QuestionsGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Hi, My girlfriend used to laugh all the time whenever i said anything remotely funny or silly, praising my sense of humor and telling me she likes how i make her laugh and cheer her up and can say something silly or make lighthearted jokes at the completely wrong time such as during an argument, when she's sad or upset. That was 3 years ago, and since then she seems to be laughing less at my jokes and silly comments or behaviour, in some cases just giving me a raised eyebrow and a "uuuh...ok". And as far as i know my sense of humor or type of jokes hasnt changed much, though maybe some times i might be trying a bit too hard to be silly/funny in an attempt to make her smile/happy. I still make her giggle, crack a smile, laugh or amusingly roll her eyes atleast once a day unless she's in a foul mood or feeling depressed. But she even openly said a few weeks ago i dont make her laugh as much as i used to. That hit me right in my insecurity and "owh-****-is-she-losing-interest" spot, bypassing armor and inflicting a critical hit. (...ok i play too many games) Like about half an hour ago she was sitting behind her computer and i suddenly popped my head infront of the screen, stared at her, blinked my eyes and told her "you got blunked!", after which i chuckled madly and ran off, i turned to see her reaction and i was hoping for atleast a amused "wtf-you-are-so-silly-and-random" look on her face. But she looked at me a bit creeped out and only offered a "okaay..." before shaking her head and returning to her chatting and videogames. When i asked if that was even remotely funny or entertaining she shrugged and said "not really, i didnt find it funny". (Owh the "you got blunked!" is a references to "you got punkd!", which is something we happened to be talking about earlier today. She did infact get the reference the moment i said it.) A few hours after she said i dont make her laugh as much as i used to i told her i was sad to hear that, and she shrugged and said it was probably because she has gotten used to it after 3 years. I told her that would probably be the logical explanation and that if she were dating Micheal McIntyre (she's a big fan of his shows) for 3 years she'd start laughing less after a while aswell. She said i might have a point. Question is, is it true? Can a person get tired of the sense of humor their partner has even if he/she found it totally endearing and funny at first? Is it a natural event in long-term relationships? (3+ years) I'll admit that maybe i could be trying too hard to be funny, relying on silliness and randomness to suprise and entertain her or using dry humor, sarcasm or horrible puns, ...complete with "ba-da-boom, tssshh" sound effects.... And that might actually be highly annoying, maybe i should just tone it down a bit. Also, she changed a lot since 3 years ago. Back then she was having a great struggle with depression and was either depressed, highly cheerful and happy, and sometimes in between. Nowadays she seems stable and content, but neither as depressed or as cheerful/playful as she used to be. Edited July 12, 2011 by QuestionsGuy
Ross MwcFan Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 The blunked thing that you did does seem a bit daft. I think if someone is trying to be funny all the time, then it just get's annoying. Just be yourself, and let the humour come naturally.
Author QuestionsGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 The blunked thing that you did does seem a bit daft. I think if someone is trying to be funny all the time, then it just get's annoying. Just be yourself, and let the humour come naturally. Yeah, i think you might have a very good point. :(
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Also, maybe you guys spend too much time together. Do you live together? Spend a day or two away and then you'll seem fresher and newer to her and more enjoyable to be around when you come back. When you display that sense of humor, it will be more enjoyable again. Little habits partners have get more annoying when you spend too much time with them.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Hmm. That "blinked" thing was...interesting. There's a couple things going on here. First, when you first started dating, you were likely just being your funny self, without trying. It was natural and sincere. The funniest people are those who don't really try to be. Second, when you first start dating, everything about the other person is new and exciting. After a while, it's less exciting, but that doesn't mean your feelings for them change. Rather than forcing it, I'd suggest just taking natural opportunities to exercise your sense of humor, rather than trying to make her laugh.
Author QuestionsGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Also, maybe you guys spend too much time together. Do you live together? Spend a day or two away and then you'll seem fresher and newer to her and more enjoyable to be around when you come back. When you display that sense of humor, it will be more enjoyable again. Little habits partners have get more annoying when you spend too much time with them. The past 2,5 years we have been seeing or talking to each other on a daily basis. A day with no contact in any form what-so-ever is rare. The amount of time we spend on a day can range from simply chatting on MSN for 20 minutes, to spending an entire day and night together and everything in between. Id say the past 6 months we have spend an average of 3 or 4 hours a day together doing stuff or atleast being able to directly communicate. Such as today when she was playing Warcraft with her online friends and i was behind her playing my own videogames. (Yes we are a gaming couple, it's how we met. ) I think maybe i should try not to be daft or weird when i am bored or lonely and want to try to make her laugh/smile. EDIT: Thanks Star Gazer, i think i'm gonna try to do that. Though knowing what you should do is an entirely different ballgame than actually doing it.
Teknoe Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Humor is a tool. Know when to use it, know when not to. Too much, or humor at the inappropriate moments gets old FAST. On the other hand, there should be some laughter in life.
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 EDIT: Thanks Star Gazer, i think i'm gonna try to do that. Though knowing what you should do is an entirely different ballgame than actually doing it. It's always easier said than done. )
Author QuestionsGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 I think she is sleeping with another guy bro.... [Joker Voice] And i thought MY jokes were bad....
rafallus Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Sense of humor is overrated, often you have to shut it down and just go caveman on her.
Afishwithabike Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 If you try too hard to be funny, it's not going to be funny. It's not your job to make her laugh. Sure it's great if she find you funny, but by putting pressure on yourself to make her laugh, you might be doing things that annoy her which is the last thing you want to do. The thing you did when she was on the computer isn't funny - to me. Is that how you display your sense of humor? Maybe her idea of what's funny has changed. Perhaps she finds things like that juvenile..? I've known my husband for 10+ years. He's still funny to me. Yesteday we went somewhere after work and he had me laughing out loud because of a very good impersonation of Dr. Phil on TV. But here's the thing, he doesn't force his sense of humor. He makes jokes when it's appropriate to the occasion. It helps we have the exact same sense of humor. We find the same things funny.
lastresort Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Get over the fact that she doesn't think your funny and keep being yourself. That is who you are and that is who she liked in the beginning don't change yourself to be who she wants, you will not be happy in the end, find someone who likes the way you are. Thats the problem with us men these days, we all end up P***ys and let our ladies change us into who they want us to be. Be a man and remain who you are, if she doesn't like it she knows where the door is.
Author QuestionsGuy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Owh, an update. My girlfriend has been kinda busy doing her own thing this week and we didnt spend as much time actually doing stuff together as we usually do. I sat down with her for a open talk, and she admitted that though she doesnt know for sure, she thinks that maybe she isnt into me as much as before. When asked if it was my behaviour or the relationship getting stale she said that she wasnt sure but it was probably a mix of both, and she added that every relationship has it. I told her that im not as crazy-in-love with her as i was 3 years ago when i fell in love but that im still very much into her. She said that was good. When i asked to confirm she feels its a good thing im still very much into her she said "of course". I calmly expressed im a bit worried she might dump me and she said she isnt going to dump me. So in a half-joke i told her if her feelings level off a bit it's fine as long as she still wants to marry me. To which she nodded and said "yea". I asked her what about my behaviour might have contributed to it and she said she guesses me being grumpy more often (stress from my career going badly, hitting my self esteem badly), me being more easily upset and her not finding me as funny as she used to. She agreed that my sense of humor had changed little over the past 3 years and that hanging around the same person for 3 years on a daily basis can make the humor stale. I said im not sure if this means our relationship is still solid and stable and just getting routine, or if there is a problem developing. She said she's not sure and we'll have to wait and see. She added that 'every relationship has a time when it gets a bit boring, less exciting and you get less attracted to the other person but if you are still happy together when it gets to that point it can last forever.' In response i told her im still happy together with her and asked if she's still happy together with me. She said yes. Maybe i'm spoiled by how positive and completely into me she's been since i met her 3 years ago. Maybe i worry over nothing and it's natural and normal. Maybe i should prepare to sign up for online dating services soon... Been fighting my insecurity and possibility of her losing interest or meeting someone 'better' for years, finally getting a grip on it and managing it so i dont bother her with it. Now this little bombshell hits me. I dont know. Loveshackers, this is my first relationship that lasted longer than 3 months, im in completely unknown territory here. Help! Any advice, reassurance or warnings?
Author QuestionsGuy Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Maybe i'm overreacting here but there is this little voice in the back of my head going "See? Like all girls before her, she'll lose interest sooner or later and leave you." Not sure what i should do. Give her space (though she said 'no' to that suggestion earlier today), carry on like nothing happened, stop making lame jokes and only make good ones when the time is right, stop being grumpy and easily upset, stay busy with my own things for a few days so maybe she'll miss my good points and appreciate them more. Maybe its related to the extremely stressful past weeks she had up until last week. Maybe this is a result of that, wanting some freedom to unwind. Dunno.
aceventura45 Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 (edited) alot of people find me funny. Most of the time when someone sees me being "silly" i was mostly doing it for my own enjoyment. I live in a conservative catholic small town. The most hilarious thing i think i have done was tell my conservative friends "i think the only way for somone here to get a threesome is to be bi." Hearing all the "aww chris. NO!! That is just wrong" was the most funnest thing i have ever seen, and it just came natural to me. And yes im still friends with my catholic conservative prudes. My problem is i dont know how to keep my mouth shut. I started a new job, and i was talking to this 18 year old girl and was explaining how "everything goes down hill when u hit 21, u start looking like that." i pointed to her slightly uglier friend. Though she couldnt stop laughing, I had to spend the day explaining to my boss what i did was not sexual harassment. At my last job it got so bad they had me watch a ethics video... I was laughing the entire film. Dont try to make her laugh, try to make yourself laugh. Edited July 16, 2011 by aceventura45
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