TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 How badly did you take your break up? Did you hit rock bottom? In my case, I let myself go big time! I didn't eat for days, didn't sleep, shower or get dressed and even thought about ending my own life. How did you cope?
fauxleather Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I was lucky. At least i still had a full time job to distract myself with during working hours. Sure, productivity did dip, but hey, at least i wasn't stuck at home alone and thinking of sad stuffs again. I couldn't sleep properly every night. When i do sleep, i dream of us, wake up tearing, and unable to sleep again. I had no appetite, but literally stuffed food down my throat anyway cause i needed to survive. I had major breakdowns and bawled like a baby. But all these were 2 weeks ago. Now i'm successfully entering my 3rd week of NC. sure, i still think of her and dream of that miracle of reconciliation, but i would say life certainly got better compared to a month ago.
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Tainted =( Im sorry, the same thing happened to me. Right now you are on autopilot. Whenever you are ready, you have to take yourself off. You have to start taking control of your life. It can be one thing per day but you have to pick something tomorrow that you are going to change to start taking control back. Im not fully in control of my own life right now but everyday, its a step forward. It will happen, you just have to give it time =)
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Tainted =( Im sorry, the same thing happened to me. Right now you are on autopilot. Whenever you are ready, you have to take yourself off. You have to start taking control of your life. It can be one thing per day but you have to pick something tomorrow that you are going to change to start taking control back. Im not fully in control of my own life right now but everyday, its a step forward. It will happen, you just have to give it time =) What does that saying mean? Being on 'Autopilot'? I just don't know what I can do each day to help myself
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 if you have ever flown, sometimes pilots turn the computer on in a plane and the plane flies itself. That is what you are doing right now. Your computer is just flying itself trying to cope with what has just happened. You do the bare minimum necessary to move survive. I did not know what to do to survive for a few weeks. One day, you decide to eat 3 meals a day. The next day you decide to eat 3 meals a day and take a shower. The next day you eat 3 meals a day, take a shower and go for a walk. The next day you eat 3 meals a day, take a shower, go for a walk, clean the place you live. Just keep adding on to your normal routine and eventually you will have a lot more control of your life again
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 if you have ever flown, sometimes pilots turn the computer on in a plane and the plane flies itself. That is what you are doing right now. Your computer is just flying itself trying to cope with what has just happened. You do the bare minimum necessary to move survive. I did not know what to do to survive for a few weeks. One day, you decide to eat 3 meals a day. The next day you decide to eat 3 meals a day and take a shower. The next day you eat 3 meals a day, take a shower and go for a walk. The next day you eat 3 meals a day, take a shower, go for a walk, clean the place you live. Just keep adding on to your normal routine and eventually you will have a lot more control of your life again Oh I see, yes that's seems to sum up how I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really here? Weird! Well I'm eating one meal a day, which is hard but I haven't got a choice, I passed out last week and had low blood pressure..How can I let somone do this to me? Pretty angry with myself to be fair
radiodarcy Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 How badly did you take your break up? Did you hit rock bottom? In my case, I let myself go big time! I didn't eat for days, didn't sleep, shower or get dressed and even thought about ending my own life. How did you cope? i did all of the above as well. the only thing i kept up was my trips to the gym. it didn't help that i started NC in the winter when it gets dark early and is too cold to go out and do things. when i did have to run my errands, i would simply pull a winter coat on over my pajamas put a hat on over my unwashed hair and walk out the door. but overtime, i did start feeling better - -especially once the weather warmed up. i started focusing on other things that helped me take my mind of the ex like reading, going to a movie, meeting up with friends; even buying a new outfit if i could afford it. the mourning period is normal. just keep telling yourself that it won't last forever. but do try to get out at least once a day if you can. for me - - just getting out to walk the dog made a difference.
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Its ok to be angry with yourself. It happens to even the best of us. It's a learning experience and I promise you it wont be the last =( Just keep learning from it and growing and moving forward
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that couldn't really cope. I feel stupid and angry, wish I was one of those people that can get up and get on with things no matter what knock backs they have in life..
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 You are doing that right now, by asking for advice, you are taking the first step in getting back up. Give yourself more credit.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Thank you. Ha, that's something I've never been very good at :/
Green21 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I went through the same emotions at first. I couldn't believe it; everything was perfect and then, just like that, everything it seemed was gone. Apart from the sudden death of one of my relatives, this was the biggest shock I'd suffered so far. Once I'd reminded myself, though, that I was still alive and well, I realised that it wasn't the end of me. I couldn't eat, sleep nor function either. I felt like I'd hit rock bottom, but that was only because I'd managed to climb so high up in the first place. It's hard, was almost an impossibility at first, but things definitely get better, especially once you start taking control again. It's been four weeks to the day since my ex left, but every week is an improvement on the previous one. I can't say that each day improves on the last, and there are good moments and bad ones, but the weeks are definitely getting better.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Good on you for pulling through I'm better than I was last week, I was in bed all day and wasn't eating or washing. I'm not 100% back to me yet, not sure if I ever will be..Will I ever be 'Me' again or will I be a changed person? Hmm.. Mornings seem to be the worst time for me, waking up alone, the quiet, and the fact that it's not a bad dream and that you will probably never see that person again, then theres the 'I wonder what she's doing today' So yeah, I dread waking up
krifle04 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I didn't eat at all for a few days. Then didn't eat normally for a few weeks. It's been 6 weeks today. I can eat without vomiting, but don't eat nearly as much as I used to. I lost 10 lbs over the course of fighting and breaking up. I'm past the break up pains. Now I'm in the 'is he going to stay with his rebound forever??' phase. :/
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 I wonder why eating is so hard when we're hurting? My stomach churns everytime I eat.
fanatic31 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Tainted heart, the best advice I can give you is this. Sit down and think of some activity or hobby that is completely random. Something you have never done before, that is challenging. And then take it up, immerse yourself in it. Maybe it is studying art or writing a script for a play, or maybe you start a new sporting activity or start bike riding (always a good thing to do). But just find something you can do and put yourself into. For me, I am going to start volunteering, just to help and be around other people.
andyg99 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 my advice is to take care of yourself even if it's the smallest thing... for me the past few weeks has been excercise, I always loved running and did it off and on in the past few years... I got out my running shoes and in a few short weeks I have gotten my body acclimated and am now up to 6 miles... physically I'm feeling pretty good, emotionally it's gets better every day.... most of the folks here are hurting, that's a sign that we care and we are good people! keep that in mind! we're all setting up ourselves for a great future by letting go of bad relationships!
English-Rose Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Been there and have the (much smaller now!) Tshirt! I lost my appetite for weeks and lost about a stone in about 6 weeks. Food just made me feel ill, and I usually love my grub I couldn't sleep at night, had anxiety attacks through the night.... Cried when I was alone, especially in my car and couldn't listen to the radio at all. Every song was a reminder of him. I even ended up being prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. All time rock bottom low, bloody horrible!! 3.5 months down the line and I am feeling much better, though not perfectly back to "me" I'm actually starting to feel enthusiastic about life again. I never thought I would again, what a relief. My ex was undoubtedly the love of my life, the closest thing to a soulmate I am ever likely to encounter. Yes I'm still sad, yes I still miss him but it's getting easier. It'll get easier for you too. Haul yourself out of bed, get your hair washed, slanon some fake tan if ur pale and get back out there and on with ur life! There is no better way to heal than to distract yourself. Sending you a big cyber hug, I know exactly how you're feeling!! Life does indeed go on
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Been there and have the (much smaller now!) Tshirt! I lost my appetite for weeks and lost about a stone in about 6 weeks. Food just made me feel ill, and I usually love my grub I couldn't sleep at night, had anxiety attacks through the night.... Cried when I was alone, especially in my car and couldn't listen to the radio at all. Every song was a reminder of him. I even ended up being prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. All time rock bottom low, bloody horrible!! 3.5 months down the line and I am feeling much better, though not perfectly back to "me" I'm actually starting to feel enthusiastic about life again. I never thought I would again, what a relief. My ex was undoubtedly the love of my life, the closest thing to a soulmate I am ever likely to encounter. Yes I'm still sad, yes I still miss him but it's getting easier. It'll get easier for you too. Haul yourself out of bed, get your hair washed, slanon some fake tan if ur pale and get back out there and on with ur life! There is no better way to heal than to distract yourself. Sending you a big cyber hug, I know exactly how you're feeling!! Life does indeed go on Thank you for the hug, could really do with one to be honest! I love my grub too but I can't even stand the smell of it now, weird! I can't listen the music either, it's like every song is aimed at me, ha! I'm also on anti-depressants, I kept having panic attacks in the mornings, now I just feel sick in the mornings, not sure what's worse! I am eating a little better now but still can't be bothered with myself But I'm not crying all day like I was, but I've had a set back tonight, found out that my ex is already on dating sites, yep! I'm at home making myself ill whilst my ex is flirting and probably having a jolly good time, this should make me want to get out ect but it makes me worse..
EricaH329 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting!! I went through the same thing you did. I lost 26 pounds, couldn't eat or sleep, had severe anxiety, and completely shut myself out from the world. After a bit, I couldn't stand the way I felt. So, I decided to focus solely on myself. I threw myself into work and my hobbies. I hung on to *anything* that made me even remotely happy. For me, that meant video games and watching movies I also did a lot of self-reflection. It made me feel better to know that I was able to learn from the horrible situation I was in. Slowly, it started getting better. It's been a year and a half and i've gained 17 pounds (FINALLY!!), moved into a new place, got a new job, made new friends, and have started dating again. All because I took small steps towards re-building myself. And now, I believe, i'm a much better person than I ever was before. The little things count, even though it may not feel like it. One little thing will lead to another, until eventually, you are not only back to new but you are a better person. Just don't forget to learn from this experience (and not just point fingers and place blame), it's the best thing you'll be able to do for yourself.
English-Rose Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 My ex went onto bloody match.com and found his now girlfriend about 6 weeks after we split. I was gobsmacked!!! He seems to be mega keen on her, spends his weekends with her and her 2 kids and is taking her to Italy for 5 days at end of the month!!! Thank god I didn't let him book my flights back at Xmas time when it was me he wanted to take!! The pain of discovering that he replaced me was almost crippling, I can't explain how sore the burning in my chest was when I found out. I think my heart actually broke!! I don't know what advice to give exactly other than I've found that keeping busy, really immersing myself in my job, keeping up with my mates, doing stuff with my kids, new hair style, getting my nails done, fake tan, some new clothes...... Just doing anything I can to show a strong outer self which has oddly helped strengthen my inner self too!! Bloody men, who needs them?! Lol.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Thank you ladies I found out tonight that my ex is on dating sites/msn, all that crap..I thought I'd cry but I didn't, I laughed No idea why, I took myself to my garden had a cig and thought 'Enough' But now I feel numb, I'll probably be bad in the morning How can I be forgotten about so quickly? *Sigh*
sleepykitten Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Thank you ladies I found out tonight that my ex is on dating sites/msn, all that crap..I thought I'd cry but I didn't, I laughed No idea why, I took myself to my garden had a cig and thought 'Enough' But now I feel numb, I'll probably be bad in the morning How can I be forgotten about so quickly? *Sigh* I am 7 weeks - 10 days nc, and it gets better, i am pretty sure my ex is dating, i know he pulled some girl in a bar one night as when i wasnt nc I asked him....why why why did i do that!! The first few weeks were pure hell, yes lost weight, cried, called him, needed answers reasons-didnt get them. Did alot of reflection on myself, my issues, i knew my feelings of utter despair and hoplesness wasnt just because he left as he hadnt been the best bf over the last few months by a long shot, i hoped he would change back to the guy i fell in love with but i realised this was all an act and he was actually pretty selfish and issues of his own. So, i still have down days, days when i think of him but mainly how he could have promised so much, said all the things he did then walk awat like he did. I have been to boxercise-i highly recommend this!!! Been out with friends,cinema tonight-go and see bridesmaids it was so funny i laughed all the way through it. I am using this pain, this time to do what i needed to ayrs ago and thats to look after myself, build some self esteem, know i am capable, define some boundries, get fit, and move forward in a healthy way. For me its been a gift wrapped in pretty pricky paper but i know i can do better than him and that gets me through the day.
EricaH329 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Thank you ladies I found out tonight that my ex is on dating sites/msn, all that crap..I thought I'd cry but I didn't, I laughed No idea why, I took myself to my garden had a cig and thought 'Enough' But now I feel numb, I'll probably be bad in the morning How can I be forgotten about so quickly? *Sigh* Your feelings will be all over the place for quite some time. You'll feel better, then you'll feel like crap. You'll feel better again, and then you'll feel like crap again. It's part of the healing process. When you are over it, you won't even realize it, because you will be so immersed in your new life that you won't even notice. A bit of advice, try not to ask yourself (or get hung up on) questions that have no answer. Such as the one you asked, "How can I be forgotten about so quickly?" Those types of questions will never bring you answers, relief, or comfort. If you are going to ask any questions at all, they should be, "What did I do wrong?" "What can I do better next time?" "What have I learned about myself?" "What red flags do I know to look out for next time?" Things that you can answer yourself. Those will bring you the most optimism and comfort. Not to mention, it always feels good when you learn something beneficial.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Your feelings will be all over the place for quite some time. You'll feel better, then you'll feel like crap. You'll feel better again, and then you'll feel like crap again. It's part of the healing process. When you are over it, you won't even realize it, because you will be so immersed in your new life that you won't even notice. A bit of advice, try not to ask yourself (or get hung up on) questions that have no answer. Such as the one you asked, "How can I be forgotten about so quickly?" Those types of questions will never bring you answers, relief, or comfort. If you are going to ask any questions at all, they should be, "What did I do wrong?" "What can I do better next time?" "What have I learned about myself?" "What red flags do I know to look out for next time?" Things that you can answer yourself. Those will bring you the most optimism and comfort. Not to mention, it always feels good when you learn something beneficial. Please read my other threads, you will probably understand this better You're pretty helpful
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