I wanted to ask somebody out, waited too long! I'm a big softy, also barely dated.

[daesin]

Ok, so a little backstory first.

 

I was walking through a department store when one of girls working there walked by me smiling and wouldn't break eye contact. We must have held eye contact for 4-5 seconds and walked right by eachother smiling. Right after I passed her she started talking to somebody that works there and then I turned to ask the next guy in front of me a question about gold panning.

 

He tried to help me find one in the store and was sure they used to carry them but he was unsuccessful at finding any so he walked off to get help. After 5 minutes he brought back the girl that I had passed earlier and we both stood there smiling at eachother. He told her I was looking for gold pans and she told a story about how she went to a local river to go gold panning and found some flakes. It was such a good ice breaker because gold panning isn't exactly my first choice of hobbies or anything, just wanted to try it out while fishing with my friends. I couldn't believe she had done it before.

 

With that in mind we talked for a few minutes and then she got called by another employee to talk to her about stock so she walked off. I went to pay for my pan.

 

This is where, feeling confident at the time, that I would just come back in the next day or the day after and ask her out. I wasn't worried at all. One day won't hurt, right? I felt that she liked me, like it was such a good opportunity with how easy our conversation flowed.

 

After the first day I was called into work and then the next day my car was taken to the mechanic, wasn't planning for that. So I figure one more day won't hurt... again. But that's where I made the mistake. I started thinking about it WAY too much and the wait killed me.

 

I stumbled around like an idiot trying to get the courage to go ask her without feeling like I was a nervous little man-boy. It took me 6 more days to grow a pair and finally go back to the store to ask her, I was excited and nervous. And after pretending to look at everything on the shelves for 25 minutes I realized she wasn't there. I had seen everyone working in the store.

 

This is where I feel like I need help.

 

How do some of you deal with situations where you spend so long building up to ask somebody out and then when you finally do she isn't around for it? This happened to me once before years ago too and I ended up letting it go, I'd rather not let history repeat itself.

I guess the answer is to just go and ask her? The energy feels different now, like I won't be the same guy and maybe she won't care. Like the ship has sailed.

 

Does anybody have advice on how to deal with situations like this? I'm not feeling so good about it anymore..

 

How do I gain back the confidence to make this work? It feels like a coin toss now

[prosense]

Well, if I were you, I would revisit the store under some fake pretexts. But what I would not do is to look for her. Then, you are desperate.. it is not romantic-

 

I do not think that it is too late. It is better late then never, right?

So, make a quick drop in and check if she is there. Then, I think you can tell whether she remembers you or not. If she does, then you can get her number. If she does not recall who you are, then I'd say walk away.

 

I think you can have peace of mind by ceasing overanalyzing and by just acting on it.

 

Just do it and grow a pair. If you fail, move on. If you succeed, great!

[daesin]

I suppose it's that simple... I was already planning on bringing up what we had talked about before the next time I went in there.

 

I spent all that time just getting ready to ask her out and when I went there yesterday she was off that day. I feel like I need to rebuild some confidence before doing it again. But waiting another week? Damn you emotions!

 

I'm pretty much new to dating so that doesn't help with my already existing nervousness.

 

But thanks for the reply

[ascendotum]

Next time check your horoscope before you go there.

Take your pan there and stride up to her and say this merchandise is faulty it didn't work and now you want a sluice box, pump and some mercury. If you don't like that how about you go up to her and say where are the instructions for this thing and see if she'll demonstrate, and then ask her to draw a map where on the river she found her gold.

 

Seriously, the ship hasn't sailed. It's only 6 days, she hasn't transferred out of state. I dont see why you have to wait another week.

I dont think the 10 day lag in going back to see her is going to lessen your chances of success. Once you see her again you will remember why you are there. Aslo dont jack off between now and the next time you see her.

Go back to buy something else or pretend to buy something else thats in her vincity, just like you did before and catch her eye and when she smiles go up to her, (or better still she comes up to you) and say hi, you're the girl that helped me the other day....and then say whatever it was you were going to say, finding out if she single along the way. If she likes you she'll understand how you were nervous the other day, and she doesn't you'll be a stalker creep, but you wont know till you try. Good luck.

[daesin]

I kinda like the instructions line. It could work because it's just a pan and they're really easy to use so she should find the joke in that.

 

I wasn't really being serious with the waiting for another week part but what I meant by that was it took me a week to finally goto the store to ask her and then she wasn't there. I felt a little disappointed that I built up my energy to pull it off and then nothing happened out of it. I just want to rebuild confidence again to not be overly nervous. But a week is too long, I know.

 

It was in the camping area the first time so I can probably go back and look for something else in the area. There is a ton of stuff to look through. I also did that yesterday but I was obviously pretending to look through the shelves. I didn't really want anything.

 

I actually do need spark plugs though so I'll use that as my reason to go back.

 

I also wasn't going to ask if she is single at all. Do people usually ask that so soon in the conversation or just go straight to asking someone out after talking for a bit? I'm not sure how asking if she has a boyfriend would play out.

[ascendotum]

I assumed your intention was to say how much you liked her and wanted to ask her out. I thought you could ask her if she was seeing anyone before you went in with the did she have any plans for the weekend part. If she said she had a bf, then you say thats a shame, and forget about the proposal for whatever you had planned.

[daesin]

Ok so I went there today to ask her out and after spending some time looking around I almost decided she wasn't there until we spotted eachother from down the aisle, I almost got my hopes up if she wouldn't have been there twice in a row. I'm running out of reasons to goto that store.

 

From a distance she asked me if I was looking for anything and then it hit me how nervous I was, I took a second to get my thoughts together and then when I looked around I realized there were 2 other customers and 1 employee nearby and that made things worse, so I said nope just looking. Goddamn that's frustrating. Not what I wanted to say at all.

 

After a few minutes of checking the camping stuff she came into my aisle again and that's when I started talking to her. At first she wasn't quite sure if she remembered me but after I mentioned the gold pan she lit up.

 

We talked for a bit, some small talk. I struggled getting attraction going with those other people standing there. After 2 of the 3 left I realized I don't have a choice because if I don't say anything now I'm just going to come off as way too nice and I don't normally think of myself as that, just nervous...

 

So I finally take a stab in the dark and ask her out, she's surprised. Says it's a brave thing to do and then she takes me down an aisle to talk more privately. I started feeling better by this time and loosened up. She says she likes to know where we're going, what time, how long it will take, but afterwards says she's joking, but I don't think my answer handled it that well.

 

She gave me her phone number and I was thinking either saturday or sunday, haven't decided yet.

 

I'm trying to decide what to do for the actual date. I'm totally winging this. Movies and dinner seem boring but there's nothing else going on around town. This would have been better last week as there were fireworks going. Seeing a lot of rain lately which means walking anywhere might not happen.

 

I have no idea how people go on dates, this is some difficult stuff in the beginning!

Haha.

[nyc_guy2003]

I don't have any useful advice, but this reminds me of a similar situation I experienced in college. In the middle of finals week I went to have dinner at a Ruby Tuesday's off campus with my roommate. I must've had a moody look on my face all night because our waitress, good looking brunette in her late teens or early 20s, came over at the end of the meal and asked me why I looked so down. I said it was probably just because I was stressed out over exams. She walked away and came back with a cup of hot chocolate and said "this should cheer you up" and then she actually sat down next to me and talked while I was drinking the chocolate. After about 10 minutes she had to get back to work. I didn't have the b@lls to ask for her number so we just paid our bill and left. Afterwards I was kicking myself for like two days for being such a wus but thought it would've been really awkward if I just walked back into the restaurant to ask for her number. To make things worse it was the end of my senior year so I graduated and never got a chance to go back to that restaurant again.

[Cee]

This is a really great start so far. The good thing about dating is it's not completely on your shoulders. Basically, it's the conversation that makes the date, not the activity.

 

I'm one of those people who doesn't like movies as a first date. I prefer a drink, coffee, walk, window shopping, art gallery, dinner, dessert, whatever. As long as the place isn't too noisy or distracting, I think you are golden.

[daesin]

This is a really great start so far. The good thing about dating is it's not completely on your shoulders. Basically, it's the conversation that makes the date, not the activity.

 

I'm one of those people who doesn't like movies as a first date. I prefer a drink, coffee, walk, window shopping, art gallery, dinner, dessert, whatever. As long as the place isn't too noisy or distracting, I think you are golden.

 

Hi Cee, I agree with you about the conversation and not the activity. Sometimes I see people advise others to do something like indoor rock climbing or even a dance lesson? You can't talk during rock climbing, just because it has ropes doesn't mean you're not sweating your face off. It's way too difficult to talk during situations like these. Maybe as a second date but not the first.

 

I'd prefer to take her out on saturday but I might do sunday instead. I like your ideas, but I had to look up what you meant by window shopping because at first I thought you meant... window shopping. Shopping for windows is the new trend!

 

I'm thinking about dinners...

 

What's the verdict on sushi for the first date? I know a place nearby that looks authentic with sliding doors for each room. Not sure if I should save that for later or go on the first. Might be too classy.

 

nycguy, your story makes me feel better about doing what I did today.

Edited July 14, 2011 by daesin