When is the right time to ask BF to take down his dating profile

[AmericanHoney]

We are BF/GF and he still has his dating profile up and when is it okay to ask him to change his status on Facebook?? I mean we agreed we wouldn't date other people.

[Forever Learning]

He should change this ASAP since all parties are in agreement on this matter.

[D-Lish]

You shouldn't ever ask him to do this.

 

If he's not doing this on his own... That should tell you he's not "there" yet.

 

Any guy that is fully invested in you is going to take the initiative to make these changes himself. It's more satisfying when they take the initiative to do it themselves without having to nag them to do it.

 

When I met my last ex, I was head over heels for him, and I knew he felt the same- I had no doubts. I deleted my profile after 3 weeks of knowing him (without telling him). The next day I checked and his was deleted.

 

A guy that really wants to be with you is going to go through all the respectful motions without EVER having to be prompted to to so.

[AmericanHoney]

Weird part is he changed his status but didn't tell me. So does that mean I change my status or do I have to wait?? It's so complicated with all these networks lol

[D-Lish]

Weird part is he changed his status but didn't tell me. So does that mean I change my status or do I have to wait?? It's so complicated with all these networks lol

 

He changed his status to "in a relationship"?

[Star Gazer]

Is this is the same BF who got mad at you because you didn't want to have sex on your period? And who just five days ago was "too busy" to even see you?

[AmericanHoney]

Yes he did change it and yes it is the same guy.

[KathyM]

You shouldn't ever ask him to do this.

 

If he's not doing this on his own... That should tell you he's not "there" yet.

 

Any guy that is fully invested in you is going to take the initiative to make these changes himself. It's more satisfying when they take the initiative to do it themselves without having to nag them to do it.

 

When I met my last ex, I was head over heels for him, and I knew he felt the same- I had no doubts. I deleted my profile after 3 weeks of knowing him (without telling him). The next day I checked and his was deleted.

 

A guy that really wants to be with you is going to go through all the respectful motions without EVER having to be prompted to to so.

I don't agree with this. I think most men have to be asked to take it down. It somehow doesn't occur to some of them that it could be a problem to leave it up, and sometimes they like the ego boost of getting replies from women, even though they aren't actually meeting anybody. They think it's OK to leave it up, and then it causes problems when it is discovered by the gf that it is still up there. Not taking the dating profiles off and not blocking women on fb is what ruined my sister's reconciliation with her second husband. When she saw that he was still getting inquiries from women on fb and dating websites, that was the end of all her efforts to reconcile. He wanted to reconcile too, but when he didn't readily remove the profiles and women from his fb that he had met through dating websites, that was the end of their reconciliation. They are now divorced. Some men need to be asked to do it. Some don't see the harm in keeping it up there, and they need to be told. I'd ask him right away to remove those if I were you.

[Silivren]

Well - thought I'd throw my two cents in. Just my opinion, mind you.

 

Dating profiles - As soon as you have declared yourselves to be officially "an item" it is appropriate to remove your dating profiles. You are no longer looking for someone why should you have a profile up

 

Facebook - this one is trickier. I actually always keep my facebook status as "In a relationship" to avoid being hit on. I'm on facebook to keep in touch with my friends, not to date. I didn't actually declare who I was in a relationship with til about 6 months into dating my current bf of over a year and a half - because he asked measked to make it "facebook official". The reason I waited so long is because I wanted to be sure this was serious and I don't really think it's anyone on facebook's business who I'm dating casually.

 

That's just me.

[D-Lish]

I don't agree with this. I think most men have to be asked to take it down. It somehow doesn't occur to some of them that it could be a problem to leave it up, and sometimes they like the ego boost of getting replies from women, even though they aren't actually meeting anybody. They think it's OK to leave it up, and then it causes problems when it is discovered by the gf that it is still up there. Not taking the dating profiles off and not blocking women on fb is what ruined my sister's reconciliation with her second husband. When she saw that he was still getting inquiries from women on fb and dating websites, that was the end of all her efforts to reconcile. He wanted to reconcile too, but when he didn't readily remove the profiles and women from his fb that he had met through dating websites, that was the end of their reconciliation. They are now divorced. Some men need to be asked to do it. Some don't see the harm in keeping it up there, and they need to be told. I'd ask him right away to remove those if I were you.

 

Really? So you think you have to nag a guy to take his profile down?

If a guy is truly into you, he's going to take the initiative to do it himself.

 

If you have to ask him to do it- there is a problem.

 

I'd never nag a guy to delete his profile- but if I still saw it was up after we'd made a commitment- I'd dump him- plain and simple.

 

Respect yourself or don't- a guy that is truly into you will NEVER have to be told to delete his profile.

 

If you have to say it- you're not in a good relationshp.

[KathyM]

Really? So you think you have to nag a guy to take his profile down?

If a guy is truly into you, he's going to take the initiative to do it himself.

 

If you have to ask him to do it- there is a problem.

 

I'd never nag a guy to delete his profile- but if I still saw it was up after we'd made a commitment- I'd dump him- plain and simple.

 

Respect yourself or don't- a guy that is truly into you will NEVER have to be told to delete his profile.

 

If you have to say it- you're not in a good relationshp.

You shouldn't have to nag a guy to take his profiles off of dating websites, or to defriend women on facebook that were a romantic interest. But I do think they should be asked to take it down if they don't do it automatically. In the OP's case, the bf didn't take them down on his own. Some men are slow to do that because either they don't think it's a problem, or they like the attention from other women as an ego boost even though they're not going to pursue anything. Some men want to make sure their current relationship will last before they officially take themselves off the market. Or they could just be lazy and not want to take the time to do it. If they don't do it on their own, and some men don't, then they need to be asked to do it. The girlfriend should also verify that his profiles have been taken down and his other interests are defriended on fb. Some men think they can remain friends with some of these women and continue to correspond with them and still have a committed relationship with their gf. Strange as that may sound, that sometimes happens. They think they can keep these other women on friend status. If he doesn't take the profiles down automatically, he needs to be asked to do so. And the gf should verify that he has taken them down.

[azsinglegal]

do yourself a favor and leave it alone. when you break up its a public one....unless you like the drama then play facebook games on relationship status

 

Agreed.

 

My BF broke up with me on FB before he told me. I saw his relationship status change to "single" and when I asked what was that about he said, "check your email".

 

I'll NEVER change my status again unless it's to "married'. Lesson learned.

 

This same guy had dating profiles up the entire time we were together. I never asked him to take them down, I just figured he would when he moved in with me. But really, he was using it to talk to/meet other women because he wasn't 100% committed to our relationship and wanted to keep his options open.

 

This was a sign I missed. Again: Lesson Learned.

 

I say worry about the dating sites more then the FB status. Ask him to make himself unavailable, if he fights it or makes a big deal out of not doing it - you have your answer.

Edited July 15, 2011 by azsinglegal

[D-Lish]

You shouldn't have to nag a guy to take his profiles off of dating websites, or to defriend women on facebook that were a romantic interest. But I do think they should be asked to take it down if they don't do it automatically. In the OP's case, the bf didn't take them down on his own. Some men are slow to do that because either they don't think it's a problem, or they like the attention from other women as an ego boost even though they're not going to pursue anything. Some men want to make sure their current relationship will last before they officially take themselves off the market. Or they could just be lazy and not want to take the time to do it. If they don't do it on their own, and some men don't, then they need to be asked to do it. The girlfriend should also verify that his profiles have been taken down and his other interests are defriended on fb. Some men think they can remain friends with some of these women and continue to correspond with them and still have a committed relationship with their gf. Strange as that may sound, that sometimes happens. They think they can keep these other women on friend status. If he doesn't take the profiles down automatically, he needs to be asked to do so. And the gf should verify that he has taken them down.

 

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Men don't like to be pressured. It's SOOOOO much more satisfying to see someone take the initiative to do it themselves.

 

I don't want to have to tell my bf he needs to change his relationship status on FB or delete his profile. I prefer to see them come to that conclusion on their own. I'll know it's genuine if he does it on his volition without pressure from me.

 

Your theory is that a guy might be "too lazy" or "addicted to the attention still"... So he needs to be told to change his status and delete his profile... If he's too lazy and still addicted to attention from other women- he's NOT INTERESTED ENOUGH!!! That should be a red flag.

 

I'd never ask a guy to do this- it's pressure. It's the kind of things women do that drive men crazy.

 

If you have to demand your bf take down his profile and then verify it... There's a problem.

 

A guy that is truly into you- won't ever need to be prompted or nagged to do such a thing- he'll be more than eager to do it if he thinks you're a girl that is worth it.

Edited July 16, 2011 by D-Lish

[Tayla]

Really? So you think you have to nag a guy to take his profile down?

If a guy is truly into you, he's going to take the initiative to do it himself.

 

If you have to ask him to do it- there is a problem.

 

I'd never nag a guy to delete his profile- but if I still saw it was up after we'd made a commitment- I'd dump him- plain and simple.

 

Respect yourself or don't- a guy that is truly into you will NEVER have to be told to delete his profile.

 

If you have to say it- you're not in a good relationshp.

 

On both commentaries made..I agree . A GF is not the parent nor the dictator for what is or isnt permitted. For heavens sake these are adults, not children that have to be reminded ( Ps- those comments werent directed at you D'lish but at the comments here on this topic)

[D-Lish]

On both commentaries made..I agree . A GF is not the parent nor the dictator for what is or isnt permitted. For heavens sake these are adults, not children that have to be reminded ( Ps- those comments werent directed at you D'lish but at the comments here on this topic)

 

Maybe it's because I am a little older (and I think we are in the same age range)- but I have learned (the hard way) that it's so much more rewarding when you DON'T have to ask. We've learned from our mistakes!

 

I think if you have to ask a guy to delete his profile and be exclusive to you- you're not respecting yourself- and you're putting pressure on the other person. You shouldn't have to put pressure on someone that's really into you...You'll just know he is because he'll demonstrate it.

 

You shouldn't have to demand that a guy you are dating removes his profile- if he's totally into you, it will be a no-brainer for him- he'll take his profile down without having to be asked.

 

Trust me when I tell you that guys will appreciate you MUCH more when you don't pressure.

[catchthedrift]

I remember when my boyfriend first asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes, he immediately asked right after "So, shall we change our facebook statuses?" and I agreed. Unfortunately we broke up a month later only to get back together a week after the break up. We are happy now, and when we got back together, I remember he asked me something about my okcupid profile, and I told him "Oh, I don't have it anymore" and he said "Really? You deleted it?" and he had a big smile on his face. The next day I come out of the shower and he tells me he deleted his okcupid profile while I was showering.

Done.

 

It must come natural. Don't force anything! And especially: Do NOT tell him to do something that he doesn't want to do! Biggest mistake all women make at some point in their lives.

 

If he wont delete his dating site profile - he is not ready to commit and looking for something better elsewhere. That's for sure!

[Casablanca]

Really? So you think you have to nag a guy to take his profile down?

asking =/= nagging

 

Have you had the exclusive talk or are you just assuming you two are gf/bf?