jkl6158 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 So I started dating an amazing guy 4 months ago who I met online. We seemed to hit it off very quickly. Conversation flowed well from the start, no awkward silences, similar senses of humor and outlooks on life. It seemed like we were quite attracted to each other from the start. It was like we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We kept finding ourselves making out for hours and suddenly it was 3am and we had no idea where the time went. About a month in we started sleeping together. He was also always very affectionate with me... held my hand, kissed me all the time, held me as we fell asleep, etc. The only problem I really saw with our relationship we never really once discussed our feelings... he told me he was awful about talking about feelings and stuff (like most guys), and I avoided bringing up topics like what are we, etc., at fear of being hurt. Therefore we never had those types of discussions. In retrospect not talking about our relationship til it ended was a big mistake. Anyways, fast forward to last week and he comes over to end things. Says he doesn't feel a spark with me the way he did with his ex. (Who he had never once mentioned before... I don't know if perhaps this is because he wasn't truly over her and felt guilty that she was still in the back of his mind.) He said at this point in the game his feelings for me just weren't where they should be. However on my side, I was falling in love with him. In those few weeks before he broke it off we had been spending tons of time together (very often at his suggestion), and sleeping over at each other's houses close to every night. Things had been seeming better than ever, and then he says to me he doesn't really have feelings for me as more than a friend. I am still just baffled... if he only saw me as a friend why did he let our relationship progress to that point? He said he kept hoping the feelings would come but didn't. Was he just not attracted to me? I thought that us being all over each other stated otherwise, but maybe not. I just don't get how you could act so into someone when you really aren't. I know he sincerely felt awful that he was hurting me as he cried almost the entire time. But I just don't understand how after 4 months of dating someone and truly seeming like you wanted to be with them, acting affectionate and passionate, you can say that your feelings actually aren't there. It's driving me crazy because I thought we could have been so amazing together and he completely stole my heart.
sugarmomma Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Yea the fact that he was so hush hush about his feelings before should have clued you i that he was just passing time while casually screwing you. Next time look for a man that tells you and shows you how he feels about you.
Fondue Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Yea the fact that he was so hush hush about his feelings before should have clued you i that he was just passing time while casually screwing you. Next time look for a man that tells you and shows you how he feels about you. Clearly the OP described many instances where he DID in fact show feelings/affection. What did you expect him to do more? He already answered your own question, OP. He was with you for 4months because he was trying to develop more for you. He said he kept hoping the feelings would come but didn't I don't think you have much to be upset about, just that this was a relationship that ended. Just like many others. I don't think anyone can villainize that guy either. He treated you well (it seemed as you wrote that), and he was honest about why he's canceling the relationship. Goodluck.
Author jkl6158 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 He absolutely did seem to display feelings and affection, which is why I was taken by such surprise when he told me he wasn't feeling it. However, he never once did tell me he cared or missed me, etc so perhaps I should have paid more attention to that. However I always thought that actions spoke louder than words. I'm just upset that he didn't end things sooner if that was how he really felt rather than dragging things out, and at this point I'm very attached. And upset that he made everything seem like it was great (which he said he has a tendency to do), rather than discussing that he wasn't sure about things working out for a while. For this I know he feels terrible and is aware that he kind of led me on, which he didn't mean to do. He is no villain by any means. If he didn't develop feelings for me I guess that's just the way it is. I can't expect whoever I want to fall in love with me. It just hurts when I was led to believe very differently. I said I'd like to try remaining friends to which he agreed and also wanted, though he said he just didn't want to make things any harder for me, because he knows it's hard to be friends with someone you have feelings for. But I figured it's worth a shot because I do believe he is a great guy and we could be great friends. I just need to get out of my head that maybe if we stay friends he'll change his mind, and for now just accept that it's over.
stillafool Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 OP I'm sorry for your pain. I remember one time during a breakup I met a guy and was trying to force my feelings for him to get over my ex. I was acting pretty much like your guy, thinking if I acted in love, I would fall in love. It didn't work. It was wrong and I was young, what can I say. Maybe this guy met up with his ex and he realized he isn't over her. You should take him at his word, and not try to read more into it than he said. You don't want to waste anymore of your time on him especially since he has already told you how he feels. Goodluck.
Recommended Posts