gamechanger Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 i cant figure out what it is... all my friends and family tell me that i cant do better but, i dont see it. my last relationship was 6 years and it is was my 2nd serious one. granted my ex cheated on me people tell how low of person she was to me and get upset im taking it so hard. we spent every part of 5 years together and it was bliss. she is now with another person and pretty sure she has moved on. im pretty sure she is co dependant and has many self esteem issues to deal with. i just cant get her out of my head and i want to help and make everything right... i just dont know what to do or what to think... i guess i was blinded by love... this is all new to me and i just dont know
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 The heart has reasons that reason doesn't understand. Sometimes you just have to accept that the answer you are seeking is nothing, try not to question every motive in your healing process. I went through the same thing you are right now and I hated myself to an extent because I couldn't figure out the answer, I'm not even sure I had a question to be honest.
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 i cant figure out what it is... all my friends and family tell me that i cant do better but, i dont see it. my last relationship was 6 years and it is was my 2nd serious one. granted my ex cheated on me people tell how low of person she was to me and get upset im taking it so hard. we spent every part of 5 years together and it was bliss. she is now with another person and pretty sure she has moved on. im pretty sure she is co dependant and has many self esteem issues to deal with. i just cant get her out of my head and i want to help and make everything right... i just dont know what to do or what to think... i guess i was blinded by love... this is all new to me and i just dont know Love is blind bro. I can tell you I fell in the same situation not as long as you but we all are there. I will let you know that if your ex is/was codependent so are you now and you need to do whatever it takes to break it. The easiest way to break codependency is figure out who you are. Create personal boundaries (essentially your self identity). This is not a 1 day task, this is a life long task that you should start as soon as possible. You should work on this for at least 3 months. I completely lost my personal boundaries with my ex because she found a hole in it and exploited that hole until the end. To give you an example to start: I like dogs. I do not like cats. I associate myself with positive people. I associate myself with selfless people. I like chevys. I do not like fords. Writing this down helps you realize who you really are. Keep doing it everyday whenever you find something that is of importance to you. Once you have this established, you know who you truly are. If someone tries to push something on you that is not you, you say NO! and take action based on the severity of the boundary pusher
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