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i have a question-wilson?

sleepykitten

By sleepykitten
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sleepykitten Established Member

sleepykitten

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Wanted to ask you a question wilsonx or anyone else, i am 11 days nc, but i didnt initiate it, last time i saw him he said he loved me, he said he didnt want no contact and he would be in touch soon. I had every intention of not seeing him, texting etc, but now it feels harder because the first time i intiated nc i e mailed and told him, as well as getting some other stuff off my chest in a non angry way. But broke nc after 1 week we went to a concert together for his bday-i had the tickets and felt too guilty not taking him-dumb huh? still got him to pay for his though. Feel less of a mug.

So yes....So is it still no contact and a positive thing if i didnt initiate it, as i am feeling a bit, low, sad, angry...loads of stuff, need wise words-again!

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted

It does not matter who initiates it, what matters is that you maintain it. I promise you I feel the same way you do right now. I want to send her a letter, I want to text her, I want to call and scream at my ex. Do I feel guilty sometimes, yes I do. My ex cheated on me multiple times and you know what for some stupid reason, I still have feelings for her. Its human nature to want what we cant have or chase and go after people that reject us.

 

But I watch people go through breakups all the time. I watch dumpers breakup with dumpees go try new things, come back to the people they dumped a few months down the road and reenter their lives and either use them as a mental crutch, physical crutch, social crutch to get them to their next relationship. I have a really good friend that I have known for 10 years that has broken up with his ex seriously 6-7 times they date other people, he watches as she dates other people and waits on the sideline for her to be done and then they start dating again. Usually when she reenters the relationship with him, he is hurting on the inside. This is not healthy at all but its his choice and no matter what I say to him, he loves her and wont listen. Which is normal.

 

I no longer believe in second chances because of this. I watch people literally chase their ex, constantly get in pety fights with their ex's (these are younger 18- late 20's crowd) and all I can do is sit on the sideline and facepalm myself

 

Keep NC forever, you are doing a great job 11 days is great and its going to hurt a lot. It will get easier, then harder, then more hard, then easy but you have to stick to it

 

Good luck

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sleepykitten Established Member

sleepykitten

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Thank you. Thats made me feel better just knowing i am not going through these up and downs alone -this forum has been such a massive help to me, its like having really good friends day or night. Really appriciate you taking the time to answer. Will stay Nc no matter how hard, and its hard, but i know i will feel a million times worse if i dont!

Hope youre ok today. Wouldnt it be great if we could all get together and go for a drink! Like the bar in cheers!

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted
Thank you. Thats made me feel better just knowing i am not going through these up and downs alone -this forum has been such a massive help to me, its like having really good friends day or night. Really appriciate you taking the time to answer. Will stay Nc no matter how hard, and its hard, but i know i will feel a million times worse if i dont!

Hope youre ok today. Wouldnt it be great if we could all get together and go for a drink! Like the bar in cheers!

 

It gets better I promise you. One day when I go to London, I will hit you up and we will go grab a drink. My biggest advice is use this free time you have now to better yourself. For the past year, Ive been working on some Information Technology classes that I am self learning. I have plenty of free time now to do this work and it will only further my awesomeness by getting a great job afterwards to where I can literally do what I want to do.

 

I'm starting to regain my confidence. Im 25 days NC I think and its great. I saw some guy walking my ex's dog today and it stung a little, she lives down the road from me.

 

Some very attractive girl came into my place of work today and I had to get her name and she told me it was Lynee. I said wow such a pretty name, it goes really well with your smile. I just could not close the deal because she had the biggest cheese smile after that and I froze but she pretended to be looking at her phone while she watched me and smiled ;) If she comes by again, I'll definitely get her number

 

You should be focusing on going out now and meeting new people, hanging out with friends, making new friends and just having fun

TheHurtProcess Established Member

TheHurtProcess

Posted
Posted
It gets better I promise you. One day when I go to London, I will hit you up and we will go grab a drink. My biggest advice is use this free time you have now to better yourself. For the past year, Ive been working on some Information Technology classes that I am self learning. I have plenty of free time now to do this work and it will only further my awesomeness by getting a great job afterwards to where I can literally do what I want to do.

 

I'm starting to regain my confidence. Im 25 days NC I think and its great. I saw some guy walking my ex's dog today and it stung a little, she lives down the road from me.

 

Some very attractive girl came into my place of work today and I had to get her name and she told me it was Lynee. I said wow such a pretty name, it goes really well with your smile. I just could not close the deal because she had the biggest cheese smile after that and I froze but she pretended to be looking at her phone while she watched me and smiled ;) If she comes by again, I'll definitely get her number

 

You should be focusing on going out now and meeting new people, hanging out with friends, making new friends and just having fun

 

Yes sir. I've been NC for about 28 days now. My ex actually sent me a message yesterday which I ignored. I'm not breaking NC for mere breadcrumbs. I feel much better today than I did yesterday, thats for sure.

 

I too have been working on a few goals I've set for myself. I've also been working on IT classes since 2008 and I've already picked up quite a few certs along the way (A+, Network+, Server+, Security+, MCTS: MS Windows, CCNA) and I'll have an associates degree in about a year for Network Administration/Engineering.

 

I also took a ton of graphic and web design courses a few years ago and read a ton of books on programming over time. I'm working on developing several websites at the moment. Perhaps one day I'll build my own version of LS, hehe. Actually, forums such as these are super easy.

 

Other than that I've reunited with a ton of old friends from back in the day, picked up my guitar and started writing music again, a friend and I are opening a computer repair shop at the end of this month, started working out again after a few year long hiatus. I've been doing anything and everything to keep busy.

 

Let's just say that I sort of got lazy and way too comfortable with my crappy life when I was happily blind in my relationship.

 

I've always been super creative as well as a huge computer nerd. I think that's what attracted my ex to me. Oh well, give me a couple of years and after I've made something of myself, she'll be kicking herself :)

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