said that made him sad), and how he was sick of my accusations. (Which I understand, because I could not bring myself to trust this guy again). She told me she was concerned with how I was doing, and I told her I've been having my ups and downs. She also mentioned that he said "This is the best thing for now". Anyway, that's about it. I don't intend for him to ever return to Idaho. I feel like I must do something big to get him back. All my friends are encouraging me to come back to Washington anyway, since I know no one out here. I'm not sure what to think... I just don't want to live on this false hope of him coming around to me, just because he said "this is the best thing for now." Is it really this easy for guys to detach themselves from a 2 year, 2 month relationship? We lived together for a total of a year and a half. Edited July 14, 2011 by Yona88
amethyste Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 By "This is the best thing for now.", I don't think he meant that there still is some hope, but rather something like "This is the best decision I could have made right now." I can understand why he's left. Unlike many other dumpers around here who left their partners without any reasons (apparently), he had his reasons to leave you. I think that he ended up in a point where he wasn't able to take it anymore, and this is why he's left all of a sudden. I think you should leave things as they are. Try to work on yourself, but do it for you; don't do it just so you can tell him after a while "Look, I'm new & improved, wanna take me back?" Try to move on with your life & don't let yourself go. Nobody's asking you to forget him in a snap of fingers, but you should accept things as they are now. Maybe he'll come back, who knows? But I don't think there's anything you can do right now to make him come back to you. "You'd be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives and try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that Things Are As They Are." - The Tao of Pooh.
Author Yona88 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I understand that. I do need to work on me, and be happy with me. It's something I haven't done in a long time. Each day it has been getting a little bit easier. It's still been a struggle though. I also believe there's nothing I can do right now either. Part of me actually WANTS some alone time to figure things out. It's a weird feeling. I forgot mention his mom sounded... "giddy" on the phone. But that may just be, because he's reunited with family again. She said "Whatever happens, happens" and that she thinks he will come around to contacting me at some point, after we have had space. It was a pleasant phone call, but I can't talk to her anymore because I don't think I should. It's setting me back. Edited July 14, 2011 by Yona88
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