DoWork Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 hey guys just wondering how long of NC it took you to get over an ex or any story where NC worked after a period of time and they came back?? my ex and i broke up about 2 months ago after 3 years together its been a month of NC now i hav'nt heard from her and she hasn't herd from me.. i still think about her alot but i know i'm starting to move on the first month was HELL...
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I think I was about a year into the divorce process (NC except for essential divorce business) before I was demonstrably neutral. That was about the time my best friend stopped saying 'bitter, much?' in his joking way to let me know I wasn't there yet. The best test is dating other women. If no thoughts of ex intrude, then you're good to go. I even took some dates to restaurants which were my exW and my 'hangouts' just to see if familiar places elicited old feelings. Nada. I do recall, just prior to the divorce being final, discovering exW already had a live-in BF. I did feel a pinch of emotion for about ten seconds, then laughed about it and at myself and moved on. I'm still single. We each have our path. If you're ex'es for good reasons, hope she doesn't come back. Sometimes life is better that way, emotions aside.
English-Rose Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Hi what's your motivation for no contact? Is it to get over her or get her back? I am only asking because there is so much conflicting advice about the use of NC..... Some sites are strong advocates of it's use to creat mystery and make the ex miss you, others like this one are much more about the getting over and moving on. I guess in reply to your question it depends which camp you sit in. I am not sure yet personally! I know my ex too well and I know me ignoring his attempts at contacting me will be driving him nuts. The principal to work on is the human trait of people always want what they cannot have. The positive by-product of nc is that it helps you get over the despair feelings associated with the break up and may help you move on. Hope this helps?!
Ginger Beer Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 NC for four months; December 2010 - April 2010, March was spent ignoring text after text from her.
Geya Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 NC a month now, and breakup 3 months...I feel like I'm almost over him, I just don't like him...
HalfStepDown Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 It's NOT easy trust me! I'm at full on NC and at 9 months today. I'm good and doing well and things are MUCH better and a LOT easier. However... it can still very easily creep up on me, but it's not as bad as it was the month before. Stay strong and keep on. Do NOT contact! It will take some time. When I look back at 3 months, it's infancy to me now... I was about as strong as a baby but thought I was stronger. I think at the 3month mark you're strong. You have a sense of it being "over" and you're good. But.. you're still very vunlerable, so be careful with yourself. If anything ALWAYS remember this. You are in NO way in a position to contact! Do NOT do it! It gets easier I promise. It's still not easy for me at 9 months, but it's not "hard" either. Hang tough...be strong and take care of you!!!!
Green21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) I haven't tried reaching out to her since a letter I sent the day after she broke up with me. It's been 11 weeks. I no longer count off the days or even weeks, and only know how long it's been by having to work it out in my head. I've progressed a lot since the first few weeks. I've accepted she's gone and will never come back. However, not a day's gone by yet where I haven't thought about her (not since the first day we got together) and I still have moments where I'm bitter about the whole thing. It'll be a relief when that changes; until then I wouldn't say I'm over her. Edited August 30, 2011 by Green21
amandap Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 hey guys just wondering how long of NC it took you to get over an ex or any story where NC worked after a period of time and they came back?? my ex and i broke up about 2 months ago after 3 years together its been a month of NC now i hav'nt heard from her and she hasn't herd from me.. i still think about her alot but i know i'm starting to move on the first month was HELL... Hi this is really a hard one to answer, i think sometimes no contact can work, but only if the split was not really on the cards, what i mean is if you split up over a silly argument, however if this was planned on there part because they simply fell out of love then they will not miss you, so if its the last case then the NC would only help you to heal, This is where i am at right now, i was with my ex 10 yrs and engaged for 9 of them, we had our ups and downs like most do, but we both loved each other very much, i will keep this short, his son aged 20 came back into his life after NC for 12 yrs, his son had many problems but no matter how bad his son behaved in our house he wouldnt give him rules to follow which in turn caused friction between us, long story short , we broke up just before christmas and he moved out with his son, but after 2 weeks got back together, his son stayed in his own flat, so everything was going really well, i would tell my now ex to go and spend as much time as he needed to reconnect with his son, then at the end of june we had a silly agrument and he left saying he wouldnt come back, i was desperate for contact so txted him about 4 times over a 2 week period only for him to ingnore me, i then left it 2 weeks with NC and finally rang him with an excuse, well he still said he wont ever come back and i made the mistake of pleading which i could tell made him angry,he said he didnt want to see me in the near future either , so with my heart broken i then txted and said i will never mention us getting back together again, he does know i love him, he has now started ringing me once a week asking what im up to and telling me of his week, anyway the next time he rang i told him that I didnt want him back and that i was moving on, though it took all i had to say it, he responded with oh i didnt think it would take you long to get over me, with that i said take care , before i could put the phone down he shouted i will ring you next week, well we have been talking once a week for the last 4 weeks, and the last time he phoned he said when he gets paid he wants to buy me something small i told him not to , though he is insisting, saying he will bring it over to me, so now he does want to see me, maybe its since i told him i dont want him back, who knows, all i know is i love him to bits, but feel like i took a little of his power anyway from him when i said i dont want you back, you see i have taken that choice away from him, its not up to him anymore, we even txted each other last night for the first time in 2 months, just making each other laugh, i dont know what the future holds but as they say i am getting stronger each day, but i am still heart broken, hope this helps just a little
ConfusedT Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 im ALMOST 2 weeks out. he has only called one time, sad i know, but i was strong and ignored. =( ive talked to his mom and had an emotional breakdown- she called me though after she found out what happened. his GIRLFRIEND also called me at like 1AM. B*tch, but whatever... im not sure when it gets better, but i am definitely not feeling better. i am having some OK times & days, but at the end of it, im still hurting. we've been broken up since July, not real sure when bc we never really ended it per se, it just kind of ended. So for me 2 weeks NC IS DEFINITELY NOT when you are healed. i've heard all types of stories- but usually around 1-3 months, things start getting better. i know it takes 21 days to break a habit though, reportedly. im so lonely. but id rather learn to be happy alone, than to be miserable with someone.... any other insight from people who actually maintained NC for an extended period of time? ID LOVE to know when you truly, truly felt better...
rosyposy90 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I am two weeks into non-contact (6 month relationship) and feel I have suddenly turned a corner. I've stopped crying and the waves of grief have become much less frequent. I feel almost my old self today. I saw his car this morning and I didn't get a feeling of longing to be with him which is big progress for me. I am really glad I decided to do non-contact as I am sure I would still be completely stuck and fixated on my ex if I hadn't.
Recommended Posts