Thug Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Good day everyone, Well I have been lurking around the site for over a month now, and gaining great insight into LDR's. My boy friend and I who are together now for 4 months live in the Caribbean but on different islands, about an hour flight. We met on a social networking site about 3 years ago, started off as internet friends. Then in February of this year we decided to start dating as both of us had become single. I went to his visit his island and I felt like a queen, he took me all over the island and introduced me to all his friends. I fell madly in love with him. His parents and other family members lives in the US so I am yet to meet them. He then visited me in my island a month later and met all of my relatives and friends who really liked him. My problem is sometimes I do feel neglected, he is a police officer and our ways of communication are blackberry messenger, phone calls like 3 to 4 times a week and video chatting once or twice weekly. Our conversations are mostly based around love talks and missing each other, but each time I try to take the conversation to a serious level regarding our future, like what he would like to happen he always try to evade those talks. When I bring back up the subject again he would say when we meet again we will talk. At times I do feel lonely as he wouldn't contact me for a day and I feel like am the one has to make the effort to reach out to him, if I tell him how I feel he gets upset and tells me I am frustrating him. He doesn't like me speaking about the way I feel, if I tell him am lonely. He will be visiting me this month end. Another issue I have he never ask if I am ok financial wise, if he can assist me with anything. He does send me fruits and vegetables every three weeks from his country, as my country does not have much of these stuff. Am I asking for too much, or should I be content and continue the relationship?
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Personally, I feel that you ARE asking too much. I wouldn't dream of asking a guy for money if I had only seen him twice and had been a couple for 4 months. You are a grown woman, and you should be more than capable of taking care of your own financial needs. Do you ask him if HE is ok financially and if you can take care of any of HIS bills? Granted, if he has visited you and if you live in a cardboard box, then yes, I would expect him to ask about your financial well-being. But I am guessing that you live in a home of some sort and it must be adequately clean and safe, or he would ask if you looked destitute. As for always asking about a future, you have only been a couple for 4 months. You really don't even know each other well enough to talk about a future, IMHO. Just chill out and enjoy getting to know him as a BF.
Audrina Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I'm a little unsure why you would expect him to help you out financially. I am involved in a long distance relationship and I have never asked my boyfriend for anything monetarily wise. As for wanting to talk about your future together, you guys haven't been together very long, it just might be too soon for him to be talking about those things and feel comfortable. In my LDR, we knew each other for years before we made it official and we had feelings for each other before we met but refused to make it official until we met in person. Although we have been together for just a short while our feelings for each other are very strong and we dont' have much of a problem talking about a future. However, that's because we've spent years getting to know each other and a long time having feelings for one another before we finally did meet and decide to be in a relationship. For now, take it day by day.
Author Thug Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Well thank you very much for your honesty. Yes and I agree with you guys that I am rushing things and I need to take it one day at a time.
creighton0123 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Come to a compromise: If you feel neglected because he doesn't contact you, come to an understanding that when you expect conversation, you will reach out to him. He is correct, though. It is too soon to have that type of conversation, especially when not in person. At four months, you shouldn't have any financial discussions. It is kind of him to send you fruits/veggies from his island, but anything more than that is too much for a four month relationship. Merging of finances is for when the two of you are much more serious. Slow down, enjoy him, and wait until both of you are ready to have the future conversation. If too much time passes (9 months to 12 months) and he is still unwilling, perhaps the two of you aren't a good fit.
Recommended Posts