bentnotbroken Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 You sound like you have been very well-trained, conditioned, manipulated to meet her needs. She won't shag you for a year and you still consider it wrong to sleep with someone else... Good boy! You deserve a pat on the head. That's all you'll get... You've given this woman the keys to your manhood, she's locked it up and tucked the key down her bra and has NO intention of using it again... WOW... Are you mad? 100% disagree with most of the advice here... I am not gonna tell how to revive this relationship because it's no longer a relationship, it's a friendship and she has NO interest in making it any other way. FFS, she told you so herself... Any thought on your part of trying to change her mind makes you even less worthy of respect than you already are in her eyes... (I bet if the sexes were reversed, few people would hesitate to accuse the no-sex wanting man of using you, if you were a woman posting...) These are typical manipulation techniques... She probably couldn't care less if you're getting it somewhere else as long as it doesn't f*ck up her situation... Here's my take on it... She using you and pretending she cares by acting jealous... I mean, she won't sleep w/you or kiss you, she doesn't fancy you at all, yet cries gets "sad, depressed" if you hang out with other girls... If she had any respect for you at all, she would admit it was over and suggest you go your separate ways, but no, she'll keep dangling your balls on a string and cry when you move one inch out of the box she's created for you. The one who pays half her rent... I would give her a month's notice to move out, or tell her you are moving out in a month. Unless you are content to continue being played. you are giving this player waaaay too much of your time... You have other women in your life, ask them what they think? Ask the ones who like you? (Deffo get some pity action there;); but considering it's been a year:cool:) Start taking them out, or better yet, bringing them home etc. enjoying your life in front of her. I am sure lots of girls would want to be with you, she doesn't, so move on... Stop putting her and this "relationship" on a pedestal. She treats you like a roommate and you keep trying to woo her as a gf/lover. It won't make her fall for you, the only thing it raises is the level of contempt she has for you... I don't think you deserve it. This girl is toxic to your mental and emotional health and self-esteem... Don't be "nice" to her...Treat her like a roommate, just how she treats you. just because she is happy being sexless (which I doubt) doesn't mean you are... and why should you be? Move on! Or do what others say, give it another year, suggest counselling, take her to the doctor, talk to her, be even nicer to her... See where it'll get ya... :lmao: A one-way ticket to Sorry-I've-lost-my-balls-ville... Grow a backbone, stiffen your resolve and Get yourself out of this mess, Pronto! Your heart, your brain and your dick will thank you later. Hope this helps! I am sure it will help. :)Especially if he is an emotionally immature adolescent(while masquerading as an adult)with the brains cells of pond scum. Which it does not appear he is. But I could be wrong and you read the situation correctly:rolleyes:.
cheergirl Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I am sure it will help. :)Especially if he is an emotionally immature adolescent(while masquerading as an adult)with the brains cells of pond scum. Which it does not appear he is. But I could be wrong and you read the situation correctly:rolleyes:. What's your take? Oh yeah, depression, no evidence, but yes, depression, of course...
bentnotbroken Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 What's your take? Oh yeah, depression, no evidence, but yes, depression, of course... Nope. Depression isn't my take as I stated. Depression is what jumped out to me. It was an issue with me. Don't know if it is for her, but I didn't realize it until a counselor helped me out.
cheergirl Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Nope. Depression isn't my take as I stated. thank god for counsellors! what would we do w/out them???
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 proverbial ones at least.... I like your style, though don't always agree..... I think I said the same with a little more empathy on page one..... But some people need a good slap to the head..... Only in his 20's and going through this.....
cheergirl Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 proverbial ones at least.... I like your style, though don't always agree..... I think I said the same with a little more empathy on page one..... But some people need a good slap to the head..... Only in his 20's and going through this..... I thank you....:D:D yes, in retrospect, maybe a little too harsh... but I put myself in the place of the OP's mum or sister... Some women are just bitches, and I see a lot of people not calling a spade a spade, I can't help not saying what appears true... It's an anonymous forum, I leave the soft treading to others, I try to say what I think the OP needs to hear.... The truth does sometimes hurt, but getting played hurts more.. Again, thank you... Jus' tryin' to help ma'am... PS why is "having balls" a compliment, but being a c*nt is being stupid or evil? Oh answered my own question, being a tw@t less harmful than being a pr!ck.
bentnotbroken Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 thank god for counsellors! what would we do w/out them??? I agree, since most people don't use the common sense that God gave them. A good biotch slap into reality isn't a bad thing.
cheergirl Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I agree, since most people don't use the common sense that God gave them. A good biotch slap into reality isn't a bad thing. maybe I sound mean when I'm trying to sound urgent and determined. I don't mean to...I am compassionate and try to be nice..
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 maybe I sound mean when I'm trying to sound urgent and determined. I don't mean to...I am compassionate and try to be nice.. MMMMkk.
cheergirl Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 MMMMkk. What I mean is like I'm not actually trying to do the "bitch slap" thing... Just trying to really help the OP look at his situation from another perspective that I haven't seen here. My being emphatic is seen as lacking empathy, when nothing could be further from the truth... Mmmmk?
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 What I mean is like I'm not actually trying to do the "bitch slap" thing... Just trying to really help the OP look at his situation from another perspective that I haven't seen here. My being emphatic is seen as lacking empathy, when nothing could be further from the truth... Mmmmk? I believed you when you stated it the first time. *shrug*
cheergirl Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 MMMMkk. using the confused smiley implies, um confusion, right? Just trying to clear it up. Okay... onward, done.
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) using the confused smiley implies, um confusion, right? Just trying to clear it up. Okay... onward, done. It does for most people. I use it because it pisses people off doing the opposite of what they expect. I am not confused, I just play one on t.v. Edited July 17, 2011 by bentnotbroken
cheergirl Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 It does for most people. I use it because it pisses people off doing the opposite of what they expect. I am not confused, I just play one on t.v. ummm, okaaaaayyy.... I have no idea what you're on about...but have a good day!
tobeornottobe Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 To cut to the chase, do a 180 AND KEEP ON WALKING! Sex is part of the relationship, and if at your young age you are experiencing this type of frustration, chances are overwhelming that it will increase in years to come. Read through your post, and you will notice a "cycle" that has evolved and will repeat itself over and over in your marriage: You reach breakpoint after some time of sexual frustration, she apologises, you have great sex for a week, she starts pulling back into her comfort zone. You are not that frustrated yet and tolerate it but the pressure keeps on building up until the next ourburst of frustration and fighting. And the cycle repeats itself over and over again. I don't think there's a third person. I think the two of you are sexually incompatible, end of story. I think you both love each other, but if sex is important to you, I will seriously consider ending the relationship sooner than later.
bentnotbroken Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 ummm, okaaaaayyy.... I have no idea what you're on about...but have a good day! IKR...I feel the same way about you. Have a blessed day.
sandrawg Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING. Plus, it's ridiculous for you to be expected to go without sex. Sexual desires are natural and healthy. If you love someone, that's another aspect of yourself you want to give them, to share with them. Something is seriously wrong there. I'd consider walking away, if she is truly serious about making you go without affection. A relationship without affection is like being sent to a desert alone. Things you have posted are indeed red flags that she`s seeing someone else. Jealousy Disinterest in intimacy. It doesn`t mean she is cheating just that it does indeed sound like the symptoms of cheating. Take some time and snoop around, find out if she is seeing someone else. If not then she`s just fallen/falling out of love with you. Sorry. If you want to regain her interest do a search for the 180 on this forum or Google it. It seems unintuitive but it`s the only thing that will work. Every time my wife begins to get complacent in our relationship, taking me for granted and such all it takes is a week of 180 and she`s back on track....so far anyway.
sandrawg Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 There's a difference between..the typical, dulling of the honeymoon period, and just..shutting down all sexual connection ENTIRELY. I was in a 4yr off and on relationship where, despite our personal problems with each other, the lust never waned. So..it doesn't have to be like that. Lust doesn't just "naturally" disappear, and his gf seems like she doesn't even care-it doesn't seem to bother her one bit that she's not interested in him sexually. My point is that we all "fall out of lust" the way it was in the beginning. It's where the saying,"I love you,but I'm not in love with you" comes into this equation.LUST naturally wanes thanks to our ever changing chemistry and what remains is an emotional bond if there was one there before the lust kicked in full on.Doesn't mean she's having an affair or that she's depressed or on meds.... This isn't the norm either.I think I should go back and figure out why you are here.That might help me understand your perspective. She already told him that sex just isn't as important to her anymore.He won';t change her mind about that no matter what he does.It seems she still loves him and doesn't want to end the relationship just because she doesn't feel like having sex as often as they used to.I don't see it as dying at this stage,but more changing and hopefully evolving into something deeper than sex. Maybe all along,what she lacked was that emotional connection,and settled for the sexual one and now she simply can't keep lying to herself. We women tend to NEED an emotional bond to continue to feel the sexual one! What he does with that information remains to be seen. He can accept her as she is,cheat on her or leave her to be with someone who he turns on more. But really,the next relationship will go thru the same process.
sandrawg Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 For some of us, the sex drive gets stronger with age! I'm 44 and lustier than ever I forgot to add that people at age 20 should have a very strong biological drive to mate despite the shortcomings of the relationship. The biological drive fades with age, but this couple is extremely young. Something is not right.
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