Pikachu Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Its funny. I was told that this phase would come but I kept denying it. But like most things when it comes to a breakup it snuck up on me. I have been laying in bed for 2 hours with this uneasy feeling flowing over me and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. Then like a car crash it hits me. I have finally hit the oh so great “Anger Phase”. Gone is the “ Why Me” feeling that has been a constant for the last couple of months. Instead its replaced with a strange urge to scream at my exe at the top of my lungs. I don’t want to see her in hopes of reconciliation. I want to see her and let her know what a horrible person I think she has become. I want her understand that doing what she did to me has consequences and that karma will get her in the end. But of course I’m smart enough to know that it wouldn’t matter. Not only would breaking NC do way more harm than good but she wouldn’t care what I have to say anyway. I know that I would get nothing out of it. Everything that should have been said between us has been said and I’m looking for answers where there are none. The hard part of this is I’m in no way an angry person. This feeling is foreign to me and is probably the reason I'm writing this instead of sleeping. 4 months and there are still surprises around every turn. Maybe ill be able to finally rest now that I have got it out. At least I hope so. The funny thing is I know tomorrow I’ll probably wake up back in the “I Miss You” phase. Isn’t love grand. Even when its one sided.
0hpenelope Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I say you're right on "schedule," if there is such a thing. A lot of us get in to the "Forget this" mode and some get there sooner than others, but most of us do eventually. Some stay in love longer, but they're going on their own pace, too. I found that there's nothing quite like anger to motivate a lot of us into getting a move on with that healing thing - or just moving on in general. I lost weight and got into grad school as a result of my raging phase. I got over that anger. Today, I felt anger again at a different thing and took it out on practicing guitar and got it out of my system by venting to friends and reading. Embrace that anger, bud, but not too tightly. Embrace it, then let that anger go. It doesn't do well to hang on to it at all.
Exit Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I lost weight and got into grad school as a result of my raging phase. I got over that anger. Good point. I'm not sure it's a good thing, but I've identified within myself that I am ten times more motivated by "negative" emotions than positive ones. I can be completely happy, have a great girlfriend, have a great future lined up, and I tend to not get much done. When I'm angry, I go on a diet and start working out, lol. Anger is not something you want to keep around for too long, but you definitely can put it to good use while it is here. Anger is GREAT fuel for exercise. Kick some butt in the gym and afterwards you'll be too tired to be angry.
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Im glad you know where you are, because I constantly shift all the time. One day, Im perfectly happy, I realize my ex was a waste of time and I move forward. The next I am angry and go for a run. Then the next, I have this stupid hope that she will change and reappear in my life (which I know will never happen) but there's nothing that will ever allow me to take her back. Nothing even at the friend level. Friends dont treat friends like she did to me. And then I'm angry again. My anger is not directed at her though. Its actually directed at myself. I'm mad at myself for not protecting myself. I saw this coming more then 2 months out and I did nothing to stop it. I made a decision to tell her to knock her behavior out and I trusted her that she did until it was too late and I caught her in the act.
0hpenelope Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Im glad you know where you are, because I constantly shift all the time. One day, Im perfectly happy, I realize my ex was a waste of time and I move forward. The next I am angry and go for a run. Then the next, I have this stupid hope that she will change and reappear in my life (which I know will never happen) but there's nothing that will ever allow me to take her back. Nothing even at the friend level. Friends dont treat friends like she did to me. And then I'm angry again. My anger is not directed at her though. Its actually directed at myself. I'm mad at myself for not protecting myself. I saw this coming more then 2 months out and I did nothing to stop it. I made a decision to tell her to knock her behavior out and I trusted her that she did until it was too late and I caught her in the act. wilson, you're "on track" too. Our friend here will probably have feelings of :love: stabbing at his heart again in a few days, then he'll go back to being angry again. These feelings come in waves. They really do. Just ride 'em out. There's no better "cure" out there than time and then re-adjusting to your "new normal." I think we all just want to get rid of these happy/sad/missing/angry/depressed/blaaah emotions right away, right now, but that's not going to happen. I've friends who repress feelings (about things in general, not just break ups) and then when crap hits the fan, it's like a dam bursting. It's hard to watch them because their feelings are attacking them all at once, since they never went through that mad cycle of happy/sad/missing/angry/depressed/blaaah. I'm sure you can think of a few individuals in your life who are like that, too. I'm grateful that I have the tools to cope with this crazy cycle and hopefully, you're finding your own tools, too! Seems like we all are.
EgoJoe Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 You remember posting in mine right? I hit anger stage as it was finally "over" despite a long drawn out convoluted end. It's the worst. I atleast had help to dismiss mine due to her immaturity and tell-tale signs of GIGS, LDR stress, growing pains etc. etc. I had rage like I'd never known before in my entire life. Sick rage. Man it's the worst. Keep your head up.
nana841121 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I cried over your words, i don't know why i am still so emotional after 7 months. for god sake, my relationship with ex only lasted for 5 months. i know the feeling, you want to curse her, and threaten her about the karma,while on the flip side, you feel so helpless realizing that you can't hurt her, because she doesn't even care. get it over with, man.
nana841121 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 sometimes, the change of my emotion perplex me. am i getting used to this emotional roller-coaster?
TheHurtProcess Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Good point. I'm not sure it's a good thing, but I've identified within myself that I am ten times more motivated by "negative" emotions than positive ones. I can be completely happy, have a great girlfriend, have a great future lined up, and I tend to not get much done. When I'm angry, I go on a diet and start working out, lol. Anger is not something you want to keep around for too long, but you definitely can put it to good use while it is here. Anger is GREAT fuel for exercise. Kick some butt in the gym and afterwards you'll be too tired to be angry. That's because when we're happy, we're content with how crappy our life really is and when we're angry, we get a move on changing our crappy life/ways. Enjoy it!!!
Author Pikachu Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 So as I predicted I awoke today without the anger I have been feeling for the last few days. It however hasn’t been replaced with the all to familiar longing for my exe that I have been experiencing for months. I still love her like crazy but what’s done is done. Really I just have a extreme feeling of exhaustion and defeat. I guess I’m right on track as some of you have thought. I’m 4 months out of a 13 year relationship. About a month ago I took the advice of not only my family but many forum members and decided it was time to go talk to a professional. I really feel like everyone owes it to themselves to go see a therapist at one point in their life. There is nothing like telling a complete stranger your thoughts and feelings. No worry of judgment. It can be compared to talking on a forum but without the filter. You have no chance to spell check or correct, making sure you not only sound intelligent but coherent. You just say whatever is on your mind, even if it sounds crazy or makes you feel weak. These sessions, which I have been to 4, have helped my healing immensely. They have also probably brought about the anger I have been feeling recently. I think the anger comes from my acceptance that our relationship is over. I guess my heart is finally catching up to my mind. I now realize that there is no going back. The woman I want back is gone. I no longer have any respect or trust in my exe. After everything she has put me through how could I fool myself into thinking we could still be together. Does any of this sound like the foundation for a healthy relationship to anyone else? I have also come to realize not only can I not hold onto the idea of being with her again but I can not have her in my life. Like many before me I fooled myself into thinking I could be her friend when this experience was still so raw. I know the breakup was still so fresh and I just wanted to hold onto some part of my old life. But time has helped me come to grips with everything that has happened. I don’t want to be friends with someone as selfish and self centered as my exe. Someone who has it in them to lie and cheat and then come home and tell you they love you. She has changed so much and I cant fix her. Its still hard to completely understand because she was my best friend for more than half my life. The strange thing is since I have accepted the demise of our relationship my dreams have been haunting. On one side they are filled with acts of reconciliation and then on the other side replays of the days leading towards the end of our relationship. They go from anger and sadness to romance and sex. I havent had these kind of dreams since the first couple weeks prior to me leaving my old home. The difference is now when I open my eyes I know exactly where I am. It isn’t a shock that I was dreaming and it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. I know I’m far from ok but they say acceptance is a huge step and I would have to agree so far……Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Casablanca Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I think the anger comes from my acceptance that our relationship is over. /QUOTE] I think that is how it is for me...of course my last three heartbreaks for me haven't really been the woman's fault...one time it was all my fault, so mad at myself and the other two, well both of them either have or are getting ready to move far away and we werent together long enough to justify a LD relationship...so not angry at them because they did what they had to do, but just angry at the situation I sure as heck like the anger stage a lot more than the "depression" stage
Ginger Beer Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I'm going between the anger stage and depression stage at the moment. I also have, without fail, a very intense and long dream about my ex and sometimes her friends are in it too. It doesn't bother me that much it's just strange. Also, (off-topic) can we make as many threads as we want on this forum? I wanted to make one about the dreams but I don't want to be a pest.
Chuck Bartowski Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I think the anger comes from my acceptance that our relationship is over. /QUOTE] I think that is how it is for me...of course my last three heartbreaks for me haven't really been the woman's fault...one time it was all my fault, so mad at myself and the other two, well both of them either have or are getting ready to move far away and we werent together long enough to justify a LD relationship...so not angry at them because they did what they had to do, but just angry at the situation I sure as heck like the anger stage a lot more than the "depression" stage I was in the anger phase for the last 5 years of our relationship and I agree, its easier than the depression stage. And yes, it does motivate you to make changes once they're out of your way. For example, I can finally move from the USA to Australia. How's that for making a life change?
TheHurtProcess Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I'm going between the anger stage and depression stage at the moment. Same here. I jump from one to the other. Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance, Wash, Rinse and Repeat! There's no bargaining with someone who isn't there, haha.
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