Sanman Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So, I have heard women complain about this on here on multiple threads. I am asking the opposite question: what does that old bald guy have to lose by asking you out? Sure, you and the next 50 attractive women may turn him down. However, 51 may have daddy issues and want revenge on an ex for cheating. Then he wins. So, ladies, where is the downside for this guy if he hits on you? Worst thing that seems to happen in my book is he is exactly where he started.
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 IME, there is no downside, negating the potential negative emotional effects of rejection. I'm friendly with any woman, regardless of relationship status, who interests me. If it turns out the interest is mutual and she's unattached, hey, what the heck. A social life is a nice addition. Her 'league' is irrelevant to me. I'm done crawling inside women's brains to try to figure them out. If she thinks I'm 'beneath' her, she can say the time-honored 'I don't see you *that* way'. Next. And, yes, I've been used to make boyfriends and husbands jealous, even without my knowledge (at the time). The good news is I don't have to inhabit their underwear. Win-win As an old, bald guy, I thought my data point to be helpful
Feelsgoodman Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So, I have heard women complain about this on here on multiple threads. I am asking the opposite question: what does that old bald guy have to lose by asking you out? Sure, you and the next 50 attractive women may turn him down. However, 51 may have daddy issues and want revenge on an ex for cheating. Then he wins. So, ladies, where is the downside for this guy if he hits on you? Worst thing that seems to happen in my book is he is exactly where he started. One downside is connect to the fact that human beings are not emotionless robots. Getting rejected 50 times in a row would likely leave certain psychological scars (i.e. depression). It could also make a guy really desperate, which means that if he finally finds a hottie with daddy issues, he'd do just about anything to avoid losing her...which is, of course, a recipe for disaster. In the end, she will abuse him and then dump him anyway, leaving the guy an emotional wreck.
Hot Chick Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I don't think an attractive woman has to be "on the rebound" to be receptive to the advances of an older bald man. Baldness really doesn't bother me and I would date an older man, older up to a point anyway. If he was charming and intelligent, and I felt a certain chemistry...it happens! You see "old bald guys" with younger attractive women all the time. I think some women don't like "hitting on" but approaching and talking to a woman and respecting her while doing so might just do the trick. So there is always a possibility you could find LOVE if you "hit on" someone "out of your league."
motive2002 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Unless she has a 7 foot monster boyfriend with anger issues.. I'd say the downsides of hitting on a woman out of your league are zero.
rafallus Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 There is no such thing as leagues (when it comes to dating), so there are obviously no downsides.
grkBoy Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So, I have heard women complain about this on here on multiple threads. I am asking the opposite question: what does that old bald guy have to lose by asking you out? Sure, you and the next 50 attractive women may turn him down. However, 51 may have daddy issues and want revenge on an ex for cheating. Then he wins. So, ladies, where is the downside for this guy if he hits on you? Worst thing that seems to happen in my book is he is exactly where he started. He has nothing to lose, and it's why I tell guys to forget the "leagues". One should only assume they have no shot if they can clearly see it. So I see uber-hot girl who only goes out with wealthy athletic men. I wouldn't try because I can tell she would not be into guys like me, especially if I see her posting photos of hunky guys on Facebook with "future husband" on the caption. HOWEVER, not all "hot" women are that shallow...regardless of what anyone thinks. I've gotten numbers and gone out on dates with some very beautiful women in my past simply because I tried. Granted I didn't come off as a total ugly duckling, but I was by no means in the same "league" as the "hot guys" these women normally talk to. So why did they take a shot with me? I was different...and being "nice" even helped. I came off as mature, intelligent, and respectful. Women who turned me away for that I simply saw as women I would never be happy with. The rest might have gone on a string of bad boys and now believe those men will never commit and marry...so they want to see what it's like to date a guy like me. And so what if it never got beyond one or two dates? Those dates more or less built up my confidence level and showed me three things: Hot girls are not impossible for average guys to get.Women who heavily prioritize the shallow things tend to get what they desire...but not all of it. Look at the vast number of women who basically ask why all the good men are ugly and all the hot guys are jerks, but all the hot good guys are gay.Just because she's hot doesn't mean she's a good woman. Imagine when you're sitting at a table and you can tell the only things on her mind are celebrities, gossip, and where she's going to party later. Even when some of these girls speak of marriage and talk how they want a lavish wedding, luxury town house in the city, and lots of children. This is the ideal girlfriend? Take chances and learn from them. That's all I can ever say. If guys come here saying they try and try and try but never get anywhere, then in my book they aren't learning. They're only generalizing to avoid making changes. Trust me...in grade and high school I was incredibly shy. In my 20s I was a little strange and didn't have any "game". In my mid-to-late 20s I took more risks. In my early 30s I was doing much better...and now I'm with a woman I would honestly marry. I also like shooting photos of her. Think classic European Vogue look.
iris219 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Downsides to old, fat, bald guys hitting on hot, young women: 1. It is a waste of your time and her time. 2. It is annoying for the girl. 3. Your time could be better spent finding an appropriate match. You are preventing yourself from actually finding a date. Even if this girl goes on a date with you (unlikely), you two are probably not suitable for each other. You are also setting yourself up to be used. 4. You might get the “creepy old guy who’s on the prowl for young girls” label. These guys are almost always considered weird and undesirable. This label is the kiss of death when it comes to dating. That said, one of my good friends was hit on by a man 30 years her senior several years ago. The man is now one of her best friends (though they've never dated and never will). This is the best case scenario. You will have a lot more success with dating if you're realistic.
KR10N Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 If these women who are out of a 50 y.o. bald mans "league" how on earth will they cope if their future husband turns out bald? What if he ends up looking like Bruce Willis? I certainly wouldn't complain. Sanman, take the initiative already! Don't let your lack of hair (or a woman) bring you down, man.
grkBoy Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Frankly, I think a bald guy can look great if he wears it right. YES: Shave off the rest to a smooth surface or setting 1 level, then groom and dress well. NO: Leave the "horseshoe" or "combover", gain weight, look like a slob. Think "George Costanza"
iris219 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I personally don’t mind bald. Many hot 22 year olds will. Aging together is very different than a 20 something dating someone who has already aged. When a much older man ONLY hits on much younger women, this says something about his character. These men are usually trying to hold on to their youth. They want to use these girls to feel better about themselves. It’s rarely a healthy situation.
KR10N Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I personally don’t mind bald. Many hot 22 year olds will. Aging together is very different than a 20 something dating someone who has already aged. When a much older man ONLY hits on much younger women, this says something about his character. These men are usually trying to hold on to their youth. They want to use these girls to feel better about themselves. It’s rarely a healthy situation.DONALD TRUMP!
bac Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So, I have heard women complain about this on here on multiple threads. I am asking the opposite question: what does that old bald guy have to lose by asking you out? Sure, you and the next 50 attractive women may turn him down. However, 51 may have daddy issues and want revenge on an ex for cheating. Then he wins. So, ladies, where is the downside for this guy if he hits on you? Worst thing that seems to happen in my book is he is exactly where he started. When I rejected a guy like that last time, I have lost control so I was kind of rude and aggressive. BTW, He was 35 and he had nice hair. I have probably hurt his feelings. I got angry that a guy like him had an idea that I might ever date him. I had felt plenty of shame even walking down the street next to him once. Then, I have sent him an email that I was very sorry. Anyway, normal people have emotional needs to feel accepted, competent, likable and respected. If women reject a man, it means that he is not good enough, not accepted, not competent and not likable. The message hurts his core beliefs about himself and his self-esteem. He feels a looser. If he cannot read the message, it means he is not emotionally intelligent. So, it is hard to hurt his feelings because he has almost no feelings. In other words, he sees other people as objects.
Author Sanman Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Sanman, take the initiative already! Don't let your lack of hair (or a woman) bring you down, man. KR10N, I appreciate the the support, but the thread is not about me. I'm in my late twenties, have all my hair, and I'm currently seeing someone. This is mostly about the fact that I don't understand what people like Iris and BAC are thinking regarding this. I just don't see a downside. Some talk about being rejected, but that honestly does not phase me. Hell, I am rejected at bars now, but I still keep talking to people until I meet someone who is interested.
Author Sanman Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 When I rejected a guy like that last time, I have lost control so I was kind of rude and aggressive. BTW, He was 35 and he had nice hair. I have probably hurt his feelings. I got angry that a guy like him had an idea that I might ever date him. I had felt plenty of shame even walking down the street next to him once. Then, I have sent him an email that I was very sorry. Anyway, normal people have emotional needs to feel accepted, competent, likable and respected. If women reject a man, it means that he is not good enough, not accepted, not competent and not likable. The message hurts his core beliefs about himself and his self-esteem. He feels a looser. If he cannot read the message, it means he is not emotionally intelligent. So, it is hard to hurt his feelings because he has almost no feelings. In other words, he sees other people as objects. So, exactly what makes you so angry at the idea that a guy like that could date you? 1. It is a waste of your time and her time. 2. It is annoying for the girl. 3. Your time could be better spent finding an appropriate match. You are preventing yourself from actually finding a date. Even if this girl goes on a date with you (unlikely), you two are probably not suitable for each other. You are also setting yourself up to be used. 4. You might get the “creepy old guy who’s on the prowl for young girls” label. These guys are almost always considered weird and undesirable. This label is the kiss of death when it comes to dating. How exactly is it the guy's problem if it is annoying to the girl? How is he supposed to know it was a waste of time unless he tries first? Who has this reputation of him? I mean it isn't like I see men like this chatting up women and then hitting on their daughters. I usually see this at a bar and never see either party again?
KR10N Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 KR10N, I appreciate the the support, but the thread is not about me. I'm in my late twenties, have all my hair, and I'm currently seeing someone. This is mostly about the fact that I don't understand what people like Iris and BAC are thinking regarding this. I just don't see a downside. Some talk about being rejected, but that honestly does not phase me. Hell, I am rejected at bars now, but I still keep talking to people until I meet someone who is interested.lol. I was only teasing anyway. But I agree w/ you. There are lots of women who prefer older men. As long as the woman is legal age, I see no problem. Age could be just a number between a 30 y.o. & a 50 y.o.
Dorie Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 KR10N, I appreciate the the support, but the thread is not about me. I'm in my late twenties, have all my hair, and I'm currently seeing someone. This is mostly about the fact that I don't understand what people like Iris and BAC are thinking regarding this. I just don't see a downside. Some talk about being rejected, but that honestly does not phase me. Hell, I am rejected at bars now, but I still keep talking to people until I meet someone who is interested. Acute sensitivity to rejection is what I venture to guess. That you can take it, is a great ability that will serve you well across the board. Many cannot and it hits at, and plays upon, their painful feelings of inferiority. For those who talk about leagues not existing, it's a peculiar statement in my opinion. When people are cast for adverts for example, they are cast to type. For the role of the Bombshell at the Bar Drinking Grey Goose Vodka, the woman selected must be extremely attractive. Why is it not understandable that there are men who are also cast as Overweight Balding Slightly Awkward Joe Schmo? Both exist. They difference in their attractiveness is marked. Given that, it is understandable that Joe would find it difficult to approach Bombshell, especially if he nurses a propensity toward rejection sensitivity.
iris219 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 How exactly is it the guy's problem if it is annoying to the girl? How is he supposed to know it was a waste of time unless he tries first? Who has this reputation of him? I mean it isn't like I see men like this chatting up women and then hitting on their daughters. I usually see this at a bar and never see either party again? Guys know when they don't have much chance with a certain woman. You can try, but move on quickly if she's not interested. There's nothing worse than pushy. There are certain places my friends and I go regularly. We often see the same old, unattractive, overweight guys buying young girls drinks and trying to chat them up. These guys have a reputation of being creepy old guys. These guys sometimes forget they hit on you one week and try again the next week, using the same lame lines. My point is this: to mazimize your chances of success, don't go for women you have a nearly impossible chance with. I'd say the same thing to women.
Author Sanman Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Guys know when they don't have much chance with a certain woman. You can try, but move on quickly if she's not interested. There's nothing worse than pushy. There are certain places my friends and I go regularly. We often see the same old, unattractive, overweight guys buying young girls drinks and trying to chat them up. These guys have a reputation of being creepy old guys. These guys sometimes forget they hit on you one week and try again the next week, using the same lame lines. My point is this: to mazimize your chances of success, don't go for women you have a nearly impossible chance with. I'd say the same thing to women. Well, that depends on what you are looking for. Something tells me these guys at the bar are more ins search of a bed mate than a soul mate.
samspade Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 No one is "out of your league" unless you think she is. Let HER reject you before rejecting yourself.
carhill Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I'm reading a lot about old, bald guys (I think overweight was added later on) hitting on young women. I guess that goes on, but wish to clarify that it isn't part of my data point. The youngest woman I've dated was ten years younger and she pretty much drove the interactions. At the time I was 39 and she 29. All the rest have been similar in age <to me>, some slightly younger, some slightly older. As an example, a cute young Asian girl who was assisting my dentist was chatting me up, far beyond normal professional friendliness, earlier this week when I was in for some work. I, of course, was friendly. Did I see her as in my 'league' or as appropriate? No, she's young enough to be my daughter. I don't play in that league, if it can be called one. I trust a younger man would have a markedly different perspective. Edited July 14, 2011 by carhill
samspade Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 As an example, a cute young Asian girl who was assisting my dentist was chatting me up, far beyond normal professional friendliness, earlier this week when I was in for some work. I, of course, was friendly. Did I see her as in my 'league' or as appropriate? No, she's young enough to be my daughter. I don't play in that league, if it can be called one. I trust a younger man would have a markedly different perspective. That's different - it's perfectly fine if YOU don't want to date someone who you believe is too young, too old, etc. That's you qualifying women, which is healthy. However, immediately eliminating women from contention because you think "she's out of my league" (read: she's too attractive/I'm not attractive enough) is defeatist thinking. I'm not saying you'll have a chance with any particular woman, but why not give her the opportunity to say no rather than counting yourself out? It's this kind of thinking that perpetuates low self esteem, which is a huge turnoff even to women "in" your league.
KathyM Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 The downside is that the man would get rejected over and over. Where is the fun in that? Men should realize that if all a beautiful woman wanted was to get laid, she would have no problem finding somebody. She doesn't have to settle. She can take her pick. I think it works out best for men to confine their hitting to someone in their own league. They are much more likely to get some interest. Hitting on a woman that is out of your league is likely to result in zero success.
irc333 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I'm reading a lot about old, bald guys (I think overweight was added later on) hitting on young women. I guess that goes on, but wish to clarify that it isn't part of my data point. Carhill, if you keep talking using this terminology, you'll just scare off the women LOL (I'm just kidding C.H.
KR10N Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I'm reading a lot about old, bald guys (I think overweight was added later on) hitting on young women. I guess that goes on, but wish to clarify that it isn't part of my data point. The youngest woman I've dated was ten years younger and she pretty much drove the interactions. At the time I was 39 and she 29. All the rest have been similar in age <to me>, some slightly younger, some slightly older. As an example, a cute young Asian girl who was assisting my dentist was chatting me up, far beyond normal professional friendliness, earlier this week when I was in for some work. I, of course, was friendly. Did I see her as in my 'league' or as appropriate? No, she's young enough to be my daughter. I don't play in that league, if it can be called one. I trust a younger man would have a markedly different perspective.Ah, stereotypes!
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