theogofguitar Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hello, I truely hope some of you read this and can offer some insight or advice... My ex-girlfriend just recently broke up with me a few weeks ago..We were in a 3 year relationship, and it was both of our's first serious relationship..We were each other's first with everything. Now I know since it was our first, many people will say that its only because our first love that it was so hard and that I want to get back with her..But I do love this girl, I truely do to the point that I want nothing but the best for her even if unfortunetly it can't be me to give it to her..She said she wanted space, to find out who she was and possibly even what it was like to be with other people...At one point in our relationship she wanted to be a stripper, a fantasy she's always had..I of course wasnt a fan of it, and evnetually that became one of the reasons she left me in my opinion.. After the breakup I analyzed myself and the relationship..I respectully learned that I did not treat her the best I should have. We shared many great times and memories and intially it was her always telling me she would never leave me.. After our breakup she was the one to initiate contact..The first few times we met up(after she suggested it) she hugged me, kissed me and told me she loved me yet wanted to stay friends.. I'm well aware of what that means when girls say that and I refuse to be a doormat or her 2nd option..I have since cleaned up my apperance, started school and working out to better myself for myself.. Yet everyday she still initiated contact through text,calls or videochat..She told me that she was pursuing a career in stripping to where I told her that I repspected that(and I know many of you may have differing opinions on this) but if thats what she wanted to do I would support her and accept it(I have actually come to terms somewhat with it) She made plans to go to an amusement park we would go to every summer and went as far as to say she wanted to go to a music festival with me and her which I had planned on going solo to.. Long story short I know that she is probably keeping me on the backburner and as good as a person as she is and I know she wouldnt deliberatley hurt me I know that she will find someone else, I was/am a grungey rocker hippie guy while she is more of a glamorous model(IMO) type.. She told me last week we should take a break seeing each other until our Amusemnt Park trip and I repspectfully agreed and said it was a good idea, yet a few days later she wnated to see me again, I told her that we were on a break but she insisted.. MY MAIN POINT is this, I know that if I continue to stay in the friendzone that she will never miss me and find someone else..I have decided to make closure and peace with myself and this relationship and have planned a suprise picnic(something I NEVER would have done in the relationship) to bring her her favorite meal and as a musician play the last song I ever wrote about her, this isnt a desperate attempt to win her back but more of a feeling inside me to atleast give her one last memory(I know I'm a doormat...) nd show her physically that I have changed, though not for her.. Is she playing games with me? Does she really care about me and considering getting back with me? And more importantly is this suprise romantic picnic a bad idea? If it ends horribly I plan on going NC(though it was my plan all along) and politely stepping away from her as hard as it will be.. Do I look depserate by doing this? I'm trying to show her that I have made peace and understand her point of view and her decision but at the same time I fear that If I cant do this one last nice thing, even if it doesnt change things , that I might never get another oppurtunity again to show her that I do care, and what she will be leaving behind... I'm so lost and I know this topic is confusing and long but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IF ANYONE can offer there advice or opinion I would appreciate it..
EgoJoe Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Call her back and say that a break is a lazy, immature and nasty way to break up with someone. Break up with her and tell her if she wants to try again that you will be willing to hear her out if she owns up to the reasons behind the break. Go no contact. I am speaking from a painful experience. Do this OR don't meet up with her, don't answer her calls and don't go to the amusement park and just say you think the break is a great idea and way to find yourself again.
KathyM Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Time to break up and go NC. She's not interested in a relationship, and you can certainly do better. Find someone nice that is interested in a relationship with you. This on again off again crap is not fair to you. Don't allow yourself to be used. You deserve better.
samm84 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I agree with the posts above. It eases the pain to think that the ex is on the fence about the breakup. There is comfort in thinking that we might be able to win them back, or at least keep them on the fence for a while to stop them from moving on any further. I talk from personal experience when I say that exs don't stay on the fence for very long. She doesn't want to get back with you otherwise she would have done already, instead she's taking this time to distance herself from you further. When my ex met a new guy, BOOM - she didn't want to know me. If you think you can cope with being a doormat now, just wait until she doesn't need you as a doormat anymore. You sound like a nice guy, from one nice guy to another... being a doormat never ends well. Go NC now.
Author theogofguitar Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for the advice you guys.....I have a feeling that going NC will drive her away further at this point and make her feel as if Ive given up but I guess it is true when they say you want what you cant get at times.... Its just very hard, especially since I know that she is going to be stripping for guys soon enough, and probably finding sumone much quicker than I will be able to... Being a nice guy doesnt work totally does it? you have to mix in alittle bit of *******ness dont you? I was nothing but nice and understanding in our relationship, always willing to talk things out or try to work things out in a peaceful mannor, never once called her a bad name or put her down yet she would do it to me...Guess I need to face the facts though Have any of you had success with NC?
samm84 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 It depends what you mean by success... NC sometimes works if your planning on getting your ex back - It worked for me for a short while at least. The thing to remember is that a lot of problems tend to reoccur when exs get back together. This is because whatever it is that caused the breakup is still going to be there. Believe me when I say that I've tried being friendly and reminding my ex of what she's missing, even shown her that I've improved myself as a boyfriend - but this means nothing to her now that she knows she can have all of this at any time without any reason for HER to change. Nothing sucks more than being stuck not knowing what your doing, being the best you can be for a person who doesn't appreciate it. I would say go NC just to help yourself move forward.
Chi townD Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Okay...take a step back and look at the big picture! She has a bad case of the GIGS. Look at what you're doing. You've started to work out and change your body, you started to go back to school to better your future and you've changed your appearances. All good and healthy steps forward. and her? SHe broke up with you and her life ambition is to become...a stripper. Your taking steps forward and she's taking steps back. You two are going off into two completely different directions. I think it's about time to cut ties.
Recommended Posts