Philsommer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Hi! I've been looking around the internet for advice and finally came to the conclusion that explaining my problems in a forum such as this might be the best thing to do. Me and my girlfriend are in our twenties and we've been together for 2 1/2 years. We've lived together for two years because she started studying in the same town as me, so we figured we'd save a lot of money by living together. I was really worried about her moving in with me so fast, but everything has been great. Our sex life was also great, we were doing it often (3-5 times/week) and I satisfied her needs very well (as far as I was told). But then, about a year ago, she just shut down sexually. There was no trauma in her life, no stress from studies, no arguments with friends and family. It's not like I freaked out at first, I realize that women can have their ups and downs. After six months of drought, we had sex about five times in that timespan, I took it up and told her how it made me feel. She said that she felt bad about it and that she was sorry. The following two weeks we had sex like normal but after that it went back to nothing. After six months I brought it up again, and she said once again that she was sorry and that "The whole sex-thing was fun for a while, but now I just don't want it anymore". She assured me that it had nothing to do with me. It's just that even though she keeps telling me that, I feel kinda sad. I do feel that there's something wrong with me. I love her so much, and I would probably give up sex for life just to be with her. But still, it would be nice if things went back to normal. Also, she has been very reluctant to make out with me for the last month or so. She still loves to cuddle and give quick kisses on the cheeks though. We spend a lot of time together and have a lot of fun. I consider myself a romantic and does something special just for her every month, everything is great except for the sex-part. I'm starting to worry that she is seeing me as her friend and not boyfriend, is there anything I can do to establish that boyfriend-status I feel that I have lost? Thanks for any replies, sorry for the wall of text! Edit: She is also kinda jealous, and gets very sad when I hang out with my female friends. Does this mean she cares, or that she's worried that I'm getting "it" from someone else? That is something I would never do, I consider sex with anyone else but her very...wrong. Edited July 12, 2011 by Philsommer
linwood Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Things you have posted are indeed red flags that she`s seeing someone else. Jealousy Disinterest in intimacy. It doesn`t mean she is cheating just that it does indeed sound like the symptoms of cheating. Take some time and snoop around, find out if she is seeing someone else. If not then she`s just fallen/falling out of love with you. Sorry. If you want to regain her interest do a search for the 180 on this forum or Google it. It seems unintuitive but it`s the only thing that will work. Every time my wife begins to get complacent in our relationship, taking me for granted and such all it takes is a week of 180 and she`s back on track....so far anyway. Edited July 12, 2011 by linwood
Toodamnpragmatic Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Should be in marriage/life partnerships.... Second you sound young (20's). Third time to draw a line in the sand and begin to pull away and find someone else. Unless she wants to change or has no real concept of an LTR, this will only get worse and you will be the one made to feel guilty that you want something so perfectly normal and MOST IMPORTANT FUN. Cut your losses....
Cabin Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'd recommend reading this: http://www.carolcassell.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=7&Itemid=7 It made sense to me when I tried to understand how all interest in my husband suddenly dried up.
Author Philsommer Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Thanks for the replies! I really don't think she's seeing someone else, we have a lot of people we hang out with in common, and it really wouldn't take long until I became aware of that. And yeah sure, I'm young and all, but that doesn't make it any easier to let her go. I do love her a lot and she tells me that she loves me every day, so everything feels amazing except for this little sex-thing. It's just that I am afraid that she will start liking me as just a friend, since that has pretty much been the case with all the girls I've been involved with.
spice4life Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It sounds like signs of cheating, but could be something else like depression. If it is cheating then she is just using you security and having cake too. If you don't put a stop to it and end up marrying her yu will be stuck with someone who only views as safety net and that is not a happy way to live. It means room mates and nothing more. You should do some digging and find out what s really going on and go from there.
Heart On Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Did you realize you were posting this thread in the Affair Forum? Not sure this "belongs" here unless you suspect her of cheating on you or you are considering cheating on her to get your needs met. Hate to be too real here but.... Sexual attraction fades in every relationship.We all either wind up as friends or cheat or end the relationship and move on to find someone who turns us on more. Just human nature,psychology,chemisty and biology at work if you ask me. But you taking it personally says alot more about you than her.
MissBee Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 A number of things could be going on with her why this has happened: She's bored and her libido is down for some reason She has some type of personality disorder (like BPD) where the person exhibits a high sex drive n the beginning then it tapers to nothing (my friend's gf had this and your story reminded me of that)...you should read upon this and see if any of the other descriptions reflect your relationship. She could be cheating In any case...whether the reason is a personal issue pointing to a more serious problem, is not a big deal to her and she just doesn't want to or she is cheating. You have to communicate and decide on where you want things to go. You can try to observe her behavior and see if you get any evidence for cheating and if that doesn't seem to be the case, try to discuss constructive ways to improve your relationship....after that, if nothing is improving, you may have to consider whether or not you are compatible and if that relationship is serving you both. Goodluck!
yawn_interrupted Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Edit: She is also kinda jealous, and gets very sad when I hang out with my female friends. Does this mean she cares, or that she's worried that I'm getting "it" from someone else? That is something I would never do, I consider sex with anyone else but her very...wrong. In my opinion, this might be the reason. She might have begun to loose trust in you over these issues, specially if you insisted to spend time with your female friends, knowing well how your gf was feeling about it. She may feel that you don't respect her feeling and choose your females friends over her frustrations. Feeling insecure and disrespected by her partner is the biggest sexual turn off for women, I believe. Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted
spice4life Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Did you realize you were posting this thread in the Affair Forum? Not sure this "belongs" here unless you suspect her of cheating on you or you are considering cheating on her to get your needs met. Hate to be too real here but.... Sexual attraction fades in every relationship.We all either wind up as friends or cheat or end the relationship and move on to find someone who turns us on more. Just human nature,psychology,chemisty and biology at work if you ask me. But you taking it personally says alot more about you than her. Heart On, I'm not quite sure where you are coming from on this one. You have posted with wisdom before and this one doesn't make sense to me. The OP's issue is not status quo, there is something really going on here. His gf has shut down yet is still iving with him, this not normal behavior for a 2.5 year relationship! Not by a long shot. I know plenty of people who have been together for years and years and still have a great sex life. It's all about picking the right partner. She has either fallen out of love with him, is cheating and using him for financial security, is suppressing feelings about something he has done to her or has chemical or emotional issues.
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Depression is what jumped out to me. It was an issue with me. Don't know if it is for her, but I didn't realize it until a counselor helped me out.
waytogo Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Heart On, I'm not quite sure where you are coming from on this one. You have posted with wisdom before and this one doesn't make sense to me. The OP's issue is not status quo, there is something really going on here. His gf has shut down yet is still iving with him, this not normal behavior for a 2.5 year relationship! Not by a long shot. I know plenty of people who have been together for years and years and still have a great sex life. It's all about picking the right partner. She has either fallen out of love with him, is cheating and using him for financial security, is suppressing feelings about something he has done to her or has chemical or emotional issues. I agree with this. HO has made some great posts. This 1 I can't agree with either. I know too many sitch's where sex doesn't stop after many years. OP needs to get to the bottom of this.
Got it Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 My ex husband and I started off pretty young and ended up marrying in our 20's. At first the sex was good but over time it did wane. I too wrestled with the love I had with him and my dissatisfaction with our sex life. I tried to address it for years but he didn't want to talk about it. So for me I guess I figured the good outweighed the bad and my attraction to him was waning so the friendship was the primary focus. By the time we married we had sex every few months with the first six months of our marriage being sexless without us really noticing. I thought it was too minor of a priority, sex, to base a whole relationship on it. And he was the stereotypical great guy that parents loved and if you were smart that is who you want for a life partner. And plus, what if I gambled and lost and he was the best for me and I lost him due to sex. Well that seemed too petty of reason for me. So for years we were married and things were good enough, we got along well, no fighting, etc. But as I advanced with work and my life I realized what was "good enough" stopped being. And I realized that while I had never had sex with anther before that I knew still that this wasn't good. So I pushed therapy, etc. Anyway, short story long, we are divorced, he is happy, I am happy, and it was the right decision for us. He would never had initiated the divorce and would have stayed with me, trying to make due with good enough, and we would have been miserable. Sex, love, intimacy are priorities and you need to address with your girlfriend. I highly recommend couples counseling to see if you guys can work through. I know you love her but this a foundational issue that you need to address.
Heart On Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Sorry to disappoint.I just know enough about how 'love works' to know that once the chemistry wears off,it's not easy to maintain a sexuality that satisfies both partners libido's.And it's not typically both at the same time that feel less sexual. http://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm There are those who may be addicted to that love "high." They need that amphetamine-like rush of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine. Because the body builds up a tolerance to these chemicals, it begins to take more and more to give love junkies that high. They go through relationship after relationship to get their fix. One could just as easily deduce(which is all we can do without hearing the whole story) from this thread, that the OP wants the find the "high" he felt at the beginning of the relationship when it was 3-5 times a week.Now that it is waning,"something is the matter with her"? OK.....But I have never met anyone who doesn't know the risk of marriage or a LTR and how easily it can become sexless.And based on my own experience,after being with my xH for 24 years and dealing with his anger management issues,his alcoholism and his Psoriasis which covered 80% of his body at one pointnot to mention high levels of disrespect and familarity breeding contemt...I can attest marital sex can virtually die a slow death. It can become an emotionless chore.I could easily go for up to 9 months without caring if I got off,but I would perform my 'wifely duty" as my xH would threaten to cheat on me if I didn't.Fun Fun fun. So blow I did.And role over and cry.That's the extreme of course...but in reality,based on the science of love and sex... It's natural for our sex lives to taper off,and for our attachment chemicals to take over,is all I am saying.So I will stand by my original statement. But we can agree to disagree. It's all good. Sexual attraction fades in every relationship.We all either wind up as friends or cheat or end the relationship and move on to find someone who turns us on more. Generalization...of course. Taking my post literally.....would bring this reaction. I vehemently disagree But according to the facts,I am closer to the truth than I'd like to be as I am no less concerned about my sex life fading as anyone. Even with a new man,and 2 years into it,it's not the same as it was the first year and that to me,goes with the territory.Thankfully,there is a level of respect,compassion and empathy that kicks in when you are with someone who loves you beyond your libido! www.goddesstherapy.com/docs/LSarticle13.doc http://www.themedguru.com/node/39876 Edited July 13, 2011 by Heart On
woinlove Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I think not wanting sex with your partner after 1.5 years, as the OP describes, is definitely not the norm. Enjoying a fun and satisfying sexual relationship is one important ingredient to having a strong and loving bond that lasts over the decades, through children, tragedies and live's stresses. After 25 years of marriage, we have sex 5-6 times a week. Even though your gf appears not to see this as a problem, I would encourage her to see that both of your lives could be enriched by a satisfying sex life and to support each other in finding out how to get back to the more amorous state you began in. Of course, if she is having an A, she likely won't be interested. If she has fallen out of love after only 1.5 yrs, even though she still has loving feelings for you as she would for a close friend, then your R likely won't last. If it is not one of these, encourage her to see a doctor to see if it is a problem with depression, medication, or hormones. I think you should try to learn what is causing her lack of interest. The answer may end your R or it may lead to a stronger R with sex. But otherwise I think you are in a dying R.
Heart On Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) If she has fallen out of love after only 1.5 yrs, even though she still has loving feelings for you as she would for a close friend, then your R likely won't last. If it is not one of these, encourage her to see a doctor to see if it is a problem with depression, medication, or hormones. My point is that we all "fall out of lust" the way it was in the beginning. It's where the saying,"I love you,but I'm not in love with you" comes into this equation.LUST naturally wanes thanks to our ever changing chemistry and what remains is an emotional bond if there was one there before the lust kicked in full on.Doesn't mean she's having an affair or that she's depressed or on meds.... After 25 years of marriage, we have sex 5-6 times a week. This isn't the norm either.I think I should go back and figure out why you are here.That might help me understand your perspective. I think you should try to learn what is causing her lack of interest. The answer may end your R or it may lead to a stronger R with sex. But otherwise I think you are in a dying R. She already told him that sex just isn't as important to her anymore.He won';t change her mind about that no matter what he does.It seems she still loves him and doesn't want to end the relationship just because she doesn't feel like having sex as often as they used to.I don't see it as dying at this stage,but more changing and hopefully evolving into something deeper than sex. Maybe all along,what she lacked was that emotional connection,and settled for the sexual one and now she simply can't keep lying to herself. We women tend to NEED an emotional bond to continue to feel the sexual one! What he does with that information remains to be seen. He can accept her as she is,cheat on her or leave her to be with someone who he turns on more. But really,the next relationship will go thru the same process. Edited July 13, 2011 by Heart On
woinlove Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 My point is that we all "fall out of lust" the way it was in the beginning. It's where the saying,"I love you,but I'm not in love with you" comes into this equation.LUST naturally wanes thanks to our ever changing chemistry and what remains is an emotional bond if there was one there before the lust kicked in full on.Doesn't mean she's having an affair or that she's depressed or on meds.... We don't all fall out of lust. And even if lust temporarily wanes, it can come back strong, if the partners love each other and make their R a priority. This isn't the norm either.I think I should go back and figure out why you are here.That might help me understand your perspective. I came to LS when I was tempted to get involved with a MM. I'm in an open M, but he isn't. LS gave me the resolve to decline. Perhaps being in a monogamish, rather than a monogamous M, is relevant, but I think it is more that we both have a hefty appetite for sex, we are in love with each other, we don't take each other for granted and we make our M a priority. She already told him that sex just isn't as important to her anymore.He won';t change her mind about that no matter what he does.It seems she still loves him and doesn't want to end the relationship just because she doesn't feel like having sex as often as they used to.I don't see it as dying at this stage,but more changing and hopefully evolving into something deeper than sex. Maybe all along,what she lacked was that emotional connection,and settled for the sexual one and now she simply can't keep lying to herself. We women tend to NEED an emotional bond to continue to feel the sexual one! Maybe some people are happy living a sexless life for decades, but I think most do want that physical intimacy as well. I think it is quite likely his gf will not be happy living her whole life without sex, or almost without sex, even though she doesn't want sex with her bf now. I can't be certain of that, but I think it is likely. What he does with that information remains to be seen. He can accept her as she is,cheat on her or leave her to be with someone who he turns on more. But really,the next relationship will go thru the same process. There is no reason his next R will become sexless. Many women, like me, enjoy sex decade after decade with their partner. Perhaps not you, perhaps not his gf, but certainly some women. However, I don't think we have enough info to know exactly why his gf is not interested in sex and I think the OP should try to find out and not just assume all women are like that and this is inevitable. It is definitely not inevitable for many people. You and I, Heart On, appear to be on opposite ends of a spectrum of wanting sex with our partner in life, for life. Philsommer should try to find out where his gf really sits on this spectrum.
xxoo Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 There is no reason his next R will become sexless. Many women, like me, enjoy sex decade after decade with their partner. Perhaps not you, perhaps not his gf, but certainly some women. However, I don't think we have enough info to know exactly why his gf is not interested in sex and I think the OP should try to find out and not just assume all women are like that and this is inevitable. It is definitely not inevitable for many people. I agree, try to dig deeper and figure out if there is something relationship-related that is turning her away from sex. Resentments will commonly do this for women (but 1.5 years is still pretty quick!). There is no reason to settle for a sexless relationship. It is absolutely possible to for many women to maintain sexual interest in a partner they love, even over decades.
blueeyes11 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Has she started taking any medications? sometimes they can affect your sexual appetite.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I do think that this is a case where you will have to dig deeper. It could be cheating, depression, sexual incompatability, insecurity, resentment, lack of passion, attraction, or chemistry ect. Talk to her. You know her better than we do. If she genuinely isn't interested in sex and won't do anything about it...than this will inevitably cause problems in the future. But perhaps there are more mundane reasons for her inaction. I also agree that novelty sex is hot. However, it is possible to continue to have a very long sex filled relationship (with typical ups and downs) if you have a partner that satisfies all your emotional needs. You did not have a good partner and within that context I agree with you. As with everything else in life, relationships are a crapshoot. I've known people in their twenties who are in sexless relationships, and I know people in their seventies who are effing like rabbits even after 50+ years together.
Heart On Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks I am familiar with the brain chemistry of love. I also agree that novelty sex is hot. However, it is possible to continue to have a very long sex filled relationship (with typical ups and downs) if you have a partner that satisfies all your emotional needs. You did not have a good partner and within that context I agree with you. I base my perspectives on my own personal experience,which was awful,and the reality of where we are having this discussion. If not for married peoples waning sex lives,chemistry changes,boredom, and the need to feel "alive again" this place wouldn't even exist. I forgot to add that people at age 20 should have a very strong biological drive to mate despite the shortcomings of the relationship. The biological drive fades with age, but this couple is extremely young. Something is not right. I agree.But the fact is,we don't know her side of the story. OP? Why not ask her to join the thread? This place would be ALOT more interesting if all parties involved in the dilemna's were here to voice thier side.
Heart On Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) We don't all fall out of lust. And even if lust temporarily wanes, it can come back strong, if the partners love each other and make their R a priority. I came to LS when I was tempted to get involved with a MM. I'm in an open M, but he isn't. LS gave me the resolve to decline. Perhaps being in a monogamish, rather than a monogamous M, is relevant, but I think it is more that we both have a hefty appetite for sex, we are in love with each other, we don't take each other for granted and we make our M a priority. Maybe some people are happy living a sexless life for decades, but I think most do want that physical intimacy as well. I think it is quite likely his gf will not be happy living her whole life without sex, or almost without sex, even though she doesn't want sex with her bf now. I can't be certain of that, but I think it is likely. There is no reason his next R will become sexless. Many women, like me, enjoy sex decade after decade with their partner. Perhaps not you, perhaps not his gf, but certainly some women. However, I don't think we have enough info to know exactly why his gf is not interested in sex and I think the OP should try to find out and not just assume all women are like that and this is inevitable. It is definitely not inevitable for many people. You and I, Heart On, appear to be on opposite ends of a spectrum of wanting sex with our partner in life, for life. Philsommer should try to find out where his gf really sits on this spectrum. No actually,we aren't.I stayed in a virtually sexless marriage for 2 decades for my kids sakes and because my marriage VOWS dictated for better or worse.That is until I separated over a MM who lead me on sexually and emotionally knowing the position I was in,and left me hanging answering for myself within my marriage and divorce.He "woke me up" emotionally and sexually,just to force me to "forget" when he pack-peddled out and back home to his 'asexual' marriage. Now...had I been in a LOVING and respectful marriage that was OPEN sexually......I would not be divorced today.Sex is VERY important to me. Ever had sex with a man(say your husband) who's entire body is "off limits" to touch because it is covered in scabs? Or with a man who verbally assaults you because he is so angry that his body is covered with scabs thanks to a skin disease that because at 21 when we first met? I lasted for 2 decades feeling as though I was his whipping post. Not much fun I can assure you.But I LOVED him and felt sorry for him so I stayed.I had no intention of leaving him for someone else,until he pushed me away so hard I couldn't get near him and the xMM pulled me harder and so close,and I couldn't walk away from him. I took risks emotionally to be with someone who burned me harder and hurt me deeper than my own H did.But I had the courage of my convictions and refinding LOVE and LUST were the reasons behind my choices. BTW...SEXLESSNESS is not what I am talking about...I am talking about it becoming less important than other things,like raising children,keeping jobs,finishing school, dealing with medical issues...etc! I could go toe to toe with you sexually and we would both cum out on top! lol I have it daily now that I am with someone who loves,lusts and respects me.YAY for me..FINALLY.....:bunny: People not satisfied sexually within ANY relationship are at risk of straying. The OP's G/F doesn't realize just how close she is to being cheated on or left.He should warn her. Thread Jack OVER! Edited July 14, 2011 by Heart On
woinlove Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for the explanation, Heart On. I assumed from your statements that losing sexual interest was natural, that you felt it would happen to you in any case. But I'm glad to learn you don't feel it has to happen to you again.
Heart On Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for the explanation, Heart On. I assumed from your statements that losing sexual interest was natural, that you felt it would happen to you in any case. But I'm glad to learn you don't feel it has to happen to you again. No problem.And thank you for filling me in on your perspective and where it stems from.It must be nice to be in an open,yet commited marriage. Most would see that as an oxymoron.lol I don't.I see it as smart and honest and open-minded and one way to keep from feeling limited sexually.Smart woman for not getting involved with a MM btw! Wish I could say the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can assure you,had my chooser not been broken as a child,due to sexual abuse, I wouldn't have began recreating my childhood dynamics in my adult relationships.I doubt I would even be here today had I had a functional family.We are typically products of our environment if we don't learn to break the cycle. But I have to say,I do believe that for alot of people,including myself,due to changes in our chemistry over time,our sexuality does become "dulled" with the same person.I wonder why you opened your marriage if one man was 'enough for you' sexually speaking? My situation was just exacerbated by the circumstances. I should have bailed out long before I got married as I could see just how limited our sex lives were.Stupid me.Pitiful men always suck me in!~ Sexual compatibility is KEY when it comes to relationships. Leaving room for some 'ebb and flow" is crucial though. It's when it becomes completely lop-sidded is when it get's unfair to the partner who is "jonsing" for sex. And that brings us full circle to our poor 22 year old OP.
cheergirl Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hi! I've been looking around the internet for advice and finally came to the conclusion that explaining my problems in a forum such as this might be the best thing to do. Me and my girlfriend are in our twenties and we've been together for 2 1/2 years. We've lived together for two years because she started studying in the same town as me, so we figured we'd save a lot of money by living together. I was really worried about her moving in with me so fast, but everything has been great. Our sex life was also great, we were doing it often (3-5 times/week) and I satisfied her needs very well (as far as I was told). But then, about a year ago, she just shut down sexually. There was no trauma in her life, no stress from studies, no arguments with friends and family. It's not like I freaked out at first, I realize that women can have their ups and downs. After six months of drought, we had sex about five times in that timespan, I took it up and told her how it made me feel. She said that she felt bad about it and that she was sorry. The following two weeks we had sex like normal but after that it went back to nothing. After six months I brought it up again, and she said once again that she was sorry and that "The whole sex-thing was fun for a while, but now I just don't want it anymore". She assured me that it had nothing to do with me. She just doesn't want it with you It's just that even though she keeps telling me that, I feel kinda sad. I do feel that there's something wrong with me. I love her so much, and I would probably give up sex for life just to be with her. But still, it would be nice if things went back to normal. Also, she has been very reluctant to make out with me for the last month or so. She still loves to cuddle and give quick kisses on the cheeks though. We spend a lot of time together and have a lot of fun. I consider myself a romantic and does something special just for her every month, everything is great except for the sex-part. I'm starting to worry that she is seeing me as her friend and not boyfriend, is there anything I can do to establish that boyfriend-status I feel that I have lost? You feel you have lost???? No questions, you are firmly in the friEND-zone, mate. Sharer of bills, roomate, you've served your purpose... Thanks for any replies, sorry for the wall of text! Edit: She is also kinda jealous, and gets very sad when I hang out with my female friends. Does this mean she cares, :lmao::lmao:or that she's worried that I'm getting "it" from someone else? That is something I would never do, I consider sex with anyone else but her very...wrong. You sound like you have been very well-trained, conditioned, manipulated to meet her needs. She won't shag you for a year and you still consider it wrong to sleep with someone else... Good boy! You deserve a pat on the head. That's all you'll get... You've given this woman the keys to your manhood, she's locked it up and tucked the key down her bra and has NO intention of using it again... WOW... Are you mad? 100% disagree with most of the advice here... I am not gonna tell how to revive this relationship because it's no longer a relationship, it's a friendship and she has NO interest in making it any other way. FFS, she told you so herself... Any thought on your part of trying to change her mind makes you even less worthy of respect than you already are in her eyes... (I bet if the sexes were reversed, few people would hesitate to accuse the no-sex wanting man of using you, if you were a woman posting...) These are typical manipulation techniques... She probably couldn't care less if you're getting it somewhere else as long as it doesn't f*ck up her situation... Here's my take on it... She using you and pretending she cares by acting jealous... I mean, she won't sleep w/you or kiss you, she doesn't fancy you at all, yet cries gets "sad, depressed" if you hang out with other girls... If she had any respect for you at all, she would admit it was over and suggest you go your separate ways, but no, she'll keep dangling your balls on a string and cry when you move one inch out of the box she's created for you. The one who pays half her rent... I would give her a month's notice to move out, or tell her you are moving out in a month. Unless you are content to continue being played. you are giving this player waaaay too much of your time... You have other women in your life, ask them what they think? Ask the ones who like you? (Deffo get some pity action there;); but considering it's been a year:cool:) Start taking them out, or better yet, bringing them home etc. enjoying your life in front of her. I am sure lots of girls would want to be with you, she doesn't, so move on... Stop putting her and this "relationship" on a pedestal. She treats you like a roommate and you keep trying to woo her as a gf/lover. It won't make her fall for you, the only thing it raises is the level of contempt she has for you... I don't think you deserve it. This girl is toxic to your mental and emotional health and self-esteem... Don't be "nice" to her...Treat her like a roommate, just how she treats you. just because she is happy being sexless (which I doubt) doesn't mean you are... and why should you be? Move on! Or do what others say, give it another year, suggest counselling, take her to the doctor, talk to her, be even nicer to her... See where it'll get ya... :lmao: A one-way ticket to Sorry-I've-lost-my-balls-ville... Grow a backbone, stiffen your resolve and Get yourself out of this mess, Pronto! Your heart, your brain and your dick will thank you later. Hope this helps!
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