tuxedo_cat Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 We’ve been seeing each other for a month and our similarities are almost eerie: emotional makeup, interests, core values. It’s constantly that surreal sensation that we’re reading each other’s thoughts. The things in common couldn’t have been faked because a lot of them he volunteered about himself before I mentioned them. He’s also good-looking, smart and charming. Still some red flags…see below He told me he read this book called Malignant Self Love about narcissists and identified with a lot of it except that he has empathy for others. He is very image conscious, although he’s annoyed by people who are superficial which is weird. After talking about this with him I looked up “narcissist” online and found many connections between the description and his personality. He was raised by a doting, heavily involved mother who constantly propped him up and spoiled him. He had unbounded confidence as a kid but then changed when he got picked on in his early teens, after which point he started putting up a wall. He has said in so many words that he is “special” and only lets his guard down with a select few whom he judges worthy of his time. He never said this directly, but I pieced it together reading between the lines. He’s in his mid twenties and, at least before me, he’s never loved any girl or had any real relationship. The only girl he sort of loved was interested in his friend. He can’t relate to most people even though he has a fair number of friends. He feels detached from them. He finds most people too simple and easy to understand. How should I put this... He is VERY intense. He needs a lot of attention, and will pout a bit if I have to go to get work done even after spending hours with him. His feelings for me are also intense: he feels like I’m more interesting than any other girl he’s met. He’s pretty much told me he’s in love with me, saying he’s fallen hard for me, feels like I’m one in a million and that he’s almost worried because he’s starting to invest a “stockpile” in me. What else... He’s an ‘alpha male’ in many ways – masculine, assertive and comes off as confident to others – but he’s vulnerable at heart in that he needs a lot of affection and affirmation. I don't mind giving it to him either. I just worry about what it means or if he's reliable as a partner. I have to confess it makes me feel special that I’m the only girl he’s opened himself up for and that he considers me a “gem” as he puts it, but… Does this sound like the description of a narcissist,or am I just making trouble for myself where there is none? I am falling for him also, just being cautious.
whichwayisup Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 This man, as lovely as he appears to be and how great he makes you feel, will spit you out and tear your heart into a million pieces. DO be careful and shield your heart. Friendship is okay, stay detached as much as you can.. He will turn on you one day and you won't know what hit you or why. You will feel like you're going crazy because he won't actually SAY anything, he'll imply it, kind of like a back handed compliment, yet said in a certain way that if you question him, it'll be your fault. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. You see little red flags now! Pay attention to them and re think about getting involved with this guy. Narcissists mess people up. Google it and do more reading up, join a N forum and post this, see what others say who have first hand experience and knowledge of this type of person.
thatone Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 here's the thing, the way he is now cannot continue. so if you're attracted to the way he is now, consider that, he will change at some point. he will change in one of two ways... a) he will become anti-social and vindictive to push people away and by retreating into his shell, maintain his lofty image of himself. b) he will wind up completely lost and depressed, and not know what to do with himself, and wallow around in self pity for awhile. no matter which of those he chooses they will both be caused by the same thing. his high image of himself and low image of others is bullsh*t. he's an idiot. why? because he's 25 years old (or thereabouts). everyone is an idiot at that age. eventually he's going to run across someone, whether it be in his work life or education or personal life, that takes complete advantage of his idiocy and plays him for the fool he is. how he reacts to that will be interesting to see, but do you want to be there when it happens?
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