Lawgrl78 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? The other night, I went on a first date with a guy I met online, and, from my perspective, it went very well. At the end of the date, we talked about getting together again, but didn't set up anything specific. He asked me to text him when I got home, and I did and told him I had a good time and was looking forward to seeing him again. He texted back that he felt the same, and the next day he emailed me about some stuff we had talked about on the date. We emailed back and forth a little, and then it got late, but I was the last one to email back, although he did send me a short text in response to that email. Today - nothing. Not to sound like a typical delusional girl, but he is busy this week and actually told me so before we even went on the first date (I wasn't sure I wanted to get together that night and asked him when else he was free again, and he said not for another week). I emailed him tonight, and I did say he didn't have to write back b/c I knew he was busy, but somehow I still thought he would, lol. So, thoughts on if he wants to see me again? And don't worry, I'm not a stalker. If I don't hear anything after today's email, I won't send a follow up. But, tonight I'm obsessing, and thought I'd ask if it sounded like he had any interest in seeing me again based on the above.
prosense Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 awww you sound so cute- well, as you've heard more than millions of times, he WILL get ahold of you as long as he would like to meet you again.. so I would say that refrain yourself writing him or texting him. and let's just be patient. focus on your work, friends or something else. go for a run. or I don't know what . good luck!
Star Gazer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Oh, Law Girl of my same birth year... it's like you're speaking to my soul (fellow attorney)!!! I can't tell you how many damn times I've experienced the VERY SAME THING you are right now... even as I sit here, I wonder if my last first date went well. I've decided, and I recommend you do this too, to just not think about it, not worry about it. Go on the dates, and then forget about it. (Easier said than done, I know!!) Thing is, you'll know if he wants to see you again because he will either (1) set a firm date/time/activity by the end of the first date, or (2) you'll hear from him fairly soon after the first date (around 2-3.5 days) to set up a second date. Don't bother wasting your worries until 4 days pass, at which point... forget about him. Best of luck!!
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? Not always the case but it's generally been my style. If there is synergy, strike whilst the iron is in the fire. At minimum, if sincerely interested, he should call (using that voice he talked to you with on the date) and ask you out within a week. This acknowledges that you both just have met and both have normal work, family and social lives. Of course, accept dates from other interested men and, if he misses out by letting the iron get cold, his loss. Adjust your date boundaries as you see fit. I use a week simply because I have to travel to date and once a week is plenty for me. YMMV on that.
Star Gazer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Not always the case but it's generally been my style. If there is synergy, strike whilst the iron is in the fire. At minimum, if sincerely interested, he should call (using that voice he talked to you with on the date) and ask you out within a week. This acknowledges that you both just have met and both have normal work, family and social lives. CH, what do you think about a situation where there's a first date, and then prior plans/travel trips prevents you from getting together for at least 10 days? If you both know the scheduling conundrum, what do you do...? Or, what should a woman expect?
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 This actually happened to my exW and myself early-on, I believe between our first and second dates, because she had planned her 40th BD bash with a bunch of girlfriends up your way in the city. She merely advised me of that, we made other plans and life went on. She had a great time with her girlfriends. So, my perspective would be transparent communication and acceptance. To me, life won't end if one goes a couple weeks without pressing flesh with a potential love interest. Perhaps times have changed, IDK. My barometer in recent times has been sincere *interest* in getting together, with mutual sharing to put that interest into action. Each party suggesting and indicating their *desire*.
oaks Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? No, it's not always the case. He might not be so sure that it went well, or he might be timid, so he might go home and then ask you out again in a few days.
EasyHeart Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 CH, what do you think about a situation where there's a first date, and then prior plans/travel trips prevents you from getting together for at least 10 days? If you both know the scheduling conundrum, what do you do...? Or, what should a woman expect?This was very common for me back in my heavy business travel days. I'd typically say "I'll be out of town for X days and will call you when I get back". My trips were usually busy, so I didn't have a lot of down-time. But if I REALLY liked her, I would at least try to give her a call or leave her a voicemail. Now, with texting and internet email and ubiquitous cellphones, I would at least send her a text or email to say "hi". But if I were a woman, I wouldn't freak out if I didn't hear from someone while he's on a trip. That is, if he says, "I'll be out of town for a week and probably won't get a chance to call you" and then he doesn't call you, it doesn't mean he's not interested; it just means he's doing exactly what he said he would do.
bac Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 It depends on a person, age, situations... In general, if a man contacts you once during next 3 days to set the second date, you are all right. If he contacts you several times per day after the first date, he is a player, or immature/young, or has some other specific reasons for unusual behavior.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? The other night, I went on a first date with a guy I met online, and, from my perspective, it went very well. At the end of the date, we talked about getting together again, but didn't set up anything specific. He asked me to text him when I got home, and I did and told him I had a good time and was looking forward to seeing him again. He texted back that he felt the same, and the next day he emailed me about some stuff we had talked about on the date. We emailed back and forth a little, and then it got late, but I was the last one to email back, although he did send me a short text in response to that email. Today - nothing. Not to sound like a typical delusional girl, but he is busy this week and actually told me so before we even went on the first date (I wasn't sure I wanted to get together that night and asked him when else he was free again, and he said not for another week). I emailed him tonight, and I did say he didn't have to write back b/c I knew he was busy, but somehow I still thought he would, lol. So, thoughts on if he wants to see me again? And don't worry, I'm not a stalker. If I don't hear anything after today's email, I won't send a follow up. But, tonight I'm obsessing, and thought I'd ask if it sounded like he had any interest in seeing me again based on the above. I almost never made the second date before date 1 was over. Only if she had brought up seeing me again, then I would talk about going out again. First dates are tricky and you can't try and preemptively figure them out like you're trying to do. Basically, the way you know it went well is when you get asked to go on another date. Otherwise there's no way to tell if they were just being friendly, thought of you as a friend, or really liked you. People are really good at faking these days.
Author Lawgrl78 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 "and I did say he didn't have to write back b/c I knew he was busy, but somehow I still thought he would, lol." - You trying to make it sound all cute, but read it again. YOU TOLD HIM that he did not have to, so he said ok fine, thank you. NOW you are judging him for not writing you back in a negative way.....you go to a therapist? Ha ha - I see your point, but I'm really not judging him. Obviously, I understand that if I specifically tell someone they shouldn't worry about writing back, then I shouldn't expect them to. And, honestly, I already knew that he was particularly busy the day I wrote it, and I wouldn't truly have expected him to write me back even if I hadn't thrown that line in there. But, sometimes when you're really happy about a first date, you analyze every little thing the person said/did during it and says/does after. Or at least I do. You obviously don't express it out loud to the other person because that would be creepy, weird, needy, and rude. That's why I posted here instead! lol. I am not a teenage girl, but sometimes I act like one - privately or in the case of posting here, anonymously - when I meet someone that I like. To me, that's part of the fun of dating so long as you don't do it for weeks after it's obvious the person isn't interested. And, though, from the tone of your post you probably won't believe me, I won't even (gasp!) judge him if I never hear from him again at all. A lot of people like a thanks, but no thanks phone call or email. I am not one of them. If we had slept together or something, I might be upset, but this was truly just a casual, getting to know you date that I happened to enjoy and hope he did too. If he didn't, I'd prefer not to hear why for sure! Just having a little fun with the post-date obsession. I don't think this means I have a mental illness. But, when it comes to opinions, to each his own.
Casablanca Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? Not really as others have said...I like to suggest going out again to show I'm still interested and the girl will always say yeah to avoid an awkward situation, I've had dates where the chemistry was great and she said she'd like to go out again and never hear from her again; and I've had dates where there wasnt much chemistry IMO but they contacted me afterwards about going out...so for me it is hard for me to tell anymore
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 This was very common for me back in my heavy business travel days. I'd typically say "I'll be out of town for X days and will call you when I get back". My trips were usually busy, so I didn't have a lot of down-time. But if I REALLY liked her, I would at least try to give her a call or leave her a voicemail. Now, with texting and internet email and ubiquitous cellphones, I would at least send her a text or email to say "hi". But if I were a woman, I wouldn't freak out if I didn't hear from someone while he's on a trip. That is, if he says, "I'll be out of town for a week and probably won't get a chance to call you" and then he doesn't call you, it doesn't mean he's not interested; it just means he's doing exactly what he said he would do. Interesting. I'd appreciate your input on this: We went out, and at the end of the date talked about getting together again. He said the next 10 days or so were crazy for him schedule wise (and me too), but that we'd do something after that. In this case, calling while he (and I, we overlapped) were gone was not possible due to physical location - no cell service. He did seem very interested, talked as though there'd definitely be a second date, and at one point based on his body language, I think he was considering whether to kiss me. He's someone I've known for a lonnnng time, not sure why we never got together before. Anyway, while he asked me out, both before and after our date, I found myself initiating all of the text mini-convos. He's always responded right away, but it's made me feel like I'm chasing...and I can't tell if he's responding to be polite and because he's got nothing better to do and is flattered, or if he'd actually do it on his own...if given the chance. Problem is, I tend to go after what I want and hate waiting around, so I never really know if a guy is interested. Should I wait and see if he reaches out?
vsmini Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 To the OP I think what I'm most impressed with is the fact that he wanted to know if you made it home safe. I am always surprised when I hear girls that go out on dates or even with their boyfriends and their guys never call or text to see if they made it home ok. So that's good. Sounds like it was an excellent first date and he's maintaining communication. He might be waiting for you to make the second date. Let him come to you. Also - if you want to talk to a guy and keep in contact with him - never write him an email and tell him he doesn't have to write back because you know he's busy. He knows how busy he is and if he wants/can write back, he will. It's always good when a girl doesn't put a lot of pressure on a guy but never actively seek to take pressure off a guy. It's confusing and ends up driving you crazy (with possible resentment) if he takes you up on it and doesn't write back.
zengirl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I have heard that if a guy really enjoyed the first date, he will make plans for a second date before it's over. Is this always the case? That's actually very rarely happened to me with dates I actually enjoyed as well (usually a guy tends to ask that when I'm not digging it, and then it just gets awkward) and never with someone who became a real LTR, except the guy who I'd been friends with for years beforehand. But we were basically in the LTR from that first date. So totally different. He asked me to text him when I got home, and I did and told him I had a good time and was looking forward to seeing him again. He texted back that he felt the same, and the next day he emailed me about some stuff we had talked about on the date. If he seems like a nice, normal guy, these are all indications he wants to see you again. Some people (men and women) will contact each other with texts and emails just for validation, but most guys won't bother texting you --- guys don't love communication the way women do --- multiple times if they aren't into seeing you again. The only exception would be if they are seeing other people and someone else sparks their interest more. All of which is outside of your control. I'd at least say he agrees it was a good date and will likely be in touch if nothing else catches his attention more/happens to change his mind. People are weird, and it's impossible to predict what they will do, I've found. Did he ever ask you out again?
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