HalfAlive22 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Some of you know my story...serial ceating husband,i filed for divorce after 3 years of trying from d day,put divorce on hold when things really began to change with H,now on a dating and taking it slow phase. This next event really made us both feel like we hit bottom. My 19 year ol daughter called me at 11 the other night sobbing she found out her boyfriend cheated she wanted to come home and be with me for the night,my heart sank and i eas very emotional but tried to hold it together,i had no car so h and i went together to pick her up,next thing i know he is sobbing "its all my fault" shes lookinh for daddy and look what i showed her what men do" i on the other hand felt it was mu fault,what kind of rolemodel am i? (Daughter knows our history) i dont want her to think this was ok! What a terrible realization it was that night,how do i help her when we cant help ourselves..
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 You help her by loving her wholly. You are her parents. She needs to feel stable, you remember the feeling of the earth moving as you went through the day, be her stabilizer. I am sorry she has to deal with this, it is one of my worst fears for my own children.
SidLyon Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Some of you know my story...serial ceating husband,i filed for divorce after 3 years of trying from d day,put divorce on hold when things really began to change with H,now on a dating and taking it slow phase. This next event really made us both feel like we hit bottom. My 19 year ol daughter called me at 11 the other night sobbing she found out her boyfriend cheated she wanted to come home and be with me for the night,my heart sank and i eas very emotional but tried to hold it together,i had no car so h and i went together to pick her up,next thing i know he is sobbing "its all my fault" shes lookinh for daddy and look what i showed her what men do" i on the other hand felt it was mu fault,what kind of rolemodel am i? (Daughter knows our history) i dont want her to think this was ok! What a terrible realization it was that night,how do i help her when we cant help ourselves.. I have no real advice to you other than to say I can relate to this. My H came from a family where his own father cheated, left his mother and married the OW. After 10 years my FIL went back to my MIL and they are still together 25 years later. My FIL came from a situation where his own father remained married and had an OW too for more than 60 years! My FIL was the son of the OW and had no idea that his father had a legitimate family until after both his parents had died (and my FIL was over 60 by then). I believe that the role model shown to my fWH is of women who forgive and take back the men who cheat on them. I never thought it would be me, but here I am doing something similar and my sons also see this. My H's family are all about secrets lies and deception. My family is quite different. I feel very sad that at some stage I may well be consoling the partners of my sons in the same situation.
Snowflower Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Half, Perhaps there is another perspective that can be taken from this situation your daughter is experiencing. Perhaps this will be cathartic for both you and your H. For your H, seeing his daughter's pain from betrayal might give him more insight and another reality check regarding cheating. Daddies are, after all, protective of their daughters and her pain seems to be hitting home for him as evidenced by his emotional reaction the other night. As for you, your choice to continue to remain with your H despite his repeated infidelities has nothing to do with your daughter's relationship troubles. So please don't feel responsible. Instead, use your painful experience to help her. You're in the perfect position to do so.
StoneCold Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Some of you know my story...serial ceating husband,i filed for divorce after 3 years of trying from d day,put divorce on hold when things really began to change with H,now on a dating and taking it slow phase. This next event really made us both feel like we hit bottom. My 19 year ol daughter called me at 11 the other night sobbing she found out her boyfriend cheated she wanted to come home and be with me for the night,my heart sank and i eas very emotional but tried to hold it together,i had no car so h and i went together to pick her up,next thing i know he is sobbing "its all my fault" shes lookinh for daddy and look what i showed her what men do" i on the other hand felt it was mu fault,what kind of rolemodel am i? (Daughter knows our history) i dont want her to think this was ok! What a terrible realization it was that night,how do i help her when we cant help ourselves.. Hold up.... you're blaming yourselves because of what some totally unrelated guy did???? that makes zero sense. and then your husband.... "look what I showed her what men do".....men? Has your husband been subjected to the anti male therapy course... where a bunch of man hating hens get together and imasculate a guy out of his senses? women do it too
nyrias Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 First, it is CLEARLY that it is of no fault to the OP, nor the daughter. Secondly, cheating is quite prevalent and i think people need to be a little more psychologically prepared for it. You can: a) live with some infidelity (which is some of the poster has done) .. hopefully past and not present, b) don't have long term relationships, or c) change partner every time you are hit with infidelity and hope the next one would not be the same. (a) is hard but at least you know what you are dealing with. (b) is the safest but human gets lonely, and © is a total lottery. Some people win out, many don't (just look at the sob stories here).
jonmark Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Downey's summer of living dangerously came to its official close on July 29 in Malibu municipal court. That morning, in what was essentially the coda to a bizarre string of arrests, escapes and escapades, the 31-year-old star of Chaplin, Restoration, Only You and Natural Born Killers stood before Judge Lawrence Mira for the third time in seven days. At the first appearance, July 22, attorney Charles English, speaking on his client's behalf, had entered a plea of not guilty to two felony charges and three misdemeanors, including possession of heroin and cocaine, driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs, and carrying an unloaded .357 Magnum handgun in his truck. Downey, in a yellow prison jumpsuit, had appeared sallow and thin—confirming one Malibu neighbor's recent comment that "he looks a hundred years old."
bentnotbroken Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 First, it is CLEARLY that it is of no fault to the OP, nor the daughter. Secondly, cheating is quite prevalent and i think people need to be a little more psychologically prepared for it. You can: a) live with some infidelity (which is some of the poster has done) .. hopefully past and not present, b) don't have long term relationships, or c) change partner every time you are hit with infidelity and hope the next one would not be the same. (a) is hard but at least you know what you are dealing with. (b) is the safest but human gets lonely, and © is a total lottery. Some people win out, many don't (just look at the sob stories here). I am psychologically prepared for death...didn't make it easier at all. Preparation doesn't prevent one from being knocked on their azz.
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