jocurly Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hi, Am new to this, after searching internet have found this to be the most helpful site I have come across. My ex and I split in 2007 after calling our wedding off in 2006 after arguments, I left our home in early 2007, but continued to contribute to mortgage and could not bring myself to either sell, him buy me out or reconcile. Since 2007 until early this year, we have seen each other, been intimate, discussed our relationship. He had wanted to get back together, but although I loved him, timing seemed out - he was still angry about things, blamed me and couldn't let go of past (maintains that he believes I was unfaithful back in 2006 (I wasn't)) We have both seen other people, but seems that both of us have been trying to fill a void - he has told me on more than one occasion that other person is 2nd best to me, that we were 'meant to be' but that we had messed things up. In the latter part of 2010, we starting seeing each other and I told him that I wanted to reconcile, he told me he still loved me but that he was not prepared to and was seeing how things went with girl he has seen on and off. We continued contact, and he ended things with her in JAN of this year and started seeing me, however, he was STILL angry with me, we saw each other for 4 weeks, and then he ended it stating that I wasn't bothered about him because I hadn/t seen him for 3 days because I had arrangements with friends. I tried to speak with him and reassure him - it boils down to lack of trust, but he lost his rag with me and told me to never speak with him again - I left it for 4 weeks and then contacted him - we have been in contact since then, but he has refused to give it another go stating that 'too much has happened', although I know he is still attracted to and loves me. He states that he does not want to lose contact, but he can't live life wondering what I am doing (amounts to trust, although I have tried to reassure him previously) I have begged and pleaded and to no avail. This is the man I would like to spend the rest of my life with... Any advice grately received!!!
amethyste Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Darling, only you two know what's between you, but in my opinion he's BS.itting you. That's how I see it. He definitely doesn't want to commit, so he's using any excuse in his advantage. Does he at least have any kind of evidence that might make him believe that you have cheated on him? I doubt he has, but he can use that as an excuse to paint you as the "woman who's guilty of betraying me & ruining our relationship". It's so much easier when you make others feel guilty. He has plenty of advantages right now: he knows he can see other women (and he doesn't mind if you see other men - pretty weird, don't you think so?), he knows you'll always be there, he knows he can use you (for anything really, from sex to an ego stroke) & he knows that he doesn't have to commit. I think you should have a real conversation with him. Tell him that you want a REAL relationship. And if he doesn't want the same thing as you do, accept his views but tell him that you don't wanna accept this crap anymore.
Author jocurly Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 He wasn't happy for me to see other person at all. I was not unfaithful bit broke his trust and confided in a male friend. And I have been a pain in the arse! I am not taking all responsibility/blame but I do understand why he is unhappy with me. Do you think I can regain his trust?
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