miket Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 Hey everyone, really could use some insight... I have been in about a one-month long-distance "relationship". This girl and myself were working together on a project for work for a couple of weeks leading up to the four-day period when we'd be working together. She lives about 5 hours away. We started talking casually on e-mail, first work, then a little more personal. Before I knew it, we were talking on the phone deep into the night and exchanging text messages and instant messages at work constantly. It was all initiated by her, then I opened up more and more as I got more comfortable. We shared a ton over the couple weeks leading up to meeting... she told me that most guys haven't treated her right, have been too controlling and she was breifly married before being verbally abused by her husband and breaking it off. She's extremely insecure and hates having people upset with her. I am a very easy going, nice guy that does treat people right and I guess that was a breath of fresh air for her and we got along perfectly and kept learning more and more things about each other that made it seem perfect. Eventually I had to tell her to slow down a little, as she said things like how perfect she thought we'd be together, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life making me happy and would probably say yes if I asked her to marry me right now. I felt the same way but obviously wanted to physically meet her and get to know her a little more before getting into stuff like that. We agreed that we were both willing to be in a long distance relationship and would make it work and visit each other as often as possible. Finally we met... the first two days were everything her and I imagined leading up to it. She said she'd never been more physically attracted to someone, along with all the other great things, and I felt the same. Then, in the blink of an eye, she started pulling away. She was supposed to call me after work one the third night and never did. I called her to ask her whats up late that night and she never answered or returned my call. I left her another message asking her why she was doing this -- no answer. The next day she totally ignored me and when I asked her what was going on, she just said she was stressed out with work and she'd be fine once the week was over. After I left to go home it was more of the same, and for the past few days I have continued to be frustrated with the fact that she wont share anything with me other than she wants to slow down, but she wont get specific. Her conversations with me are now very indifferent, and I continue to upset her when I make reference to that. She says I am making constantly making her upset by asking her questions about us and that makes her pull away. All I want to know is what is going on in her head, why things suddenly went from fifth gear to first, and what we need to do to move forward, and she will not communicate with me, which is ironic because we both talked about how important that would be in our relationship. I don't know what to do at this point after another night of not returning a phone call. When I do end up talking to her and ask her if she just wants to let this go or if she doesnt want me she says of course not, and that I haven't messed anything up. This just seems like one big headache and I'm ready to give up, but I have a hard time letting go because of how amazing she made me feel before things went bad, and how amazing I know I made her feel. She swears she'd like to get back to that but I'm not making it possible because I keep getting upset with her, which again, is very unlike me. Should I let this one go? Any women know what's going on in her head? Thanks!
Kelebek Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 This is a puzzle, because usually it's the MAN that pulls away, and a woman naturally reads too much into it...well I know I do anyway. Maybe she felt a bit hurt when you (understandably!!) told her that you wanted to slow down, and is pulling away from you because she's worried about how to act now, in case she scares you off. You said she's insecure - well that would make sense with that theory anyway. She is probably just worried about losing you. Lay off on the questions, as it's obviously distressing her, and it won't solve anything. Now, I'm not a big fan of game-playing, but you could always cool off a bit, and see how she reacts? If she wants space, she can have it! If you don't fancy that idea, you could always try a really honest talk with her, even if it DOES upset her - because this isn't just about her; it's involving you too, and you're getting hurt, which isn't fair of her to only consider herself. It sounds like she's just a bit stressed at the moment, and sometimes even little things can consume your mind, so she can't focus on other things. So don't ask her too many questions, just support her and be there for her and she'll grow closer to you naturally. However, make sure that she's there for you too, it can't just be one-sided!! Good luck with your relationship!!
Author miket Posted April 23, 2004 Author Posted April 23, 2004 Thanks kelebek... Im going to take your advice and see if she wants to just not stay in touch for a couple of days and then chat on Sunday night and see how we feel. I think deep down I know I don't deserve to be treated like this but am willing to give it one more shot if I can get that old feeling back. This is probably the last chance though.
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