BrunoBoxer Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone, I'm new, so I hope it's ok if I just hop in with a question. I really feel as if a (formerly) close friendship has come to an end, but I can't seem to tear myself away. The person, we'll call her "Mary" and I have known each other for nearly 20 years (we're both in our mid 30s now.) Funny thing is, we didn't get along at all at first, but by our second year of college we were the best of friends. Mary and I have been through a lot together. We have always been there for each other through the good times and some really awful times as well. Whenever she had a problem, or just wanted to chat, I was the first one she called and vice versa. I moved across the country but it didn't seem to change things at all. We talked on the phone nearly every day. This was five years ago. Now, I'm not really sure what has happened. She's gotten involved with a very large group of "think happy thoughts and all your problems go away and breathing right brings world peace" types. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the power of positive thinking, but since they've come into her life she's completely changed. Some of those changes have been good, others not so much. I've noticed that her Facebook friends list has swelled to nearly 1000 people, most of whom are friends of friends of friends of her various "positive thinking" gurus (for lack of a better word.) Everything on her profile is either to, from or about these people. I see mutual friends of ours posting on her page, only to be completely ignored. I also started noticing that she would rarely answer her phone if she had any inkling that it was me. Sometimes she would call back and say she was on another call, but anytime someone else would call while we were talking she'd promptly ditch me to take it (it was usually one of her "happy people" as another of our friends calls them.) So many great things have happened to her through these people, and I think it's wonderful. But I don't understand being totally ditched for them. Recently, some very bad things have been going on in my life, and I sent messages to a few people about them. Did she reply? No. But, she sure had the time to post her latest "inspirational quote" or tout one of her friends latest "happy thoughts" book or cause. I just don't understand. I'm not an overly negative person, but I do insist on living in the real world, where change takes work and simply "thinking lovely thoughts" is all well and good, but won't pay the bills. I mean, she doesn't even know what's happening in the world because she refuses to watch the news or read the paper because of all the "negativity." I've tried talking to her about how it seems that she has little interest in our friendship, but she always gets defensive. She also accuses me and other friends of being "jealous" of her new friends, and that we're "not supportive" of her path. Almost like how dare we take offense to having been tossed aside for people she's only known for a short time. I want out. I'm tired of feeling hurt and rejected all the time. Sometimes, we do actually have a good conversation. We laugh and joke and have a great time just like we always did. Then, the pattern starts again and I get angry. I've come so close to deleting her on FB, erasing her number from my phone, etc. She just seems so heartless about throwing away our friendship, while I sit here with my stomach turning watching her "happy people" post screen after screen about how wonderful, loving and giving she is. She also goes through these "down times" when she says not to contact her because she needs time to herself...but she merrily chats away to the "positive thinking" brigade. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to back out of a nearly 20 year friendship. I've stopped calling or messaging, but she doesn't seem to notice. I don't even think she'd notice if I deleted her (at least not right away.) I kinda want her to notice, and maybe at least feel that she's lost SOMETHING in letting our friendship die. Any ideas of how to get out? I've tried fading away but I can't. If I end it and she asks why, I'm not sure if I could tell her without getting angry. I guess what I'm asking is should I just cut and run, or at least try to explain to her why? I'm not sure she'd "get it." (And I wouldn't want to be called "negative!" LOL!) Thanks for listening, any advice appreciated! Edited July 14, 2011 by BrunoBoxer Link to post Share on other sites
Kivu Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I understand how you might be feeling. I have a friend that goes back as long as this friend that you have. 20 years, so on so forth. The thing about Facebook is that if you have too many friends and too many games that you play and too many groups that you belong to, the most important people to you may get swallowed up in it. Especially if you only visit the "top news" page, you can miss a great deal. I wouldn't take this personally! She may simply never see anyone's posts. Really, Facebook causes so many problems... If I were you, I'd let her call you. Stop making the first move, unless she reciprocates. This way you can see exactly how important you are to her. Wait until she calls, then return the favour in that exact timeframe (she calls in a week, you wait a week to return the call). If she's as much of a flake as it sounds like, it may take her a while, but if she's your friend (and deserving of your friendship!) she will call eventually. Don't get angry with her, though, that's not going to help. Link to post Share on other sites
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